Limerick Port (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was sipping some port…*


A woman was sipping some port…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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95 Responses to “Limerick Port (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. scott says:

    A woman was sipping some port,
    and keeping us up on our sport,
    of limerick rhyme,
    even at Christmas time,
    Dear Mad, we love your support.

    Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas everyone.

  2. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    By the pool at a high-end resort
    Air escaped from his trunks
    Smelling somewhat like skunks
    T’was a snort from his shorts of a sort

  3. colonialist says:

    A fellow was sipping some port,
    Although he knew he didn’t ought,
    For he was about
    To bring back his gout –
    A storm in port so often caught.

  4. Claudia says:

    a fellow was sipping some port
    and says: cheers to the poetry fort
    weaving verses and rhyme
    in and out of christmas time
    is a wonderful fun thinking sport

  5. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    While thinking out a sinister plot
    How he had wished
    She’s such a dish
    But a pity for that’s asking a lot


  6. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    While building a new snow fort
    Before he was done
    His bladder needed a run
    Since it turned yellow all abort

  7. Chris Papa says:

    A doctor who sipped too much port,
    Did “nose job” decidedly short,
    Pug-nosed lady boo-hooed,
    And then quickly sued,
    For doc, sober, lesson well tort.

  8. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    While considering bedrooming sport.
    “Tell me, dear, wanna flirt?”
    He unbuttoned his shirt.
    “Fat chance,” she was heard to retort.

  9. John Sardo says:

    A woman was sipping some port
    So much did her actions distort
    She arrived at a party
    Kissed the fellows too hearty
    And in bed she went down a good sport.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    For a holiday treat of a sort
    He finished with disdain
    Said this is insane
    To the scotch and soda he’d resort.

  11. A judge who’d been sipping some port
    While pond’ring a fine point of tort
    Declared in tones giggly, “Gents!
    “My finding is Niggligence!
    “This stuff’s been aged less than it ought!”

  12. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A fellow thought, sipping some port:
    “I lust to make bloodier sport—
    With a straw and syringe,
    To redouble my binge,
    To sip, and to mainline, and snort.”

  13. Don says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    when his wife asked for a report
    on his chores to be done
    said he,”I’ll get right to it hon”
    “When, said she, did this become a resort”?

  14. Don says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    with some friends at a mountain resort
    the snow was getting deeper
    and the laughs were getting cheaper
    so to sleep they had to resort

  15. Don says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    after dinner in his car port
    he gleamed at his new ride
    and his chest filled with pride
    until he read the maintenance report

  16. Don says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    reading his latest stock report
    his blue chips were declinin’
    and his bills were a climbin’
    so his retirement he had to abort

  17. Gary Hallock says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    Which seems to be not a strange sport
    But this port was scuzzy
    So how crazy was ‘e
    To, such an odd habit, resort?

  18. A fellow was sipping some port
    most probably more than he ort
    he sipped ’til he slipped
    and then he was whipped—
    next time he’ll keep his sipping short.

  19. Gary Hallock says:

    Mad asks us again to rhyme “Port”
    The second time within a fort
    Night. I think that’s too soon
    But still this I’m doin’
    Because I just can not ignor’it

  20. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A lady was sipping old port
    With hard berkswell cheese to assort,
    Consuming sensation
    With due moderation
    And never exceeding one quart.

  21. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Said a man: “There’s the USB port!
    But dammit, my cable’s too short!”
    His wife said, “My dear,
    It may reach from the rear.
    Failing that, we can call tech support.”

  22. Hoot Gibson says:

    A relaxationist sipping some port
    Thought, “This is a hell of a sport!
    No running or jumping
    No rolling or thumping,
    I’ll just have me a mighty, long snort.”

    He awoke from his might-long snort
    And opened another fine quart
    He finished it quickly,
    But felt kind of sickly,
    But on-his-torso there’s no longer a wart.

  23. Mark Kane says:

    As the captain set sail from the port,
    The owner enjoyed his escort
    From this well managed tug,
    Who’s motions he dug!
    All and all she made quite the consort.

  24. Gary Hallock says:

    Shore ’nuff I’ve confused Maddie’s “port”
    With a “dock,” both are used for “export”
    Although they’re much the same
    My complaint is quite lame
    And my dignity, this won’t restor’t

  25. Gary Hallock says:

    When constructing a verse on word “port”
    Do not, to trick rhyming, resort
    Unless you’re expert
    In this art and alert
    If you are, hit the gas and just floor’t

  26. Gary Hallock says:

    Much the same are these words “dock” and “port”
    Whether iPod or in water sport
    As Cyn ‘n’ them say
    Each could go either way
    So this thought, I’ll no further explor’t

  27. Gary Hallock says:

    Think sharp when you rhyme about port
    Use meter writ right, I’ll exhort
    Do yourself proud
    And proofread aloud
    That way there’ll be no excuse for’t

  28. A fellow was sipping some port
    Now, it looks like his poem will fall short
    Meter’s bad, rhyme is crap
    Fresh wine stain on my lap
    So, methinks that it’s time to abort

  29. A fellow was sipping some port
    When his partner yelled “Quick look athwart!”
    He looked up and around
    Then surprisingly found
    That his wine glass was two fingers short

  30. Daniel Ari says:

    A fellow was cooking with port
    Inside of a Swedish resort.
    He prepped all day long
    While singing a song
    “Ye bor de boon. Mort! Mort! Mort!”

  31. Scudds says:

    A fellow was sipping some port,
    While working the thwart of his boat.
    He sips more port to a quart.
    Until he snort and spurt it out.
    A fellow was sipping some port,
    Until his face was all in distort.

  32. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    The technician connects the wrong port
    And the motherboard’s fried by the short.
    His client’s as silly,
    Now threatening shrilly:
    “I’ll sue you in high circuit court!”

  33. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young man who loved drinking port
    In preference to playing some sport
    Overdid this activity
    Which caused his rigidity
    And he’s now just a buried afterthought.

  34. A Delhi cop kept sipping his port
    while six goons had their sport
    with a girl on a bus.
    He said, “Don’t blame us!
    It’s their skirts that are too short.”

    Sorry, Madeleine, not a very festive one. Just feeling so angry and upset about it!

    Wishing you and everyone here a very merry Christmas and a joyful 2013.

  35. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Dogged Supporters 23.12.12

    A fellow was sipping some port
    While watching his favorite sport
    His wife popped her clogs
    So he called in the dogs
    For some howling moral support

  36. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A man who loved guzzling port
    Swallowed the stuff by the quart
    Though twas anticipated
    Death was not grog related
    He was killed by heavy transport

  37. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young woman loved drinking port
    Mixed in with much indoor sport
    So due to this obsession
    Joined that oldest profession
    And now she’s a Madam in Newport.

    Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to Madeleine, Mark and family and to all of you great Limerickists. Don Fitzp……………..

  38. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Mercury Rising 24.12.12

    A fellow was sipping some port
    Enough though to make him distort
    The truth of the matter
    Am not a Mad Hatter!
    His Mercury Rising was short

    (Mercury rises with heat)

  39. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    The die hard fan 24.12.12

    A fellow was sipping some port
    While watching his favourite sport
    wife kicked the bucket
    he held in and stuck it
    She knew they would need his support

  40. JulesPaige says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    On safari his aim came up short
    With his camera in hand
    Got a shot not well planned
    Framed the hind end, and huffed off with a snort

    © JP/davh

    Happy Holly Daze –
    Have fun how ever you celebrate!

  41. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was sipping some port,
    While choosing a lady to court.
    She gave him a smile,
    And in a short while,
    The evening was theirs to cavort.

  42. John Larkin says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    while watching his favorite sport.
    He began drinking
    when his team started sinking
    and he read a bad scouting report.

  43. Luke Prater says:

    A sailor slunk out of a port
    with naught but prurient thought.
    To a dame he sleazed, ‘You!’ –
    she kicked his ass blue,
    and now he’s down at the mort.

  44. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    which a cop came and tried to abort
    The cop cried out, “Hey!
    you can’t drink from the bay!”
    The guy knew. “My tongue is too short!”

  45. Mark Kane says:

    He attempted to enter her port,
    Foreseeing their time to cavort.
    He bragged of his girth.
    She stifled her mirth,
    Sadly finding his stock a bit short.

  46. Craig says:

    While sipping a fine Christmas port
    I thought about lim’ricks as sport:
    Perhaps enough wine
    Will make winners of mine
    But so far I’m at least a quart short.

  47. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman was sipping some port,
    and thought she saw robot Gort.
    “I haven’t had much.
    Not more than a touch.”
    But really she had a whole quart.

  48. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Madeleine who may like to sip port
    This year not only brought
    To old Fitz just in time
    A reason to rhyme
    Also saved him becoming distraught.

  49. brian miller says:

    a fellow was sipping some port
    as his ship came into port
    and on the rocks did dash
    with a mighty crash
    and was convicted of illegal im-port

    merry christmas mad k

  50. While old Santa was sipping some port,
    Dasher poked in the door, gave a snort.
    “Need to hurry, Saint Nick,
    Got to fly out there quick,
    Or this Christmas we’ll be coming up short.”

    Rudolph’s nose was as red as a cherry,
    Dancer, Prancer were still acting merry.
    But they rose to the call,
    Comet, Cupid, and all,
    And they rushed out the door in a hurry.

    Outside Dash stood by Downder and Blitzen
    Designated were they, as was Vixen.
    As they belted Nick in,
    All the deer had a grin –
    What a hangover he’d have come mornin’!

    Santa raised up his hand with delight,
    And the sleigh rose, a toy-ladden kite.
    As we closed up the bar,
    Santa waved from afar:
    “Merry Christmas to all, and good-night!”

  51. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    While an ailing old man sipped his port
    Of material worth he gave thought
    About all that you’ve got,
    And if you own the lot
    It means nothing without health’s support.

  52. Rachel says:

    A woman was sipping some port
    When she laughed out loud with a snort
    For before her eyes
    Stood a wrapped surprise
    Which barked and wagged at his cohorts.

  53. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young woman liked sipping port
    Till she’d had one sip more than she ought
    So she staggered and barged
    And in court she was charged
    With no visible means of support

  54. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old fellow sat sipping his port
    With the many fond memories it brought
    But sadly to say
    He’s now had his day
    For no more of the old indoor sport.

  55. Tim James says:

    A French gal was sipping some port
    With her boyfriend, a good-looking sort.
    The night started fine
    With good food and good wine
    And ended with la petite mort.

  56. Rich D says:

    A young lass was drinking some port
    with a friend up in his new tree fort
    They both were twlelve
    but thought they should delve
    into life’s mysteries of all sort.

  57. Diane Groothuis says:

    Humpty Dumpty was sipping some port
    On a wall round an old Irish fort
    And he thought “If I fell
    Would it damage my shell?”
    Or that’s what the locals report.

  58. Rich D says:

    A young man was sipping some port
    although he was more of a zinfandel sort
    As he sat on a vine
    He said “It’s all wine
    and I could get snorked on a quart!”

  59. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young woman while sipping her port
    Had an evil and devilish thought
    And would have followed it through
    But somehow just knew
    By the coppers she’d surely get caught

  60. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A hooker who loved sipping port
    Had long legs and a cute little ort (Aussie Arse)
    When asked, “Do you drink grog,
    While doing the job?”
    She winked and said, “Sure I’m a sport

  61. Craig says:

    While on shore leave, a sailor in port
    Got arrested and hauled off to court. 
    Seems he had a few beers
    And then stole girls’ brassieres –
    He got busted for lack of support.

  62. Diane Groothuis says:

    While travelling I carried a port
    And I filled it with more than I ought
    Of biscuits and cakes
    Foreign spiders and snakes
    So at Customs Of course I got caught.

  63. A man went to a group for sup-port
    “My name’s Steve” the man claimed to purport
    Then he spoke rather grim
    “One day since my last lim”
    “Hello Steve!” came the group’s loud retort

  64. Diane Groothuis says:

    Humpty Dumpty now still sipping port
    From a bottle which some- one had bought
    Got a little bit pissed
    Or should I say whist?
    I’ll just have to give it some thought.

  65. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A frustrated old maid that drank port
    Tried out a youth pill that she’d bought
    And in no time at all
    She was having a ball
    With Tom, Dick and Harry and Mort.

  66. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An innocent lass drank some port
    Which a handsome cityslicker had brought
    Now she’s in a real mess
    And a Maternity dress
    And he’s in Paternity Court.

  67. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    The newlyweds survived on Port
    And the fruits of love, at the Resort
    Threw the skins out the door
    Causing the owner to roar,
    “Your choking my ducks with your sport.”

  68. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow while sipping his port
    Was served a rare steak at The Court
    He cried, “Christ it’s so red,
    I don’t think it’s dead.
    And I’ll swear that I heard the thing snort.”

  69. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A woman who guzzles her port
    Was born with a bloody great wart
    I won’t say where it’s at
    I’ll only say that,
    You’d have trouble entering her forecourt.

  70. Tom Harris says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    And thought, “Gee, I’d like to cavort.”
    So he approached this dame,
    Asked for sex and her name,
    “I’d love to,” she said, “the name’s Mort.”

  71. Carolyn Henly says:

    A traveler from Liverpool port
    To Paree found her language fell short:
    “Garçon if you please
    Bring me lots of Bleu Cheese.”
    “Madame, we have only Roquefort.”

  72. Carolyn Henly says:

    Homage to Gary Hallock:

    A gent fond of sipping his port
    Faced his wife in a kangaroo court:
    She asserted his guilt;
    He said “I’ll never spill’t
    If you’ll just let me go on and pour’t!”

  73. Craig says:

    My apologies in advance:

    A sportscaster, fond of her port,
    Lost her job with The Evening Report.
    Her new gig is tougher
    She works as a fluffer
    “On staff” at The Wide World of Splort.

  74. JazzBumpa says:

    A tall lawyer was sipping some port
    And therefore was less than alert
    Only up to his shoulder
    The short one was was bolder
    For he had been sipping on Squirt


  75. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fan dancer who liked to drink port
    Imbibed a lot more than she ought
    And in the fandango
    When she let her fan go
    I tell ya the whole audience saw’t.

  76. Rich D says:

    A fella was sipping some port
    and telling of how he’d contort
    twisted appendages
    and heads in rearendages
    when you end up that way… don’t snort!

  77. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fat hooker who drank lots of port
    Had info tattooed on her ort
    This was really good mate
    To check time or the date
    Including her charges for sport

  78. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A red skirted lass drunk on port
    Staggerred to a Post Box in her Court
    Where she fell on her thighs
    And before she could rise
    Three letters were mailed in her ort.

  79. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A poet Down Under rhymes “port”
    With words of the “thought,” “bought,” “caught” sort.
    Is “port” pronounced POT?
    Or is THORT said for “thought”?
    Or should we consult the World Court?

  80. Tom Harris says:

    The woman said mine was too short,
    Of the dull, microscopic type sort.
    “You’re not a sex symbol
    With that little thimble.”
    Perhaps if she’d had some more port.

  81. Steve Earp says:

    A fellow was sipping some port
    Demanding dessert to be brought
    Said chef to the waiter
    We’ll get him back later
    With piss on his strawberry torte.

  82. Diane Groothuis says:

    I sit on mu own sipping port
    Who cares if it’s snifter or snort
    But if port should be POT
    Then snort should be SNOT
    And to me that’s a terrible thought

  83. Kirk Miller says:

    A judge who was sipping some port
    During trials saw wine cache run short.
    So he called liquor store,
    Said, “Deliver some more.”
    His request was an order in the court.

  84. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old maid who liked sipping port
    Advertised for a man who’d cavort
    If theres more than a dozen
    She’ll call in her cousin
    And they’ll test till she gets the right sort.

  85. Kirk Miller says:

    A lawyer was sipping some port
    While pondering loss in the court.
    He was asked what he’d do.
    “I’ll appeal and then sue.”
    It was both a reply and re-tort.

  86. Santa was sipping some port
    With a maiden he wanted to court
    She was naughty he knew
    And he so wanted to
    Stuff her stocking with a present of a sort.

  87. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was sipping some port,
    But suspected his serving was short.
    “Au contraire,” said the barmaid,
    “Such claims often ARE made,
    But falter for lack of support.”

  88. Dr. Goose says:

    A baron was sipping some port
    In Versailles at the old Bourbon court.
    There came a comtesse,
    Who advised: “La noblesse
    May have gin as a final resort.”

  89. Dr. Goose says:

    A lady was sipping some port
    With a man who was quite a bit short.
    To compensate height-wise,
    His crotch, which was pint-sized,
    Was padded to look like a quart.

  90. Dr. Goose says:

    A lady in every port
    Was the hope of a sailor named Mort.
    In old New Orleans
    He made do with queens,
    But most were the usual sort.

  91. Dr. Goose says:

    Dumbledore sipped at some port
    With his enemy, Lord Voldemort.
    Along came young Potter,
    Who warned him: “You oughter
    Be careful with whom you consort.”

  92. Diane Groothuis says:

    Miss Muffett was sipping some port
    On her tuffet in a dress that was short
    That naughty old spider
    Looked up and spied her
    And said”I think your suspender is caught”.

  93. Bob Kennedy says:

    Catwoman was sipping some port
    Whilst robbing the Batcave for sport
    Alfred chortled “My word!”
    Robin flipped her the bird
    Batman snarled “Get out of my fort!”

  94. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman was sipping some port
    When her mom-in-law said with a snort,
    “He was raised on filet,
    But my son has a way
    Of attracting the casserole sort.”

  95. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 94.

    But don’t worry — you still can have limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Happy New Year Limerick.