Archive for March, 2008

Yet Another Tax Humor Piece: Interactive Taxes

Monday, March 31st, 2008

Interactive Taxes
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?

I see. Well, don’t you think you should do them anyway? After all, it’s April 14. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a refund.

That’s the spirit. Let’s begin with your name, address, and marital status.

Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don’t let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.

Please don’t cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let’s talk about dependents. Do you have any children?

Wow! I hope they’re not all in college.

You’re having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can’t help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.

I hate lawyers too. But we’re really veering off track … (Interactive Taxes is continued here.)

Silliest Haiku Ever?

Friday, March 28th, 2008

This may well be the silliest haiku I’ve ever written.  But I was determined to use all five words of Poefusion’s latest prompt in a haiku:

Not so winsome gal
Flings cranberries at her prey.
Can’t lose quacky ducks.

And speaking about poetry prompts, I’ve just posted a new one: Taxing Verse Limerick & Haiku Prompt.

Taxing Verse (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)

Friday, March 28th, 2008

Here in the U.S., tax return day (April 15th) is looming. So today’s limerick and haiku theme is taxes and tax returns or, if you prefer, forms that drive you nuts. First, my limerick:

Taxing Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My records are scattered.  Oh dear!
And tax filing day’s almost here.
My receipts are all over —
Some eaten by Rover.
I’m destined for prison, I fear.

And now my haiku:

Whether you owe cash
Or are due a tax refund
Filing is taxing.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about taxes and tax returns and/or forms that drive you nuts. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Spring In New York (Haiku)

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008

Three haiku to “celebrate” an unseasonably cold first day of spring:

Calendar says spring,
But the weather disagrees.
Hope they work it out.

New York guys and gals
Greet springtime in their shirtsleeves
While winter mocks them. 

Spring shyly appears,
Taps winter on the shoulder,
Vows to try again.

(Inspired by One Single Impression’s spring prompt. And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest poetry prompt. How do you participate? Just write a haiku or limerick about poetry or writing and use Mr. Linky to post your themed link.)

Deja Views

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

Déjà Views
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I could swear that I’ve been here before,”
Said the gal as she stepped through the door.
“And this déjà vu sense
Is making me tense.
I’m not sure I can take any more.”

“Just ignore it,” responded her mate.
“You’ve never spent time in this state.
It’s the house of our dreams,
And that’s why it seems
So familiar. Let’s buy it. It’s fate.”

(Inspired by Writers Island’s déjà vu prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest poetry prompt. How do you participate? Just write a limerick or haiku about poetry or writing and use Mr. Linky to post your themed link.)

Poems About Poems (Limerick and Haiku Prompt)

Friday, March 21st, 2008

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is poems about poems or, if you prefer, poems about writing. First, my limerick about writing haiku:

Ode To The Haiku
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s seventeen-syllable verse —
Maybe less — yes it has to be terse.
What a challenge to do —
This form called haiku,
Whose brevity’s blessing and curse.

And here’s a pair of haiku about poetry, the first about writing limericks, the second about poetry writing in general:

Anapestic twists,
AABBA rhyme scheme.
Add wit and you’re home.

Ideas, thoughts, fragments
Of inspiration surge forth.
Poetry is born.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about poetry and/or writing in general. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.

Humor Carnival Coming Soon to These Pages: Launch Date – April Fools Day

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

I’ve been wanting to launch a Humor Carnival for a long time but, until now, procrastination has gotten the better of me.  At long last, however, I’ve arisen from my torpor and, in theory at least, the first issue will appear on April 1st.  

So what’s a humor carnival? You can find some info here on my Humor Carnival page.  Basically, it will consist of the funniest posts submitted to me and may also include some laugh-out-loud humor that I find on my own.

Any topic is fine and any type of humor is fine (satirical columns, funny lists, limericks, fake news stories, cartoons, etc.) so long as it makes me laugh out loud or giggle uncontrollably.

The carnival will appear here in regular intervals.  I’m hoping every two weeks, but its frequency will depend on how much really funny stuff I get. So please send your funny material my way.

Kicking Around Circles

Sunday, March 16th, 2008

I’m celebrating the circle today with two haiku:

Running in circles.
Running rings around others.
Squarely opposite?

Communicating
Through circular reasoning.
Squaring the circle.

(This was inspired by the circle prompt over at One Single Impression. And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest haiku and limerick prompt. Its theme is yards and/or gardens.)

Yard Yarns (Limerick and Haiku Prompt)

Friday, March 14th, 2008

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is yards and/or gardens. First, my limerick: 

I admit that I’m bad with a rake,
And disposing of leaves makes me quake.
So that pile—I ignored it,
But then was rewarded
With saplings—benign neglect’s wake.

And here’s my haiku: 

Milk, juice, chicken breasts
Plunged into backyard snow drifts:
My fridge on the fritz.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about yards and/or gardens. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Media Life Cycle

Friday, March 7th, 2008

Rising-star raves,
Hype, sticks and stones, has-been whispers:
Celebrity press.

(This haiku was prompted by sticks and stones and rising.  And speaking of prompts, I just posted a new limerick and haiku prompt. Its theme is age and/or life stages.)

Life Stages (Limerick and Haiku Prompt)

Friday, March 7th, 2008

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is age and/or life stages. First, my limerick:

“Let’s begin at the top of the page,”
Said the coach to the gals on the stage.
“You’re supposed to be teens.
You should know what that means.
So I’m begging you—please—act your age.”

And here’s my haiku:

Cranky digestion
Recalcitrant intestines
Aging wastefully.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about age and/or life stages. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

 

Ring Of Truth (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

Ring of Truth
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“This engagement ring — that’s what I’d like,”
Said the gal to her boyfriend named Mike.
But looking unsteady,
Said Mike, “I’m not ready,
So can’t I just buy you a bike?”

If I Were A Judge… (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

I worked as a lawyer for over a dozen years, but I’ve never been a judge.  And that’s probably just as well.  Because my rulings might sound something like this:

If I Were A Judge…
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your argument doesn’t make sense.
It’s absurd and illogical. Hence,
I must find for the plaintiff.
You’ve lost this insane tiff.
You simply don’t have a defense.

Both Totally Optional Prompts and Miss Rumphius prompt poets to write as somebody else this week.  So I’ve posted as an ornery judge … instead of my usual ornery self. 

And speaking of prompts, there’s still time to participate in my walking-related prompt.

Empowered Haiku

Saturday, March 1st, 2008

Neither desiring
Nor requiring power:
Truly empowered.

(Inspired — and empowered — by this Writers Island poetry prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still lots of time to participate in my latest walking-themed prompt.)

Loan Poem

Saturday, March 1st, 2008

Loan Poem
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are you desp’rate — in need of a loan?
Friends and fam’ly won’t throw you a bone?
Don’t go on a bender.
Just use a good lender
And safeguard the stuff that you own.