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Madeleine Begun Kane,
Humor Columnist,

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bob Newhart Names Madeleine Begun Kane Winner of Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor


I hope you'll enjoy my education related essays, verse, comic strips, and song parodies, including The Education President Song, a "No Child Left Behind" related song parody. And you might also like my Bush Isn't An Education President, He Just Plays One, a serious piece which I wrote for the essay collection Big Bush Lies, edited by Jerry "Politex" Barrett of BushWatch fame.

  • Nabbed By A Typo (Limerick) "A teachable moment: When committing crimes, be sure to use spell-check..."

  • Limerick Degree

  • School-Related Haiku and Tanka

  • Mathematical Cat Fight "When I went to school a zillion years ago, using Pi was a given in math class. So I was astonished to learn that some mathematicians favor using Tau instead..."

  • Education ó Schmeducation (Limerick) "Did you know that higher education is snobbish and elitist? And that it causes liberal indoctrination? Thatís the message weíve been getting lately from Republicans like Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney..."

  • Naked Verse
    "A naked young woman named May
    Posed for art classes nude evíry day. ..."

  • Educational Limerick
    "A woman with sevíral degrees
    Fell in love with an ill-informed sleaze..."

  • Dance Lessons Limerick
    "My husband and I like to dance.
    Are we good? Oh no way ó not a chance. ..."

  • Why Iíll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice "As the Washington Postís Valerie Strauss points out, the U.S. Supreme Court is packed with graduates of Harvard Law and Yale Law. ..."

  • Republicans Bring Classiness To the Classroom "Remember when a presidential speech to school kids was considered positive and uncontroversial? ..."

  • Newtís Bilingual Newspeak "Newt Gingrich, youíve got some ísplaininí to do! Please tell me how someone who has repeatedly railed against bilingualism can launch a bilingual website. ..."

  • Musical Accord "One afternoon your ten-year old daughter comes home from school, enthused about learning to play an instrument. Your eyeballs start to throb. Your head begins to pulsate. You ask yourself whether tin ears are passed down from parents to their children..."

  • There's No Substitute For A Bad Job (Limerick and Haiku)
    " In my twenties I substitute taught.
    ĎTis a challenging job and itís fraught; ..."

  • Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kidís Classmate Is Packing "Itís mid-August, which means back-to-school day is just around the corner. And that in turn means itís time to start shopping for school supplies: rulers and notebooks and pens and lunch boxes and calculators and computers and school clothes and Ö bulletproof backpacks??? ..."

  • Testy About Tests "Now that school's back in session, people are obsessing and fretting about tests. Newsweek even devoted a large chunk of a recent issue to "The Truth About Testing." But while Newsweek focused on pre-college tests and the SAT, it's the GMAT that's really driving me "Mad." Or at least it would be, if I were hoping to earn an MBA. Not that I was planning to, mind you. Law school was more than enough punishment for one lifetime, thank you very much."

  • The Education President Song (to be sung to "I Write The Songs")
    "Bush promised parents that he'd fix our schools.
    That he'd make sure their children didn't turn out fools.
    But all the teachers got were lots of rules..."

  • School Daze (Limerick)
    ďI crammed for the testóstudied madly.
    But, alas, Iím afraid I did badly ..."

  • Collegiate Conversation (Limerick)
    "ďTell me, why are you being so mean?Ē
    Cried the girl to the collegeís dean. ..."

  • Edu-Gaffe (Limerick)
    "Being accurateís highly essential.
    This is math, not some course existential. ..."

  • How To Give A Speech (Humorous How-To) "In a moment of weakness you agreed to give a speech. What are you in for? If you're lucky, it won't be any worse than this..."

  • Mis-Education President
    Bush swore he'd leave no child behind,
    A very worthy goal.
    Instead, he left the states a great big budgetary hole.

  • Practice, Practice, Practice (Limerick)
    "The teacher called out from his car:
    ďMaíam, your daughterís a driverís ed star. ..."

  • Ode To An Earthquake (Limerick)
    "Itís Ď71. I awake
    In LA to a 6.6 quake. ..."

  • Pat Robertson Does Dover -- Limerick
    "The Dover folks showed their defiance,
    When they nixed ID preaching with science..."

  • Dubya Defends Rod Paige (Comic Strip)

  • This Driver's Ed "In a Just Shoot Me sitcom episode, Dennis Finch (played by David Spade) moonlights as a drivers ed classroom teacher whose students have been court-ordered to take his class. Spade depicts Finch as a dedicated, MV law-savvy teacher with a dark secret: He doesn't know how to drive..."

  • Bush Don't Need No Demonstrations (To be sung to "Another Brick in the Wall," by Pink Floyd)

  • Dubya Makes The Grade (Comic Strip)

  • Dubya Does College (Comic Strip)

  • Bush Isn't An Education President, He Just Plays One -- a serious essay about Bush & No Child Left Behind

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