Posts Tagged ‘Lisi Nortman’

Limerick-Off Award (304)

Saturday, August 18th, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

When Nathaniel goes out on a date
He displays a despicable trait:
All he wants is to screw;
All his dates post #metoo.
The misogyny’s truly inNate.

Congratulations to JEAN MCEWEN, who wins the Special Affairs-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Sylvester’s had multiple flings.
Defying convention, he swings!
He’s had threesomes galore,
Special fondness for four.
His motto? No strings and no rings!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Bruce Alter, Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Val Fish, Judith H. Block, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“DATE/SEDATE” RHYME DIVISION)

Sharon Neeman:

Smiled one Smithie, “I think it’s just great
That the Prof asked you out for a date!”
Frowned the other, “It’s awful!
It shouldn’t be lawful
For men to presume that we’re straight.”

Brian Allgar:

The doctors had tried to sedate
Donald’s ravings of anger and hate,
But he’d scream and he’d swear
Till they got him to wear
A new jacket – the kind that is strait.

Dave Johnson:

He’s basking in amorous bliss,
With just an occasional hiss.
He’s assured that his date
Will forever be great;
For she’s an inflatable Miss.

Bruce Alter:

My advice to guys: Don’t tempt your fate!
This topic’s not up for debate.
Unless she is amorous,
(Even if glamorous)
Keep your grubby palms off of your date.

Lisi Nortman:

Oh wow! Did I have one cheap date!
I’ve never been so damn irate!
He asked me to drive
At the “thru window” dive
So that I’D pay the $2.98.

Tony Holmes:

Puritanical pater, Gil Spate,
Hard of hearing, misheard “masticate.”
“ONANISM IS WRONG!
If you cannot be strong,
Then you leave me no option: Sedate!”

Dave Johnson:

His girlfriend, demure and sedate,
Insisted that they’d have to wait.
Then she saw “Magic Mike.”
Her reaction was like:
“I’d love to be setting HIM straight!”

Lisi Nortman:

“You’ll find I’m a wonderful date,
And my dear, I must say you look great.
Please don’t mind if I’m jumpy,
Or get kind of grumpy.
I just broke out of prison upstate.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (AFFAIRS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)

Val Fish:

I’d booked us a suite at The Grand.
Ev’ry detail was carefully planned,
But I’d NOT bargained for
That knock at the door;
The wife, divorce papers in hand.

Lisi Nortman:

Found pink panties right under my bed.
Did I holler or scream? No! Instead,
On Facebook they went,
Cause my dear hubby Trent
Seems to go for a big “center spread.”

Dave Johnson:

A traveling salesman named Rex
Was having some parking lot sex.
In the heat of it all,
He butt-dialed a call
That went to his soon-to-be ex.

Judith H. Block says:

Through the years, I’ve had many affairs.
It’s the truth; I’m not putting on airs.
And now that I’m older,
I still feel the smolder.
So as long as I’m wanted, who cares!

Dave Johnson:

Whenever they happen to meet,
He tells her “We must be discreet.
These moments we’ll share
With the utmost of care;
Robert Mueller has eyes on the street.”

Tim James:

An idiot had two affairs:
With a porn star and Playmate. Who cares?
Well, for starters, his wife.
For the rest of his life
It appears that he’ll need thoughts and prayers.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (303)

Saturday, August 4th, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Now, a word that’s not easy to peg,
Is the word for the white of an egg.
Repeat “joke joke joke joke”
And you’ll think the word’s “yolk.”
But it’s not: I’ve been pulling your leg.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special SPAM-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

I tried on-line dating, but since
I’m finding it hard to convince
Any girls to reply,
I suppose I shall die
A lonely Nigerian Prince.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ken Gosse, Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Will T. Laughlin, Robert Schechter, Tony Holmes, David Franks, Tim James, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “YOKE/YOLK” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SPAM-THEMED LIMERICKS)

Ken Gosse:

One morning, my egg had a yolk
Which was green, like a St. Patrick’s joke.
And so was my ham,
So I wrote, “Spam I Am.”
Dr. Seuss sued, so now I am broke.

Sharon Neeman:

I’m allergic — Fate’s cruelest joke:
If you offer me peanuts, I’ll choke;
I get rashes from fruit
And from dairy I toot,
And I eat neither egg white nor yolk.

I throw up from salami and Spam;
I can’t touch chicken, duck, beef or ham;
I break out from tomatoes —
What’s left? Sweet potatoes
Thrice daily. I yam what I yam.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“YOKE/YOLK” RHYME DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

He made a mistake when he spoke;
He said “would”, but meant “wouldn’t,” poor bloke.
Now he sulks in disgrace
With egg on his face —
Dumb Donald just can’t take a yolk.

Lisi Nortman:

In order to get to the yolk,
You give that cute sucker a poke.
Then gook will spill out
Like a damn gushing spout.
Cooking sucks. Just eat out. Go for broke.

Sharon Neeman:

“First you iron the sleeves, then the yoke,”
Grandma taught me, and “Sprinkle — don’t soak!”
Now I wear crinkle cotton,
But haven’t forgotten
The love in her voice when she spoke.

Dave Johnson:

Humpty Dumpty, like regular folk,
Would sit on the wall for a smoke.
But after his splat,
Said a fellow named Pratt:
“I told you that guy was a yolk.”

Will T. Laughlin:

I’m afraid I’m not one of those folk
Whose “yoke” sounds the same as their “yolk.”
Oh, I could pretend;
But I know, in the end,
I’d regret it the moment I… spolk?

Robert Schechter:

To those who are hip, wise and woke,
The white’s not as healthy as yolk,
So if you’re consumin’
Not yolk, but albumen,
It’s likely that soon you will croak.

Tony Holmes:

Svedish businessman, Jurgenson Svolke,
Was so large all his clothes were bespoke.
“Ven you’re sefen feed tall,
Normal clothes is too schmall;
Gedding trousers dat fit is no yoke.”

David Franks:

We’re a team, as if joined by a yoke,
And our “marital bond” we invoke,
But my wife made a noose,
For she didn’t deduce
That “the old ball and chain” is a joke.

Dave Johnson:

In rowing, he’s known as The Stroke;
Then there’s Starboard, another big bloke.
They power the shell
When it’s all going well
Like oxen attached to a yoke.

The rest of us try to keep pace;
Intent upon winning the race.
If we manage a burst
And we wind up in first,
Our coxswain gets launched into space.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SPAM-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Did you know that The Donald loves Spam?
I’m totally shocked. (Yes I am.)
But now on reflection,
There is a connection.
Of course! He’s the world’s biggest HAM!

Tim James:

What’s in Spam? Here, I’ll give it a stab:
Salt and nitrite (both more than a dab),
Sugar, water, starch, meat.
It won’t hurt you to eat,
Though it looks like it’s grown in a lab.

Konrad Schwoerke:

From my snooze, I awoke to the stews’
Cries for women and children, in queues.
What could cause all this panic?
Was this the Titanic?
It was Spam on our Carnival cruise.

Dave Johnson:

This P.O.T.U.S. is such a big sham;
He embodies the flim and the flam.
Dr. Seuss would prescribe
One fate for his tribe:
A diet of green eggs and Spam.

David Franks:

It’s not marmoset, egret or lamb;
Neither lizard, nor hagfish, nor clam;
Not giraffe, worm, dog, cat,
Yeast, turducken or bat,
Nor planarian. I’m guessing Spam.

Lisi Nortman:

Even though it was clearly a sham,
I opened this e-mail. (Oh damn!)
It said, “Here’s a great plan:
It’s called ‘Pork In A Can'”
(Any jerk could just tell it was Spam.)

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (300)

Saturday, June 23rd, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A gal with an awesome physique
And a smile that’s sublime and unique
Fills my every need
With both ardor and speed.
(It’s my third trip to Hooters this week.)

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins the Special Vision/Eye-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

The surgeon believed it was wise
To operate on his own eyes.
His team expressed doubt
When the scalpel came out.
“Suture self!” were his colleagues’ replies.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Lisi Nortman, Edmund Conti, Brian Allgar, Armchair Poet, Wendy Watson, Kirk Miller, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“WEAK/WEEK” RHYME DIVISION)

Lisi Nortman:

I caught that louse, Robert last week
At “La Cheat On Your Spouse” near the creek:
First a passionate kiss
With such obvious bliss,
Then a slow dance for two, “Sneak To Sneak.”

Brian Allgar:

My joints are beginning to creak,
And my legs are increasingly weak.
But although I am slowing,
My value is growing;
I’ll soon be a priceless antique.

Edmund Conti:

A common cartoonist technique
Is drawing a mouse. You scream “eek!”
And jump on a chair
Conveniently there.
The last panel is typically weak.

Armchair Poet:

It’s SAD when deplorables seek
A strongman with morals so weak.
They claim to be winning.
It looks more like sinning,
With a future increasingly bleak.

Wendy Watson:

A sporting young lady called Clare
Tried a parachute jump for a dare.
Though her nerves were quite weak
She survived the technique,
Though she landed with legs in the air!

HONORABLE MENTIONS (VISION/EYE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Kirk Miller:

An optometrist’s office implies
It’s a place where this saying applies:
“If your vision is wrecked,
You should go get it checked
At a place that’s a site for sore eyes.”

Sharon Neeman:

There’s not a thing wrong with my eyes!
But the newspaper font’s gone half-size,
And my glasses and keys
Disappear with great ease
Till I find them again by surprise.

Brian Allgar:

My vision is still pretty hot,
And I don’t use my glasses a lot,
Though I put on my specs
When indulging in sex
To ensure that I find the right spot.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

He held up some letters to view
Then said, “Try to read just a few.”
I looked up and down
And replied with a frown:
“Sorry, Doc, I can’t even see YOU.”

Jean McEwen:

Visine never works, ’cause I blink,
And the drops just land right in the sink.
Down my cheeks the tears roll.
I’ve got zero control,
So my eyes remain itchy and pink.

Tim James:

There’s a myth that my mom used to tell:
“Self-abuse shoots your eyesight to hell
Quite inexorably.”
But that’s bunk. I can see
Ev’ry hair on my palms very well.

Dave Johnson:

He sat on a boat in the bay
And stared at his phone come what may.
Whale watchers nearby
Claim he never did spy
That dorsal fin ten feet away.

Lisi Nortman:

I’m annoyed at my dense husband Fred,
Who at times will act just like he’s dead.
He won’t help clean the house,
He a shiftless ’ole spouse,
And I think that his “lazy eye’s” spread.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (299)

Saturday, June 9th, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:

He was shipwrecked, and swam for a mile
Before reaching a small desert isle.
Three huge natives appeared,
And the mariner feared
For his life, till one said with a smile:

“Though we used to be cannibals – vile!
Human flesh is no longer our style.
So Fee, Fo and Fum
Won’t be eating you, chum …
But I’m sorry to say Grandpa Fi’ll.”

Congratulations to ARMCHAIR POET, who wins the Special Parenting-Themed Limerick Award for this funny 3-verse limerick:

As a father, he isn’t so great.
His own daughter, he deigned once to rate.
Donald said of his lass,
“She’s a nice piece of ass!
Were I younger, we’d probably date.”

Donald Jr.’s a chip off the block.
His divorce didn’t come as a shock.
“Why not cheat like my Dad?
Surely I won’t be sad,
’Cause my next wives are certain to rock.”

Poor Eric’s not brilliant, it’s true:
His deep thoughts, far between, and quite few.
While his musings are lame,
He’s not really to blame;
He inherited Donald’s IQ.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, Sharon Neeman, Mike Shulman, Konrad Schwoerke, Bob Dvorak, Byron Miller, a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Tim James, Daphne Steinberg, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, Lisi Nortman, Brian Allgar, and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: FILE-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PARENTING LIMERICKS)

Steve Whitred:

Raising children is often a trial,
Like you’re stuck behind bars for a while;
Every birthday you ache
As you search through their cake
For a lock-pick, a key, or a file.

Sharon Neeman:

A black parent’s advice to a son:
“Don’t scare white kids — not even in fun;
Don’t pretend you’re on crack;
Never carry a sack;
And don’t dare turn your back on a gun.

Never shove — stand in line, single file;
Don’t let insolence show in your smile;
Study hard; never fail;
Go to Harvard or Yale —
And you’ll stay out of jail… for a while.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FILE” RHYME DIVISION)

Mike Shulman:

A fetishist hacker named Kyle
Fancied footwear no matter the style.
He’d rub and he’d sniff,
Save the flats as a GIF
And the heels as a video file.

Konrad Schwoerke:

Philanderer Phineas Phial
Is a marathon runner from Lyle.
When this horndog is training,
He’s never abstaining:
“Cuz a miss is as good as a mile.”

Bob Dvorak:

I write limericks once in a while,
Trying hard to elicit a smile.
Wrote my best one last night,
But a mischievous sprite
Hacked my drive and deleted the file.

Byron Miller:

When they find a new boy to defile,
Papal priests will line up for a mile;
The occasional deacon
Is likely to sneak in
And leave with a devious smile.

Tim James:

He got thrown into jail for a while
When they caught him at something quite vile.
In a library nook
He made love to a book.
You could say he’s a bibliophile.

Steve Whitred:

There’s a quirk in my limerick style
That’s been irking me now for a while;
They all scan pretty well,
But they’re blander than hell.
So they’re tossed in the circular file.

Daphne Steinberg, for her Note from Melania to Number Four:

Before you two walk down the aisle,
In my shoes you would well walk a mile.
He’s a cheat and a louse
And a horrible spouse.
Have doubts? Check my private eye’s file.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PARENTING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Jean McEwen:

Even though my kids don’t start their day
Eating oatmeal and yogurt, I say:
Fuck the dental technician
And rules of nutrition!
Count Chocula says it’s OK!

Dave Johnson:

Her parents were gone for the day,
So Alex came over to play.
But they didn’t know
That Alexa would glow
And record what was coming her way.

Then contacts were found on a list;
She sent them the sounds of their tryst.
Reactions were fast;
The folks were aghast.
If only they’d cuddled and kissed…

Lisi Nortman:

My toddler’s extremely cute,
And we’ve never had any dispute,
But she talks a blue streak,
So for only one week
I’d love a control that says “mute.”

Brian Allgar:

Trump’s parents, I’m sorry to say,
Abandoned the old-fashioned way.
He sucked on a dummy
Instead of his mummy;
That’s why he’s a dummy today.

Lisi Nortman:

“Take it easy, my sweet darling, Leigh.
I’ll get lunch for the kids, watch and see.”
“Thanks, the twins just like cheese,
But our Gail’s hard to please.”
(To which he replied, “We’ve got THREE?”)

Brian Allgar:

“This parenting sometimes can vex,”
She complained, “when you find you’ve had sex
With your son. And it’s sad
That he killed his own Dad –
I have to say, Oedipus wrecks.”

Dave Johnson:

With little ones out of the way,
The parents decided to play.
They later found out
That the kids were about;
And Snapchat can ruin your day.

Tony Holmes:

Dad insisted, ‘You’ll do as I say!’
I absconded the very next day.
’Twas many years later
I found out that Pater
Had rigged things to work out that way.

Tim James:

My son is a bully named Mitch.
He’s defiant, a sneak and a snitch.
When I ask who’s to blame,
Dad says I was the same.
Isn’t karma an absolute bitch?

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (298)

Sunday, May 27th, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:

An amorous couple began
Canoodling back in the can.
Six miles up above,
Making passionate love;
A door lock was part of the plan.

But turbulence had its own way;
An air pocket ruined their play.
As they both tumbled out,
The fellow would shout:
“We’re flying United, OK?”

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special GIFT-Themed Limerick Award for this limerick, which is both funny and educational:

A Berliner whose marital bed
Had grown cold took a mistress instead.
His Frau was quite miffed.
So she gave him a Gift,
Which is German for “poison.” He’s dead.

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this 2-verse limerick:

My 80-year-old Grandpa Solly
Had a sexy young neighbor named Polly.
On his birthday, she said,
“If you come to my bed,
I’ll give you good times with my dolly.”

Since Solly’s a family man,
He first asked his wife, Grandma Fran.
With a smile sweet and wide,
She most sagely replied,
“Of course, dear. You may… if you can.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Tony Holmes, Mike Shulman, Brian Allgar, Armchair Poet, Patrice Stewart, Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Dave Johnson, Lisi Nortman, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “CAN” RHYME LIMERICK THAT IS ALSO GIFT-THEMED)

Sharon Neeman:

My cat’s an incurable giver,
Though her presents do cause me to shiver:
She’ll bring into the house
A dead lizard or mouse
Or what once was a bird’s heart or liver.

If she hasn’t been hunting that day,
She will give me a hairball (oy vey!)
It’s all part of her plan:
She just does what she can
To make sure I don’t give her away.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CAN” RHYME DIVISION)

Tony Holmes:

“I give you permission. You may.
So, do not demur, or delay.
Are you able? You can?
Oh, that’s splendid! Good man!
Well, do carry on then. Good day!”

Mike Shulman:

A homely old dullard named Danny
Thought to spice up the look of his fanny.
He sat on a fan,
Thus dissecting one can,
And declared his new profile uncanny.

Brian Allgar:

“Remember who said ‘Yes we can’?”
Said the Donald. “Well, I gotta plan
To destroy every act,
Every treaty or pact
That the Kenyan impostor began!”

Sharon Neeman:

He looked rich, he walked tall, he talked swell,
And he turned women’s heads — but the smell
That he left in the can
Was sufficient to ban
Him forever from every hotel.

Armchair Poet:

When his search for VP first began,
Trump desired an affirmative man.
So when asked if he’d mind
Kissing lots of behind,
“Not at all” Pence replied, “I sure can!”

Patrice Stewart:

When she dances the can-can, you can
See exactly where (blank) meets that tan.
As her long legs kicked higher,
His groin was on fire –
Eyes met, he waved cash: happy man.

Tim James:

I built Drea, my droid, with a bust
Made from milk jugs, quite large and out-thrust.
Her butt’s smooth and tan
(It’s an old root beer can.)
Now my toaster is burning with lust.

Tony Holmes:

A part of me says that I wouldn’t
Another’s convinced that I couldn’t.
But why not? I’m a MAN;
I’m allowed if I can!
The judge took the view that I shouldn’t.

Konrad Schwoerke:

My cooking’s the best—I’m the man—
If you like all your meals from a can.
I can make stuff from scratch,
But it varies by batch;
You might say it’s a flash in the pan.

Dave Johnson:

When thinking you can’t but you can,
Just try with this one simple plan:
Put the usual don’ts
In a box with your won’ts,
Then begin like before they began.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GIFT-GIVING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

The horse was enormous, of teak;
The Trojans admired its physique.
Said Hector,”It’s nice,
But how much is the price?”
“None at all, it’s a gift”, said the Greek

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

I bought some perfume for Marie,
Who then handed it over to Leigh.
Leigh gave it to Jo,
Who said, “Here’s a gift, Flo.”
Two weeks later, it came back to me.

Sharon Neeman:

Sometimes gifts don’t result from affection;
Sometimes motives do not pass inspection —
And the proof can be seen
Back in 2016,
When the Russians gave Trump the election.

Armchair Poet:

Brian’s poems are far too sublime.
But perhaps he’ll have mercy next time.
As a gift to us all,
He could just take the fall,
And compose an inferior rhyme.

Fred Bortz:

In politics, wouldn’t you know,
That when given a quid, there’s a quo.
So when getting a gift,
You had better be swift
To respond with whatever you owe.

Dave Johnson:

In order to patch up their rift,
He opted to buy her a gift.
His choice was a wig
Three sizes too big;
Reaction was angry and swift.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (218)

Saturday, June 20th, 2015

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

On Craig’s List, Chris posted his lust
For a tryst with a lass to be trussed.
Alas, though: Chris missed
His delicious truss tryst.
He was tied up at work. How unjust!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Robert Schechter, Brian Allgar, Jon Gearhart, Fred Bortz, Lisi Nortman, Kaye Roberts, Phil Graham, and Allen Wilcox. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

She withdrew from the Savings & Trust
All her cash. It’s not much; now she must
Choose ’twixt breast augmentation
And West Coast vacation.
The choice: California or bust.

Robert Schechter:

The essence of love is to trust.
So trust me. I’m able to thrust
Without letting go.
Believe me! . . . Uh oh . . .
Remember that son we discussed?

Brian Allgar:

He stuffed her with thrust after thrust
Like a man half-demented with lust,
Then he bound her with string,
Legs and breast, everything,
Till the Thanksgiving turkey was trussed.

Jon Gearhart:

As I cussed and discussed in disgust
My mistrust with my siblings, we fussed
How the lawyer had still
Not found part of Dad’s will.
My disgust rose from my misplaced trust.

Fred Bortz:

Chez Marquis de Sade is a must
To couple with parry and thrust.
There maidens will tryst
While bound at the wrist,
As long as you’re someone they trussed.

Lisi Nortman:

A marriage is based upon trust,
But if driven by wild carnal lust,
You’ll probably cheat.
So be very discreet.
Don’t come home with your hairdo all mussed.

Kaye Roberts:

Ev’ry man she’d encountered with lust
Had betrayed her, demolished her trust.
So she found a belle chère
And began lez affaire
And left all les hommes in the dust.

Phil Graham:

A ski racer you couldn’t trust
Would consume pork and beans ’fore he shussed.
And to go a bit faster
He’d use his ass blaster
And gain MPH from each gust.

Allen Wilcox:

He was proud that they showed him the trust
To move “David” to clean off the dust.
It fell and it shattered.
He cried, bruised and battered,
“I can only say ‘This was a bust’.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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