Why Trump Lies (Limerick)

March 21st, 2017

Self-aggrandizing lies are the norm
From the Donald; each falsehood-filled storm
Sows confusion and doubt,
Which he can’t do without.
How to shore up support? Disinform!

Pete Sessions’ Bad Session (Limerick)

March 20th, 2017

Texas Republican Pete Sessions doesn’t seem all that good at handling a crowd of angry constituents. At a rowdy town hall, he responded with this gem:

I know why you’re so frustrated: You don’t know how to listen.

Pete Sessions’ town hall was immersed
In constituent wrath, so he burst:
“You don’t know how to listen!”
(Flop sweat all a-glisten.)
It seems Pete has things slightly reversed.

Endless Winter? (Limerick)

March 20th, 2017

Though the calendar tells me it’s spring,
My morale won’t allow me to sing
Because winter’s forever;
King Trump holds the lever…
And he’s razing our nation for bling.

Trump’s Accomplishments (Limerick)

March 18th, 2017

Are the Brits pissed at Donald? Darn tootin’!
Plus he’s feudin’ with Merkel, pollutin’
All our friendships long-standing—
Our image disbanding…
But at least Donald always has Putin.

Trump’s Elusive “Proof” (Limerick)

March 16th, 2017

Trump’s claim that Obama wiretapped him has been thoroughly debunked. Yet Donald is still making vague promises that he’ll provide proof Obama did it … at some unspecific time in the future.

Perhaps Trump will simultaneously produce his long-awaited evidence that Obama’s birth certificate is a fraud.

When he’s put on the spot to come through
With some proof, Trump pretends he will do
Some act at a time
Undefined; vague’s sublime
When old wrongs are surpassed by the new.

Words Matter (Limerick)

March 16th, 2017

Donald Trump’s been rebuked once again:

For the second time in two months, two federal judges on Wednesday refused to allow President Trump to impose a travel ban, citing his campaign rhetoric as evidence of an improper desire to prevent Muslims from entering the United States.

Remember when GOP chatter
Taunted Dems with the sentence: “Words matter!”?
Yet it’s rare that they balk
At the Donald’s loose talk…
Which has flattened his bans with a clatter.

Did Trump Leak His Own Return? (Limerick)

March 16th, 2017

Trump’s been bitching about the publication of an old 1040 — a partial tax return that actually makes him look like a successful businessman and that does him no real harm. Moreover, he’s called it “fake news,” even though its validity was confirmed by Trump’s own office. So here’s my theory via limerick:

Dear Donald, the news makes you burn,
And your wiretap fib’s in an urn.
Ryan’s plan is a bust,
And distraction’s a must,
So I’m betting YOU leaked your return.

Literal Liar-In-Chief? (Limerick)

March 13th, 2017

Donald’s spokespeople baldly pretend
That the wiretap tweet that he penned
Needs no “Sorry! My bad!”
Seems we’re stark-raving mad;
Misconstruing lies Trump likes to send.

Scott Pruitt Scoffs At Carbon (Limerick)

March 11th, 2017

EPA chief Scott Pruitt has stopped pretending to have a semi-open mind about climate science:

Climate scientists widely proclaim
Human action re carbon’s to blame
For our crisis, but Scott
(Although expert he’s not)
Disagrees. EPA chief? For SHAME!

Trump’s Trademark Quid Pro Quo? (Limerick)

March 11th, 2017

Guess who just got preliminary approval for 38 new trademarks in China — applications green-lighted with unusual speed, according to a Hong Kong intellectual property consultant.

Chinese trademarks that Donald has sought
Were approved. Seems high office has bought
Trump the branding he’s seeking–
Emolument-reeking!
But to cronies, alas, it means mean naught.

Trump’s Wall (Limerick)

March 11th, 2017

Yikes! Trump’s proposed budget pays for his pet wall by raiding the TSA, FEMA, and Coast Guard budgets.

Remember Trump’s thunderous call
For a Mexico-financed “great wall?”
Coast Guard funds, FEMA cash,
And the TSA stash–
Trump will slash them to build it. What gall!

Are you feeling more secure yet?

Ben Carson’s No Slave To Accuracy (Limerick)

March 7th, 2017

When HUD Secretary Ben Carson was criticized for conflating slaves and immigrants, he complained that his words had been misconstrued. Unfortunately, however, Carson has a long history of referring to slaves as immigrants. So he’s earned himself this limerick:

Slaves forcibly shipped to our nation
(Per Ben Carson’s REPEATED conflation)
Were immigrants. Wow!
Offensive? And how!
Has his brain suffered O2 privation?

Limerick Ode To Our Liar-In-Chief

March 6th, 2017

I used to respond with surprise
Upon hearing Trump’s venom-filled lies,
But his yarns are so chronic
(A self-prescribed tonic?)
That banking on fiction is wise.

Trump’s Russian Blues (Limerick)

March 5th, 2017

Trump was having a rather good week this past week … until he wasn’t.

So, what ruined Trump’s Congressional address high? No, NOT being wiretapped by Obama. That’s just some shit Trump made up and threw up on Twitter.

No, here’s what REALLY angered Trump: Attorney General Jeff Sessions having to recuse himself from the Russia investigation, because he lied under oath regarding his own Russian contacts. Hence, my limerick:

Trump’s dismayed, overwrought, feeling frayed;
He’d been waiting for Sessions to aid
Him with Russia, and thought
That a fixer’d been bought.
Jeff’s recusal has nixed that charade.

So Much For That Pivot (3-Verse Limerick)

March 4th, 2017

At his speech Tuesday night, Trump seemed sane.
His proposals still sucked, but his brain
And behavior looked stable.
(Less time watching cable?)
Fawning pundits were ably inane:

Trump’s “pivot” was praised by the press,
Who perceived “presidential” finesse.
Heavy meds (I assume)
Might explain his brief bloom
Into something much less of a mess.

But his meds have worn off, I conclude,
Based on stark-raving tweets that he spewed
Just today. Yes his feed
On Twitter indeed
Proves our leader’s a bleeping-mad dude.

About Last Night (Limerick)

March 1st, 2017

The reviews for Trump’s speech, in the main,
Were swell, cuz he seemed to be sane:
He read his speech well;
Did not rant, rave, or yell.
What a low bar we’ve set for his reign.

Orange-Skinned? Yes! But Thick-Skinned? (Limerick)

February 28th, 2017

Trump actually said (on ‘Fox and Friends’) “I have a very thick skin.” Wow! I feel a limerick coming:

When Trump feels disparaged, he’s quick
To behave like a bullying prick.
Yet he keeps a straight face,
While making the case
That the skin on his bod’s “very thick.”

The Trump Revolt (Limerick)

February 27th, 2017

Yet another headline that begs for a limerick:
“Donald Trump is creating a field day for the 1%.”

While running, Trump promised to lead
A revolt v. elitists. But heed
Donald’s affluent picks;
Mostly rich, gilt-edged pricks.
His flimflam’s revolting, indeed.

Bracing For Trump’s Speech To Congress (Limerick)

February 27th, 2017

Although Trump has circulated a bullet point outline of tomorrow night’s speech, here’s what I’m expecting:

Please get ready for Donald to speak
Before Congress on Tuesday this week,
Where he’ll beef about press
And he’ll shriek “We’re a mess,
Only I can address!” (That’s my “leak.”)

Donald Trump, the Anti-Dale Carnegie (Limerick)

February 26th, 2017

Have you noticed Trump’s habit of picking random fights with allies? Even France is rightfully peeved at the Donald for Trump’s Paris rant, which included this gem:

“Paris? I don’t go there anymore. Paris is no longer Paris,” Trump quoted his friend as saying.

Donald thoughtlessly tends to digress
Into statements that cause allies stress.
Watch his Cabinet Secs
As they turn into wrecks,
While attempting to clean up each mess.