Archive for December, 2012

Happy New Year Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 30th, 2012

Since 2013 is almost here, I’m offering you an alternative: You may write a limerick related to new year’s resolutions, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best new year’s resolutions limerick.

And now, getting back to my regular Sunday challenge: It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was making a list…*

or

A woman was making a list…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Happy New Year Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was making a list
Of items he’d try to resist
In the upcoming year.
But he lost it, I fear:
Both the list and his will to desist.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (94)

Sunday, December 30th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The technician connects the wrong port
And the motherboard’s fried by the short.
His client, in shock,
Commences to squawk:
“I’ll sue you in high circuit court!”

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who also wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the same limerick, which received the most Facebook “likes.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, Irv Leavitt, Colleen Murphy, Craig Dykstra, Tom Harris, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Steve Whitred:

A fellow was sipping some port,
When his partner yelled “Quick look athwart!”
He looked up and around
Then surprisingly found
That his wine glass was two fingers short.

Irv Leavitt:

A young lawyer was sipping some port
By the side of the racquetball court.
He offered a drink
To his partner in pink
With a prior intent to cavort.

Colleen Murphy:

A mother was sipping some port
(Her kids were the challenging sort),
Then tried to make dinner
Which wasn’t a winner:
Her soup was a few noodles short.

Craig Dykstra:

While on shore leave, a sailor in port
Got arrested and hauled off to court.
Seems he had a few beers
And then stole girls’ brassieres —
He got busted for lack of support.

Tom Harris:

The woman said mine was too short,
Of the dull, microscopic type sort.
“You’re not a sex symbol
With that little thimble.”
Perhaps if she’d had some more port.

Johanna Richmond:

A woman was sipping some port
When her mom-in-law said with a snort,
“He was raised on filet,
But my son has a way
Of attracting the casserole sort.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Rut

Thursday, December 27th, 2012

Limerick Rut
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was stuck in a rut.
She’d tripped, falling down on her butt.
She was wedged in so tight,
She might be there all night.
Seems its risky to text while you strut.

Limerick Port (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was sipping some port…*

or

A woman was sipping some port…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (93)

Sunday, December 23rd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

In our chimney, old Santa was blue.
He was stuck, and not sure what to do.
My son, filled with dread
Asked “Is Santa Claus dead?”
“No, he just has a bad case of flue.”

Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal. who wins a Special Limerick Award for her limerick about the Newtown massacre:

Founding Fathers just couldn’t foretell
That “militias” might lead to this Hell.
Though to laws we defer,
We plainly prefer
The “right to bare arms” like Michelle.

Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award, for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Our forefathers roll in their grave
When they see how our people behave.
Their doctrine amended
Was never intended
To murder our youth, but to save.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Scott Crowder, Craig Dykstra, Jamie Hutchinson, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Chris Doyle:

A gazelle is alone, feeling blue,
As he paces his pen at the zoo.
He’s been wondering if he
Will get up a stiffy
And ever go wooing a gnu.

Scott Crowder:

A woman who always wore blue
Didn’t manage to get to the loo,
And now can be seen
Wearing panties of green,
As blue mixed with yellow will do.

Craig Dykstra:

The sign on the door was in blue:
“Shoes and shirts, or we cannot serve you.”
But that waitress looked pissed
So I’m thinkin’ that list
Maybe shoulda had “pants” on it, too.

Jamie Hutchinson:

The regatta announcer felt blue
And his face turned a scarlet-tinged hue
When he slipped: “Team One’s sloop
Is the best of the group,
But as sailors go, I like Two’s crew.”

And a 2-verse limerick from Johanna Richmond:

Ain’t it lovely when out of the blue,
Someone’s kindhearted words pull you through?
How you all make me laugh!
That and half a carafe,
And I’m suddenly feeling brand new.

But truly, you masters of jest
Have brightened my world –you’re the best.
Should have known all the while
Where to go for a smile –
Love you all! Now I’ll give it a rest.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Mayan Musings (Limerick)

Thursday, December 20th, 2012

It’s December 21st in some parts of the world, and we’re still here … I think.

Mayan Musings (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The end of the world hasn’t come.
Some are bummed, I suppose. Some are numb.
Or perhaps the prediction
Came true — isn’t fiction,
But to notice, we’re just too damn dumb.

Regifting Gone Wrong (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

Here’s a 2-verse limerick to celebrate National Regifting Day (3rd Thursday of December.)

Regifting Gone Wrong
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was trying to sift
Through items to maybe regift.
But alas, she confused
The stuff she perused.
I suspect that some folks will be miffed.

A fruitcake went back to the sender,
And the same thing occurred with a blender.
Then a gift from her brother
Got sent to her mother.
Her relationships now need a mender.

Curmudgeonly Limerick

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012

Curmudgeonly Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A curmudgeon was in a foul mood —
Even worse than his usual tude.
So his concert review
Read in bold letters, “BOO!”
He was paid by the word … so not shrewd.

UPDATE: January 29 is Curmudgeons Day.

Blue Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 16th, 2012

In light of Friday’s Connecticut tragedy, I’m offering you an alternative: You may write a limerick related to the shootings, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best limerick regarding this tragedy.

And now, getting back to my regular Sunday challenge: It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who always wore blue…*

or

A fellow who always wore blue…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Blue Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who always wore blue
Joined a group where just navy would do
She liked turquoise and teal
And saw aqua’s appeal.
But her militant view? Navy — Ew!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (92)

Sunday, December 16th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow who needed a Doc
For his hiccups was nursed round the clock;
But they didn’t stop till
Doc presented his bill
Saying, “Nothing works quite like a shock!”

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A fellow who needed a doc
Displayed palpitations & shock.
Said the doctor: “I fear
That the fiscal cliff’s near,
And you really need H&R Block.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Elaine Spall, Ira Bloom, Craig Dykstra, Diane Groothuis, Colleen Murphy, and Bob Dvorak. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Elaine Spall:

A fellow in need of a doc
In emergency suffering from shock
Mocked his wife’s Asian cooking:
When he wasn’t looking
She struck his head hard with her wok.

Ira Bloom:

A fellow was rushed to the doc,
After getting shot up with a Glock.
The surgeon, quite nice,
Gave the guy sage advice:
“Wives in swimsuits are best not to mock.”

Craig Dykstra:

On the nights I tend bar at “The Dock”
Doctor Hickory’s there, ten o’clock.
Likes his daqu’ris “his way”
So I make one, then say:
“Here’s your Hickory Daquiri, Doc.”

Diane Groothuis:

A lady who needed a Doc
Had her foot bitten off by a croc.
Said “My dip in the sea
Made it cheaper for me:
I’ll only need one shoe and sock”.

Colleen Murphy:

A two-year old went to the doc:
When his brother was playing with caulk
He tried to seal shut
The crack in his butt
Creating a structural block.

And a 2-verse limerick from Bob Dvorak:

A fellow who needed a doc
For his sales pitch next day, to the flock,
Told his flunky “Get writing,
And make it exciting.
With Powerpoint. Seven o’clock.”

But the flunky said, “This is a crock.
If he thinks I can work to his clock.”
Tiny type, midst the muck,
Read, “The Prez is a schmuck.”
And that guy is now working the dock.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

When Readings Go From Verse To Worse

Thursday, December 13th, 2012

I was asked to read several limericks at the third annual Los Angeles Limerick Fest Wednesday night, held at the Altadena Ale House. Since I live in New York City, arrangements were made for me to read them via phone.

As you can tell from this limerick, my reading went awry:

When Readings Go From Verse To Worse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Reading limerick verse from afar
Via phone to a mike in a bar
Is a risky affair:
Noise and feedback will blare.
Pass the sidecar. I’m still below par.

Limerick Ode To A Bad Memory

Tuesday, December 11th, 2012

Limerick Ode To A Bad Memory
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My memory’s terribly rotten,
So I don’t absorb data like cotton.
My mind’s for the birds
Cuz I keep losing words:
Hypermnesiac’s meaning? Forgotten!

Limerick Doc (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 9th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who needed a doc (or “dock”)…*

or

A woman who needed a doc (or “dock”)…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Doc
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who needed a doc
For his dog, who had swallowed a rock,
Found a vet, highly rated,
Who helped him, then stated:
“It isn’t a rock — that’s a crock.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (91)

Sunday, December 9th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A king who was rather urbane
Decreed that, throughout his domain,
The marching brigades
Must practice their trades
If they want to parade on his reign.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

My accountant is smart and urbane.
He knows tricks that can hide any gain.
His skills are so clear
That he’s known around here
As the Master of Ledger-demain.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, Kathy El-Assal, Bob Dvorak, Jamie Hutchinson, Kirk Miller, and KC Browncoat Sloan. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Robert Schechter:

A baker from France, so urbane,
Decided to open a chain
Of stores selling bread,
But it sounded instead
Like he sold S&M: “Au Bon Pain.”

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

My dog who is rather urbane
Thinks trips to the woods are a pain,
Just tree trunks and bugs
with NO hydrant plugs.
He lifts up his leg in disdain.

Colleen Murphy:

The British folk, mostly urbane
Thought England’s Prince Harry inane
For clearly not knowing
The parts he was showing
Would not just in Vegas remain.

Kathy El-Assal:

There once was an artist urbane,
Avant-guard in the past, now mundane.
To reignite interest,
He posted on Pinterest
A shock-value, cock weathervane.

Bob Dvorak:

A man who was rather urbane
Thought his lim’ricks did better in Spain.
But sea air wouldn’t do,
So to Paris he flew.
In the end they just found him… in Seine.

Jamie Hutchinson:

A rancher who’s very urbane
Gives his cattle a sip of champagne
From a glass, not a trough,
Before sending them off
To the slaughter by passenger train.

Kirk Miller:

A man who is rather urbane
Is balding and wants to attain
More hair on his head.
A sculler friend said:
The elegant method: Row-gain.

KC Browncoat Sloan:

A man who was rather urbane,
From drinking would often abstain.
When friends asked him why,
He would say, with a sigh,
“Well, the shakes make me spill my cocaine.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Nobby Limerick

Thursday, December 6th, 2012

I learned a new word today: Nobby, which means elegant and stylish. Please don’t dress me down for using it in a limerick:

Nobby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A chic woman arrived in the lobby
Of a shop that was known to be snobby.
But its nobby couture
Held for her no allure:
Sky-high hems don’t suit knees that are knobby.

UPDATE: October 22 is National Knee Day.

Ambitious Techie (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

Happy National Cookie Day, December 4th.

Ambitious Techie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A techie served cookies malicious
To his team members. Talk about vicious!
A promotion he chased.
He was fired post-haste—
Just deserts for a guy so ambitious. 

Urbane Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 2nd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was rather urbane…*

or

A gal who was rather urbane…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Urbane Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was rather urbane
Mocked pop culture as trite and inane.
He did it in song —
Twas a hit before long.
His disdainful refrain now makes rain.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (90)

Sunday, December 2nd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Scott Crowder, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Was talking while sleeping last night,
‘Til his wife yelled “You Cad!
Who the hell is Miss Mad?
And why must your meter feel right?”

Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Tried improving at school ev’ry night.
Told, “Spell coffee,” he tried
And he answered with pride,
“K-A-Double U-P-H-Y. Right?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Robert Schechter, Kirk Miller, Beth Parsons, Johanna Richmond, Tim O’N., and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met the Wong twins, who asked if she might
Take them both for a spin.
She said “Sex is a sin!”
They convinced her two Wongs make a right.

Robert Schechter:

A vampire who wasn’t too bright
Confused early morning for night.
He went from undead
To dead-dead instead
When he stepped out in dawn’s early light.

Kirk Miller:

Proctologists’ outlooks aren’t bright.
They’re gloomy, as black as the night.
They’re depressed, and why not?
In despair they are caught,
Because always the end is in sight.

Beth Parsons:

A woman who wasn’t too bright
Said her red state would surely vote ‘right.’
When she picked up the papers
She swooned from the vapors:
Her state had turned blue overnight.

Johanna Richmond:

A fellow maliciously bright
Found a new way to act on his spite.
He was simply an ass
Till his wife wanted sass;
Then he smilingly switched to polite.

Tim O’N.:

‘A fellow who isn’t too bright’;
That’s the view that you have of me, right?
Well, you’d best think again
When you see that Mad Kane
Names me prize-winner, next Sunday night.

Tim James:

A woman who isn’t too bright
Appears on that “Jersey Shore” blight.
There’s a lyrical thing
About thoughts taking wing.
With Snooki, they canceled that flight.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Paint-Challenged Limerick

Saturday, December 1st, 2012

Paint-Challenged Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My talent for painting is humble
And whenever I try it, I stumble.
Realistic’s my aim.
Then I fail and just claim
It’s an abstract, obscured by a scumble.

Note from Mad Kane: I can’t paint at all, and I never go near a paintbrush. But the new-to-me word “scumble” came up in a limerick prompt mailing list, and I couldn’t resist trying to use it.