MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is time. First, my limerick:

No Time To Say Hello, Goodbye…
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m late and I can’t miss this train!
It’s arrived, and I’m here, yet in vain:
I must climb down these stairs,
But some guys, broad as bears,
Have me blocked—all my plans down the drain.

And now it’s time for my time-related haiku:

Time passes too fast.
I’d surely bitch about it,
If I just had time.

And now it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about time. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. 

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your time-themed verse in the Comments.

Technorati Tags: Poetry Prompts, Time Pressures, Train Travel, Commuting Humor

I love a good challenge, and Tricia at Miss Rumphius has provided a tough one: Write a poem that begins with one of five preexisting lines. I’ve written both a limerick and a four-liner, altering the limerick’s first line a bit so it conforms to limerick rhythm rules.

Here’s my limerick:

Time Travel
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please stop all the clocks.  Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each ‘puter you own.
Ain’t the silence sublime
As you go back in time?
With your thoughts you’re at last all alone.

And here’s my four-liner:

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
While wondering why I felt so cowed
By life, while others lived unbowed.
Must be  like them, I vowed, aloud.

Technorati Tags: Time Travel, Technology Limerick, Mind & Spirit

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.  Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.  (And yes, we’re still married.)

I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat. 

In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)

This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:  

The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”

And now it’s time for another poll:

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Blog Carnival For Game Designers
* Business Communications Carnival
* Jim Donovan’s Hosting a Fun Poetry Competition

Technorati Tags: Five-Second Rule, Food rules, Science Humor, Scientists, Scientific Studies, Germs, Husbands, Marital Relationships, Dating

Do you work with anybody like this?  I sure hope not!

Bandwidth Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’ve no bandwidth for that,” some folks say.
It’s their style of responding, “No way!
I’ve no time. I am beat.
I have deadlines to meet.
I’m maxed out. I can’t help you. Okay?”

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And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Blog Carnival on Observations on Life
* Carnival of Family Life

Technorati Tags: Stress Humor, Workplace Tension, Pressure, Anxiety Humor, Bandwidth, Deadlines, Time Pressure, Maxed Out

Ode To Ambling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Deserting my day-to-day scramble
When the weather is nice, I will amble,
Just taking my time
While I’m still in my prime,
My terminus strictly a gamble. 

Technorati Tags: Walking, Exercise, Outdoor Activities Humor

Unless you live on another planet, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:

1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, write a screenplay. While sorting laundry, invent a handy appliance for the home. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap.

2. Consolidate self-improvement routines. Exercise to learn-a-language tapes while watching watercolor videos. Not only will you save time, but you’ll have thin thighs for that trip to Le Musée du Louvre.

3. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You’ll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.

4. When you’re in the kitchen, post reminder notes on the fridge. (”It’s the laundry, stupid.”)

5. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter ‘P.’ …”  (Contending With Time is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Time Humor, Self-Help Satire, Household Chores, Time Management, Time Pressure, Multitasking, Self-Improvement, Efficiency Humor

Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple’s interests just don’t jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.

AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between opera-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.

WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a ball game for as long as they’ve been married, and he has never managed to reach first base;

WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go to the opera for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and

WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don’t resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.

NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:

    1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband’s sole discretion, and Husband will attend one opera performance, the selection of which shall be in Wife’s sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive … (Sparring Over Spare Time is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Opera Humor, Wife Humor, Spare Time Humor, Ball Game Humor, Battle of the Sexes, Family Humor, Recreation Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor, Husband Humor, Funny Contracts, Law Humor, Lawyer Humor