Archive for the ‘Legal & Lawyer Humor’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Release or Lease or Police at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, June 11th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Release or Lease or Police at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MONEY, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best money-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 26, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 25, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

To attend you must sign a release
And concede you’re not scared of wild geese
And don’t mind being bitten.
More clauses are written.
Their contents? Our lawyer’s caprice.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STAY at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Sunday, May 15th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STAY at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCIENCE, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best science-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 29, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 28, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A litigant seeking a stay
Of an order was told “There’s no way
That you’re getting relief.
You’ve no grounds for your beef,
So the meat of this order is NAY!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, April 16th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FRIENDSHIP, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FRIENDSHIP-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 1, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 30, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

We’re not buying your bid to conceal
Your role in the heist, so no deal.
You should have been straight.
Now your lies seal your fate.
We can prove you were wielding the wheel.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Badly-Behaved Parents (Limerick)

Friday, March 25th, 2016

Today’s Crazy Headline of the Day deserves a limerick.

“Kindergarten play gets broken up by police after parents brawl over best seats.”

Most brawling takes place on the street
And in bars, but some cops on the beat
Had to break up a fight
At a school play one night:
Parents fighting to get the best seat.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PALE or PAIL or IMPALE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using PALE or PAIL or IMPALE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write a themed limerick related to DOGS and/or CATS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best dog and/or cat-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 24th, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 23, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A maritime lawyer from Yale
Feels his int’rest in law start to pale.
He’s filled with regret,
For he’s drowning in debt–
So at sea in his field, he can’t bail.

Please feel free to write your own limerick(s) using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Open Limerick To Would-Be Thieves

Friday, December 18th, 2015

This headline cried out for a limerick: “Seized to-do list: ‘Steal mail and shoplift.’”

When planning to plunder or steal,
Concealment is key; Don’t reveal
Any scheming on paper.
“To-do list” your caper?
Self-squealing, it’s clear, ain’t ideal.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SNIPE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Sunday, November 8th, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SNIPE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Give me substance! Do NOT type up tripe,
Said the law prof, who’d frequently snipe
At his class, which thus far
Set a very low bar
And seemed likely to stay true to type.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Is There Anything Men Won’t Have Sex With? (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 20th, 2015

Here’s something that just doesn’t track:
Having sex with a tractor is whack!
But a Brit was arrested.
His crime? He molested
Deere rears, which must now watch their back.

Limerick Ode To A Stupid Criminal

Sunday, August 30th, 2015

My limerick was inspired by this news story: “Florida ex-con gives cops fake name that turns up arrest warrant.”

If you give a fake name to a cop
To disguise your ex-con-ness, don’t swap
Your bad name for another
Felonious brother…
Else you’re headed for prison — chop-chop.

Limerick Ode To Gay Marriage

Saturday, June 27th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Gay Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ev’ry marriage has good and has bad.
It brings joy, but can drive you quite mad.
I’m so glad gays are free
Via legal decree
To wed — Just don’t marry in plaid.

A Bugged Plaintiff (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 17th, 2015

A Bugged Plaintiff (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Madame Blanche filed a claim with the court,
A complaint for intentional tort:
“As plainly depicted
Distress was inflicted–
My old spouse should by now be quite mort.”

Redundant Limerick

Sunday, May 3rd, 2015

Redundant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I avow and aver and declare
And affirm and attest and I swear:
The redundancy flaw
From practicing law
Ain’t impairing my lim’ricks. So there!

Double Dactyl For John Mortimer

Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

Here’s my double dactyl to celebrate John Mortimer’s birthday today. (Though he died back in 2009, I still have vivid memories of meeting and interviewing him for a profile I wrote for British Heritage Magazine way back in 1996. You can read my John Mortimer profile here.)

But back to my double dactyl:

Higgledy Piggledy
John Clifford Mortimer
Barrister, Author,
Rumpolian wit.

Bailey, his bailiwick
Prima-facetiously
He and his Horace sure
Loved to acquit.

Limerick Flaw

Wednesday, April 1st, 2015

My life has a terrible flaw;
I’m adrift and off course — in a yaw.
I’ve concluded that humor’s
No job for this boomer.
It’s time to return to the law.

Happy April Fools’ Day!

Limerick Pass (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Pass or Surpass

Sunday, January 18th, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who’d just made a pass…*

or

A fellow was trying to pass…*

or

I purchased an annual pass…*

or

A woman had hoped to surpass…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Pass
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A stoner was trying to pass
Forged fifties to pay for a class.
He got caught and was jailed
And then tried to get bailed
With more fakes, so his ass is now grass.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Yoga Tale (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 13th, 2015

Yoga Tale (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A student was learning a stretch
From her yoga instructor — a lech
Who made passes in classes;
He loved fetching asses.
A class action’s been filed v. that wretch.

*****
View my Yoga Tale Limerick image here.

Limerick Ode To “Lovable Lawyers Day” (October 8)

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014

Limerick Ode To “Lovable Lawyers Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s “Lovable Lawyers Day.” Whee!
But this day isn’t greeted with glee.
It seems most people say:
“Love a Lawyer? No Way!”
But what about ex-Esqs … like me?

A “Really Big Shew” Of A Crime (Limerick)

Saturday, October 4th, 2014

A “Really Big Shew” of A Crime (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A crisis had come to a head
And a torso and legs. Tears were shed,
Cuz some soon-to-be cons
Stole Ed Sullivan’s bronze.
But don’t fret — they’ve reclaimed AWOL Ed.

Yes, Ed Sullivan fans can breathe sighs of relief: “Los Angeles police have found the missing bronze statue of the renowned American TV personality, four days after it was stolen from the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.”

Limerick Ode To A Petty Thief (Limerick)

Monday, August 18th, 2014

What sort of burglar sends stolen jewelry to a newspaper, complaining that the stuff he stole from a socialite turned out to be fake?

Limerick Ode To A Petty Thief (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bad luck has befallen this snake,
Who’s upset by his jew’lry heist take!
His chagrin is immense
Cuz he called on his fence
And was told that his haul was all fake.

UPDATE: National Jewel Day is March 13th.

Open Limerick To Facebook Fanatics

Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

Open Limerick To Facebook Fanatics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook fanatics, I know
That an outage on Facebook’s a blow.
But a crisis that small
Doesn’t call for a call
To the cops. Grab a beer or Bordeaux.

(Inspired by the lunatics who called 911 lines Friday during Facebook’s half-hour outage.)