Welcome to the fashion and shopping humor section of my site, featuring humor columns and other humor about mall shopping with your spouse, the WonderBra, color dated apparel, buying gifts, shopping for a house, buying lingerie with your mother, Valentine's Day shopping advice, Madeleine Albright's brooches, and shopping while you should be vacationing.

• Why I Don't Relish Shopping (Limerick)
  " I stare at the shelves in confusion,
  Wond’ring why there is such a profusion ..."

• No Butt Cams For Me — No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts "If you’re ever in Scottsdale, Arizona and feel the need to buy jeans, prepare yourself for a scary rear view: ..."

• Secret Shopper "'I'm not going in there. No way. Forget it.' My seventy-something mother's stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I'd just suggested..."

• Mad Gift Giving Guide "Exchanging gifts, while fun in theory, offers endless potential for aggravation: Thronging crowds, ransacked stores, confusion, indecision, cash depletion and, finally, the belated knowledge that you bought the wrong thing. And even worse, perhaps, is receiving a spousal gift that you wouldn't buy for your worst enemy. Well, maybe for your worst enemy, but only if it's on sale..."

• Is It Safe To Shop With Your Mate? "One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate..."

• Wonderbra Song (To be sung to "Miracle of Miracles" from "Fiddler on the Roof")
  "Wonder of wonders.
  Miracle of miracles.
  Wonderbra can make you huge..."

• Traveling Baggage "Vacation travel. A time to relax, mellow out, let loose and forget your cares. To indulge yourself, boogie till dawn, gorge on gourmet fare. To spend an entire day shopping for a "must have" item you forgot to pack..."

• The Blue and the Gray "I have great news for all you fashion loving fans of navy blue: Navy blue is the new black. Or to be precise, navy blue is the new gray which (until roughly twenty seconds ago) used to be..."

• Open Sesame (Limerick)
  "Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
  You can’t hear them without a huge fight. ..."

• Keeping Abreast Of Bras (Limerick)
  "There are gals who view bras as a gift,
  For without ‘em their breasts are adrift. ..."

• Attention Wal-Mart ... Patients?
  "Wal-Mart is marketing health care
  Via clinics in stores. Near the hardware? ..."

• Valiant Guy's Guide To Valentine's Day "Attention guys -- it's time to get ready for Valentine's Day. After all, you don't want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn't think so..."

• Antique Antics (Limerick)
  "Is this lampshade antique or just old?
  They tell me it’s rare. I’m not sold. ..."

• Surfing For Madeleines "I want to be Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. Not that I'm power hungry or anything like that. Hey, cut out the snide comments ... and that's an order..."

• Hapless Home Buyer's Guide "The road to buying a house is paved with dwindling bank accounts, devious brokers, and home owners who (you hope) are desperate to sell. Yes, it's a challenge. But with the help of these easy to follow instructions, you can negotiate your way into unthinkable debt..."

• Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He? (Limerick)
  "Here’s some bread for some bread at the store.
  Bring back change or you’re toast, cause we’re poor. ..."

  (For humor organized by subject matter, I hope you'll visit my humor sections about politics, the law, media, marriage and family, holidays, technology, feminism, money, cars, education, health, pets and animals, work, travel, my home town -- New York City, Dubya's Dayly Diary, and my Notables Weblog.)

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