Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma (Updated)

March 2nd, 2015

Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma

A new Public Opinion Polling survey finds that 62% of voters think it’s important for the President to have a high school diploma, compared to only 31% who think it doesn’t matter.

Interesting: “There’s a large partisan divide on the issue: Democrats by an 81%-14% spread think it’s important, while Republicans are evenly divided on the matter at 45%-45%.”

When asked to respond to this poll, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said, “Only elitists and ISIS supporters would buy into that requirement, whereas Senator Rand Paul said, “Have I mentioned that I’m a doctor?”

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, a fellow presidential hopeful, disagreed with both men, saying “Don’t glasses make me look smart?”

*****

UPDATE: I was chagrined to learn that my column has fallen afoul of Poe’s Law. What the heck is Poe’s Law? The “literary adage which stipulates that without a clear indicator of an author’s intended sarcasm it becomes impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.”

So for anyone who read this and accepted the poll as real and/or any of the quotes as real, this is hundred percent parody. It was inspired by an actual poll related to whether people believe a U.S. President should have a college degree.

UPDATE 2:

Poe’s Law compressed into a haiku:

In extremist times
reality/parody
appear to have merged.

Why Republicans Embolden Our Enemies (Limerick)

February 23rd, 2015

Why Republicans Embolden Our Enemies (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A government shutdown sounds sordid,
And I’m hoping it’s somehow aborted.
But the House GOP
Views the dangers with glee;
They assume they’ll again be rewarded.

The “Mistakes Were Made” Game (Limerick)

February 19th, 2015

The “Mistakes Were Made” Game (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Simply playing the passive voice game
Is a popular way to dodge blame.
The “mistakes were made” line
Is the best tell-tale sign
That slipp’ry evasion’s your aim.

Leadership? (Limerick)

February 11th, 2015

Leadership? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The words of most pols seem so hollow.
They say little I’m able to swallow.
All those lines that they feed us
While trying to lead us
Persuade me it’s best not to follow.

Limerick Ode to Science Disbelievers plus Sundry Haiku

February 3rd, 2015

Limerick Ode To Science Disbelievers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican problem with science
Is their members respond with defiance
To facts that are proved.
(Have their brains been removed?)
They spread lies to excuse non-compliance.

*****

Refusing vaccines,
Don’t-Tell-Me-What-To-Doers
now infect us all.

*****

Exodus of thought–
an exodus of science–
the GOP way.

*****

Misinformation
delib’rately spread by Fox–
blindly accepted.

*****

Republican pols–
implacable enemy
of fairness and facts.

******

The truth-challenged pols
have taken over Congress–
therein LIES the rub.

*****

Mitt Bows Out (Limerick)

January 31st, 2015

Mitt Bows Out (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney won’t run. What a blow!
He took stock and decided no-go.
Now I won’t get to mock
His new populist crock
As the dough flows to Dubya’s bro.

My 1991 “Ode To A Perplexed Governor” as published in New York Newsday (With Apologies to William Shakespeare)

January 2nd, 2015

I was very saddened to hear that former New York Governor Mario Cuomo has died. He was a fine governor and might very well have been a good president or U.S. Supreme Court Justice.

In reading his obits, I recalled that back in 1991 I wrote a Hamlet-style soliloquy for New York Newsday, related to Mario Cuomo’s indecisiveness about running for president. So I dug it out of my ancient archives, and here it is:

To run, or not to run: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous deficits
Or to take arms against a sea of Republicans,
And by opposing, defeat them. To reign at home:
Or to sleep at home no more: and by running to say we’ll end
The fiscal heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
The northeast is heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To quit, to run;
To run: perchance to lose: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that White House quest what brutal press may come,
When we have shuttled off this Albany soil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long New York;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The opponent’s wrong, the public abuse,
The pangs of disprized voters, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That Democrats suffer from the media snakes,
If the Governor simply plays it safe
In the comfort of his Statehouse? Who would those burdens bear,
To drone that keynote speech night after night,
But that the dread of a crash in ’93 ,
A wrecked economy from whose depths
There is no return, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to Washington finding who knows what?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with fear of the polls,
And primaries of great pitch and moment
Seem less appealing as we fear each loss
And lose through sheer inaction.

Having It Both Ways (Limerick)

December 29th, 2014

Having It Both Ways (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Claim “Obama’s economy’s” sick?
Then take credit for upswings? How slick!
But my dear GOPers,
It doesn’t take seers
To know that you really must pick.

A Holiday Of Sorts (Limerick)

December 27th, 2014

A Holiday Of Sorts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

How I savored my marvelous break
From political venom — each snake
Of a pol now defanged,
And no one harangued.
At the time, though, I wasn’t awake.

Note: This limerick started out as haiku, inspired by the Twitter prompt word “venom.” But just as I was about to post it, I noticed I’d placed the word “break” (which has tons of rhyme words) at the end of line one. And it occurred to me to try to turn it into a limerick. Of course, as soon as the rhyme word “awake” hit me, I had my last line. So NOT writing a limerick would have been criminal.

Here’s my original haiku:

Imagine a break
from political venom–
puffed up pols defanged.

***

Here’s this year’s excellent roundup of some of the best posts from liberal blogs, chosen by the bloggers themselves.

#jonswift2014

Better Late Than Never! (Limerick)

December 19th, 2014

Better Late Than Never! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Immigration and Cuba, oh my!
Net neutrality, China, oh why
Did Obama delay
His assertive display?
Welcome boldness! To meekness, goodbye!

Inconvenient Facts (Limerick)

November 19th, 2014

Inconvenient Facts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans love to get traction
By using executive action
As a pretext to jaw:
“Barack breaks the law!”–
Despite similar acts by their faction.

Immigration reform, for example:
Though Bush Senior and Reagan did ample
Such executive acts
It would seem, despite facts,
That on laws only Democrats trample.

Here’s a must-read, if you really want to understand the debate over deportations.

The Party Of White Guys Strikes Again

November 19th, 2014

Republican gals
awarded but one House chair–
housekeeping gavel.

Twenty-one gavels–
GOP guys get twenty.
One lone gal “keeps house.”

For those who are keeping score, Rep. Candice Miller is the only woman who will be wielding a gavel in the Republican-controlled House. Twenty committee chairmanships go to guys (mostly white), while the least prestigious one — the House Administration Committee — goes (again) to Miller.

Miller’s committee runs the day-to-day operations of the House. So if there’s a hearing about problems with the House cafeteria or bathrooms, Candice Miller’s “The Man.”

To be fair, the Administration Committee’s other principal function is oversight over federal elections. So I suppose Miller can also hold hearings on how to make it harder for Democrats to vote.

“Good Old Days” (Limerick)

November 13th, 2014

“Good Old Days” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

What’s the GOP planning to do?
Their “restoring America” spew
Is nothing but code
For the “good old days” mode.
Tell me: How were those “good days” for YOU?

Election Reflections (Limerick and Haiku)

November 5th, 2014

Election Reflections (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our nation’s elections have ended
With results rather distant from splendid.
As Republicans cheer,
I won’t cry in my beer;
I’ll need gin for our nightmare extended.

***** Sundry Post-Election Haiku *****

Dreadful election
has killed my sense of humor,
so stuck with haiku.

Election’s over–
my worst fears are realized.
Say bye to Senate.

Dems disempowered,
Republicans emboldened.
Brace for impeachment.

Election wipeout–
Americans even more
stupid than I thought.

“Was the election
a Clinton epic failure?”
Latest lame headline.

Sense of humor gone;
If you have held on to yours,
may I borrow it?

***** Post-Election Tanka *****

Watching the returns,
I memorized who won what,
but taxing my mind
proved to be unwarranted–
The Republican guys won.

Writing Verse, When Things Go from Bad to Worse

November 3rd, 2014

Writing Verse, When Things Go from Bad to Worse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My goal is political mockery,
Poking fun at election-time squawkery.
But the polls are so bad
And the news is so sad,
That all I can do is throw crockery.

Chris Christie Wages War On Low-Wage Workers (Limerick)

October 22nd, 2014

Chris Christie Wages War On Low-Wage Workers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Chris Christie says minimum wage
Is too boring — he’s on a new page.
Dare to mention that matter—
He’ll spew out rude chatter.
Suggest raising it? Brace for his rage.

Open Limerick To Political Pollsters

October 15th, 2014

Open Limerick To Political Pollsters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear pollsters, you’re going to town
With predictions that force me to frown.
Each projection I hear
Feeds dejection. I fear
Evil clowns will be taking us down.

How I yearn for a spark that gives hope
And will somehow allow me to cope
With our national news
And the venom that spews.
Until then, I’ll continue to mope.

Supreme Surprise (Limerick)

October 6th, 2014

Supreme Surprise (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The SCOTUS has caused quite a din
Over gay marriage rights. Is it sin
Or just fine for the states
To say gays can be mates?
Its response is “We shouldn’t mix in.”

What To Do About Ebola? Don’t Ask Our Surgeon General (Limerick)

October 3rd, 2014

I’m looking forward to leadership from our Surgeon General, especially now that the Ebola outbreak has reached our nation.

Oh wait … we don’t have one. Why not? Because Vivek Murthy, Obama’s excellent nominee, has the audacity to view guns as a health issue.

What To Do About Ebola? Don’t Ask Our Surgeon General (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though an expert on health would be nice
At this time of Ebola, no dice!
NRA’s GOP
Blocked a great nominee,
And our nation is paying the price.

Purloined Limerick

October 2nd, 2014

Please don’t rat me out. But while the Secret Service wasn’t looking, I swiped this limerick from President Obama’s desk:

Dear Republicans, thank you for caring.
I’m touched by the worries you’re airing.
Then again, you’ll concede
That my death might impede
Your aspersions on me, now unsparing.