Limerick Ware (Limerick-off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

While shopping for fantasy-wear…*

or

A woman appeared unaware…*

or

My break pads have suffered some wear…*

or

I would never buy ready-to-wear…*

or

My wife disappeared — don’t know where…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Ware
By Madeleine Begun Kane

How I wish I could choose what to wear
Without worries that people might stare.
‘Twould be lovely to skirt
The whole issue (no shirt,
Dress, or leggings) and simply go bare.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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72 Responses to “Limerick Ware (Limerick-off Monday)”

  1. Mark Kane says:

    My wife disappeared — don’t know where,
    And I can’t say I very much care.
    Once she found some one new,
    I took that as my cue
    To move on with my au pair affair.

  2. Mark Kane says:

    Her knee pads have suffered some wear.
    It’s from gardening she tells me, “I swear!”
    But I’ve seen her in action,
    Once she’s gained some traction,
    And frankly, I try not to stare.

  3. kaykuala says:

    My wife disappeared — don’t know where
    Some guys pretend they are not aware
    Is it good or is it bad
    Wife not by your side
    The cheeky and naughty will say, ‘hurray!’

    Hank

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The sign on the gate said “Beware
    of the Shih Tzu” – too tiny to scare.
    But the son of the house
    Had a Pitbull, the louse -
    I was bit by the dog of the heir!

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    There was shit in the woods everywhere;
    People thought that it must be a bear.
    But the Pope’s out all night,
    While the bear, dressed in white,
    Never leaves the Pontifical chair.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Dr Spooner was quite unaware
    That he needed to speak with great care,
    For his tongue would get stuck
    When he ordered “Fried Duck”,
    Causing diners around him to stare.

  7. John Sardo says:

    While shopping for fantasy wear
    Claire’s mind was caught in a snare.
    Costly clothes were all lewd
    She looked good in the nude.
    So the guys better like her bare pair.

  8. John Sardo says:

    She would never buy ready to wear.
    In hot embrace they’d easily tear.
    Though nude might be crude
    She didn’t need mood
    And Claire’s dude was ready for bear.

  9. John Sardo says:

    My wife disappeared-don’t know where
    She went shopping to buy sexy wear
    She got lost in a mall
    A cavernous sprawl.
    Missing Persons gave up in despair.

  10. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A woman and man unaware
    of their nakedness hadn’t a care
    till a snake in the grass
    caught a peek of her ass
    and convinced her that they oughta pear.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    She was waiting and waiting: “Oh, where
    Is the fellow who said he’d be there?”
    She shouldn’t have doubted;
    He came, and he spouted -
    She can’t get him out of her hair.

  12. scott says:

    While showing off new underwear,
    I shook it like I didn’t care,
    Yes, I am strange,
    but I’ll never change,
    my ways, not my boxers, I swear.

  13. Judith H. BLock says:

    My guy disappeared- don’t know where.
    And the Embassy doesn’t care!
    He’s not CIA
    He got caught in the fray
    A hostage, my guy? Don’t they dare!

  14. Judith H. BLock says:

    While shopping for fantasy wear,
    I mused how risque I could dare!
    I will have great fun,
    And some people stun!
    I will show how much can bare!

  15. My break pads have suffered some wear,
    they squeak and they squeal in despair.
    Feeling the panic
    I call the mechanic
    who does his repairs with such flair!

    My husband is gone, don’t know where,
    I stare at his empty armchair.
    Not to be mean
    but my house is so clean,
    next time I will ante his fare!

  16. Her jeans were très chic “tear and wear”;
    She’d mindfully messed up her hair. 
    Forgive my dissension,
    But so much attention
    For a look that says, “Meh, I don’t care.”

  17. colonialist says:

    My brake-pads have suffered some wear,
    I’m breaking up everything there -
    A bit of a break
    Is what it would take
    To break out new brakes and repair.

    My brake-pads have suffered some wear
    With linings unbearably bare,
    No brakes means bad breaks
    With non-stop mistakes -
    Collide with a bear, do not dare!

  18. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I was shopping for fantasy-wear
    for my partner’s posh costume affair,
    but the prices were scary,
    and since I am hairy,
    I opted to dress as a bare.

  19. The boastful old man was aware
    That the top of his head was quite bare
    “It should be quite plain
    That the size of my brain
    Means that no room is left for my hair.”

  20. rbasler says:

    Beware of the March Ides, beware!
    The Soothsayer warns us with flair
    We must heed his ballad
    Or become Caesar salad!
    Our romaines bleeding out on the square

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    Ftatateeta said “Highness, beware -
    How the Roman doth ogle and stare!
    Caesar’s bald as a coot -“
    Cleopatra said, “Shoot!
    Caesar’s balled as a stallion down there!”

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    She certainly knew what to wear
    To induce all the locals to stare.
    Law-abiders and felons
    Admired her melons,
    Though one guy exclaimed “What a pear!”

  23. Manicddaily says:

    The store clerk for fantasy-wear
    Proclaimed he was Superman’s heir.
    He wore glasses cum Clark,
    Touted Lois’s snark,
    But his waist had a tire to spare.

  24. Loved my little humor-break, Mad. Lots going on right now and I needed a laugh.

  25. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    My wife disappeared—don’t know where.
    To be honest, I really don’t care.
    I expect them to leave me,
    so this doesn’t peeve me.
    My dungeon holds many a spare.

  26. Daisy Mae says:

    Over the rainbow somewhere
    Are some ruby-red slippers- one pair
    Sought by one wicked witch
    Dorothy said, “They’re a bitch.
    to walk in- take them, I don’t care!”

    But Glinda appeared with her wand
    “Are you nuts? You must keep these shoes on!”
    “But they kill both my feet
    Even though they look neat.”
    “That’s too bad, Dorothy, they’re Louboutin!”

  27. John Armstrong says:

    The plumber in fantasy wear
    As Dolly Parton presented a pair
    He backed in quite gorgeous
    With a half dozen corsages
    And a decollete derriere

  28. Tim James says:

    My gal disappeared ― don’t know where.
    I’ve a nugget of wisdom to share:
    With your love, set a goal
    Like the one when you bowl
    And make sure that you pick up a spare.

  29. Jesse Levy says:

    While shopping for fantasy wear
    A man yelled, Hey, lookie there!
    When everyone turned
    the store owner he burned
    by stuffing a whip you know where.

  30. Val Fish says:

    My wife’s disappeared – don’t know where
    I’m in a state of deep despair
    She’s left me high and dry
    With the washing piled high
    And the cupboard’s completely bare

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    The blood-donor, quite unaware
    That Dracula followed her there,
    Felt the tiniest pain
    In her jugular vein …
    Since then, she has no blood to spare.

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    On the beach in her new swimming-wear,
    What was causing the fellows to stare?
    She’d forgotten her knickers
    Still carried the stickers -
    “Special offer! Five dollars the pair.”

  33. Brian Allgar says:

    A lovely young voter from Ware
    Was pursued by a fellow called Blair.
    She said to him, “Tony,
    I think you’re a phony -
    New mandate? You haven’t a prayer.”

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    “You’ve been warned!” said my boss. “What you wear
    When you’re slouching at home, I don’t care.
    But at work, you’ll comply!”
    So I borrowed a tie,
    And I strangled the bastard right there.

  35. Tim James says:

    She donned sexy fantasy wear
    And invited me into her lair.
    Now she’s had quite enough;
    I’m tossed out, in the buff.
    Hey, at least can I have taxi fare?

  36. Brian Allgar says:

    As a Congressman, I’m well aware
    How to fiddle the grant for child-care.
    Though my life’s on the skids
    And my wife took the kids,
    It will pay for that gorgeous au pair.

  37. Brian Allgar says:

    Jack the Ripper was lingering where
    There were girls, not so young or so fair.
    He would tell them, “My dear,
    You need altering here”,
    As he gave them free surgical care.

  38. WHOMOPHONY

    When a Time Lord has nothing to wear,
    He relies on his natural flair.
    What happens if then
    He has nothing to When?
    Why, it’s more than I think he could bear!

  39. Brian Allgar says:

    She’s distraught – she has nothing to wear,
    For her wardrobe is practically bare.
    There are dresses galore,
    But she’s worn them before;
    As for shoes, not a single new pair.

  40. Brian Allgar says:

    Cried Alfred, Lord Douglas, “Oh, where
    Has my Oscar gone?” “Lying in Père
    Lachaise, dead and forgotten
    For crimes that were rotten -
    The English don’t care for a quare.”

  41. @Brian:

    Poor Oscar. Although I suppose he
    Could complain that the English were nosy,
    The complaint that they filed
    (A.K.A. “Boys Gone Wilde”)
    Had its origin largely with Bosie.

  42. “The wolves are all ready-to-’were’,”
    Sighed Count Dracula. “How could they scare?
    And worst,” he said darkly,
    “The vampires are… SPARKLY.
    I tell you, it just isn’t fair!”

  43. Diane Groothuis says:

    Un francais lost his wife – don’t know where
    And was heard to say “Ou est mon frere ?
    I have nothing to chew
    Ma famille est perdue
    And my old man’s in the folies Bergere

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    In these days of alternative wear
    THere’s no need to be covered in hair
    If you’re sexually active
    And she finds you attractive
    She will press hirsute anywhere

  45. Brian Allgar says:

    @Will:

    But let’s not be hard on young Bosie;
    For a while, he and Oscar were cosy.
    He was too broke to pay
    For a floral bouquet,
    But at least he stumped up for a posy.

  46. Val Fish says:

    A woman bought some fantasy wear
    Her playmate she planned to ensnare
    She got her kicks
    Playing dominatrix
    Whipping her prey tied up in the chair

  47. Johanna Richmond says:

    Inspired by Konrad’s spare wives in the dungeon:

    All women, take note and beware
    Of traditions in need of repair:
    There’s a hidden trap door
    Marked “Fulfillment no more”
    In the temple of Devil-may-care.

    If you fail to anticipate where
    There could possibly be such a snare,
    You’ll be chained to a life
    Known as “good little wife”
    In a tomb rather lacking in air.

    Before wedding, make hubby aware
    You were not born to polish his lair;
    If he can’t do the task,
    He’d be wise not to ask –
    Well, that is, if he prizes his pair.

    Does he launder the garments *you* wear?”
    If the answer is “no,” then forswear
    Further brief-washing till
    Your Alberto or Bill
    Makes it clear he will do his fair share.

    And please DON’T let that man dictate where
    You CAN and cannot grow your hair;
    First it’s “Grow it out long”
    Then, “You can’t where a thong
    Without shaving that nightmare ’down there.’”

    Listen, once you become more aware
    Of how your time goes, it’ll scare
    You right out of your britches,
    But fight and we’re bitches –
    Tis madness to which we fall heir.

    P.S. If I’m starting to wear
    On your nerves, kick your lazy-boy chair
    Into partial recline
    Get your bottle of wine,
    Turn the game on, and let that shit blare.

    But don’t wonder if wifey will wear
    A lace apron (her nether parts bare)
    This is her time to WRITE
    If she works hard she might
    End the plight of the “dungeon-wife spare”!!

  48. Johanna Richmond says:

    Brian,

    The pitbull is not really where
    I would look for a genuine scare;
    After goldens, indeed,
    They’re the gentlest breed –
    Thanks to humans, most don’t have a prayer.

  49. P Diane Schneider says:

    My mate disappeared, don’t know where
    We were planning to go to the fair
    But he dislikes a crowd
    Can’t stand when its loud
    Is he hiding in a secret lair?

  50. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    These limericks continue to wear
    on my wits—it’s so cruel and unfair.
    Though my crime was quite awful,
    ain’t torture unlawful?
    Dear God, throw the switch on this chair!

  51. Phyllis S Smith says:

    While shopping for fantasy wear
    She came to a halt just to stare
    At spike heels so sexy
    They caused apoplexy.
    “Such weapons I’d buy should I dare.”

  52. @Brian

    That’s true, so like Oscar, I’ll pardon him,
    And I promise I won’t be too hard on him
    (Plus, as Wilde’s story goes, he
    Was hard on young Bosie,
    And that’s why they summoned the Guard on him).

  53. Brian Allgar says:

    A good ‘un, Will!

  54. P Diane Schneider says:

    While shopping for fantasy wear
    My eyes were deceived by the glare
    I found out too late
    T’was a bald-headed pate
    That I took for a bare derriere

  55. While shopping for fancy knit-ware
    All hapless young shoppers BEWARE!
    While the colours allure,
    Everyone must be sure
    That the fibres don’t rub the skin rare.

  56. My entry is here, as part of my April A to Z blog series: Limericks and Whim-ericks – on Nickers and Ink:

    Displayed and Dismayed

    Thanks, Mad Kane, for another fun limerick prompt!

  57. Or perhaps:

    While shopping for exotic knit-ware
    All hapless young shoppers, BEWARE!
    Though bright colours allure,
    Everyone must be sure
    That the fibres don’t rub the skin rare.

  58. Chris Doyle says:

    If you worry at all about where
    Your next trip will wind up, don’t you dare
    Take a flight on a plane
    From Helsinki to Spain.
    You might vanish right into Finnair.

  59. Chris Doyle says:

    The hot couple next door to us to wear
    Not a stitch – mother-naked, buff-bare –
    Lounging out by their pool.
    Having neighbors is cool
    When they’re not such a clothes-minded pair.

  60. Chris Doyle says:

    Pope Francis’s Vatican’s where
    There’s excitement and change in the air.
    Dare we dream of the day
    It’s okay to be gay
    And a priest and a nun can come pair?

  61. Chris Doyle says:

    As an orphan, young Jane is aware
    That privation can lead to despair,
    So she starts life anew,
    Then finds Rochester, who
    Turns her into a breath of fresh Eyre.

  62. Ailsa McKillop says:

    My boss clutched his side, which was where
    The pain was just starting to scare.
    I staked my claim fast!
    Should it be that he passed
    I bagsied his posh swivel chair.

    A true story — it was of course just office banter and my former boss is alive to this day. To “bagsie” something is to stake a claim to it.

  63. Ailsa McKillop says:

    My dear, dress in ready-to-wear?
    One’s clothes are handmade in Mayfair!
    Couture that is haute
    Not some off-the-peg coat!
    (For the canaille, of course—c’est trop chère)

  64. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman appeared unaware
    Of the motive for people to stare
    So she strutted and preened
    Very proud to be seen
    With the grasshopper stuck in her hair

  65. When you’re singing the Anthem, beware!
    Choose the pitch that you start on with care.
    Even old Francis Scott
    Went off-Key when he got
    To the line, “And the rocket’s red glare…”

  66. Mark Kane says:

    Stars want us to stare so they wear
    The sexiest outfits they dare.
    But should something slip,
    Exposing a “Nip”?
    They’re set, as we leer, cheer then SHARE!

  67. Val Fish says:

    On the streets, she strode, unaware
    That starkers, she caused folk to stare
    Sleep walking, it seems
    It wasn’t sweet dreams
    But the stuff of her worst nightmare

  68. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The brake pads had suffered some wear.
    I’d no inkling of aught to cause scare
    All at once, was alarmed!
    Car and I both unharmed
    But no more was that hedge debonair

  69. A poet I know doesn’t care
    For the order of which words go where
    And this scofflaw may strut
    His rebelliousness but
    In this contest he hasn’t a prayer

  70. marty says:

    There once was a woman who’d wear
    A bouffant full of fake hair
    The birds, they were nesting
    Babies a resting
    Wrapped in her curls with care

  71. Charley Simmons says:

    The Lady was quite unaware
    When everyone stopped to stare
    From the restroom she came
    And oh what a shame
    With her dress tucked in her under ware.

    [a true story]

  72. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 159.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Scrap.