I hope you enjoy my humor columns, limericks, haiku, and cartoons related to physical health, fitness, and mental health. You'll find lots of health humor, light verse, and limericks here by Madeleine Begun Kane:
An Old Story "If you’d like to feel old, here’s a way–
Besides all those aches and that gray..."
Cold Limerick "A gal with a terrible cold
Kept waiting for meds to take hold..."
Bugged "Some insect made a sandwich
Of my knuckle, it appears.
My index finger hurts so much,
My eyes are raining tears..."
Change Is Good??? "My allergy’s fine while inside.
I’ve no problem when outdoors I stride..."
Healthy Complaint "Dark choc’late, caffeine, and red wine
Might harm us, or may be just fine. ..."
Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)
"In the 'fiscal cliff' negotiations, Republicans are irrationally demanding a hike in the Medicare eligibility age — what Nancy Pelosi refers to as 'a trophy that the Republicans want...'”
Slippery Limerick "A fellow who just let it slip
That his wife got a tuck and a nip ..."
Snow Job "Who needs to join a gym when you own a home in New York and experience … pardon my French … winter! Cardio? Check. Muscle building? Check...."
Keeping Abreast Of Breast Gazing "One of my Facebook pals recently linked a Med-Guru article touting a breast-gazing study. Its conclusion? Staring at breasts is good for your health and increases your life expectancy. Just one problem — the study’s apparently a hoax or urban myth. ..."
Lame Limerick "A guy with his foot in a cast
Was driving his car way too fast. ..."
Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy "Senator Chuck Grassley, one of healthcare reform’s most vocal opponents, has outdone himself. He’s now trying to take credit for portions of the Affordable Health Care For America Act, bragging that he authored the good parts. ..."
ADD Ode (Limerick)
“Hey, doc, have I got ADD?
My attention span’s short as can be. ..."
Ode To Unselfishness (Limerick)
"My husband is great—good as gold.
And there’s no one more giving, I’m told. ..."
Republican Trials (Limerick) "For a party that’s always lambasting trial attorneys and activist judges, Republicans sure are litigious. ..."
Addled Threats "Now that health reform has passed, Republicans are angrier than ever. ..."
“Deem and Pass” Ditty My limerick explains the real reason 'deem and pass' health reform plans were abandoned.
Dressing Down The President "Removing the Medicare buy-in from the Senate health reform bill (to appease Senator Lieberman) was the last straw for Howard Dean. Dean says, “Kill the Senate Bill,” and I’m inclined to agree. ..."
“No-Man” Joe "When it comes to health care reform, Joe Lieberman is acting like a petulant baby: “Wah, wah, wah! Dump the public option, or I filibuster. So there!” ..."
Vibrant Vibrator Play (Limerick) "A period play about vibrators? It sounds like an unlikely theme for a Broadway play, but playwright Sarah Ruhl pulls it off in her In the Next Room or the vibrator play, about hysteria, a 'disease of the womb.' ..."
Stupak Stupidity "The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups’ donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it’s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion. ..."
Stewing Over Stupak "This feminist is furious over the abortion-coverage-banning Stupak Amendment to the House health care reform bill. And no, Stupak isn’t a Hyde Amendment-equivalent. It’s the Hyde Amendment on steroids. ..."
“Short On Facts” Fox "One of the silliest Republican (and Fox News) talking points is that the Democratic health reform bill is too long. ..."
Bathing In Bad News "Just when you thought it was safe to take a shower, here’s a health scare that would make Alfred Hitchcock turn pale: ..."
Bystander President? "Recent comments by Sen. Jay Rockefeller and others indicate
that a strong public option could become a reality, if only President Obama stopped being a Bystander President. ..."
Balking At The Baucus Bill "Wendell Potter, the former health insurance industry executive-turned-whistleblower, presents a scathing analysis of the Max Baucus health reform plan. ..."
Tantrum Politics "Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion? Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you’re likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. ..."
Waterloo Lies "The GOP’s spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies ...."
Steeley Plan For Health Care "Life would be ever so much easier, if only RNC Chairman Michael Steele had Barack Obama’s gig. For instance, we’d be able to solve our health care problems in a nanosecond. ...”
Ode To Tropical Breeze Colonoscopies "It wasn’t bad enough that Sen. Jeff Sessions cited “tropical breezes” in extolling the glories of Gitmo. Now we have Sen. Jim Inhofe bragging about Gitmo’s health care — colonoscopies for inmates over fifty-five. Whoopee! ...”
Secession? Did I Say Secession? (Limerick) "For such a fan of secession, Texas Gov. Rick Perry sure is quick to ask for federal bucks. Hurricane disaster assistance? Check. Antiviral medications to combat swine flu? Check. ...”
SCHIP Haiku "At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP..."
Fishing For Company "I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that 'zebrafish - a common aquarium pet - can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.' ..."
Obstreperous Verse "An obstreperous fellow named Joe
Picked a fight with a long-standing foe ...”
Ode To Starbucks (Humor column about cappuccino addiction, the Starbucks revolution, and life in Bayside, Queens, New York)
Election News Alert "Health care professionals throughout the United States are bracing for a severe outbreak of National Election Withdrawal Syndrome..."
Margarine Is Good For You. Oops -- Never Mind. "It's hard to follow the news lately without reading some scientific red alert about an everyday food. Not long ago, for instance, The Center for Science in the Public Interest announced that pastries are bad for you. All I can say is: Exactly -- that's why we eat them..."
Garbage Out, Garbage In "How would you like to own a precocious trash bin? If Ohio based NCR Corp. has its way, your next garbage can will have a higher IQ than you..."
Comics' Relief: Late Night Comedians Begin Group Therapy "In the wake of the terrorist attacks on the United States, political humor has virtually disappeared, replaced by patriotic platitudes. Deprived of their customary targets, late night TV talk show hosts are at their wits' end, struggling to find a new humorous voice that entertains without offending. So it's not surprising that Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, and Bill Maher have sought comic relief in group therapy. Here's the transcript of their first joint therapy session, leaked to me by someone I'll simply call Deep Doc..."
George Dubya Bush Channeler Seeks Therapy "Doctor's Notes: An unusually difficult first session. Patient was referred by Employer law firm, who has placed Patient on indefinite mental health leave. HR files furnished by Employer report erratic behavior dating back eight months, including: 1. Patient refused to address sundry judges as "Your Honor" on seven occasions, leading to..."
It Is Hereby Resolved "What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds?"