Limerick High (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow whose voice was quite high…*
or
A fellow who never said “hi…”*
or
A woman who scored really high…*
or
A woman was flying quite high…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick High
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A baker whose voice was quite high
Cracked a mirror while singing — no lie.
How she longed for the stage!
But an agent, quite sage,
Shattered hope: “Face it — pie in the sky.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Agent, Baking Limerick, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Singing Humor, Writing Prompts
A woman was flying quite high…
In matters that were hard to defy
Broke conventions
On many occasions
But she still took time to clarify!
Hank
G. Sachs was pricing it high
By trucking it around on the sly.
Their aluminum shuffle
Should cause a kerfluffle
But I bet Johnny Law’ll be shy.
A woman who scored really high
In a swimsuit at the beach with her guy.
She hit a true nine
And with him that was fine
But the guy took a fly ’cause genius she was nigh.
A woman was flying quite high
As a muscular guy passed by
He gave her a look
Head to toe she soon shook
But the schnook never even said “hi.”
A fellow who never said “hi”
To a gal on the beach he passed by.
So my sorry my dear,
You may think this is queer.
But he’s married to a wonderful guy.
A guy was flying quite high
when his crush kissed him goodbye.
But her boyfriend saw
and hit his jaw
and left him with one sore eye.
A lady who wore her skirt high,
Showed more than the inside of thigh,
Never a loner,
Could raise a boner,
Became a new mom, bye and bye.
The small jet soared higher than high
And the pilot didn’t know why.
But he didn’t care
And while up in the air
He ate a peach pie in the sky.
Jack climbed the beanstalk oh so high
And the giant said,” Fe-fo-fi!”
Said Jack, “You’re so dumb,
You forgot to say fum.”
And Jack was dropkicked to Shanghai.
He saw her and had to say “Hi.”
She winked as her naughty reply.
Then loosened his fears,
As she lead him upstairs,
By grinding her ass on the fly.
A woman who scored really high
Got acceptance where she did apply.
But loan interest’s insane.
She won’t play their game!
On full scholarship she will rely.
A woman was flying quite high
On the best Scotch that money could buy.
But the booze created havoc
In her head and her stomach.
Of that truth she could not deny.
A woman was flying quite high,
Her blood sugar levels awry,
She knew what to do,
“To all sweets adieu.
I’ll have pie in the sky when I die!”
The first time I ever got high
My limerick skills went awry.
My opening rhyme
Seemed OK at the time
But then, like, dude … I was all … whoa …
The pirates were all pretty high
When the one with the patch went awry
He had heard the command
To “deliver and stand”
But acknowledged with only one “aye”
My hopes for my date were quite high
So I gave the Viagra a try.
I made the gal choke
When I told her a joke
(Not what you expected – don’t lie!)
A fellow was getting quite high,
But his girlfriend was wondering why
From her calf to her knee
Took two hours or three,
And four more to be squeezing her thigh.
This fellow was getting quite high
With Willie, Hank Jr, and I
Backstage between sets
‘Twas good as it gets
‘Til [naked] Dolly Parton walked by
This bald guy had hopes that were high
For growing hair fast thought he’d try
viagra with Rogaine
He grew in a full mane
But too stiff to comb, my oh my…
There’s length, and there’s width; and “how high”
Is called *height*. It’s as easy as pie.
But Lord give me strength:
If you emulate “length”
And say “heighth”, I will blacken your eye.
@Jon G.
I hate to remind you, but it’s
As plain as a bowl of hot grits
That Dolly’s too classy
To show off her chassis,
So sit back and dream of her… voice.
:^)
One day, John of Patmos got high,
And dreamed that God’s Judgment was nigh.
His bloody and dragon-y
Visions of agony
Threw the whole Bible awry.
A hasty young tart from Shanghai
Was undoing her customer’s flai
When he came without warning.
She quit until morning
Because of the stai in her ai.
(It’s funnier with “Versailles”.)
A woman was flying quite high
From promises made by her guy
He asked her to marry him
She’s hoping to bury him
And take all his cash on the sly
A fellow who never said hi
To ladies ’cause he’s way too shy
Unless he’s been drinking
I know what you’re thinking
It’s Raj, The Big Bang Theory guy
One hill of a puzzle:
If you hike on a hill and aren’t high
You might give my new puzzle a try
And for those who don’t walk
Well, you still needn’t balk
On your lateral skills you’ll rely
From the base of the hill ‘till you’re high
It’s a day trip. I mean to imply
If you start off at 8
You can vary your gait
And reach summit as ev’ning is nigh.
From the camp that you make, up on high
You’ll return the next day, (don’t ask why)
Down the same path you used
So you shan’t be confused
Leave at 8, don’t be late, do or die
Back at base, the sun’s no longer high
Now, for bluster and bragging rights vie
Take a pencil or pen
All you women and men
Here’s the question I want you to try
Is the likelihood mid, low, or high
On your trips up and down, bye and bye
You were at the same place
Though you varied your pace
At the same time, on climb and reply
Since the difficult rating is high
And to show I don’t mean to be sly
“Is it likely or not
You stood on the same spot
On both day’s at Time X and Place Y”
A fellow whose voice was quite high
Would sing and bring tears to the eye
Of the men in the crowd
They all cried out loud
When they saw his thing stuck in his fly
A fellow whose voice was quite high
Would bellow out loud “SEMPRI FI!”
To his beaux, a marine
When they’d um, well, I mean
La-dee-da, you know what I imply
At the Cafe, my temper boiled high
When the server who was rushing by
Caught the rug and tripped.
Cock-a-leekie was dripped.
I screamed, “Waiter, there’s soup in my fly!”
Dear Will, here’s a note to say hi
And thank you for your quick reply
You suggest that I dream
Of DP, but I seem
To think that your aim is too high!
A man with a voice much too high
A gal with a voice like a guy
Each were teased incessantly
But it seems they’re presently
Fit to be tied til they die
Take two
A man with a voice much too high
A gal with a voice like a guy
Teased each other incessantly
But now they’re presently
Fit to be tied til they die
A woman who scored really high
In her courses, law and poli. sci.,
Had hopes to be Senator
And then White House tenantor
Were Hillary’s dreams are for nigh?
A woman who scored really high
Was cheating her man on the sly
And then when he caught her
She said to their daughter
“He’s a loser I’ve more fish to fry”.
This woman, she sang “Bali Hai,”
To impress a quite good-looking guy
Then she said, “Hello, buddy,”
“My friends call me Bloody”
He screamed, but she didn’t get why
For a select subset of your readers:
The goy in the shul would say “Hi,”
No matter how hard he would try.
He struggled no doubt,
But no “ch” would come out.
For “L’chaim” his throat was too dry.
Nicely done Mad, here’s mine –
A woman was flying quite high
Up over the Isle of Skye
I heard that she came
On the astral plane
Not blinking but more rapid eye
“Oh, Tony! You must have been high,”
Said the candidate’s wife, with a sigh.
“Or at very least drunk,
When you tweeted your junk
To… oh, PLEASE say it wasn’t a guy!”
His wife may be staying the course,
But I’ve heard from a credible source:
With these fresh misdemeanors
Of Anthony Weiner’s,
His penis has filed for divorce.
You may have to check the Facebook link to appreciate this, unless Craig Dykstra posts here.
This week at Mad Kane’s, you’ll get high
On limericks, I do not lie.
This link gets you mine,
Which is perfectly fine,
But I’m sure that I won’t be “The Guy.”
Facebook.
While it’s true that I might finish high,
I cannot begin to comply
With the standard Steve set,
Which Craig surely met
With their multi-verse call and reply.
The physicist’s theory was high
On the list for Nobels, but I’d lie
If I said he would win
‘Cause the rules did him in
When he had the misfortune to die.
A little explanation: Nobel Prizes, at least in the sciences, must go to living recipients. I think a recent chemistry prize went to some who had just died, but the committee had made its choice when he was still living or at least before word of his death became known.
Wishing Peter Higgs long life, or to use a term from an earlier limerick this week, L’chaim.
@Fred Bortz:
Unless he’s a Scot, I defy ‘im
To manage the ח in לְחַיִים —
Plus, I’m willing to bet
That the goy’s name is “Chet”*…
Which explains why the lesson goes by ‘im.
(* That’s the sorriest pun of all ti-yum**.)
(** Made worse by the need for a rhy-yum).
On the other hand (that is, right-to-left)…
hgih si noisufnoc ,miyog su roF
…yrt a werbeH evig ot og ew nehW
,*eh* decnuonorp s'”ehs” roF
,*em* si “ohw” ,*ohw* si “eH”
!*ianoda* decnuonorp s’HVHY dnA
A soprano whose voice was quite high
sang opera from Rome to Dubai,
her performance, bravura
with coloratura,
and once every night, she would die.
Sight tweak:
A soprano whose voice was quite high
sang opera from Rome to Dubai,
her performance, bravura
with coloratura,
and once every evening, she’d die.
A fellow once tried to get high
with aerosol whipped cream for pie.
He sucked in a fume
and then met his doom –
he left in a huff, my oh my!
There’s a fellow who’ll never say Hi
Says “I won’t till the day that I die
Such colloquial speech
Makes me feel like a peach
And it seems like I’m not dinky di”.
a fellow who spent all his life quite high
had trouble each day getting by
he held out his hand
not expecting to be canned
but employers don’t want workers who fly
I’m roaring here at Will’s amazing right to left limerick.
I won’t spoil it, but here’s a little Hebrew lesson, which is the only size I can offer:
The Hebrew word pronounced “hee” translates to “she” in English.
Likewise, it’s “hoo” for “he” and “mee” for “who.” (Is Fred Astaire lurking?)
Finally, the name of the deity is never written in full, but often appears as the equivalent of YHWH. When reading that word, you say “adonai.”
The wonderful pun in his left to right limerick is that the name for the letter that makes the “ch” in L’chaim is Chet (pronounced gutterally of course).
My knowledge of Hebrew’s not high
Omitted from my piece of pie
But a steep learning curve
Has embellished my verve
Mazel tov and l’chaim you shul goy.
I’ll admit that my hopes weren’t too high
When I asked you my puzzle to try
If I knew Craig and Sue
Had not better to do
I’d have promised the prize of a pie (sorry Mad)
As it is, I’m so happy, I’m high
My silk puzzle turned into a tie
So, in honor of them
And their answers, both gem
I’ll be like … whoa dudes … you’re totally awesome!
A fellow whose voice is quite high
has become uncomfortably shy.
It makes him moan
to answer the phone.
No one believes he’s a guy.
The third time he ever got high,
He became a detached kind of guy.
A third-person reference
Was his latest preference –
He called himself “him” and not “I”
a dude that often got high
said he saw with his third eye
the world as rust
and crumbing to dust
and when he passed the bowl, i said, ‘not i’
Hi Fred –
I was hoping you’d get a kick out of that.
(However, I notice I forgot an “is” in the fourth line of the first one. Ooops!)
A fellow whose voice was quite high
Met her, whose speech was rough and dry
They felt instant attraction
Of the opposite direction
After surgery, got wedded, happy til they die!
It sends my blood pressure sky-high
My foam brick at the screen I let fly
(Followed up by foam hammer)
On the Beeb such bad grammar!
When correct to use “me”, why say “I”?
[“Beeb” is an informal name for the BBC]
Broker sold when stock’s price was real high.
“Inside trading, then cover-up, lie!”
His accusers do say.
The man sighs in dismay.
“I’m not guilty!” his quaint, stock reply.
The baseball was hit very high;
To catch it the fielder did try.
Ball went under his mitt,
And pants’ zipper it hit,
So they said it was caught on the fly.
A baseball that’s hit very high
Can be caught running fast if you try.
It’s the same, in a way,
As trout fishing all day,
Because both can be caught on the fly.
By the fourth time I ever got high,
You’d all had enough of this guy.
“You’re still beating that horse
Though it’s quite dead, of course;
Perhaps you should no longer try.”
The Brewers’ emotions are high.
Braun has been caught in a lie.
His teammates he asked
To keep the truth masked.
It’s hard to feel bad for this guy.
At altitude that’s a little too high,
John flew upside down in the sky.
When the turbulence started,
He accidentally farted
“The dog did it,” said the pilot wise guy.
See pic that goes with this and listen to a read on —
upside down flying limerick
Jimi Hendrix while excessively high,
Excused himself as he kissed “This Guy.”
And the word spred, He’s Gay!
Except what did he say?
Excused himself as he kissed “The Sky.”
Rugby version:
A woman who scored really high
In looks, met a hooker-type guy –
He wanted a scrum;
She said, ‘Don’t be dumb –
You’re offside, so simply no try!’
Football version:
A woman who scored really high
In looks, met a football-type guy –
He wanted a touch down;
She said, ‘You’re too much, clown!’
You won’t get your goal, so goodbye!’
The media interest was high
When she searched pressure cookers to buy.
Her ex-boss was enthralled,
So the local cops called.
“Blame the NSA!” soon was the cry.
pressure cooker
A fellow whose voice was quite high
Was light in the shorts; by the by
He was a castrato
With lovely vibrato
Shiv’ring me timber; O’ MY!
A fellow who liked to get high
Was constantly wondering why
He’d awake on the lawn
With no trousers on
In the Bronx, when his house was in Rye.
When Moses came down from on high
And the Hebrews had all gone awry,
He said to the rabble: “It’s
Against both the tabl-ets
With which you will have to comply.”
A Yiddisher fellow named Hy
Went to marry a goyisher guy.
Said the Rebbe: “A bris
Should come before this,
And maybe I’ll turn a blind eye.”
A young man whose voice was quite high,
Sang the lead in “Madame Butterfly”
Rich men threw him flowers,
With invites to there bowers.
But he cried”I’m not that kind of guy”.
Here’s one for Fred:
Drunk schlemiel once got overly high.
He’s a shmendrik. He says “Hey Rabbi,
Since the mohels doin’ a bris
Don’t get bupkis for this,
Can they keep all the tips? If not, why??”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 125
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Pining For Limericks