Giving people unwanted advice
Is a vice I’d avoid; it ain’t nice.
Don’t presume to know more,
Lest you sound like a bore.
“Words of wisdom?” Best keep them on ice.
Archive for the ‘Advice Humor & Poems’ Category
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TWIST at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, April 2nd, 2016It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TWIST at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CARS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CAR-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 17, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal with a bun tried a twist,
Then confessed that she’d never been kissed.
But advice met resistance:
“Don’t want your assistance.
Stop dissing my hairdo!” she hissed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
If It’s Too Good To Be True, It Ain’t! (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 28th, 2015Stop getting yourselves into jams
By falling for Internet scams.
If you’re lured by a post
Or an email, you’re toast.
So say bye to your bread. They’re all shams.
Kick Butts Day Limerick
Wednesday, March 18th, 2015Today, March 18, is Kick Butts Day.
Kick Butts Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today is the day to kick butts.
No ifs, ands, or buts — smoking’s nuts!
For the cig rut’s a yoke
That can kill you — no joke!
So though quitting’s a drag, show some guts.
Limerick Vice (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2014It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow with many a vice…*
or
A gal who was free with advice…*
or
A fellow had bought a device…*
or
A fellow was using a vise…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Vice
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow with many a vice
Was, needless to say, not too nice;
When warned by his doc,
He’d scorn and he’d mock.
Now he’s mournfully paying the price.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A Pessimist’s Ode To “Look On The Bright Side Day”
Saturday, December 21st, 2013I was disturbed to hear that today (December 21) is “Look On The Bright Side Day.”
Please don’t tell me to “look on the bright side.”
This merely exposes your trite side.
Neither wise, nor delightful,
It makes me feel spiteful.
Quote that maxim? I’ll max out my smite side.
Caveat Burglar (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 6th, 2013This fellow tried to rob the wrong house:
Robyn Irvine, a former ax-throwing competitor living in Hemet, Calif., woke up when she heard a noise and saw the burglar trying to snatch her watch from her wrist, according to CBS Los Angeles.
Irvine quickly grabbed an ax, scaring the intruder.
Caveat Burglar (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear burglars, it’s time to face facts:
Preparation is key — don’t be lax.
You must research each job
To ensure folks you rob
Aren’t expert at lobbing an ax.
Without Common Sense, We’re Toast (Limerick)
Tuesday, November 5th, 2013I couldn’t possibly resist a title like this: “London firefighters urge ‘common sense’ after penis freed from toaster.”
Without Common Sense, We’re Toast (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When devising some bedroom delights,
It ain’t right to try reaching new heights
With devices like toasters
And blenders and roasters,
Else your privates might need their last rites.
Stop Smoking, Already! (Limerick)
Thursday, May 30th, 2013Here’s a limerick to celebrate World No Tobacco Day. (May 31st)
Stop Smoking, Already!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Please stop smoking already. Don’t dicker.
Tobacco will end your life quicker.
Have a heart, as I air
This advice, cuz I care:
Be kind to your lungs and your ticker.
Dear Driver (Limerick)
Thursday, January 31st, 2013Dear Driver (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear driver, here’s crucial advice
That I hope I won’t have to say twice:
It’s best not to drive
Wearing skates. You won’t thrive,
Cuz you’re skating on very thin ice.
This limerick was inspired by this news item about a Canadian fellow charged with driving through a red light. He was on his way to a rink and had been driving while wearing ice hockey skates:
Driving with skates “is probably not very safe” because the motorist has limited contact with the brake and gas pedals, said Staff Sgt. Ken Hruska.
Limerick Ode To “World Kindness Day”
Tuesday, November 13th, 2012Happy “World Kindness Day,” which is celebrated on November 13th.
Limerick Ode To “World Kindness Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s “World Kindness Day.” Try to be nice.
Put your mean inclinations on ice.
Be pleasant and sweet—
A warm smile would be neat.
Please don’t hurt me — it’s only advice.
(Linked at DVerse Poets.)
A Polite Limerick
Wednesday, July 11th, 2012The latest prompt from Three Words Wednesday asks us to use these three words in any sort of poem: Differ, Halt, and Imagine. And somehow I coaxed them all into a limerick:
A Polite Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When planning a verbal assault,
It can sometimes be useful to halt
And imagine your view
With a more polite skew:
Beg to differ‘s a handy default.
Sundry Haiku
Wednesday, August 17th, 2011Words meant to welcome—
“Please make yourself at home.”
remind me I’m not.
*****
Oboist mutes gasp,
playing unviable phrase,
conquering Bizet.
*****
A Nantucket man
knew his much lim’ricked neighbor—
envied him his fame.
*****
Plan for the future,
but never let your planning
erase the present.
*****
An alluring scent,
indecently delicious,
renders gents senseless.
*****
(The first haiku was inspired by Sensational Haiku Wednesday’s home prompt. The second haiku was inspired by 3 Word Wednesday’s prompt to use the words gasp, mute, and viable. That second haiku alludes to a notoriously long and difficult oboe passage in Bizet’s Symphony in C.)
Hasty Acrostic Limerick
Tuesday, June 21st, 2011Help! I can’t stop writing acrostic limericks! Here’s my latest:
Hasty Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He who rushes ain’t likely to rate
And he’ll probably err and be late.
So take enough time —
To be careful is prime.
Easy does it. Perfection can wait.
Stubborn Limerick
Monday, June 13th, 2011Opinionated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who thought he knew best
Spurned conflicting opinions with zest—
His perpetual song:
“I am right. You are wrong.”
Self-improvement, it seems, not his quest.
Creative Keys
Tuesday, April 19th, 2011Creative Keys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When you’re whipping your verse into shape
And are caught in a verse-challenged scrape,
The delete key is handy.
Assisted by brandy,
And last, but not least, try escape.
(Prompted to escape)
