Archive for the ‘Time Humor’ Category

Sundry Haiku

Saturday, July 11th, 2015

I’d like the freedom
to not write haiku today,
but my brain insists.

*****

I am at the stage
where I like being on stage
with or without one.

*****

My near-rhyme rejects
turned limerick leftovers
find homes in haiku.

*****

I’m often impressed
by the drawing power
of unknown painters.

*****

Forgive and forget?
I keep meaning to forgive,
but I forget to.

*****

Your belief system
makes you feel superior?
Then it’s failing you.

*****

My muse goes yonder
as I wander in wonder
at time I squander.

*****

Spiders and crawlers
are welcome in my domain
if sent by Google.

*****

I should have prepared
for extemporization
but ran out of time.

*****

Music needs pauses;
I get restless when a piece
doesn’t have any.

*****

Limerick Knock (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, February 16th, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal heard a rather loud knock…*

or

A fellow would frequently knock…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Knock
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A pawnbroker tended to knock
All those people who “live by the clock.”
When they buried the slime,
Folks lost track of the time,
And the sole attendee spoke ad hoc.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Time Flies (Limerick)

Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Dverse Poets asks us to write a poem about the passage of time. Here’s mine.

Time Flies (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Time flies” is a popular phrase.
So it does, and in frightening ways.
Where’s it go? I don’t know.
And there’s no way to slow
It all down. Simply relish the days.

Time’s “Flight” (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Miss Rumphius asks us to write about the passage of time:

Time’s “Flight” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It is said that “time flies,” but that’s wrong,
Cuz the flights I’ve been on take too long.
I think time really flees
In a flash. It’s a tease,
Speeding fast as a dreadful act’s gong.

Demanding Limerick

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

Demanding Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow with time on his hands
Was making incessant demands.
“I’m busy, you’re not,”
Said his wife, getting hot.
“So take care of your own manly glands.”

Tax Time, Already?

Thursday, April 14th, 2011

Tax Time, Already? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s tax time again — I’ve been lax.
Am I stalling? Oh yes, to the max.
Cuz I’d rather write verse
Than struggle and curse
Over taxing mathematical facts.

(You can find lots more of my money and tax humor columns and verse here.)

Late Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, March 20th, 2011

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus three Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was terribly late…

or

A woman was terribly late…

Here’s mine:

Late Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was terribly late
To a job meeting key to his fate.
The job seemed a lock
Till he mis-set his clock,
But at least he remembered the date.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To Daylight Saving Time

Saturday, March 12th, 2011

Limerick Ode To Daylight Saving Time
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our clocks all need changing tonight.
Daylight Saving Time — oh what a blight!
We may think it a crock,
But must alter each clock
Till the powers that be see the light.

(More DST humor here.)

Late Limerick Limerick Audio

Monday, October 25th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was late for his train…

Here’s mine, and my audio version is here. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Late Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was late for his train.
Being tardy was always his bane.
In his youth and his prime
He was rarely on time,
Which drove his whole fam’ly insane.

After years of his lateness, his mate
Lost her mind — she was way past irate.
Using all of her might
She beat him for spite.
Now that fellow’s eternally late.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

High-Tech Limerick

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who hated high tech…

Here’s mine:

High-Tech Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who hated high tech
Found computers a pain in the neck.
Whether Mac or PC,
How that gal longed to flee
Back five decades — a time machine trek.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Save Me From Daylight Savings Time

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Are you as sick as I am of our twice-yearly clock-adjustment ritual? Do you think, as I do, that we have more than enough daylight and that there’s no need to save any?

I’m sorry, but my internal clock is sufficiently confused and doesn’t need Daylight Savings Time to make my chronic insomnia even worse. And I’m inclined to clock the next person who reminds me to change my damn clocks.

Save Me From Daylight Savings Time (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My natural clock is a mess.
Just thinking of sleep gives me stress.
Spring forward—fall back
Makes me more out of whack.
So I don’t change my clocks — I just guess.

(More DST humor here.)

Feed Needs

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

In simpler (pre-social networking) days, I suffered from just one web addiction — checking my email. And that was bad enough.

But now it’s Facebook and Twitter and blogging, oh my!

And for some people, it’s even worse. I guess I should be relieved that I don’t especially dig Digg, and that MySpace hasn’t invaded my brain space. And that (so far, at least) I’ve withstood the lure of most of the social networking and social media websites listed here in all their gory glory.

Because, as you can tell from this limerick, I don’t need any more web obsessions:

Feed Needs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m addicted to Facebook, it’s true,
And Twitter and weblogging too.
I’m desp’rately hooked.
All my hours are booked
On my quest to be fed something new.

Commuter Woes

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

It’s time for another limerick-off.  Feel free to write your own limerick, using the same first line, and post it in my comments and on Facebook.

Commuter Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a fellow named Wayne
Who commuted each day on the train.
The fare was a crime.
It was rarely on time,
Yet was faster than taking a plane.

No Time To Say Hello, Goodbye… (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)

Friday, February 22nd, 2008

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is time. First, my limerick:

No Time To Say Hello, Goodbye…
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m late and I can’t miss this train!
It’s arrived, and I’m here, yet in vain:
I must climb down these stairs,
But some guys, broad as bears,
Have me blocked—all my plans down the drain.

And now it’s time for my time-related haiku:

Time passes too fast.
I’d surely bitch about it,
If I just had time.

And now it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about time. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Time Travel

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

I love a good challenge, and Tricia at Miss Rumphius has provided a tough one: Write a poem that begins with one of five preexisting lines. I’ve written both a limerick and a four-liner, altering the limerick’s first line a bit so it conforms to limerick rhythm rules.

Here’s my limerick:

Time Travel
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please stop all the clocks.  Cut the phone.
Pull the plug on each ’puter you own.
Ain’t the silence sublime
As you go back in time?
With your thoughts you’re at last all alone.

And here’s my four-liner:

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
While wondering why I felt so cowed
By life, while others lived unbowed.
Must be  like them, I vowed, aloud.

UPDATE: My limerick seems appropriate for Simplicity Day, celebrated July 12th in honor of Henry David Thoreau’s birthday.

The Five-Second What???

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.  Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.  (And yes, we’re still married.)

I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat. 

In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)

This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:  

The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”

=========

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)

Bandwidth Blues

Monday, May 14th, 2007

Do you work with anybody like this?  I sure hope not!

Bandwidth Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’ve no bandwidth for that,” some folks say.
It’s their style of responding, “No way!
I’ve no time. I am beat.
I have deadlines to meet.
I’m maxed out. I can’t help you. Okay?”

Ode To Ambling

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006

Ode To Ambling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Deserting my day-to-day scramble
When the weather is nice, I will amble,
Just taking my time
While I’m still in my prime,
My terminus strictly a gamble. 

Contending With Time

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Unless you live on another planet, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:

1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, write a screenplay. While sorting laundry, invent a handy appliance for the home. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap.

2. Consolidate self-improvement routines. Exercise to learn-a-language tapes while watching watercolor videos. Not only will you save time, but you’ll have thin thighs for that trip to Le Musée du Louvre.

3. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You’ll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.

4. When you’re in the kitchen, post reminder notes on the fridge. (“It’s the laundry, stupid.”)

5. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter ‘P.’ …”  (Contending With Time is continued here.)

Sparring Over Spare Time

Friday, August 25th, 2006

Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple’s interests just don’t jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.

AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between opera-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.

WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a ball game for as long as they’ve been married, and he has never managed to reach first base;

WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go to the opera for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and

WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don’t resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.

NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:

    1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband’s sole discretion, and Husband will attend one opera performance, the selection of which shall be in Wife’s sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive … (Sparring Over Spare Time is continued here.)