Limerick High (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow whose voice was quite high…*


A fellow who never said “hi…”*


A woman who scored really high…*


A woman was flying quite high…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick High
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A baker whose voice was quite high
Cracked a mirror while singing — no lie.
How she longed for the stage!
But an agent, quite sage,
Shattered hope: “Face it — pie in the sky.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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71 Responses to “Limerick High (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. kaykuala says:

    A woman was flying quite high…
    In matters that were hard to defy
    Broke conventions
    On many occasions
    But she still took time to clarify!


  2. Stephen Fleming says:

    G. Sachs was pricing it high
    By trucking it around on the sly.
    Their aluminum shuffle
    Should cause a kerfluffle
    But I bet Johnny Law’ll be shy.

  3. John Sardo says:

    A woman who scored really high
    In a swimsuit at the beach with her guy.
    She hit a true nine
    And with him that was fine
    But the guy took a fly ’cause genius she was nigh.

  4. John Sardo says:

    A woman was flying quite high
    As a muscular guy passed by
    He gave her a look
    Head to toe she soon shook
    But the schnook never even said “hi.”

  5. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who never said “hi”
    To a gal on the beach he passed by.
    So my sorry my dear,
    You may think this is queer.
    But he’s married to a wonderful guy.

  6. Amrit Sinha says:

    A guy was flying quite high
    when his crush kissed him goodbye.
    But her boyfriend saw
    and hit his jaw
    and left him with one sore eye.

  7. Chris Papa says:

    A lady who wore her skirt high,
    Showed more than the inside of thigh,
    Never a loner,
    Could raise a boner,
    Became a new mom, bye and bye.

  8. Tom Harris says:

    The small jet soared higher than high
    And the pilot didn’t know why.
    But he didn’t care
    And while up in the air
    He ate a peach pie in the sky.

  9. Tom Harris says:

    Jack climbed the beanstalk oh so high
    And the giant said,” Fe-fo-fi!”
    Said Jack, “You’re so dumb,
    You forgot to say fum.”
    And Jack was dropkicked to Shanghai.

  10. Mark Kane says:

    He saw her and had to say “Hi.”
    She winked as her naughty reply.
    Then loosened his fears,
    As she lead him upstairs,
    By grinding her ass on the fly.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman who scored really high
    Got acceptance where she did apply.
    But loan interest’s insane.
    She won’t play their game!
    On full scholarship she will rely.

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was flying quite high
    On the best Scotch that money could buy.
    But the booze created havoc
    In her head and her stomach.
    Of that truth she could not deny.

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was flying quite high,
    Her blood sugar levels awry,
    She knew what to do,
    “To all sweets adieu.
    I’ll have pie in the sky when I die!”

  14. Craig says:

    The first time I ever got high
    My limerick skills went awry.
    My opening rhyme
    Seemed OK at the time
    But then, like, dude … I was all … whoa …

  15. The pirates were all pretty high
    When the one with the patch went awry
    He had heard the command
    To “deliver and stand”
    But acknowledged with only one “aye”

  16. Craig says:

    My hopes for my date were quite high
    So I gave the Viagra a try.
    I made the gal choke
    When I told her a joke
    (Not what you expected – don’t lie!)

  17. Jim Delaney says:

    A fellow was getting quite high,
    But his girlfriend was wondering why
    From her calf to her knee
    Took two hours or three,
    And four more to be squeezing her thigh.

  18. Jon Gearhart says:

    This fellow was getting quite high
    With Willie, Hank Jr, and I
    Backstage between sets
    ‘Twas good as it gets
    ‘Til [naked] Dolly Parton walked by

  19. Jon Gearhart says:

    This bald guy had hopes that were high
    For growing hair fast thought he’d try
    viagra with Rogaine
    He grew in a full mane
    But too stiff to comb, my oh my…

  20. There’s length, and there’s width; and “how high”
    Is called *height*. It’s as easy as pie.
    But Lord give me strength:
    If you emulate “length”
    And say “heighth”, I will blacken your eye.

  21. @Jon G.

    I hate to remind you, but it’s
    As plain as a bowl of hot grits
    That Dolly’s too classy
    To show off her chassis,
    So sit back and dream of her… voice.


  22. One day, John of Patmos got high,
    And dreamed that God’s Judgment was nigh.
    His bloody and dragon-y
    Visions of agony
    Threw the whole Bible awry.

  23. A hasty young tart from Shanghai
    Was undoing her customer’s flai
    When he came without warning.
    She quit until morning
    Because of the stai in her ai.

    (It’s funnier with “Versailles”.)

  24. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman was flying quite high
    From promises made by her guy
    He asked her to marry him
    She’s hoping to bury him
    And take all his cash on the sly

  25. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow who never said hi
    To ladies ’cause he’s way too shy
    Unless he’s been drinking
    I know what you’re thinking
    It’s Raj, The Big Bang Theory guy

  26. One hill of a puzzle:

    If you hike on a hill and aren’t high
    You might give my new puzzle a try
    And for those who don’t walk
    Well, you still needn’t balk
    On your lateral skills you’ll rely

    From the base of the hill ‘till you’re high
    It’s a day trip. I mean to imply
    If you start off at 8
    You can vary your gait
    And reach summit as ev’ning is nigh.

    From the camp that you make, up on high
    You’ll return the next day, (don’t ask why)
    Down the same path you used
    So you shan’t be confused
    Leave at 8, don’t be late, do or die

    Back at base, the sun’s no longer high
    Now, for bluster and bragging rights vie
    Take a pencil or pen
    All you women and men
    Here’s the question I want you to try

    Is the likelihood mid, low, or high
    On your trips up and down, bye and bye
    You were at the same place
    Though you varied your pace
    At the same time, on climb and reply

    Since the difficult rating is high
    And to show I don’t mean to be sly
    “Is it likely or not
    You stood on the same spot
    On both day’s at Time X and Place Y”

  27. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow whose voice was quite high
    Would sing and bring tears to the eye
    Of the men in the crowd
    They all cried out loud
    When they saw his thing stuck in his fly

  28. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow whose voice was quite high
    Would bellow out loud “SEMPRI FI!”
    To his beaux, a marine
    When they’d um, well, I mean
    La-dee-da, you know what I imply

  29. Jon Gearhart says:

    At the Cafe, my temper boiled high
    When the server who was rushing by
    Caught the rug and tripped.
    Cock-a-leekie was dripped.
    I screamed, “Waiter, there’s soup in my fly!”

  30. Jon Gearhart says:

    Dear Will, here’s a note to say hi
    And thank you for your quick reply
    You suggest that I dream
    Of DP, but I seem
    To think that your aim is too high!

  31. Jon Gearhart says:

    A man with a voice much too high
    A gal with a voice like a guy
    Each were teased incessantly
    But it seems they’re presently
    Fit to be tied til they die

  32. Jon Gearhart says:

    Take two

    A man with a voice much too high
    A gal with a voice like a guy
    Teased each other incessantly
    But now they’re presently
    Fit to be tied til they die

  33. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman who scored really high
    In her courses, law and poli. sci.,
    Had hopes to be Senator
    And then White House tenantor
    Were Hillary’s dreams are for nigh?

  34. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman who scored really high
    Was cheating her man on the sly
    And then when he caught her
    She said to their daughter
    “He’s a loser I’ve more fish to fry”.

  35. rbasler says:

    This woman, she sang “Bali Hai,”
    To impress a quite good-looking guy
    Then she said, “Hello, buddy,”
    “My friends call me Bloody”
    He screamed, but she didn’t get why

  36. Fred Bortz says:

    For a select subset of your readers:

    The goy in the shul would say “Hi,”
    No matter how hard he would try.
    He struggled no doubt,
    But no “ch” would come out.
    For “L’chaim” his throat was too dry.

  37. Andy Sewina says:

    Nicely done Mad, here’s mine –
    A woman was flying quite high
    Up over the Isle of Skye
    I heard that she came
    On the astral plane
    Not blinking but more rapid eye

  38. “Oh, Tony! You must have been high,”
    Said the candidate’s wife, with a sigh.
    “Or at very least drunk,
    When you tweeted your junk
    To… oh, PLEASE say it wasn’t a guy!”

    His wife may be staying the course,
    But I’ve heard from a credible source:
    With these fresh misdemeanors
    Of Anthony Weiner’s,
    His penis has filed for divorce.

  39. Fred Bortz says:

    You may have to check the Facebook link to appreciate this, unless Craig Dykstra posts here.

    This week at Mad Kane’s, you’ll get high
    On limericks, I do not lie.
    This link gets you mine,
    Which is perfectly fine,
    But I’m sure that I won’t be “The Guy.”


    While it’s true that I might finish high,
    I cannot begin to comply
    With the standard Steve set,
    Which Craig surely met
    With their multi-verse call and reply.

  40. Fred Bortz says:

    The physicist’s theory was high
    On the list for Nobels, but I’d lie
    If I said he would win
    ‘Cause the rules did him in
    When he had the misfortune to die.

    A little explanation: Nobel Prizes, at least in the sciences, must go to living recipients. I think a recent chemistry prize went to some who had just died, but the committee had made its choice when he was still living or at least before word of his death became known.

    Wishing Peter Higgs long life, or to use a term from an earlier limerick this week, L’chaim.

  41. @Fred Bortz:

    Unless he’s a Scot, I defy ‘im
    To manage the ח in לְחַיִים —
    Plus, I’m willing to bet
    That the goy’s name is “Chet”*…
    Which explains why the lesson goes by ‘im.

    (* That’s the sorriest pun of all ti-yum**.)

    (** Made worse by the need for a rhy-yum).

    On the other hand (that is, right-to-left)…

    hgih si noisufnoc ,miyog su roF
    …yrt a werbeH evig ot og ew nehW
    ,*eh* decnuonorp s'”ehs” roF
    ,*em* si “ohw” ,*ohw* si “eH”
    !*ianoda* decnuonorp s’HVHY dnA

  42. Bruce Niedt says:

    A soprano whose voice was quite high
    sang opera from Rome to Dubai,
    her performance, bravura
    with coloratura,
    and once every night, she would die.

  43. Bruce Niedt says:

    Sight tweak:

    A soprano whose voice was quite high
    sang opera from Rome to Dubai,
    her performance, bravura
    with coloratura,
    and once every evening, she’d die.

  44. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow once tried to get high
    with aerosol whipped cream for pie.
    He sucked in a fume
    and then met his doom –
    he left in a huff, my oh my!

  45. Diane Groothuis says:

    There’s a fellow who’ll never say Hi
    Says “I won’t till the day that I die
    Such colloquial speech
    Makes me feel like a peach
    And it seems like I’m not dinky di”.

  46. Nessa says:

    a fellow who spent all his life quite high
    had trouble each day getting by
    he held out his hand
    not expecting to be canned
    but employers don’t want workers who fly

  47. Fred Bortz says:

    I’m roaring here at Will’s amazing right to left limerick.

    I won’t spoil it, but here’s a little Hebrew lesson, which is the only size I can offer:

    The Hebrew word pronounced “hee” translates to “she” in English.
    Likewise, it’s “hoo” for “he” and “mee” for “who.” (Is Fred Astaire lurking?)

    Finally, the name of the deity is never written in full, but often appears as the equivalent of YHWH. When reading that word, you say “adonai.”

    The wonderful pun in his left to right limerick is that the name for the letter that makes the “ch” in L’chaim is Chet (pronounced gutterally of course).

  48. Diane Groothuis says:

    My knowledge of Hebrew’s not high
    Omitted from my piece of pie
    But a steep learning curve
    Has embellished my verve
    Mazel tov and l’chaim you shul goy.

  49. I’ll admit that my hopes weren’t too high
    When I asked you my puzzle to try
    If I knew Craig and Sue
    Had not better to do
    I’d have promised the prize of a pie (sorry Mad)

    As it is, I’m so happy, I’m high
    My silk puzzle turned into a tie
    So, in honor of them
    And their answers, both gem
    I’ll be like … whoa dudes … you’re totally awesome!

  50. John Peter Larkin says:

    A fellow whose voice is quite high
    has become uncomfortably shy.
    It makes him moan
    to answer the phone.
    No one believes he’s a guy.

  51. Craig says:

    The third time he ever got high,
    He became a detached kind of guy.
    A third-person reference
    Was his latest preference –
    He called himself “him” and not “I”

  52. brian miller says:

    a dude that often got high
    said he saw with his third eye
    the world as rust
    and crumbing to dust
    and when he passed the bowl, i said, ‘not i’

  53. Hi Fred –

    I was hoping you’d get a kick out of that.

    (However, I notice I forgot an “is” in the fourth line of the first one. Ooops!)

  54. ninotaziz says:

    A fellow whose voice was quite high
    Met her, whose speech was rough and dry
    They felt instant attraction
    Of the opposite direction
    After surgery, got wedded, happy til they die!

  55. Ailsa McKillop says:

    It sends my blood pressure sky-high
    My foam brick at the screen I let fly
    (Followed up by foam hammer)
    On the Beeb such bad grammar!
    When correct to use “me”, why say “I”?

    [“Beeb” is an informal name for the BBC]

  56. Kirk Miller says:

    Broker sold when stock’s price was real high.
    “Inside trading, then cover-up, lie!”
    His accusers do say.
    The man sighs in dismay.
    “I’m not guilty!” his quaint, stock reply.

  57. Kirk Miller says:

    The baseball was hit very high;
    To catch it the fielder did try.
    Ball went under his mitt,
    And pants’ zipper it hit,
    So they said it was caught on the fly.

  58. Kirk Miller says:

    A baseball that’s hit very high
    Can be caught running fast if you try.
    It’s the same, in a way,
    As trout fishing all day,
    Because both can be caught on the fly.

  59. Craig says:

    By the fourth time I ever got high,
    You’d all had enough of this guy.
    “You’re still beating that horse
    Though it’s quite dead, of course;
    Perhaps you should no longer try.”

  60. Dean Geier says:

    The Brewers’ emotions are high.
    Braun has been caught in a lie.
    His teammates he asked
    To keep the truth masked.
    It’s hard to feel bad for this guy.

  61. zongrik says:

    At altitude that’s a little too high,
    John flew upside down in the sky.
    When the turbulence started,
    He accidentally farted
    “The dog did it,” said the pilot wise guy.

    See pic that goes with this and listen to a read on —

    upside down flying limerick

  62. Mark Kane says:

    Jimi Hendrix while excessively high,
    Excused himself as he kissed “This Guy.”
    And the word spred, He’s Gay!
    Except what did he say?
    Excused himself as he kissed “The Sky.”

  63. colonialist says:

    Rugby version:
    A woman who scored really high
    In looks, met a hooker-type guy –
    He wanted a scrum;
    She said, ‘Don’t be dumb –
    You’re offside, so simply no try!’

    Football version:
    A woman who scored really high
    In looks, met a football-type guy –
    He wanted a touch down;
    She said, ‘You’re too much, clown!’
    You won’t get your goal, so goodbye!’

  64. Fred Bortz says:

    The media interest was high
    When she searched pressure cookers to buy.
    Her ex-boss was enthralled,
    So the local cops called.
    “Blame the NSA!” soon was the cry.

    pressure cooker

  65. Rafael says:

    A fellow whose voice was quite high
    Was light in the shorts; by the by
    He was a castrato
    With lovely vibrato
    Shiv’ring me timber; O’ MY!

  66. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who liked to get high
    Was constantly wondering why
    He’d awake on the lawn
    With no trousers on
    In the Bronx, when his house was in Rye.

  67. Dr. Goose says:

    When Moses came down from on high
    And the Hebrews had all gone awry,
    He said to the rabble: “It’s
    Against both the tabl-ets
    With which you will have to comply.”

  68. Dr. Goose says:

    A Yiddisher fellow named Hy
    Went to marry a goyisher guy.
    Said the Rebbe: “A bris
    Should come before this,
    And maybe I’ll turn a blind eye.”

  69. Charley Simmons says:

    A young man whose voice was quite high,
    Sang the lead in “Madame Butterfly”
    Rich men threw him flowers,
    With invites to there bowers.
    But he cried”I’m not that kind of guy”.

  70. Jon Gearhart says:

    Here’s one for Fred:

    Drunk schlemiel once got overly high.
    He’s a shmendrik. He says “Hey Rabbi,
    Since the mohels doin’ a bris
    Don’t get bupkis for this,
    Can they keep all the tips? If not, why??”

  71. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 125

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Pining For Limericks