Archive for the ‘Light Verse Contest’ Category

*****UPDATE: CURRENT LIMERICK-OFF DEADLINE EXTENDED INDEFINITELY***** (See Details Below in my May 29th Comment.) Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: New Date TBA)

Saturday, May 4th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DECEIT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DECEIT-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
BOTTLE, DARK, GUITAR, RELEASE, SCOLD.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SLIP or SLIPPED-Rhyme Limerick:

The young oboist tried not to slip
While adjusting her reed; a small snip
Was essential — that’s all!
The reed cracked! Did she bawl?
No, she still kept a stiff upper lip.

And here’s my DECEIT-Themed Limerick:

You have taken advantage of me,
Yet again, said a gal to “pal” Leigh.
I’m feeling abused,
Betrayed and misused,
And I’m betting a court will agree.

You’ve frequently borrowed my spouse
To repair things that break in your house.
It appears that “repair”
Is code for “affair.”
How dare you have sex with that louse!

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

Do not bottle up feelings, we’re told,
But that sort of advice leaves me cold.
Were my feelings released
I’d turn into a beast;
An express-it-all, ornery scold.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRAND at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 10, 2024)

Saturday, January 13th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRAND at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to COACHES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best COACH-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
GRIP, LUSH, PROMISING, SEARCH, YARN.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 11, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 10, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my GRAND-Rhyme Limerick:

A grandstanding fellow named Mel
Plays the piano, but not very well.
His recital was panned:
“He abused that poor grand
And deserves a life sentence in hell.”

And here’s my COACH-Themed Limerick:

“Don’t sit like a bump on a log,”
Said the coach. “Shake a leg. Maybe jog.
If you want to get fit,
It’s time to show grit,
And skip all the eggnog and grog.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

While reciting a tale, Dan said “Darn!
I’ve forgotten the end of this yarn,
Which (I promise) is gripping.
It features unzipping
And (maybe) a cow in a barn.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

UPDATE: Limerick-Off Deadline Postponed One Week Due to Illness! New Submission Deadline: Jan. 13, 2024 Sorry! Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GOAL or GOALS or GOAL’S at the end of any one line

Saturday, December 9th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GOAL or GOALS or GOAL’S at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PERKS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PERK-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
CLUMSY, CONDEMNED, ODDS, SHAKE, WAVES.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 7, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 6, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my GOAL or GOALS or GOAL’S-Rhyme Limerick:

“What’s your preference? Bagels or rolls?”
Asked a bakery-bound woman. “My goal’s
A quick breakfast, then work.”
Her new boyfriend, a jerk,
Said “I favor the flavor of holes.”

And here’s my PERK-Themed Limerick:

A cocky young teen liked to smirk
And would frequently act like a jerk.
When ordered to shed
His rudeness, he said:
“I’m rich, and I’m told it’s a perk.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

A clumsy old fellow named Ken
Was so klutzy that men now and then
Would call him a clod
And condemn him as odd,
While his ex-wife would nod an “amen.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (514)

Saturday, October 14th, 2023

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MICHAEL R. BURCH, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick, submitted by him “with abject apologies to Ogden Nash:”

A fly with the flu foully flew
Up my nose—thought I’d die—had to sue!
Was the small villain fined?
An abrupt judge declined
My case, since I’d “failed to achoo!”

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special FOOT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

I have very large feet, so I choose
To buy oversized, custom-made shoes.
When the creek topped its banks,
All my neighbors gave thanks
’Cause those kicks served as first-rate canoes.

Congratulations to J.OCONNOR, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: FAINT, GLARE, CORRUPT, COMB, STREAM.

His hair was combed neat and was parted.
His speech on decorum had started.
He straightened his back,
Spoke of manners they lack,
Then glared at the crowd as he farted.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Mark Totterdell, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Terry Marter, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Gail White, Janice Canerdy, Tim James, George Larson, Tony Holmes, Bob Turvey, Jean McEwen, and Rudy Landesman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRIPLE DUTY DIVISION: FIND/FINED-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO FOOT-THEMED LIMERICKS and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)

Brian Allgar:

Donald snarls at the judge with a glare:
“You’re corrupter than Biden, I swear!
Are you outa ya mind?
That amount I been fined
Leaves me knocked off my feet everywhere!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: FIND/FINED-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO FOOT-THEMED LIMERICKS)

Mark Totterdell:

My feet are not neat or refined;
They have toes of some animal kind,
And the skin on each sole
Has the odd crack or hole
Like a cheese with a moldy old rind.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FIND/FINED-RHYME DIVISION)

Lisi Nortman:

Your intended must be very kind
And LUSTFUL! Please keep that in mind.
When you locate this man,
Grab him fast as you can,
Cuz a good man who’s hard is a “find.”

Terry Marter:

Her new drummer was such a great find;
His rhythm in bed blew her mind!
To his hot paradiddle,
She’d lie there and fiddle,
Singing lim’ricks, all perfectly timed.

Brian Allgar:

The doctors attempted to find
Something vaguely resembling a mind
In Trump’s head, but instead,
Found a short note that read
“OUT TO LUNCH.” With an ‘X’ it was signed.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

My old cat has control of his mind,
And if he’s in the bathroom, confined,
He’ll summon his chi,
To shred the TP,
Always doing his best to unwind.

Tim James:

McCarthy was startled to find
That his caucus was out of its mind.
Disgraced and displaced,
He got thoroughly Maced.
Maybe next time he’ll be stiffer-spined.

Gail White:

Says Meghan, “I’m ultra-refined,
So I do hope the staff will not mind
Throwing out the dead tulips
And mixing mint juleps,
while I lie on this sofa reclined.”

Janice Canerdy:

Susie’s skirts now conceal her behind
(Most of it), and she’s not so inclined
To get drunk and start fights
At the bars. She delights
In declaring, “Look, y’all. I’m refined!”

Tim James:

A man from Hawaii opined:
“By my job I’m severely confined.
My plantation, I’ve found,
Needs attention year round.
Growing coffee is really a grind!”

George Larson:

I had a few drinks to unwind
And leave all my troubles behind,
But Officer Stubbs
Saw me pee in the shrubs,
And now I’ve been locked up and fined.

Tony Holmes:

We, the voting for Trump undersigned,
Wish to say even if he’s confined,
We’re still stupid enough
To call ev’ryone’s bluff.
He can rule from his cell – we don’t mind.

Tim James:

A homely young fellow named Nate
Mansplains constantly, irking his mate:
“I was happy to find
That it’s true: love is blind.
Were it deaf as well, that would be great.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FOOT-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Terry Marter:

As the fight got increasingly heated,
To ensure that the king was unseated,
He declared that “It rankles
When, clean at the ankles,
With the swipe of a sword I’m de-feeted.”

Tim James:

A podiatrist thought it a thrill
To take up with a mistress until
His wife took him to court,
Cleaned him out just for sport.
For his sins he’s now footing the bill.

Lisi Nortman:

My son’s messy; we had a quite a spat.
And here’s what I said, “Listen Pat!
“Before you walk in
From wherever you’ve been
Wipe your feet on the neighbor’s front mat.”

Bob Turvey:

A toff who broke down in our street
Said, “Look lively, I’ve someone to meet.
You must give me a tow.”
So I said, “Sorry Joe,
I’m afraid they’re attached to my feet.

Jean McEwen:

Dick insists that his prick’s one foot long—
But Charlisse, who has measured his shlong,
Says that when it is lax
It is three inches – max,
And its girth shrinks to naught near the prong.

Lisi Nortman, for her “Fifth Grade Math Test Musings.” *

“Here I sit in the midst of my woe;
With fractions, I’m sure not a pro.
What’s one fifth of a foot!
Now I’m REALLY kaput!
Oh well, I’ll just answer “a toe.”

Terry Marter:

The drummer looked so cool and neat,
With his double kick-drums and gold seat.
He would snare all the chics
With his twirling sticks tricks,
And his sex-cymbal measured two feet.

Brian Allgar:

“They say that I’m tiny of hand.
It’s a lie, but I’ll let that one stand.
They can jeer at my feet,
But for one they can’t beat,
They should just see the size of my gland!”

Bob Turvey:

There’s a tale told in old Montreal,
Which goes, as I’m sure you recall,
That ALL feet are male –
Because, without fail,
Every foot that exists has a ball.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: FAINT, GLARE, CORRUPT, COMB, STREAM)

Lisi Nortman:

Hubby no longer has any hair.
He has thrown out his comb in despair.
Now I can’t read in bed
On account of his head,
Which keeps sending a bald, blinding glare.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

A snide critic who loved panning plays,
As he combed through his thoughts for a phrase,
Said of one ingenue,
“She can swoon right on cue.”
Alas, damning the girl with faint praise.

Rudy Landesman:

Every night he was combing the street
With the hope that someday he would meet
The love of his life.
(But don’t tell his wife!)
That corrupt guy was truly in heat.

Tim James:

I’m a faint imitation, it seems,
Of her idols, the men of her dreams.
I fall glaringly short
Of the men of the sort
That appear in the movies she streams.

Lisi Nortman, for her Senior Citizen Home Police Report:

“She fainted and fell off her chair,
Then muttered, ‘This Bingo ain’t fair,
Cuz I DID have B2
And I know what is true:
At my seat someone planted a glare.’”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FIND or FINED or DEFINED or REFINED or CONFINED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 14, 2023)

Saturday, September 16th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FIND or FINED or DEFINED or REFINED or CONFINED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FEET, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FOOT-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FAINT, GLARE, CORRUPT, COMB, STREAM.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 15, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 14, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my FIND or FINED or DEFINED or REFINED or CONFINED-Rhyme Limerick:

Please don’t whine about being entwined
In indictments. You’ve caused your own bind.
In your quest for more wins,
You seem blind to your sins,
But you’ll soon be in prison confined.

And here’s my FOOT/FEET-Themed Limerick:

A bad snowstorm — we can’t use our wheels.
And my boots are a wreck, so the deal’s
That I’ll just have to wait
For the storm to abate.
Until then, I’ll be cooling my heels.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

While I stood on a rather long line,
I felt shaky and faint — too much wine!
Plus the sun-glare was strong,
And I DID smoke that bong.
(I was otherwise perfectly fine.)

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LIGHT or DELIGHT at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 24, 2023)

Saturday, May 27th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LIGHT or DELIGHT at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEACHERS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TEACHER-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: JOINT, LOVELY, NAP, TAX, CONQUER.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 25, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 24, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my LIGHT/DELIGHT-Rhyme Limerick:

I enjoy writing verse that is light,
Although many poo-poo it as trite.
And I happily slave
Over lim’ricks — my fav.
They’re well worth it, when written just right.

And here’s my TEACHER-Themed Limerick:

The schoolteacher, usually nice,
Could be scary at times – cold as ice.
And her tone, when provoked,
Went from mellow to stoked
With a furious “THAT WILL SUFFICE!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“How I long to be able to nap
Just like those who can sleep in a snap.
As for me, there’s no point
In trying. Each joint
In my body shrieks ‘Don’t bother, chap!'”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (509)

Saturday, May 27th, 2023

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Young Billy, as daft as they come,
Kicked a huge grizzly bear on the bum.
It was done as a dare,
But alas, now the bear
Has a Billy-sized bulge in its tum.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the PREPARATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Hans had eaten so much he could burst;
All the schnitzel and beer came up first.
He felt somewhat perplexed,
Thinking, “What will come next?”
While preparing himself for the wurst.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: RATING, BRAVE, BROAD, APPLE, QUARRELSOME.

On her dating app, vying for men,
Joy enhances her profile, and then,
To better compete,
She considers her feet,
And rates herself (broadly) a “ten.”

Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins a Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.

It began as a light-hearted dare,
That I wouldn’t strip off and walk bare
Down the length of the street
And greet ladies I meet
With, “Good morning! You’re welcome to stare.”

I made sure I was looking my best,
As one does when not wearing one’s vest.
Hearing nothing decried,
As I strode in my pride,
I believe the voyeurs were impressed.

All good things, though, must come to an end,
Lest an overindulgence offend.
It was time to behave.
I had dared and proved brave,
And – who knows? – may have started a trend.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jean McEwen, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Judy Freed, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Richard Orr, Bob Turvey, Robert Schechter, Tony Holmes, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Jon Nixon, BillR, J.OConnor, Terry Marter, and Rudy Landesman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: BEAR or BARE-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PREPARATION-THEMED LIMERICKS)

Jean McEwen:

Plan to hike in the woods? Then prepare!
Pack some bug spray and trail mix to share.
To survive, if you can,
Make a getaway plan–
For you’re sure to encounter a bear.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Ranger Rick tells us how to prepare,
If, while hiking, we meet with a bear:
Wield a stick; jump and holler;
Lift arms (you’ll seem taller).
And if none of that works, try a prayer.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BEAR or BARE-RHYME DIVISION)

Judy Freed:

My friends sent me out on a dare,
To a beach where the bathers were bare.
My attempt to join in
Left a burn on my skin.
Can’t blame them. I guess it was fair.

Lisi Nortman:

I told Mama “I need to prepare
For a speech at “The Naturist Fair.”
Her response: “Here’s a trick.
Which is easy and quick:
Just picture your audience bare.”

Richard Orr:

A man at a bar, I declare,
Brought his stuffed support animal there.
Friends cried, “Go pet a skunk
Whilst incredibly drunk!”
In response he just grinned, “Hold my bear.”

Bob Turvey:

Camel drivers who got to the Bosphorus,
All shouted out, “Get glue and moss for us!
All our camels are bare
For we’ve sold all their hair
And we hope moss will cover the loss for us.”

Robert Schechter:

The grizzly announced, “I won’t wear
Any clothing, and simply don’t care
If people are rude
When they see I am nude.
As a grizzly, I have to be bear.”

Tony Holmes:

If you camp in the woods, do beware
That you may well encounter a bear.
He’ll have food on his mind –
You’ll be fine if he’s dined,
But if not, you’re legitimate fare.

Tim James:

Ms. Godiva got naked? Big deal.
As I’ve aged, I’ve discovered I feel
That I don’t really care
If she rode around bare.
But her choc’late? That still has appeal.

Dave Johnson:

Away from the usual glare,
That beach is for nudists to share.
But lately some cold
Weather strengthened its hold;
For many, it’s too much to bare.

Jon Nixon:

A tatty and balding old bear,
Said that life hadn’t treated him fair.
He cried, “on my life,
I swear I’m a Steiff,
But my button fell off with my hair!”


BillR:

The National Parks’ Smokey Bear
Has been known to go off on a tear.
He’ll smoke up a storm
To keep himself warm
’Cuz he really has no clothes to wear.


HONORABLE MENTIONS PREPARATION-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Lisi Nortman:

I soon will be marrying Ken.
I’m counting the minutes till then.
My one sacred vow,
Which I’m pledging right now,
Is “Never plan weddings again!”

Tim James:

“‘Be Prepared’ is our longstanding motto,”
I heard from a Boy Scout named Otto.
“I’ve stocked up on booze,
Which is something I’ll use
If a Girl Scout should want to get blotto.”

J.OConnor says:

The meal was an absolute treat,
A great gastronomical feat.
Took so long to prepare
So it doesn’t seem fair
That it took only minutes to eat.

Terry Marter:

“Be prepared!” I was told as a Scout,
To solve problems when out and about.
But when trouble found Me,
It caused me to pee.
Now my leadership badge is in doubt.

Lisi Nortman:

For tornadoes, our family’s rehearsed.
We all must prepare for the worst.
We put steak in our socks.
This plan really rocks,
Cause the search dogs will find us folks first.

Terry Marter:

Unprepared, he decided last night
To go sailing alone at first light.
A swipe from the boom
Knocked him into the spume
Where he watched his yacht sail out of sight.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: RATING, BRAVE, BROAD, APPLE, QUARRELSOME.)

Tim James:

A quarrelsome woman named Tess
Rates my lims a misogynist mess.
She thinks gals in my verse
Are all airheads or worse.
She’s no fan of broad humor, I guess.

Lisi Nortman:

Don’t stand there and casually view it.
The river is broad; go swim through it.
The essence of “brave”
Is how you behave.
If it scares you, no matter what, Do It.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Hiring female employees, for Rex,
Is hard. All he thinks of is sex.
With each broad it’s the same,
So instead of his name,
He signs every rating with “x.”

Judy Freed:

I once had a quarrelsome friend.
All her points she would bravely defend.
Till she sat on a spoke,
Swearing it was a joke.
Seems she had the last word in the end.

J.OConnor:

I’m painting with rather broad strokes
When I speak about quarrelsome folks
And I say that their skin
Would not be as thin
If they only learned how to take jokes.

Rudy Landesman:

You say you might leave the Big Apple?
With its problems you don’t want to grapple?
I say, pull up your socks,
Have a bagel with lox.
And be brave. Have some borscht. No, not Snapple!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Make Me Laugh Contest – Prompt 1: FOOL (Deadline Jan 10)

Monday, December 29th, 2014

Oh please make me laugh.
Any verse form is cool.
My only proviso:
Include the word “FOOL.”

*****

1: Deadline: Submit your funny verse as comments to my blog post by Saturday, Jan. 10, 10:00 p.m. ET. Winners will be announced on my blog shortly thereafter. (Feel free to cross-post your verse as a comment to my Facebook post, as well.)

2: Hashtag & Cross-Posting: If you cross-post your humorous poems on your Twitter, Facebook, or GooglePlus page, please use the hashtag: #MakeMeLaugh.

3: Newsletter: To receive an email alert whenever I post the winners and the new #MakeMeLaugh contest, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

*****

Fool around with words–
they may lead you into thought,
if you’re listening.