Archive for the ‘Legal & Lawyer Humor’ Category

The Brawl (Limerick)

Thursday, January 25th, 2024

A powerful felon named Paul
Got embroiled at a bar in a brawl.
It’s still going on now.
Root against him? And how!
He is headed, I hope, for a fall.

The Failed Marriage (2-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, December 27th, 2023

A woman was stunned and aghast
On learning her husband’s dark past.
Seems the man had a sheet
That was long and replete
With crimes both severe and half-assed.

So she threw her spouse out on the street
With the help of two lawyers elite.
(For divorce, they were tops!)
No surprise that the cops
Now have murder to add to his sheet.

One Gem Of A Tale (Limerick)

Sunday, November 26th, 2023

A friend from a musical group
Just called with a jaw-dropping scoop:
Seems a woman we know
Is a jewel thief. Whoa!
I’m afraid I’ve been thrown for a loupe.

The Future Felon (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 21st, 2023

A bright future felon named Phil
Liked irking his teachers at will;
Adroitly annoying,
He shined at deploying
His smarts, as he went for the kill.

An Athletic Test (Limerick)

Monday, November 13th, 2023

An athlete ran nude down the street
And was caught by the cops — no mean feat.
He explained (all erect)
“‘Twas a test to detect
If detectives on foot can be fleet.”

The “Victim” (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 7th, 2023

“Once again, someone’s spying on me,”
Said a paranoid woman named Leigh,
Who day after day
Was a “victim” (she’d say)
Of a fantasy “criminal spree.”

NOT The Best Defense (Limerick)

Thursday, August 31st, 2023


There’s no evidence here! Not a shred
That the “victim” is actu’lly dead,
Let alone that her spouse
Is a murdering louse;
This poor widower LOVED being wed!

Bar Fight (Limerick)

Saturday, August 26th, 2023

I gawked at a gent just last night,
Who judiciously broke up a fight
By emitting one bellow.
Seems each drunken fellow
On hearing the judge, saw the light.

A Cooked Up Complaint? (Limerick)

Thursday, February 9th, 2023

A lawyer whose molar was aching
Lambasted a bakery’s baking:
Said his tooth had been marred
By a dangerous shard—
A shakedown, methinks, in the making.

(National Toothache Day falls on February 9.)

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BLUE or BLEW at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 7, 2023)

Saturday, December 10th, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BLUE or BLEW at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RELIGION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RELIGION-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: NAME, NAUSEOUS, PROFIT, TEASE, SILVER.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 8, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 7, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BLUE or BLEW-Rhyme Limerick:

A litigious old fellow was blue.
His friends (he had only a few)
Asked “Why the bad mood?”
The response from that dude
Was “I’ve run out of people to sue!”

And here’s my RELIGION-Themed Limerick:

A man of the cloth would not share
His frank with his date at the fair.
“That’s unfair,” she cried out.
“I gave you my kraut.
So canoodle tonight? Not a prayer!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

There is someone I could (but won’t) name
Who makes me feel nauseous. My aim
Isn’t testing or teasing;
He’s just so displeasing,
I’d rather not add to his fame.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Don’t Mess With Goats! (Limerick)

Sunday, October 9th, 2022

If you goad, then escape from a goat,
And you’re planning to sue, please take note:
Flouting rules of a zoo
Can be foolish to do…
So your scapegoat success odds? Remote!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MIND or MINED or REMIND at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 15, 2022)

Saturday, September 17th, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MIND or MINED or REMIND at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BANKS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BANK-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: YAWN, CLAIM, SPORTS, LAZY, FEARLESS

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 16, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 15, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my MIND or MINED or REMIND-Rhyme Limerick:

A fellow was asked to help mind
A young dog by a gal in a bind.
But he said, “I’m tied up
And can’t help with that pup.”
The response she unleashed wasn’t kind.

And here’s my BANK-Themed Limerick:

A foolish young fellow named Frank
Had a low-level job in a bank.
When a gal asked for francs,
He informed her, “The ranks
Of this bank have just one, plus a Hank.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

When the judge caught me yawning in court,
He accused me of being the sort
Of gal “who became
An Esq., just to claim
A husband, or simply for sport.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Hotheaded Hugh (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

Since Wordsmith’s “Word of the Day” today is “Hotheaded,” I decided to use it in a limerick:

A hotheaded fellow named Hugh
Was irked by a huge check-out queue.
To disperse the long line
He yelled “Gun!” — the damn swine.
He wears stripes now; “lines” up the wazoo!

An Apt Tag (Limerick)

Thursday, June 2nd, 2022

When I heard that a neighborhood bum
Had been nicknamed “Free Spirit” by some
Of his pals, I asked “Why
Give that tag to the guy?”
Their response? “He enjoys stealing rum.”

UPDATE – NEW DEADLINE: JUNE 25 Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOW at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 25, 2022)

Saturday, May 28th, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SHOW at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TRICKS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TRICKS-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FAIL LOUD POP LAWYER SACK

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 26, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 25, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SHOW-rhyme limerick:

Though my recall is poor, I don’t mind,
Cuz forgetting can sometimes be kind:
It might “freshen” a show,
Whose plot I should know
From a book that my mem’ry can’t find.

And here’s my TRICKS-themed limerick:

A magician was stressed out and sick.
He needed a remedy — quick:
“I can’t cancel my show!
It’s sold out — ev’ry row.”
A massage and Bordeaux did the trick.

And here is my RANDOM WORDS GENERATOR Limerick:

A lawyer’s been working non-stop
To defend an old fellow — a cop.
But alas, he has failed,
And the cop is now jailed.
Worst of all, that old cop is his pop.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DEEDS or MISDEEDS) at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 14, 2022)

Saturday, April 30th, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DEEDS or MISDEEDS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INVENTIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INVENTION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 15, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 14, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DEEDS or MISDEEDS-rhyme limerick:

A bomber (uncaught) is aghast:
He’d been certain his freedom would last.
But some fresh cold-case leads
To his evil misdeeds
Mean a trial for a blast from the past.

And here’s my INVENTIONS-themed limerick:

When informed his design was unsound,
An inventor’s distress was profound:
“The unfairness is blatant!
Their bias is patent!
My grinder has broken new ground!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

More Idiom Madness (Limerick)

Monday, March 21st, 2022

This is what happens when I play with idioms:

“Your home sale is under suspension,”
Read the notice, provoking dissension.
“Human bones have been found
In your yard, underground,
And those bones are the bone of contention.”

Out Of Sorts About “Jorts” (Limerick)

Friday, December 17th, 2021

When I learn a new word like “jorts,” I feel compelled to use it in a limerick:

“Don’t you dare wear those frumpy old jorts,”
A gal to her husband exhorts.
“Making shorts out of jeans
Is a well-designed means
To induce me to take to the courts.”

Limerick Ode To “Love Your Lawyer Day” (1st Friday of November)

Friday, November 5th, 2021

A lawyer was cooling his heels,
Awaiting the Court of Appeals.
A ruling was due
Any day — one he’d rue:
Soon in prison he’ll take all his meals.

Happy “Love Your Lawyer Day!

The Inheritance (Limerick)

Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

When there’s a will, there’s a limerick:

A woman inherited canes,
Toy trains, and her uncle’s remains.
Her fav’rite bequest
Was a fine antique chest —
The best of her will-gotten gains.