Archive for the ‘Advice Humor & Poems’ Category
Sunday, May 12th, 2019
A lim’rick a day keeps away
The doctor — at least, so they say.
Well okay, I’ll concede
I invented that lede,
But it sure beats that “apple” cliché!
Tags: Aphorisms, Cliché Day, Clichés, Clichés Humor, Doctor Humor, Doctor Limericks, Health, Health & Medical Humor, Health Limericks, Limerick Humor, Medical Humor, Medical Limericks
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Aphorisms, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Saturday, April 28th, 2018
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BILL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BEAUTY, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BEAUTY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 13, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 12, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
“Trust me, ev’rything’s fine, so just chill,
Because when there’s a way, there’s a will.”
“But you’ve got them reversed;
The ‘will’ thing comes first.”
“See? Already I’ve helped! Here’s my bill.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Advice Limerick, Annoying Advice, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 152 Comments »
Wednesday, May 4th, 2016
Biz advice from a mogul, by tweet:
Women eyeing that large corner suite
Should hike skirts up and wear
Bright colors. I swear
It ain’t Trump, but Barb Corc’ran. Delete!
Here’s the article that inspired this limerick: “Barbara Corcoran to female entrepreneurs: Hike up your skirts.”
Tags: Advice Limerick, Annoying Advice, Barbara Corcoran, Business Humor, Donald Trump, Entrepreneur Humor, Mogul Humor, Shark Tank, Social Media Poetry, Twitter Humor
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Business Humor, Limericks, Social Media Humor, Twitter Humor | Comments Off on Tweeting The Unconventional (Limerick)
Saturday, April 2nd, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TWIST at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CARS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CAR-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 17, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal with a bun tried a twist,
Then confessed that she’d never been kissed.
But advice met resistance:
“Don’t want your assistance.
Stop dissing my hairdo!” she hissed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Dating Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 154 Comments »
Wednesday, October 28th, 2015
Stop getting yourselves into jams
By falling for Internet scams.
If you’re lured by a post
Or an email, you’re toast.
So say bye to your bread. They’re all shams.
Tags: Advice Limerick, Hoaxes, Internet Humor, Internet Scams, Money & Finance Humor, Scams
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Internet Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Scams & Hoaxes | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, March 18th, 2015
Today, March 18, is Kick Butts Day.
Kick Butts Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today is the day to kick butts.
No ifs, ands, or buts — smoking’s nuts!
For the cig rut’s a yoke
That can kill you — no joke!
So though quitting’s a drag, show some guts.
Tags: Addiction Humor, Anti-Smoking, Bad Habits Humor, Breathing Humor, Cigarettes, Health & Medical Humor, Health Limericks, Hearts, Kick Butts Day, Lungs, March Holidays, Odd Holidays, Smokers Limerick, Smoking Humor, Smoking Limerick, Tobacco
Posted in Addiction Humor, Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Odd Holidays, Smoking Humor | Comments Off on Kick Butts Day Limerick
Wednesday, August 20th, 2014
A Lemon Of A Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Turn lemons to lemonade?” Ugh!
Such advice sounds to me oh so smug.
No I won’t sugar-coat,
Cuz it sticks in my throat.
But turn lemons to lim’ricks? We’ll hug.
Happy National Lemonade Day! (For some odd reason, it’s celebrated both on August 20th and on the first Sunday of May.)
Tags: Advice, Annoying Advice, Aphorism Humor, August Holidays, Drink Verse, Fruit Limerick, Lemonade, Lemons, Maxims, May Holidays, National Lemonade Day, Odd Holidays, Optimism, Pessimism
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Aphorisms, Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Self-Help Humor | 3 Comments »
Sunday, June 22nd, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow with many a vice…*
or
A gal who was free with advice…*
or
A fellow had bought a device…*
or
A fellow was using a vise…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Vice
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow with many a vice
Was, needless to say, not too nice;
When warned by his doc,
He’d scorn and he’d mock.
Now he’s mournfully paying the price.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Advice Limerick, Competition Limerick, Health Limericks, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Health & Medical Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 73 Comments »
Thursday, January 30th, 2014
This week’s Style Invitational features the witty winning entries in its contest for poems that commemorate people who died in 2013. Here are my non-winning ditties about Roger Ebert, New York City Mayor Ed Koch, concert pianist Van Cliburn, and “Dear Abby” columnist Pauline Phillips:
Roger Ebert:
For films that were plums,
Way up went his thumbs.
When downward they’d roam,
You’d know to stay home.
*****
Mayor Edward Koch:
This mayor rescued NYC
From near-financial ruin;
Ed Koch his name, his fav’rite game
Was asking “How’m I doin’?”
*****
Pauline Friedman Phillips a/k/a Abigail Van Buren:
“Dear Abby” was her column
Telling readers what to do.
Give your friends that very counsel?
That’s an act you’ll surely rue.
*****
Van Cliburn:
In a world-wide Moscow contest
Van Cliburn sure impressed.
But this USA pianist
Had the piano judges stressed.
They felt that he deserved to win
And so with trepidation
They asked Nikita, “Can we please
Give Cliburn top ovation?”
Mr. Khrushchev gave an answer
That surprised them. It was wise:
“If Van Cliburn played the very best,
Then give that man first prize.”
So a classical musician
Helped achieve a cold war thaw:
An American in Russia
Playing piano past a draw.
Tags: Annoying Advice, Celebrity Humor, Dear Abby, Ed Koch, Musician Humor, New York City, Obit Humor, Obituary Humor, Pauline Phillips, Pianist Humor, Piano Humor, Roger Ebert, Television Humor, Van Cliburn
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Celebrity Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Music Poems, Obit Verse, Television (TV) Humor | 1 Comment »
Saturday, December 21st, 2013
I was disturbed to hear that today (December 21) is “Look On The Bright Side Day.”
Please don’t tell me to “look on the bright side.”
This merely exposes your trite side.
Neither wise, nor delightful,
It makes me feel spiteful.
Quote that maxim? I’ll max out my smite side.
Tags: Advice Limerick, Aphorism Humor, Behavior Humor, December Holidays, Maxims, Odd Holidays, Optimism, Personality Verse, Pessimism, Truisms
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Aphorisms, Behavior & Personality, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
This fellow tried to rob the wrong house:
Robyn Irvine, a former ax-throwing competitor living in Hemet, Calif., woke up when she heard a noise and saw the burglar trying to snatch her watch from her wrist, according to CBS Los Angeles.
Irvine quickly grabbed an ax, scaring the intruder.
Caveat Burglar (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear burglars, it’s time to face facts:
Preparation is key — don’t be lax.
You must research each job
To ensure folks you rob
Aren’t expert at lobbing an ax.
Tags: Advice Limerick, Ax Humor, Burglar Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Robbers, Thief Humor, Weapons
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, November 5th, 2013
I couldn’t possibly resist a title like this: “London firefighters urge ‘common sense’ after penis freed from toaster.”
Without Common Sense, We’re Toast (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When devising some bedroom delights,
It ain’t right to try reaching new heights
With devices like toasters
And blenders and roasters,
Else your privates might need their last rites.
Tags: Advice Limerick, Bawdy Humor, Bedroom Humor, Kitchen Limerick, Safety Verse, Sex Humor, Toaster
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Thursday, May 30th, 2013
Here’s a limerick to celebrate World No Tobacco Day. (May 31st)
Stop Smoking, Already!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please stop smoking already. Don’t dicker.
Tobacco will end your life quicker.
Have a heart, as I air
This advice, cuz I care:
Be kind to your lungs and your ticker.
Tags: Breathing Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Limericks, Hearts, Lungs, May Holidays, Odd Holidays, Smokers Limerick, Smoking Humor, Tobacco, World No Tobacco Day
Posted in Addiction Humor, Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Smoking Humor | 5 Comments »
Thursday, January 31st, 2013
Dear Driver (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear driver, here’s crucial advice
That I hope I won’t have to say twice:
It’s best not to drive
Wearing skates. You won’t thrive,
Cuz you’re skating on very thin ice.
This limerick was inspired by this news item about a Canadian fellow charged with driving through a red light. He was on his way to a rink and had been driving while wearing ice hockey skates:
Driving with skates “is probably not very safe” because the motorist has limited contact with the brake and gas pedals, said Staff Sgt. Ken Hruska.
Tags: Accident Poem, Advice Limerick, Bad Drivers, Car & Driving Humor, Skating Humor, Sports Humor, Thin Ice
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Car & Driving Humor, Limericks, Sports Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, November 13th, 2012
Happy “World Kindness Day,” which is celebrated on November 13th.
Limerick Ode To “World Kindness Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s “World Kindness Day.” Try to be nice.
Put your mean inclinations on ice.
Be pleasant and sweet—
A warm smile would be neat.
Please don’t hurt me — it’s only advice.
(Linked at DVerse Poets.)
Tags: Advice Limerick, Behavior Humor, November Holidays, Odd Holidays, World Kindness Day
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 23 Comments »
Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
The latest prompt from Three Words Wednesday asks us to use these three words in any sort of poem: Differ, Halt, and Imagine. And somehow I coaxed them all into a limerick:
A Polite Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When planning a verbal assault,
It can sometimes be useful to halt
And imagine your view
With a more polite skew:
Beg to differ‘s a handy default.
Tags: Advice Limerick, Argument Verse, Communication Humor, Etiquette Poetry, Manners Humor, Politeness, Verbal Assaults, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Communication Humor, Limericks | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, July 10th, 2012
Taking your baby son with you when visiting a hooker is probably unwise:
A man in Tuscaloosa may be charged with child endangerment after taking along his nine month old son during a meeting with a prostitute.
Once inside the motel room, another man entered and a fight broke out. Shots were fired while the baby was in the room, and a bullet grazed the father’s head.
Gunning For Father Of The Year?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear dads, if your kid’s under one,
And you’re looking for prostitute fun,
A sitter’s a must;
Else forget about lust,
Or be labeled a son of a gun.
Tags: Babies Humor, Bawdy Humor, Children Limerick, Crime, Dads Limerick, Family & Relatives Humor, Law Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Parenting Humor, Prostitutes Humor, Sex Humor
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor, Social Satire | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, August 17th, 2011
Words meant to welcome—
“Please make yourself at home.”
remind me I’m not.
*****
Oboist mutes gasp,
playing unviable phrase,
conquering Bizet.
*****
A Nantucket man
knew his much lim’ricked neighbor—
envied him his fame.
*****
Plan for the future,
but never let your planning
erase the present.
*****
An alluring scent,
indecently delicious,
renders gents senseless.
*****
(The first haiku was inspired by Sensational Haiku Wednesday’s home prompt. The second haiku was inspired by 3 Word Wednesday’s prompt to use the words gasp, mute, and viable. That second haiku alludes to a notoriously long and difficult oboe passage in Bizet’s Symphony in C.)
Tags: Bizet, Haiku & Senryu, Home, Music Poetry, Oboe, Planning Humor, Scents
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Haiku & Senryu, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse | 22 Comments »
Tuesday, June 21st, 2011
Help! I can’t stop writing acrostic limericks! Here’s my latest:
Hasty Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He who rushes ain’t likely to rate
And he’ll probably err and be late.
So take enough time —
To be careful is prime.
Easy does it. Perfection can wait.
Tags: Acrostic Poems, Advice Limerick, Cautionary Verse, Hastiness Humor, Perfection Verse, Rushing Humor
Posted in Acrostic Limericks, Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Limericks | 24 Comments »
