Archive for the ‘Health & Medical Humor’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line

Saturday, December 10th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PARTIES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PARTY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 25, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 24, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here are my two sample limericks:

I never get shots for the flu.
It’s just something I don’t like to do;
I’m convinced they won’t work,
And I’ll feel like a jerk
When succumbing to germs from the queue.

and

I’m hoping you won’t misconstrue
This as telling you what you should do:
Our abode smells of smoke,
Which isn’t a joke.
Did you choke off our fireplace flue?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

My Aching Back! (Limerick)

Friday, October 28th, 2016

Oh, what have I done to my back?
It’s been painfully thrown out of whack.
Worst of all, there’s no tale
To explain my travail;
One false move, and I’m spasming. Ack!!!

Limerick Ode To The School Nurse

Wednesday, May 11th, 2016

Gals remember your trusty school nurse?
You’d tell her, “I’m sick. It’s ‘the curse.’
I have to skip gym
And lie down. All my vim
Has vamoosed and the pain’s getting worse!”

(National School Nurse Day falls on the Wednesday of National Nurse Week, which is May 6 through May 12.)

Brushing Up On Your Holidays

Wednesday, February 24th, 2016

This holiday surely has bite.
People honor it night after night
And each morning, I hope;
At least those who use soap
Should adore “Nylon Toothbrush Day,” right?

Nylon Toothbrush Day is celebrated on February 24th because on February 24, 1938, the first nylon bristle toothbrush, manufactured by DuPont under the name “Dr. West’s Miracle Toothbrush,” went on sale.

Cheesy Limerick

Wednesday, January 20th, 2016

A man who should never eat cheese,
Ignores ev’ry cough and each wheeze
That comes in reaction
And once led to traction;
He can’t hack cheese-attraction disease.

Happy National Cheese Lovers Day, which is celebrated on January 20th.

Note: National Cheese Day falls on June 4th.

What Have They Done To My Treats? (2-Verse Limerick)

Sunday, November 1st, 2015

Halloween week I sampled some candy,
But stuff that I used to find dandy
Made me cringe with distaste.
Has aging laid waste
To my taste buds? I’d rather drink brandy.

Have the folks who make chocolate treats
Altered recipes, cheapened these sweets
Till they taste like debris?
Is it them? Is it me?
Either way, here come healthier eats.

A Limerick for International Day Of Yoga (June 21)

Saturday, June 20th, 2015

The U.N. has decreed June 21 to be International Day Of Yoga … which gives me a handy excuse to post this silly limerick:

A gal doing yoga while dressed
In a toga, when questioned, confessed
That her garb did not work—
Turned her poses berserk.
So instead of relaxed, she was stressed.

Limerick Ode To “Female Viagra”

Friday, June 5th, 2015

Limerick Ode To “Female Viagra”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a “female Viagra?” Oh my!
I’ve boned up on its risks, so no-buy.
Should I need to feel horny,
The problem ain’t thorny.
No not porn! Just a flash of Mark’s thigh.

Erecting The Case For Coffee (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 27th, 2015

Good news for men worried about ED — coffee’s good for you:

According to new research from The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston, men who drink the caffeine equivalent of two to three cups of coffee per day are less likely to have erectile dysfunction.

Erecting The Case For Coffee (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear men, avoid pills and injections,
Yet hold on to your manly erections:
Drinking coffee each day
Drives dysfunction away
And prevents disappointing defections.

Beer Is Good For You??? (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 26th, 2015

Take this with several grains … of alcohol: According to a bunch of studies, beer is good for you.

Beer Is Good For You??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

For those who enjoy drinking beer,
There’s news you’ll be happy to hear:
Beer is good for your heart
And your kidneys. Good start…
But I still give its taste a bronx cheer.

Kick Butts Day Limerick

Wednesday, March 18th, 2015

Today, March 18, is Kick Butts Day.

Kick Butts Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Today is the day to kick butts.
No ifs, ands, or buts — smoking’s nuts!
For the cig rut’s a yoke
That can kill you — no joke!
So though quitting’s a drag, show some guts.

Posterior Advances (Limerick)

Monday, November 24th, 2014

Posterior Advances (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Most hospital gowns can cause tears
Cuz our butt spheres so rarely get cheers.
But the med field’s revealed
Asses CAN be concealed;
New frontiers in design shield our rears.

The Butt Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Saturday, November 22nd, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was knocked on his butt…*

or

A woman was often the butt…*

or

A man was a pain in the butt…*

or

A gal was obsessed with her butt…*

or

A fellow who loved saying “but”…*

or

A fellow was holding the butt…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

The Butt Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A large woman said, “Doc, do my butt.
“It’s too small, and I’d like it to jut.”
“But your butt is too jutting,”
He answered, quite cutting.
“I find your case open and shut.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Multitask THIS! (Limerick)

Thursday, October 9th, 2014

Multitask THIS! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Multitasking is bad for your brain,
Says a study I read on the plane
While cleaning my purse,
Writing email and verse.
Now where WAS I? That study’s insane!

According to research done at Stamford University, we are all seriously screwed.

An Old Story (Limerick)

Tuesday, September 9th, 2014

An Old Story (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you’d like to feel old, here’s a way–
Besides all those aches and that gray–
Arrive home, and then hear
From your husband, “My dear,
Your Medicare card came today.”

Putting A Challenge On Ice (Limerick)

Monday, August 25th, 2014

My friend Tom Hale presented me with the one sort of Ice Bucket Challenge I can actually handle: an “Ice Bucket Limerick Challenge.” So here goes:

Putting A Challenge On Ice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An ice bucket poured on my head?
While I won’t say I’d rather be dead,
It’s cold-sweat-full as hell,
And I’d probably yell
Words too dreadful to post on this thread.

Cold Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Saturday, August 9th, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man with a terrible cold…*

or

A gal who was terribly cold…*

or

A woman left out in the cold…*

or

When the entrée arrived, it was cold…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Cold Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal with a terrible cold
Kept waiting for meds to take hold.
She’d been doled the wrong pills,
Which did NOT help her ills.
What that gal really needed was mold.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To Kale

Monday, August 4th, 2014

Limerick Ode To Kale
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Woe is me! There’s a shortage of kale,”
Bitter health nuts are starting to wail.
Seems there ain’t enough seeds
To meet all their needs.
Tell you what — I’ll my own kale curtail.

Bugged

Friday, July 18th, 2014

Bugged
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some insect made a sandwich
Of my knuckle, it appears.
My index finger hurts so much,
My eyes are raining tears.

I’m not sure what critter bit me.
Maybe wasp, mosquito, bee,
Or a literary critic–
“No more writing!” his decree.

Fruity Study? (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 15th, 2014

Fruity Study? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though I don’t want to lead you astray,
It appears that an apple a day
Is a way to enhance
A gal’s sex life, perchance.
I’m not ribbing you. Mālum? Hooray!

According to a sex study with a rather small sample size, apples might possibly be a libido booster.