Archive for the ‘Art Humor / Verse’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FRAME at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, September 17th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FRAME at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to EXERCISE, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best EXERCISE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 2, 2016 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 1, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

An artist was caught in a frame,
Which painted him worthy of blame;
When a woman was killed,
Some blood that was spilled
Helped to pigment his portrait “Dead Dame.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Sunday, July 24th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using either LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BOREDOM, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best boredom-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 7, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 6, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Figurines by the teenage Colleen
Were censored and labeled obscene.
Though they did land a show,
The young artist can’t go;
Seems her work’s too “adult” and “unclean.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Sundry Haiku

Saturday, July 11th, 2015

I’d like the freedom
to not write haiku today,
but my brain insists.

*****

I am at the stage
where I like being on stage
with or without one.

*****

My near-rhyme rejects
turned limerick leftovers
find homes in haiku.

*****

I’m often impressed
by the drawing power
of unknown painters.

*****

Forgive and forget?
I keep meaning to forgive,
but I forget to.

*****

Your belief system
makes you feel superior?
Then it’s failing you.

*****

My muse goes yonder
as I wander in wonder
at time I squander.

*****

Spiders and crawlers
are welcome in my domain
if sent by Google.

*****

I should have prepared
for extemporization
but ran out of time.

*****

Music needs pauses;
I get restless when a piece
doesn’t have any.

*****

A “Really Big Shew” Of A Crime (Limerick)

Saturday, October 4th, 2014

A “Really Big Shew” of A Crime (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A crisis had come to a head
And a torso and legs. Tears were shed,
Cuz some soon-to-be cons
Stole Ed Sullivan’s bronze.
But don’t fret — they’ve reclaimed AWOL Ed.

Yes, Ed Sullivan fans can breathe sighs of relief: “Los Angeles police have found the missing bronze statue of the renowned American TV personality, four days after it was stolen from the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.”

Is “Bad, Bad Boy” Bad, Bad Art? (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 30th, 2013

Some Swedes ain’t sweet on this sculpture:

Each summer the city of Örebro becomes a canvas for international artists to present their work as part of the Örebro Open Art exhibition. This year, one particular sculpture has caused quite a stir since its installation on the banks of the River Svartån.

The provocative piece is an eight-metre high sculpture of a nude male figure urinating into the river…

“Bad Bad Boy” by Finnish artist Tommi Toija stands towering over the river bank with his disproportionate body: lanky and topped with an over-sized, round, bald head. His skin, made from clay, is a blistering sunburnt-pink, and his wide-eyed facial expression is as hard to decipher as the art itself.

Is “Bad, Bad Boy” Bad, Bad Art? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A sculpture’s creating a stir—
The “Bad, Bad Boy” pissing monsieur:
As it pees in the river,
The folks are aquiver.
Is it art? Connoisseurs may demur.

Hairy Art (Limerick)

Thursday, May 2nd, 2013

Hairy Art
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though some artists make art out of rubble,
Only one went to hairier trouble:
He sculpted (I swear)
His sculpture from hair:
An artwork from one speck of stubble.

Its minuteness is way off the chart.
Want to view it? A microscope’s smart.
I don’t mean to be gruff,
But is weirdness enough?
This speck-sculpture’s too fine to be art.

*****
You can read about and see a photo of Willard Wigan’s stubble sculpture here. As the article explains:

Willard Wigan hollowed out a spec of face hair and used a miniscule flake of gold to create the tiny motorbike artwork.

Visible only through a microscope, the chopper — which measures three microns — is smaller than a human blood cell.

Paint-Challenged Limerick

Saturday, December 1st, 2012

Paint-Challenged Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My talent for painting is humble
And whenever I try it, I stumble.
Realistic’s my aim.
Then I fail and just claim
It’s an abstract, obscured by a scumble.

Note from Mad Kane: I can’t paint at all, and I never go near a paintbrush. But the new-to-me word “scumble” came up in a limerick prompt mailing list, and I couldn’t resist trying to use it.

Limerick Ode To Claude Monet

Thursday, August 9th, 2012

Limerick Ode To Claude Monet
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man with poor vision, Monet,
Had eyesight so weak, the display
Of the world that he saw
Was blurrily raw.
And that’s why he’s famous today.

(Inspired by DVersePoets’ request for impressionistic poetry.)

I’d hoped to write something that was actually impressionistic, but as you can see from this haiku, I was stymied:

Writing assignment–
dash off impressionism–
no clue how to start.

Update: I’ve just learned that Claude Monet was born on November 14, 1840. So happy birthday Claude Monet!

A Limerick Mistake (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, August 5th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow had made a mistake…*

or

A woman had made a mistake…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

A Limerick Mistake
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow had made a mistake:
Paid big bucks for a painting — a fake.
“This picture’s real good,”
He said, “Gothic, by Wood.”
But the tool in the pic was a rake.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Some Humor For International Museum Day

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

May 18th is International Museum Day, a holiday founded by ICOM (International Council of Museums) in 1977. So I figured this was as good a time as any for me to post my How To Visit An Art Museum

HOW TO VISIT AN ART MUSEUM
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are many good reasons to visit an art museum. Impressing a date. Vying for a slot in the cultural elite. Some people actually go because they appreciate art. If you’re a novice art fan, this is how it’s done:

1. Your virgin museum visit should take place while you’re out of town. That way, your displays of ignorance will be witnessed only by strangers.

2. When you’re a safe distance from home, ask a concierge, cabby, or vagrant to suggest a show. It doesn’t matter whom you ask. At any given time, the entire population of any given city is racing to see some highly hyped, limited-engagement exhibit which is over tomorrow. This is the show everyone will recommend.

3. Arrive at the museum blissfully unaware that the show’s been sold out for months. Do so by car. In order to save time, drop your spouse off to buy tickets. Spend an hour touring the parking lot. Worry about what your mate will do to you when and if you ever see her again.

4. Coax your car into a quasi-legal spot. Sprint towards a distant building which presumably houses art. Remind yourself, once again, to join a gym.

5. Encounter an unruly mob of art aficionados awaiting admission. Hear rumors that the exhibit is sold out. Ascertain rumors are true. Curse out museum. Curse out vagrant. Wonder how you’ll ever locate diminutive spouse in horde of lanky art lovers. Wonder whether finding her is such a good idea.

6. Encounter a couple arguing about whether to leave. One mate insists this is no way to see art. (You’re inclined to agree.) The other gripes about the wasted admission cost. Save their marriage by purchasing tickets.

7. Wend your way through throngs in quest of spouse. Miraculously find her commiserating with sisterhood of women who lost mates to parking lot abyss. Proudly display tickets just as spouse proudly displays hers.

8. Talk about selling extra tickets. Argue that you should have checked with each other before buying tickets. Talk about selling all four tickets and abandoning art for a mall.

9. Notice that one pair of tickets is for one o’clock show and the other isn’t good until four. Decide that since it’s nearly one now, you’ll worry about unloading second set later.

10. Find out the museum is two hours behind schedule; you won’t make it beyond lobby before three. Ask yourselves, yet again, why exactly you came.

11. Wait on line. Learn it’s the wrong line. Fight way onto another line which will presumably get you into exhibit you no longer want to see.

12. Wait another half-hour in sweltering firetrap. Ask spouse to save your place on line while you contend with the coat-check. Dispose of jackets. Ask guard what kind of lunatic runs the museum.

13. Reclaim spot in front of spouse. Ignore belligerent patrons, badgering you to go to the end of the line.

14. Gain entry into crammed room that ostensibly holds priceless works of art. Strain neck in vain attempt to view paintings. Get a random glimpse of what may or may not be an Impressionistic work. Watch height-impaired spouse try to crawl her way to the front. Rescue her from enraged mob.

15. Overhear artsy noises about the exhibit. Comments like “Pointillism is a lot like connect the dots.” After an hour of this, gratefully spy an exit sign — the only mounted object in plain view.

16. Consider using the museum restrooms until you see the lines. Embark on parking lot trek, praying your car hasn’t been ticketed or towed.

When you return home, you’ll want to impress family and friends with your new found erudition. So don’t leave the museum without lots of literature. Then be sure to study the brochures and reviews intently … so you can describe every painting you failed to see.

Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)

Saturday, February 11th, 2012

Abe Lincoln historians and art historians alike have been stunned by this newly discovered art hoax:

For 32 years, a portrait of a serene Mary Todd Lincoln hung in the governor’s mansion in Springfield, Ill., signed by Francis Bicknell Carpenter, a celebrated painter who lived at the White House for six months in 1864.

The story behind the picture was compelling: Mrs. Lincoln had Mr. Carpenter secretly paint her portrait as a surprise for the president, but he was assassinated before she had a chance to present it to him.

Now it turns out that both the portrait and the touching tale accompanying it are false.

There’s a lot more to this story, so I recommend that you read the entire New York Times article. But before you leave me, here’s a limerick:

Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Art historians suffered a shock:
Mrs. Lincoln’s famed portrait’s a crock.
A rip-off took place–
The pic hasn’t a trace
Of Abe’s Mary — it’s scam-ridden schlock.

The Critical Ass (Limerick)

Thursday, January 5th, 2012

This woman is clearly a creative criminal:

DENVER — A 36-year-old woman was charged Wednesday after punching, scratching and sliding her buttocks against a painting worth more than $30 million, authorities in Colorado said.

Carmen Tisch is accused of pulling her pants down to rub up against the work, an oil-on-canvas called “1957-J no.2”, by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still.

The Critical Ass
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some critics can be rather tough
On art they don’t like, even rough.
But to rub your nude ass
On it seems rather crass.
Her defense? She was trying to buff.

Naked Verse

Sunday, October 3rd, 2010

It’s time for another Limerick-Off. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A naked young woman named May…

Here’s mine:

Naked Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A naked young woman named May
Posed for art classes nude ev’ry day.
She enjoyed being sketched
And liked sculpture, but kvetched
Herself hoarse posing naked on hay.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

What A Drag!

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

Needless to say, I wrote this limerick while running around doing sundry chores:

What A Drag!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who’s dragging a cart
Has some errands to run. Where to start?
The cleaners and grocer —
Too bad they’re not closer.
How she longs to stay home and make art.

A Limerick Meal (Poetry Prompt)

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:

A wealthy old fellow named Bart…

Here’s mine:

A Limerick Meal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A wealthy old fellow named Bart
Began ev’ry meal with a fart.
When guests came to dine
They’d pretend all was fine
Cuz they hoped to inherit his art.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Not So Artful At Athletics (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)

Sunday, September 7th, 2008

When I was in elementary school, I was really bad at two things — art and athletics.  Come to think of it,  I’m still bad at them.  And that leads me to this week’s alternative poetry prompt themes: school and/or things you aren’t good at.

First, a limerick about my art prowess … or lack thereof:

Please do not make me paint. Have a heart!
I was awful at art from the start.
Flunking finger paint’s rare,
But I did it. So there!
Use a house-painting pro and be smart.

And now my unathletic haiku (senryu):

I hope for my name,
As the girls pick their teammates.
Next to last again.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about school and/or things you aren’t good at. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until September 5th to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants 

1. Random Short Stories
2. Nickers and Ink
3. The Mane Point
4. kouji
5. MommyWizdom
6. sister AE

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your verse about school and/or things you aren’t good at in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Cashing In With “Doggie da Vincis”

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007

Cashing In With “Doggie da Vincis” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A dog trainer needed some cash,
So she dreamed up a plan—made a splash:
Teaching dogs how to paint
Abstract art. Great they ain’t,
Though their pictures make mine look like trash.

According to a June 2007 AP news story, Mary Stadelbacher, a dog trainer from Salisbury, Maryland, taught three dogs how to hold a paint brush and paint abstract art. The “doggie da Vincis” are being featured in a Salisbury University art gallery and also have a line of greeting cards.

I must admit to being conflicted about this story.  On the one hand, it strikes me as utterly absurd and makes me feel bad for artists who paint actual art.  On the other hand, those dogs sure as hell paint a lot better than I can.

(You can find more of my dog and animal related verse and humor here and my money humor here.)