Posts Tagged ‘Colleen Murphy’

Limerick of the Week (187)

Saturday, November 1st, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BYRON IVES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

At the clinic there’s been a big switch,
Cuz the doc’s sense of humor is rich:
A sign on a shelf
Boldly reads: SUTURE SELF,
And patients go home in a stitch.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Sue Dulley:

Some nights when I turn on the switch
To lighten a room dark as pitch,
I see a bulb die
Although “long life” I buy–
A premature seven-year glitch.

Brian Allgar:

My computer? I off/on the switch
Every time there’s a Microsoft glitch.
Their software’s so poor
That I’ve never been sure
How Bill Gates got disgustingly rich.

Colleen Murphy:

The surgeon decided to switch
To coffee a little less rich.
The upside was there
As it kept him aware.
The downside: it caused him to twitch.

Konrad Schwoerke wrote:

At this point in my life, I should switch
To a healthier diet (less rich).
But to make a fresh start
Would require more heart,
So I shop Abercrombie and Fitch.

Allen Wilcox:

A warlock was planning to switch
To a gal who seemed nice, from a bitch–
But identical twins!
Well, on needles and pins,
He couldn’t tell which witch was which.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (186)

Saturday, October 25th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

By a grizzled old pig, I was gored.
As I waited for succor, I roared.
It was not the damned pain,
But emotional strain,
‘Cause I really do hate being bored.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Tim James, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Brian Allgar, Robert Schechter, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, and Kevin Ahern. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

The gambler went out of his gourd
When the guy from the other team scored.
He had wagered his spouse,
Plus his truck and his house.
What on earth would he do with no Ford?

Tim James:

A woman went out of her gourd
As her paramour noisily snored.
After sex, though, she found
That he made not a sound,
So each night ever after he scored.

Christopher Finch Reynolds:

A versatile fruit is the gourd:
It’s a pot in which liquid is stored,
While in China the sages
Kept crickets in cages,
As gourd music, when stringed, struck a chord.

Brian Allgar:

The candidate ended “Al Gore’d”;
In the popular vote, he’d outscored,
But a few dimpled chads
Fixed by Jeb and his lads
Meant that Dubbya got the reward.

Robert Schechter:

I went to Pamplona, was gored,
Then trampled beneath a great horde,
But no, I’m not whining.
There’s this silver lining:
For once I can’t say I was bored.

Byron Miller:

On our quest for the ultimate gourd,
We went driving upstate in our Ford;
Where we wandered like bumpkins
Through fields of ripe pumpkins;
Our children’s delight, the reward.

Kevin Ahern:

Norwegians bored out of their gourd
Seek vacations to provide them reward,
So everyone chooses
To go out on cruises.
It’s something they all can a fjord.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (179)

Saturday, September 6th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The fellow was robbing their nest
Of their eggs, and the hens were distressed.
They were out of their wits,
So they pecked him to bits–
He’d forgotten his pullet-proof vest.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Holiday-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Mad gave us a seven-day stay,
A Labor Day verse to assay.
I may sound like a jerk,
But that’s way too much work!
I’ll bear down when they pass Goof-Off Day.

Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

With my daughters now out of the nest,
There’s an issue that need be addressed:
Before it’s too late
I must work with my mate
To rekindle the zest we’ve repressed.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Byron Ives, Bill Klein, Jon Gearhart, Kathy El-Assal, Randy Mazie, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Byron Ives:

The triplets got kicked from their nest,
Two boys and a girl, dispossessed.
They walked, but she faltered,
Her huge boobs, un-haltered.
The brothers then each walked abreast.

Bill Klein:

A woman who’d seen that a nest
Had been built ‘twixt her left and right breast,
Cried “Alas and alack!
There are birds on my rack!”
And with zest swept the pests from her chest.

Jon Gearhart:

I invited her back to my nest
For Monopoly, purely in jest.
But she jumped at the Chance,
Thrust her hand down my pants,
So I grabbed her Community Chest.

Kathy El-Assal:

An eagle took flight from his nest.
“Catch a fish” was his hunger’s request.
Averting bird famine,
He snatched up a salmon
And ere long that fish he fin-essed.

Randy Mazie @ thewritersvillage:

Our children have all flown the nest.
Now my wife and I walk ’round undressed,
Which may sound quite benign,
But it isn’t so fine
When a kid is an unannounced guest.

Konrad Schwoerke:

What’s that syndrome when kids leave the nest,
And your wife will not give you a rest?
I’m no specialist, though
From what little I know
Nymphomania seems to fit best.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (178)

Saturday, August 23rd, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The King found it more to his taste
That his wives have their noggins displaced,
So when Anne Boleyn said
“May I offer thee head?”
Henry grinned, and assured her “Thou may’st.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Edmund Conti, Frank Osen, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Susan Settje, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

The meal had a savory taste
And the cooking-show judges embraced
And enjoyed ev’ry course
With no clue it was horse.
Did it win? It did not, but it placed.

Edmund Conti:

You’re finding you’re using poor taste
In composing these lim’ricks post-haste.
Don’t get angry, get Mad.
She’ll critique just a tad
And adjust a syl-LA-ble misplaced.

Frank Osen:

A fellow with terrible taste,
Said, when asked why he ate only paste:
“Well, I used to make stews
From the stuff in my loos,
but I found that a horrible waste.”

Colleen Murphy:

The gigolo thought he should taste
For a bit, what it’s like to be chaste.
But with minutes gone by
He then asked himself why
He would put his fine package to waste.

Fred Bortz:

That Congressman left a bad taste
Of obstruction, corruption, and waste.
“So he lost?” You’re mistaken.
He brought home the bacon,
So he beat each opponent he faced.

Susan Settje:

As a school girl, I sought out the taste
in that sweet little jar of white paste.
Then I caught my first scent
Of some rubber cement
And all thoughts of that paste were erased.

Jon Gearhart:

The recipe’s terrible taste
Was in need of a change, and posthaste.
I found that the dish
Had the taste of bad fish,
So I found a good fish and re-plaiced!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (174)

Saturday, July 26th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

In building, like love, don’t be rash
By beginning to screw in a flash.
First, be gentle and drill
Tender holes with your Skil,
So you won’t split that nice piece of ash.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Christopher Finch Reynolds, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Konrad Schwoerke, Scott Crowder, and Shannon Tucker. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

Dear Jilted, do not act too rash
By tossing his goods in the trash.
Though your heart may be hurting,
It’s eased by converting
His better belongings to cash.

Brian Allgar:

His back had developed a rash
Where his mistress had wielded the lash.
“Killer bees!” he tried lying –
His wife wasn’t buying,
And bundled him out with the trash.

Christopher Finch Reynolds:

Our approach to the climate is rash:
As rain forests burn in a flash,
Our future ambition,
“Less carbon emission,”
Is forgotten when we want more cash.

David McCormick:

“Dear Sirs, Your new ointment ‘STOP RASH!’
Removed all my pubes! It’s just trash!” …
“Dear Madam, Our pills
‘GET PUBES!’ fix such ills” …
“Dear Sirs, Now I’ve grown a moustache!”

Konrad Schwoerke:

There are some who will think that it’s rash
Saying super type heroes are trash
In the sack, but it’s true.
They’re not better than you,
If they’re coming as quick as the Flash.

Scott Crowder:

A gal was upset by a rash
That was six inches south of her sash,
But happened to learn
it was just whisker burn,
So she made her man shave his mustache.

Shannon Tucker:

A beech and a birch were quite rash,
And the beech said, “I’ll bet you some cash
“That sapling is mine.”
Said the birch, “I decline.”
Said the woodpecker, “Nice piece of ash!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (172)

Sunday, July 13th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The barkeep’s wife, Tilley, I’d drill
Ev’ry chance I could get — what a thrill!
But I took it too far
Having sex in the bar;
I got caught with my hand in his Till.

Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Okay ladies, you know the drill:
No diaphragm, condom, or pill
Will be bought by employers
Who have the best lawyers
Like Hobbyin’ Lobbyists will.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Allen Wilcox, Kathy El-Assal, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

My hillbilly gal knew the drill;
She would make the best moonshine until
Fed’ral agents one day
Came and took her away.
Now she’s gone, and I yearn for her still.

Allen Wilcox:

The delegates – they knew the drill.
As they lined up to sign, they were still.
To declare they were free,
Which soon they would be,
They stood tall and were all dressed to quill.

Kathy El-Assal:

In cat houses, girls know the drill:
It’s giving their clients a thrill.
With mirrors revealing
What clothes were concealing,
The need for blue pills will be nil.

Brian Allgar:

Said Shakespeare “Thou knowest the drill.
’Tis said every Jack shall have Jill.
’Twixt thy legs I shall lay me —
Seek not to gainsay me,
For where there’s a way, there’s a Will.”

Colleen Murphy:

The young man repeated the drill
He did with incredible skill.
(He perfected this knowledge
By going to college.)
Pour the beer, chug it down, then refill.

Fred Bortz:

The surgeon perfected the drill.
He made each incision with skill.
He created a hole
Where there once was a pole,
And Ms. Willa was no longer Bill.

Byron Ives:

In boot camp, Will sure knew the drill.
To shoot on the range was a thrill.
He’d never been shot,
But it made his sack taut
When the sergeant yelled, “FIRE AT WILL!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (168)

Saturday, June 14th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

“A split of your assets seems right,”
Said the judge to the couple’s delight,
“But I’m taking the collie
Away ’cause, by golly,
I won’t halve a dog in this fight.”

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Though our dog is unable to write,
He can play the piano all night.
He finds Chopin a breeze
As he chews up the keys,
But his Bach is far worse than his bite.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Konrad Schwoerke, Colleen Murphy, Brian Allgar, Bob Dvorak, Will T. Laughlin, Allen Wilcox, and Chris Doyle. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Konrad Schwoerke:

As he soars, banking left and then right,
He’s exalted by effortless flight.
He considers a joint,
But there’s really no point;
He’s already as high as a kite.

Colleen Murphy:

The one time my husband was right
He squealed like a pig with delight,
But I took it in stride
As I knew deep inside
His chance of recurrence was slight.

Brian Allgar:

The witch was performing her rite
In Macbeth, giving Gingrich a fright.
When she reached “Eye of Newt”
He jumped up, and said “Shoot!
She ain’t gettin’ my eyeballs tonight!”

Bob Dvorak:

A fellow was trying to write
A limerick funny and trite.
But he harbored a hunch
That his lines held no punch,
So he drank some and slept through the night.

Will T. Laughlin:

Congressional folk on the Right
Resemble a 20-Watt light:
They’re easy to buy;
Don’t get changed ’til they die;
And — of course — they’re not terribly bright.

Allen Wilcox:

“We don’t see why you can’t write Wright right,”
Said Orville and Wilbur with bite.
The reporter, who had
Never seen them so mad,
Thought it best that he too take up flight.

Chris Doyle:

A young lawyer who hated to write
Legal documents gave up the fight
When she noticed that meter
And rhyme were much sweeter.
For Mad, it was love at verse sight.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (165)

Saturday, May 24th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Robert Schechter:

Said the fiddler who’d broken his bow,
“Have no fear! I’m a consummate pro!
I’ll do what I gotta
With pure pizzicata,
And with pluck I will finish the show!”

Congratulations to KEVIN AHERN and SCOTT CROWDER, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Kevin Ahern:

As he tied up his art with a bow,
The artist declared “I don’t know
How I’ll get to the Louvre
Because I can’t move.
I wish I could make my van Gogh.”

Scott Crowder:

A woman broke up with her beau,
The banker who had lotsa dough,
And gave her gold rings
With other nice things,
Yet nary a single big O.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Ailsa McKillop, Brian Allgar, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Will T. Laughlin, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, and Val Fish. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Chris Doyle:

“The hooker’s gone aft!” hollers Beau
As the yacht sinks. Says Jeff, “Let her go.
We have only one oar
In the dinghy. What’s more,
Daddy swore she’s a hard ho to row.”

Colleen Murphy:

I once tried to shoot with a bow,
Then I searched for my shaft to and fro.
I could tell I was not
William Tell when my shot
Found its mark in my neighbor kid’s toe.

Ailsa McKillop:

I undid the ribbon and bow
Of the chess program gift from my bro.
By computer outclassed
I was checkmated fast!
But I won the next match — taekwondo.

Brian Allgar:

Oh, Lenore!” cried her heartbroken beau,
“Shall I see you again?” Poor old Poe
Heard a tap at the door,
And a voice: “Nevermore!”
Thus the raven continued to crow.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

The President’s dog is named Bo,
And whenever he’s planning to go
And do something good
Like all doggies should,
The Republican dogs all bark, “NO!!!!!”

Will T. Laughlin:

A woman got dumped by her beau.
“But… why?” she demanded to know.
“To be honest,” he said,
“You’ve no talent for head.”
(Now they’ve BOTH had a terrible blow.)

Phyllis Sterling Smith:

A musician was buying a bow
For which instrument he didn’t know.
“If I’m feeling mellow
It might be a cello
But fiddling’s my failing. Let’s go!”

Val Fish:

A woman broke up with her beau
Whose assets were woefully low.
She waved him goodbye
For a far sweeter guy;
Sugar daddy with truck-loads more dough.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (162)

Sunday, May 4th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A British lad, Jack, hunts for guys.
When he’s queried on this, he replies:
“I don’t know what it means.
I’m just drawn to their jeans.
Now they’re calling me ‘Lord of the Flies.’”

Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN and COLLEEN MURPHY, who tie in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

He loved his nights out with the guys,
But left early one night — a surprise.
His wife said, “Oh, dear,
Since you were not here,
I tried your best friend on for size.”

Colleen Murphy:

Deliliah kept dating these guys
Who stared at her breasts, not her eyes.
So she wore baggy shirts.
Then if guys were still flirts,
She’d award them the big booby prize.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kevin Ahern, Judith H. Block, Bob Dvorak, Tim James, Steve Whitred, Kathy El-Assal, and Chris O’Carroll. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Kevin Ahern:

The parents of wee girls and guys
Respond with a thousand replies.
Well, here’s a suggestion:
For every question
“Because” is a word to the “whys.”

Judith H. Block:

A woman was dating three guys.
Each one was a gem. What a prize!
One dazzled her mind,
One musically shined,
And one’s cock was a wonderous size!

Bob Dvorak:

A woman was dating three guys:
A doc; a tycoon; but the prize
Was a lama, undoing
The fun in the screwing.
But she’s healthier, wealthy, and wise.

Tim James:

Miss Uhura was dating three guys
And, when asked if she thought that was wise,
Said, “Why not? Kirk will bed
Any chick who’s not dead.
It’s the essence of free Enterprise!”

Steve Whitred:

A woman was dating three guys,
Thinking each would the other despise.
But she one day, it’s said,
Found all three in her bed,
Which was quite the ménage à surprise.

Kathy El-Assal:

Droll master of stealth and disguise,
Boris Badenov told lots of lies.
He’d dress like a pasha
Rush in with Natasha…
Deflecting attempts to diss spies.

Chris O’Carroll:

Said a gal who was dating three guys,
“In their own ways, they’re all sweetie-pies,
But my days and my nights
Need more spicy delights
Than any one lover supplies.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (160)

Saturday, April 12th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A crabber got into a scrap
With a mermaid who gave him a slap.
’Twas his rude repartee
After setting her free.
He should never have opened his trap.

Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

My husband decided to scrap
The need for consulting a map,
Which of course would explain
How we ended in Maine,
Instead of the Cumberland Gap.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Brian Allgar:

A fellow got into a scrap
When undoing the bimbo’s bra-strap.
As he tugged the elastic,
He punctured the plastic,
Deflating the doll on his lap.

Chris Doyle:

It appears I will soon have to scrap
Using plastic to buy all my crap.
Keeping MasterCard waiting
For payment’s creating
A creditability gap.

Colleen Murphy:

The young lass decided to scrap
Her plans with the old British chap.
Though he rocked in a suit
And his accent was cute,
Too often he needed a nap.

Tim James:

On Fridays he’d frequently scrap
All his scruples, and not give a crap.
First a keg of good brew
Followed up with a screw:
An end-of-the-week double tap.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (158)

Saturday, March 29th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow whose mortgage was due
Had even more woes than he knew.
His payment, though late,
Was the least of his fate;
His wife and his girlfriend were too.

Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who (in a tie with himself) wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for these two limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”

When a crone caused a London to-do
Hiding blades in the heel of her shoe,
And she carved up a dame
In a lav, she became
The old woman who shivved in a loo.

A wildebeest’s blue, and it’s due
To a shortage of does in the zoo.
He doesn’t know when
He’ll be mating again,
So he waits to go wooing a gnu.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Bob Leggett, Chris Doyle, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Johanna Richmond:

Dan’s wife kept her Dippity Do
In a jar on the dresser — Woohoo!
“If it stiffens her hair,”
Wondered Dan, “do I dare?”
Now Dan’s dippity ding-dong is blue.

Christopher Finch Reynolds:

It was foggy and thick was the dew,
And I thought it was time for a screw.
When she climbed into bed
And began to give head,
Then like Adam and Eve we both “knew.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

“Stop telling me what I must do!”
The dog thought when caught with a shoe.
“You’ve still got one more
Right there on the floor.
Why not share with me, when there are two?”

Brian Allgar: (“quoting” Moses)

“Stop telling us what we should do!
Commandments? OK, one or two,
But on marble, all ten?
Can’t You just use a pen
On a substance that’s light, like bamboo?”

Colleen Murphy:

The stonehead said, “What shall I do?”
When he looked at his recent tattoo.
See, he realized too late
He had inked the name “Kate,”
But she was the girl, before Sue.

Bob Leggett:

A woman at last got her due
When she got to the head of the queue:
“Your offer I see
Is buy one, get one free.
I would like to buy one single shoe.”

Chris Doyle:

I’m a shepherd with little to do,
As I tend to the flock the night through.
To help me not sleep,
I snuggle a sheep—
My sexy embraceable ewe.

Will T. Laughlin:

His weakness is Tullamore Dew.
If they give him a tumbler or two,
Then his lips will unseal,
And it’s probable he’ll
Tullamore than he knows that he knew.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (156)

Sunday, March 16th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The contestants would spin the big wheel,
Then Vanna turned cards to reveal
Some quite obvious phrase.
‘Twould _er_lex and amaze!
I never could gras_ the a_ _eal.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

The Teapers are seizing the wheel
Of the GOP van with their zeal.
Here’s their plan: do away
With the damn A.C.A.,
Turn off welfare, then slay the New Deal.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Colleen Murphy, Chris Doyle, Joel Wasinger, Kevin Ahern, Brian Allgar, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Robert Basler:

A cave man invented the wheel.
He hoped to get rich off the deal:
“I only require
“The right name for my tire.
“This will be a good year now, I feel.”

Colleen Murphy:

When you’re spinning a pottery wheel
It is better to temper your zeal,
Or the clay you have thrown
Will take shapes of its own
Which are short on artistic appeal.

Chris Doyle:

In the Navy, my hubby’s a wheel–
The elite special forces’ ideal,
But at home he’s a slouch
Who just sleeps on the couch,
And won’t earn his Good Housekeeping Seal.

Joel Wasinger:

A man fell asleep at the wheel
‘Cause his wife had just copped a quick feel.
They both thought it was hot
But somehow forgot
He dozed off after sex or a meal.

Kevin Ahern:

Painter Dali was quite the big wheel
And whenever he sat for a meal
For breakfast or lunch
He ate Cap’n Crunch
Because he just loved the surreal.

Brian Allgar:

“You shouldn’t say ‘us’ll’, but ‘we’ll,’”
The Harvard boy tells us – big deal!
Old rednecks like us,
Why, us don’t give a cuss,
’Cause us’ll get richer than he’ll.

Will T. Laughlin:

The Government tends to our weal,
Yet too many Conservatives feel
That our *weal* is a welt
That deserves to be dealt
By the force of a down-treading heel.

Brian Allgar:

A woman was changing the wheel
When a fellow appeared, full of zeal.
“May I help you?” he said,
But she bashed in his head
And made off with his automobile.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (134)

Sunday, October 6th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A drive-in’s a marvelous place:
Lots of privacy, plenty of space.
Just forget what’s on-screen
And create your own scene.
If you’re lucky, you’ll touch every base.

Congratulations to Colleen Murphy and Steve Whitred, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:

Colleen Murphy:

I finished in third to last place
In a fifteen kilometer race.
Of the two folks I beat
There was one with club feet
And the other, his leg in a brace.

Steve Whitred:

They think home is the “weaker sex” place,
And they won’t address issues of race.
If there’s one thing they dread,
It’s two men in a bed.
Say “hello” to the GOP base.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Fred Bortz, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

The young private at “Mae’s Happy Place”
Saw the pitying look on her face.
“Well it’s clear,” said the whore,
“You’ve not done this before,
Because soldier, you’re way, way off base.”

Fred Bortz:

Mr. Speaker, it’s time to replace
Your obstructionist stance with some grace.
Obamacare’s law.
Your bill sticks in my craw,
And it’s time now to cut to the chase.

A blackmail approach has no place
And your Tea Party wing’s a disgrace.
Fund the government’s work,
Pay our bills — we can’t shirk
Or our country will lose more than face.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A woman had just lost her place
In line to a big girl named Grace.
Grace elbowed her side
“Move over!” she cried.
“Or else I’ll have to pee in a vase!”

Craig Dykstra:

From the bar, we went back to my place
Where a secretive look crossed her face.
Well it turned out that “she”
Was more well hung than me.
That’s an image I’d like to erase.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (133)

Sunday, September 29th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

As she gathered the sheets in a wrap,
A lover spoke true to her chap:
“Your performance? — no cause
For thund’rous applause.
But it’s likely I gave you the clap.”

Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A Sapphic was trying to wrap
A toy to be worn with a strap.
Then she wrote on the label:
“My dear darling Mabel,
D’ya wanna pretend you’re a chap?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice Jenine a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

The thief saw her fine ermine wrap
And her neckline that plunged to her lap.
Twixt her breasts was some bling,
But the thing was a sting;
He got caught in the ol’ booby-trap.

Diane Groothuis:

When the goy in the shul wore a wrap
And a blue and white yarmulke (cap),
Rabbi said in surprise,
“That is just a disguise.
Your book’s upside down my dear chap.”

Colleen Murphy:

Before you try learning to rap,
You should test out your skills with the snap.
If you can’t hold a beat
With your fingers or feet,
Then it’s likely the same with your yap.

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A gal in an elegant wrap
Woke up from a 20-year nap.
She turned on the news
And shouted out: “Who’s
This White House mahogany chap?”

Patrice of the ManyCats:

She lunged for his knuckles: rap, rap!
“You know I won’t take any crap
When I’m your mean teacher!
You wanna play preacher?”
They grinned, then she sat on his lap.

Diane Groothuis:

Miss Muffett was eating a wrap
While sitting on Jack Horner’s lap.
She had finished two thirds
And gave some to the birds,
But to Jack said “No whey you poor sap.”

Tim James:

A guy used aluminum wrap
Tightly set on his head as a cap.
And just why’s that the case?
It blocks mind beams from space.
(His campaign to be Prez is on tap.)

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (132)

Sunday, September 22nd, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Mick Jagger’s indeed in a fix
When St. Peter looks up and says “Nix!”
And the next thing Mick knows
He’s in Hell, where he rows
For eternity playing the Styx.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

My cat often gets in a fix;
He got crushed by a pile of bricks,
He got burned in a fire,
And squished by a tire –
I think his nine lives are at six.

Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

Pig One’s in a terrible fix:
Lost his home (made of hay-and-straw mix)
When a Wolf wandered by
With a gleam in his eye,
And blew the house down just for kicks.

Pig Two had no time to affix
The mezuzah to *his* house (of sticks)
When the Wolf came to town
And he blew the house down…
(He was up to his usual tricks).

Said the Third Pig, “This problem I’ll fix
By building my house out of bricks.”
But the Wolf (Bad and Big)
Just foreclosed on the pig
And moved on to Pigs Four, Five and Six.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Will T. Laughlin, Colleen Murphy, and Hogarth Hippolyte. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Johanna Richmond:

A man who demands a quick fix
(We’re talking down south in the sticks)
May ask for a “Hoover” —
A tricky maneuver —
Sounds cleaner than what it depicts.

Craig Dykstra:

A daredevil got in a fix
Because breakfast and highways don’t mix.
Now the poor guy is dead
And his epitaph read:
“Got his Kix® out on Route 66.”

Jamie Hutchinson:

A matchmaker needed a fix
When the matches she made didn’t mix.
So she set up online
And now business is fine:
Every match is a couple that clicks.

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

Bernanke is trying to fix
The economy, which he predicts
Will keep going sideways
Unless they provide ways
To goose it with stimulus tricks.

Will T. Laughlin:

Roger Ailes cried, “Please somebody, fix
This FAX machine. Something there sticks.”
You can fix the Fox FAX,
But a much better tack’s
To fix the faux facts that Fox picks.

Colleen Murphy:

A fellow got into a fix;
He was due home for dinner at six,
But he got home at eight,
Says his work made him late.
Then his wife saw the Instagram pics.

Hogarth Hippolyte:

A woman who needed a fix
Decided to fund it with tricks.
She went on the street
Hoping Johns she would meet,
But scored with a couple of Knicks.

Will T. Laughlin:

Cried the madam, “Well, we’re in a fix:
Of eight clients, you’ve scared away six.
You pull a live bunny
Right out of your… Honey,
You’re turning the wrong kind of tricks!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (130)

Sunday, September 8th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The young actress was pretty indeed.
(And the men she seduced all agreed.)
Though she read from the heart,
She did not get the part.
But she did, I am told, get the lead.

Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, Konrad Schwoerke, and Mark Kane who are in a three-way tie for this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award:

Colleen Murphy:

The bloke did a dastardly deed
When he laced Henry’s cupcakes with weed.
“I wanted the fellow
To feel a bit mellow.
Be grateful it wasn’t with speed!”

Konrad Schwoerke:

The daft Duke did a dangerous deed.
’Twas ungraciously gauche most agreed,
An unthinkable thing
In the court of a king.
Not the place I’d’ve picked to have peed!

Mark Kane:

A baker had done a good deed.
Turned a young man away from his greed:
“Sure you’re chasing the bread,
But don’t be mislead,
You just might find you’ll get what you knead.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice Jenine, a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Cyn. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Johanna Richmond:

“Which one of you dogs did this deed?”
Bess barks out in a well-rehearsed screed.
But she sits when ears wilt
In confederate guilt—
Bassets know how to make your heart bleed.

Scott Crowder:

I was late to the party indeed,
Yet decided to join the stampede.
So I watched Breaking Bad,
Found it dreadful and sad—
I’ve never been quite up to Speed.

Patrice of the ManyCats:

Oh yes, he had just done the deed;
He heeded “the call” and he peed.
“Another disaster!
Bud, can’t you learn faster?”
Remember, your puppy can’t read.

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

“Damascus is guilty indeed,”
Says Kerry to those who would heed,
While Obama, in Sweden,
Is beggin’ and pleadin’
For those who would follow his lead.

Cyn:

A teen told her father, “Indeed,
You texted me. That I’ll concede.
But I’ve not the skill
Of texting while still—
I have to be driving to read.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (128)

Sunday, August 25th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The pressure was taking its toll.
I had neither a bong, nor a bowl,
And was sick to my heart
When my joint fell apart.
Regrettably, that’s how I roll.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

The golf course had taken its toll
On a fellow whose lover was droll:
“You missed every green
And got drunk on nineteen.
Now you’ve bogeyed the twentieth hole.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Tim James, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Steve Whitred:

Swimming circles was taking its toll,
Round and round in the same silly bowl.
She had only one wish:
To escape from her dish.
What she had was a clear bold fish goal.

David Lefkovits:

The Koreans may put in a toll
On the highway from Pyongyang to Seoul.
If the south side you’re on,
You could pay it in won;
In the north you can barter with coal.

Tim James:

There are some things I just have to thole:
When Mad’s rhyme words imbue me with dole.
(To decode: I must bear
Awful grief and despair.
Pompous speech here’s my primary goal.)

Colleen Murphy:

Too much smoking and sun take a toll.
Ask my girlfriend from Queens, bless her soul.
She was born a real cutie,
Turned into a beauty,
And now she resembles a troll.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (126)

Sunday, August 11th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jim Delaney, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow would often opine:
“You should say what you think; show some spine,
But I’ve frequently found
An opinion’s unsound
If it glaringly differs from mine.”

Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

The physicist liked to opine
That Schroedinger’s cat was just fine.
Then he opened the box
And alas, shock of shocks,
He discovered a half-dead feline.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Brendan Beary, Colleen Murphy, Mary Blackley, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A boy fish was starting to pine
For his missing girl fish, oh so fine.
So where did she go?
Well, all that we know
Is that she’d reached the end of the line.

Brendan Beary:

A fellow would often opine
On the evils of whiskey and wine,
So we townsfolk were tickled
On finding him pickled
As though he’d been soaking in brine.

Colleen Murphy:

The playwright, when panned, would opine
After drinking some glasses of wine,
“May those critics be throttled,
Their attitudes bottled,
And put where the sun doesn’t shine!”

Mary Blackley:

In a barrel handcrafted from pine
A corned beef was basting in brine,
Rye bread and some carrots,
And sixteen large parrots.
Oh, won’t you come over to dine?

Colleen Murphy:

My sister would frequently pine
Over ev’ry last boyfriend of mine.
So I found me another
Whose twin was a brother.
Now the four of us get along fine!

Fred Bortz:

On a lower bunk fashioned of pine,
The trysting pair went to entwine.
They squealed and they wriggled
At least ’til I giggled.
Then they blushed, for the upper was mine.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (125)

Sunday, August 4th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Neal Pattison, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

A heel and a ho tried to hie,
But fell in a hole by and by.
The heel dug with a hoe.
The ho climbed heel-and-toe,
And soon they were both high and dry.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes:”

The first time I ever got high
My limerick skills went awry.
My opening rhyme
Seemed OK at the time
But then, like, dude … I was all … whoa …

Congratulations to Fred Bortz and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Fred Bortz:

The goy in the shul would say “Hi,”
No matter how hard he would try.
He struggled no doubt,
But no “ch” would come out.
For “L’chaim” his throat was too dry.

Will T. Laughlin:

Unless he’s a Scot, I defy ‘im
To manage the ח in: לְחַיִים –
Plus, I’m willing to bet
That the goy’s name is “Chet”
Which explains why the lesson goes by ‘im.

On the other hand (that is, right-to-left)…

hgih si noisufnoc ,miyog su roF
…yrt a werbeH evig ot og ew nehW
,*eh* decnuonorp s’”ehs” roF
,*em* si “ohw” ,*ohw* si “eH”
!*ianoda* decnuonorp s’HVHY dnA

Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Puzzle Award, occasionally given to a very clever puzzle in limerick form:

If you hike on a hill and aren’t high
You might give my new puzzle a try,
And for those who don’t walk
Well, you still needn’t balk
On your lateral skills you’ll rely.

From the base of the hill ‘till you’re high
It’s a day trip. I mean to imply
If you start off at 8
You can vary your gait
And reach summit as ev’ning is nigh.

From the camp that you make, up on high
You’ll return the next day, (don’t ask why)
Down the same path you used
So you shan’t be confused
Leave at 8, don’t be late, do or die.

Back at base, the sun’s no longer high.
Now, for bluster and bragging rights vie.
Take a pencil or pen
All you women and men.
Here’s the question I want you to try:

Is the likelihood mid, low, or high
On your trips up and down, bye and bye
You were at the same place
Though you varied your pace
At the same time, on climb and reply.

Since the difficult rating is high
And to show I don’t mean to be sly
“Is it likely or not
You stood on the same spot
On both day’s at Time X and Place Y?”

And congratulations to the two people who managed to solve Steve’s puzzle. Craig Dykstra solved it first, soon followed by Sue Dulley. Here’s Craig’s solution:

To Steve Whitred, I wave and say “Hi.”
And applaud this most challenging guy.
But the answer is clear
And I’ll spell it out here
In the hopes you will understand why.

Steve asked if it’s low, mid or high.
How likely it was that this guy
Would pass the same rock
The same time on the clock
As the previous day he walked by.

The answer is “pretty damn high.”
It’s 100%, and here’s why:
Instead of one man
Let’s use two, Dan and Stan
To identical rules they comply.

At eight, Dan starts low, Stan starts high.
To the other end both guys will fly.
At exactly one place
They must meet face to face
Unless they can logic defy.

So unless you’re exceedingly high,
You can see that both hikes by ONE guy
Must cross the same way
But just off by one day –
Now my work here is done, so good bye.

And here’s Sue’s solution:

The day I hike down from up high
My twin who’s as sluggish as I
Will, at the same time,
Duplicate my ‘up’ climb –
We’ll meet somewhere, at some time, oh my.

The one place, not terribly high
Where we meet on the trail, on the fly,
Determines in space
The one “same-time-same-place”
That Steve’s asking about – would I lie?

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Sue Dulley, Kevin Ahern, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Steve Whitred. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

My five-year old tried to say hi
To a man in a suit and a tie.
When the stuck-up man shunned him
He Taser gun stunned him.
He’s grounded, but what a good-bye!

Sue Dulley:

I knew it was priced way too high,
This silk that I just had to buy.
Cloth collecting’s my sin,
I know I can’t win,
Just hope it ends up in a tie.

Kevin Ahern:

A frog looking up at things high
Thinks the time for philosophy nigh.
His attitude smug,
He’d just caught a bug
And says, “Times fun when you’re having fly.”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A prostitute always said, “Hi!”
When trying to pick up a guy.
They thought her so nice,
But SHE meant her price,
So most of the men said, Bye, bye.”

Steve Whitred:

The pirates were all pretty high
When the one with the patch went awry.
He had heard the command
To “deliver and stand”
But acknowledged with only one “aye.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (123)

Sunday, July 21st, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

She gave the poor doctor a kick
That laid him out flat as a brick.
She completely forgot
He was giving a shot
When he said, “You may feel a small prick.”

Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

There’s nothing like feeling her kick
Or hearing her little heart tick.
I am glowing with pride
As she’s growing inside
And I think of the name I will pick.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Ailsa McKillop, Don Wilkie, Raphael Harris, Fred Bortz, Colleen Murphy, and Craig Dykstra.

Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Chris Doyle:

We college boys all get a kick
Out of Penthouse’s sexy and slick
Pix of women undressed.
The centerfold’s best–
She’s the chick on the pages that stick.

Ailsa McKillop:

A woman was battling to kick
Her craving for cheeseburgers (thick)
With fries on the side.
Too great the divide
Between that, and a celery stick.

Don Wilkie:

The Jabberwock hunter’s new kick
Is a diet: “Lose twenty pounds quick!”
He gave up all his snacks;
Now when Jabby attacks,
His vorpal blade only goes “snick.”

Raphael Harris:

There once was a fellow named Kick,
Who had an extremely small dick.
The girls called him ‘Mrs.’,
But after some kisses,
It grew to the size of a tick.

Fred Bortz:

I have gone on a limerick kick
Since encount’ring Mad Kane and her clique.
My humor, once gaudy,
Ascended to bawdy,
And will soon reach the summit of schtick.

Colleen Murphy:

The habit I swear I will kick
Is the one where I’m turning a trick,
Cause at aged ninety-one
It’s just not any fun.
No more Thomas or Harry or Dick.

Craig Dykstra:

Miss Lewinsky’s career was a kick,
‘Til the tryst with an Arkansas hick.
It then ended quite soon–
Like a children’s balloon,
It was done in by one little prick.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!