Posts Tagged ‘Battle of the Sexes’

Drumming Up Decadence (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 15th, 2023

What’s my excuse for posting this limerick? It’s November 15th, National Drumming Day.

A drummer had hoped to ensnare
An au pair in a sordid affair:
“Your breasts are so sweet.
May I fondle each teat?”
“You’ve some pair,” she said. “Beat it! No! Ne’er!”

A Close Call (Limerick)

Friday, September 29th, 2023

A musician enjoying a fling
With a gal, almost bought her a ring.
What changed the man’s mind?
He was saddened to find
She mistakenly thinks she can sing.

The Confession (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 27th, 2023

Said a gal to her closest friend Jean:
“Did you sleep with my boyfriend? Come clean!”
Jean confessed: “Don’t be pissed!
I told him, ‘Desist!’
Seems his language skills aren’t too keen.”

NOT The Best Defense (Limerick)

Thursday, August 31st, 2023

There’s no evidence here! Not a shred
That the “victim” is actu’lly dead,
Let alone that her spouse
Is a murdering louse;
This poor widower LOVED being wed!

Foiled Romance (Limerick)

Monday, July 31st, 2023

A man who, alas, had no game,
Was rebuffed by a cold-hearted dame:
“You’ve no shot at romance
With me. Not at chance,
Like I told you the last time you came!”

Lush Limerick

Monday, June 26th, 2023

A fellow who’s known as a lush
Was downing his drinks in a rush.
“If I’m late,” he proclaimed,
“She who shall not be named
Says from now on she’ll ‘only serve mush!'”

Dull Dates (Limerick)

Friday, May 12th, 2023

“A conventional man – Wayne’s his name –
Was for four years my regular flame.
Then I dated a guy
Even duller; that’s why
It is back to “Square 1″ for this dame.”

Relationship On The Rocks (Limerick)

Sunday, April 23rd, 2023

Delores and Bill, once an item,
Had a fight. Now she won’t even write ’im
A text saying “hi,”
Or an angry “GOODBYE!”
She explains: “Can’t abide him, so BITE ’IM!”

The Boorish Flirt (Limerick)

Saturday, February 18th, 2023

A relentless and boorish old flirt
Seemed immune to retorts that were curt.
Subtle hints did not work
On this pestilent jerk
In his quest for what HE called “a skirt.”

Lustful Limerick

Monday, December 12th, 2022

A gal was impressed by the thrust
Of an argument made against lust.
But the man who had made it
Had mated or dated
Each person in town with a bust.

A Touching Scene (Limerick)

Sunday, December 4th, 2022

An amorous fellow named Jack
Was eagerly stroking her rack.
When he asked, “How’s my touch?
Is the pressure too much?”
She replied, “How ’bout scratching my back!”

The Rocky Marriage

Tuesday, November 29th, 2022

Shortly after I signed up with Mastodon (the Twitter replacement) I was invited to join a nice group of poets who use daily prompts to inspire haiku and other short verse. My inspiration for this limerick was the “fox” prompt:

Said a gal, as she tugged at her locks,
“My marriage to Rick’s on the rocks.
The last straw was last night:
We had a huge fight
Cuz he called our new neighbor a ‘fox’”

Half-Baked Limerick

Friday, September 30th, 2022

A baker was well on his way
To a lifetime of waste and decay,
When he met a cute gal
Who said, “Listen up pal!
Straighten out, or no rolls in the hay.”

(September 30 is National Bakery Day.)

The Not So Happy Couple (Limerick)

Saturday, August 6th, 2022

“I’ve been faithful! You’ve NOT been deceived,”
Said a gal to her spouse. “I’m aggrieved
And can’t handle your doubts,
Accusations, and shouts!”
“Don’t worry! I’ll soon be bereaved.”

Wedding Interruptus? (Limerick)

Thursday, June 9th, 2022

“My niece Mary’s a likeable lass
Who, alas, is engaged to an ass.
Though I’ve warned her, ‘Be wary,’
She’s anxious to marry.
What I need is a ‘Hail Mary pass.'”

A Dickish Limerick

Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

The aptly named newlywed, Dick,
Refers to his bride as a “chick”
And never extols her.
He boasts he “controls her”
By using “both carat and stick.”

NOT On The Fence (Limerick)

Thursday, April 21st, 2022

“I don’t mind that my new husband hoards
His numerous fencing awards.
But his weapon collection
Incites my objection…
And that’s where we often cross swords.”

Out Of Sorts About “Jorts” (Limerick)

Friday, December 17th, 2021

When I learn a new word like “jorts,” I feel compelled to use it in a limerick:

“Don’t you dare wear those frumpy old jorts,”
A gal to her husband exhorts.
“Making shorts out of jeans
Is a well-designed means
To induce me to take to the courts.”

A Bad Match (Limerick)

Thursday, December 2nd, 2021

“Your new flame always stinks like a stable.
He drinks ev’ryone under the table.
Mabel, what’s the allure?
He’s unstable, for sure.
Worst of all, he wears fur made of sable!”

A Knotty Issue (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

“Though it’s fine that my boyfriend is naughty,
A bit bossy and bad-ass and dotty,
His obsession with bots
Has me tied up in knots.
So I can’t tie the knot with that hottie.”