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Madeleine Begun Kane,
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FASHION & SHOPPING HUMOR & VERSE


Madeleine Begun Kane
 
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Bob Newhart Names Madeleine Begun Kane Winner of Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor

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Welcome to the fashion and shopping humor section of my site, featuring humor columns, limericks, light verse, and other humor about mall shopping with your spouse, the WonderBra, color dated apparel, buying gifts, shopping for a house, buying lingerie with your mother, Valentine's Day shopping advice, and shopping while you should be vacationing, all by Madeleine Begun Kane.

  • Secret Shopper "'I'm not going in there. No way. Forget it.' My seventy-something mother's stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I'd just suggested..."

  • Overpriced Limerick
    "A gal in an overpriced store,
    Whoíd completely forgotten what for ..."

  • Dear Merchant
    "Itís Black Friday ó you want us to shop,
    To spend all of our money, non-stop..."

  • Free Money
    "A man who was free with his money
    Spent all of his cash on his honey..."

  • Flashy Limerick
    "A man who was known for his flash
    Wore only a violet sash..."

  • Limerick Ode To A Kilt-Wearing Man
    "A man who was very well built,
    Was naked except for his kilt..."

  • Flaring Verse
    "A woman who dressed with much flair,
    Wearing clothes I for one would not dare..."

  • Acrostic Limericks In Vogue?
    "Very stylish young gals were out walking
    On the streets of Manhattan, while talking..."

  • Stylish Limerick

  • Limerick Ode To Long Gray Hair "Dominique Browning poses an excellent question in her New York Times essay Why Canít Middle-Aged Women Have Long Hair? ..."

  • Limerick Ode To Left-Handed Underwear

  • Suitable Verse
    "A man who owned only one suit
    Could afford many more with his loot. ..."

  • Dotty Men
    "A guy in a polka dot tie
    Felt stylish, though heaven knows why. ..."

  • Shoo, Heels! "Iím short. Five-foot-zero, to be specific. But I never wear heels. Okay, I do have one pair of special-occasion shoes with a one-inch heel. Does that even count? ..."

  • Mad Gift Giving Guide "Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing. And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn't buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it's on sale..."

  • Valiant Guy's Guide To Valentine's Day "Attention guys -- it's time to get ready for Valentine's Day. After all, you don't want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn't think so..."

  • How To Muck Up Gift-Giving
    "Dear hubby, Iíd really be miffed
    If you gave me manure as a gift. ..."

  • Is It Safe To Shop With Your Mate? "One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate..."

  • Not So Stylish Limerick (Limerick)
    ďIíll admit that Iím not into clothes.
    And I donít follow style, heaven knows. ...Ē

  • Whereís My Personal Shopper? "After seeing Sarah Palin prance around in so much stylish, pricey-looking apparel, I wrongly assumed Alaska was so sort of fashion Mecca. ...Ē

  • Why I Don't Relish Shopping (Limerick)
    " I stare at the shelves in confusion,
    Wondíring why there is such a profusion ..."

  • Impulse Buy Haiku

  • Traveling Baggage "Vacation travel. A time to relax, mellow out, let loose and forget your cares. To indulge yourself, boogie till dawn, gorge on gourmet fare. To spend an entire day shopping for a "must have" item you forgot to pack..."

  • Ode To The White House Fashion Police "The White House fashion police are at it again: First Lady Michelle Obama was caught wearing shorts on her way to a Grand Canyon vacation! The horror! ..."

  • No Butt Cams For Me ó No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts "If youíre ever in Scottsdale, Arizona and feel the need to buy jeans, prepare yourself for a scary rear view: ..."

  • Wonderbra Song (An ode to a notorious piece of women's underwear. To be sung to "Miracle of Miracles" from "Fiddler on the Roof")
    "Wonder of wonders.
    Miracle of miracles.
    Wonderbra can make you huge..."

  • The Blue and the Gray "I have great news for all you fashion loving fans of navy blue: Navy blue is the new black. Or to be precise, navy blue is the new gray which (until roughly twenty seconds ago) used to be..."

  • Open Sesame (Limerick)
    "Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
    You canít hear them without a huge fight. ..."

  • Keeping Abreast Of Bras (Limerick)
    "There are gals who view bras as a gift,
    For without Ďem their breasts are adrift. ..."

  • Gray Matters (Limerick)
    "Though young when I started to gray,
    I refused to say, ďGray, go away!Ē ..."

  • Attention Wal-Mart ... Patients?
    "Wal-Mart is marketing health care
    Via clinics in stores. Near the hardware? ..."

  • Antique Antics (Limerick)
    "Is this lampshade antique or just old?
    They tell me itís rare. Iím not sold. ..."

  • Surfing For Madeleines "I want to be Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. Not that I'm power hungry or anything like that. Hey, cut out the snide comments ... and that's an order..."

  • Hapless Home Buyer's Guide "The road to buying a house is paved with dwindling bank accounts, devious brokers, and home owners who (you hope) are desperate to sell. Yes, it's a challenge. But with the help of these easy to follow instructions, you can negotiate your way into unthinkable debt..."

  • Man Canít Live By Bread Alone Ö Or Can He? (Limerick)
    "Hereís some bread for some bread at the store.
    Bring back change or youíre toast, cause weíre poor. ..."

    (For humor organized by subject matter, I hope you'll visit my humor sections about politics, the law, media, marriage and family, holidays, technology, feminism, money, cars, education, health, pets and animals, work, travel, my home town -- New York City, Dubya's Dayly Diary, and my Notables Weblog.)

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