Posts Tagged ‘Cops & Police’

Badly-Behaved Parents (Limerick)

Friday, March 25th, 2016

Today’s Crazy Headline of the Day deserves a limerick.

“Kindergarten play gets broken up by police after parents brawl over best seats.”

Most brawling takes place on the street
And in bars, but some cops on the beat
Had to break up a fight
At a school play one night:
Parents fighting to get the best seat.

Happy “National Donut Day” (1st Friday of June)

Thursday, June 4th, 2015

I swear I’m not making this headline up: “SI Swimsuit Models on National Donut Day.”

Makes sense, cuz after all when you think “donuts,” you think “swimsuit models.”

On the other hand, tomorrow (the first Friday in June) really is National Donut Day. So I figured I’d celebrate with a somewhat more apt stereotype:

“I’m famished — need something to eat,”
Said a cop who was walking the beat.
“My last donut was noon.
I need sustenance soon.
Make it something that’s sugar-replete.”

Open Limerick To Facebook Fanatics

Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

Open Limerick To Facebook Fanatics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Facebook fanatics, I know
That an outage on Facebook’s a blow.
But a crisis that small
Doesn’t call for a call
To the cops. Grab a beer or Bordeaux.

(Inspired by the lunatics who called 911 lines Friday during Facebook’s half-hour outage.)

Limerick Ode To Miserable Singing

Monday, February 25th, 2013

Many people were offended by Seth MacFarlane’s “Saw Your Boobs” at last night’s Oscars. But, at the risk of damaging my feminist cred, I’m not one of them.

Of course, I do understand the negative reaction. However, the song didn’t bother me because I viewed it as parody, rather than misogyny.

But what did bother me at the Oscars was everybody pretending that the Les Misérables cast can sing.

Limerick Ode To Miserable Singing
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are folks who appear up in arms:
For the “boob song,” they sound the alarms.
But to me, here’s what riled:
Dreadful singing gone wild
In Les Miz — kindly call les gendarmes.

How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013

The 9-1-1 emergency number has become so common, you’d think people would know when (and when not) to use it. But apparently not.

How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The 9-1-1 number is meant
For a notably urgent event.
Don’t call to report
A stale pizza or torte…
Or hamsters that breed sans consent.

(Using 911 to report a lion sighting in Virginia is probably okay … even if it turns out to be just a labradoodle groomed to look like a lion.)

Black Eye (Limerick)

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

Black Eye (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who had a black eye
Was stopped on the street and asked why.
When her mate said, “She fell,”
They thought “husband from hell.”
His story they just wouldn’t buy.

But she really did fall on her face.
(She’d been rushing, as if in a race.)
So she told them, “Please stop.
“I do NOT need a cop.
“It’s my pace that’s at fault. He’s an ace.”

Author’s Note: I case anyone’s wondering, this really happened to me a couple of week’s ago. Mark and I were in Manhattan, on the way to see The Judy Show: My Life as a Sitcom with Judy Gold. We were running late, and I was walking so fast, you could call it running.

I tripped, fell down really hard, and two week’s later my face is still recovering. But at least I no scare longer people … or make them think I’m an abused spouse.

And no, we never got to see that show. But we did have a great Indian meal before I ruined our night by taking that stupid spill.

UPDATE: I really must thank the owners and management of Angelo And Maxie’s, a well-respected seafood and steak restaurant that’s a couple of doors away from where I fell. They could not have been nicer and more helpful, quickly giving me tons of ice, towels, bandages and a first aid kit. They even let me take over their ladies room for at least twenty minutes. I’m looking forward to actually dining there in the near future.