Archive for the ‘Odd Holidays’ Category

The Off-Kilter Kiss (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022

A young fellow sensed something amiss
With wife Fran from her lackluster kiss;
She had downed sev’ral beers,
Then compounded his fears:
“I’m not Fran, but her evil twin sis.”

(“National Kissing Day” falls each year on June 22.)

I Won’t Be Celebrating “Naked Bike Ride Day” (Limerick)

Saturday, June 11th, 2022

Riding bikes while you’re naked sounds odd,
No matter the shape of your bod.
If you’re nude and ride past,
Kindly pedal by fast.
And do NOT expect ME to applaud!

(World Naked Bike Ride Day is celebrated each year on the second Saturday of June.)

What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 8th, 2022

Said a gal, “Please attend to that fly.”
So her husband looked down to comply.
“But it’s zipped,” he said, bugged.
(Nothing moved when he tugged.)
“You blew it. It flew in my eye.”

(On June 8, Canadians celebrate National Insect Appreciation Day — NAIAD.)

Not Celebrating Asparagus (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

It’s “Asparagus Day.” I’m no fan,
Though of course I’m not pushing a ban.
Why’s “asparagus” tossed
Mid-line, where it’s lost?
I could NOT make it rhyme right or scan.

Defending The Limerick

Thursday, May 12th, 2022

In honor of Limerick Day, I’ve written Defending The Limerick:

Some poets deem lim’ricks inferior,
Claiming THEIR kind of verse is superior.
I suspect they lack wit.
Can they rhyme? Not a bit!
I conclude they have motives ulterior.

Trust Me On This (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

Intuition’s a handy device
To ensure you think twice, maybe thrice
Before trusting a heel
With a spiel and a deal.
Heed that instinct, or reel from the price!

(Trust Your Intuition Day falls on May 10.)

This Limerick’s For The Birds

Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Saw a lovely red bird near an inn.
And that beautiful sight brought a grin
To my face, till the bird
Let loose with a turd
On my tresses — a cardinal sin!

“Bird Day,” celebrated May 4, is one of several bird-related holidays. Other bird holidays include:

National Bird Day (January 5)

Northern Parrots National Cockatiel Day (May 20)

World Parrot Day (May 31)

My Quarter-Year Resolution (Limerick)

Friday, April 1st, 2022

I am tired of meter and rhyming!
I have HAD it with assonant timing!
No more lim’ricks! I’m done!
My new way to have fun
Will be something outdoorsy — rock climbing.

The Promise of Proms

Thursday, March 31st, 2022

For some inexplicable reason today (March 31) is National Prom Day.

It’s “National Prom Day” today.
Why in March, of all months? Who’s to say?
I’ve heard proms can be fun.
(Not that I’ve been to one.)
But I’m happy to cheer ’em. Hooray!

A Tale Of Technique (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 29th, 2022

A woman with awesome technique
(On the piano I mean, you damn freak)
Would caress all the keys
With both power and ease,
Till she brought ev’ry piece to its peak.

(World Piano Day is celebrated on the 88th day of each year.)

Conductor Misconduct (Limerick)

Monday, March 28th, 2022

A crazy conductor named Dick
Had a fondness for “food on a stick.”
The guy was far gone;
Used his skewer-baton
To throw food at the winds with a flick.

*****

Happy “Something On A Stick Day.” (March 28)

Retaining Your Sense Of Humor (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

A man did his best to disguise
His retinal issues with lies.
When at last he sought ocular
Aid, he was jocular:
“Doc, you’re a sight for sore eyes!”

(March 23 is World Optometry Day.)

Happy Math Day!

Monday, March 14th, 2022

Today (March 14) is “International Day Of Mathematics,” which gives me a good excuse to post this limerick:

A professor would often deride
His students as slackers who lied:
“For math you need smarts.
You’ve no brains. Try the arts.
You want me to pass you? Denied!”

Limerick Ode To The Printed Book

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022

I’m celebrating “Printed Book Day” (February 23) with my Limerick Ode To The Printed Book:

An occasional e-book is fine,
And I love reading columns online.
But I cherish the feel
Of a book that is REAL.
My ideal? Printed pages and spine.

Happy Margarita Day (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2022

Margarita’s a fave in our house.
If I drink one in bars, though, I’ll grouse;
They are weak and too sweet
And consistently beat
By the great ones prepared by my spouse.

(Happy National Margarita Day, which falls each year on February 22.)

Digital Madness (Limerick)

Monday, February 21st, 2022

Tomorrow’s unique! Here’s a clue:
Zero-Two/ Twenty-Two/ Twenty-Two.
So start spreading the news:
Due to all of its twos,
There’s innumerous “Twosday” ado.

Happy Twosday!

Unnoteworthy Limerick

Tuesday, February 8th, 2022

“The soprano attempted a note
That is out of her range,” went the quote
From the Op’ra Review.
“It was shrill, like a shrew.” —
A critique that still sticks in her throat.

(Opera Day is celebrated on two different days: February 8 and October 25.)

Happy “Read Aloud Day!” (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2022

I’m a big believer in reading one’s limericks aloud to check for errors. And since it’s “World Read Aloud Day” (celebrated on the first Wednesday of February) I have a good excuse to post this limerick:

Reading lim’ricks aloud can be useful.
You may find that your meter’s abuseful.
Have you broken rhyme-laws?
(Your eye can miss flaws.)
So try it, and don’t be excuseful.

This Insult Won’t Fly (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2022

Today is “World Ostrich Day.” And according to the Reid Park Zoo, the “second of February (2/2) was chosen to celebrate these unique birds because they only have two toes per foot!”

And the other interesting thing about ostriches, is that the whole “bury their head in the sand” thing is a myth. And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

The ostrich’s rep has been bruised,
And ostriches aren’t amused.
We have all been misled;
They don’t bury their head
In the sand. They are falsely accused.

So if someone you know tends to hide
From the facts, shield the ostriches’ pride.
It’s time to adapt;
Find an insult more apt
Than “ostrich” with which to deride.

Croissants Caught In The Crosshairs (Limerick)

Sunday, January 30th, 2022

The croissant’s a beloved dessert:
“That crescent’s the best!” some assert.
But others say “no”
To “wasting” their dough
On “stuff that’s less healthy than dirt.”

“National Croissant Day” is celebrated each year on January 30.