DC’s TMZ’d (Limerick)

March 21st, 2019

Headline: “Trump Brought TMZ Politics to Washington”

When Trump went from prez-nominee
To our president, most hoped he’d be
A new man; changed, matured
By the job he’d secured.
But it’s Donald who’s altered DC.

GOP Still Stooping To Trump’s Level (Limerick)

March 21st, 2019

Donald’s John McCain smears are obscene,
And pettiness spews from his spleen.
Yet few GOPers
Denounce him, as fleers
From decency sink to his mean.

The Ultimate Diss (Limerick)

March 12th, 2019

CNN Headline: “Nancy Pelosi: ‘I’m not for impeachment,’ slams Trump as ‘not worth it'”

That diss! How did Nancy unearth it?
It’s the ultimate slam! Did she birth it?
Despite fervent beseeching,
She’s anti-impeaching.
Her reason? Trump just is “not worth it.”

Is Golf A Path To Fitness? (Limerick)

March 10th, 2019

You’ve decided it’s time to commit
To golfing. Your goal? Getting fit.
But is golf the right fix?
Take a look at Trump pics.
I suspect playing golf isn’t it.

Trump Dumps Yet Another Press Chief (Limerick)

March 9th, 2019

Headline: “Instead of a New Press Chief, Trump Could Try Committing Fewer Crimes”

Trump’s approach to bad press isn’t wise;
He blames staffers, replacing the guys
And the women whose quest
Is good press. I suggest
Cutting down on his crimes and his lies.

“Otherwise Blameless?” (Quatrain)

March 9th, 2019

Headline: “How could anyone think Paul Manafort lived an ‘otherwise blameless’ life?”

NOT a limerick:

Judge Ellis while sentencing Paul
Said his life has been “otherwise blameless.”
But that claim just ain’t true. Not at all!
Seems both Paul and Judge Ellis are shameless.

Limerick Ode To Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

March 8th, 2019

Justice Ginsburg’s birthday is coming up on March 15th, and I couldn’t resist writing her a limerick. In fact, I even snail-mailed her a copy. Remember snail-mail?

Here it is:

Happy birthday dear Ruth. You’re the best!
You have met ev’ry challenge and test
With zest, brains, and class,
Plus just enough brass…
While the President feathers his nest.

Open Limerick to the Flag-Humper-in-Chief

March 5th, 2019

Joy Behar, on Trump at CPAC: “If he hugged that flag any closer he would have to pay it hush money.”

Dear Donald, when out on the stump
Please don’t lunge at our flag and then hump.
Such an act’s unbecoming
And vulgar — mind-numbing.
What’s your next flag-act? Taking a dump?

The Harasser-in-Chief Feels Harassed (Limerick)

March 5th, 2019

Headline: “Trump accuses Nadler of harassment in wide-ranging probe”

Poor Donald is feeling harassed;
All he’s done in his crime-laden past
And as president’s being
Examined. We’re seeing
The House do its job at long last.

Trump at CPAC (Limerick)

March 2nd, 2019

Sub-headline: “In an epic two-hour speech, the president claims the Russia probes are ‘bullshit’ as he regaled a conservative crowd after his North Korea summit failure.”

At CPAC Trump ranted and raved;
In a two-hour speech he behaved
Like a fellow who’s filled
With self-pity and thrilled
With his wing-nutty forum depraved.

Astray (Limerick)

February 23rd, 2019

The Donald has led us astray
In ev’ry conceivable way.
Is there any path out
From under this lout?
Twenty-twenty is TOO far away!

Sundry National Emergency Humor

February 19th, 2019

Donald Trump breaches
separation of powers–
Republicans shrug.

*****

How To Lose A Case:

1. Declare national emergency.

2. Say “I didn’t need to do this,” as your lawyers tear their remaining hair out.

3. Stand by for courts to agree that you, indeed, “didn’t need to do this.”

*****

Unpersuadable,
Impervious to the facts–
That’s Donald Trump’s base.

*****
Today, Lindsey Graham defended Trump’s unconstitutional “national emergency” declaration:

“Let’s just say for a moment that he took some money out of the military construction budget,” Graham said. “I would say it’s better for the middle-school kids in Kentucky to have a secure border. We’ll get them the school they need. But right now we’ve got a national emergency on our hands.

What’s next for Lindsey Graham? Any day now, we just might be hearing this:

“Let’s just say for a moment that the President executed Nancy Pelosi, the person most responsible for blocking his wall.

“Yes, that would be unfortunate. But I would say it’s better for middle-school kids and all Americans to have a secure border. We’ll get them the new House Speaker they need. But right now we’ve got a national emergency on our hands.”

*****

DONALD TRUMP: “We will have a national emergency and we will then be sued and they will sue us in the 9th circuit, even though it shouldn’t be there…”

Hey Donald, if you don’t want cases to go to the 9th Circuit, stop screwing California.

*****

Trump’s Fake Emergency Power Grab (Limerick)

February 15th, 2019

A fake crisis; Trump seizes more power,
As obsequious ass-kissers cower.
He raids Pentagon cash
And a FEMA funds stash,
And democracy dies by the hour.

Wash Your Hands, For Pete’s Sake! (Limerick)

February 11th, 2019

BBC News: “Fox News host Pete Hegseth has confessed on air that he has not washed his hands for 10 years because ‘germs are not a real thing'”.

A fellow on Fox, known as Pete,
Says that germs don’t exist. So don’t greet
That odd man. Take a stand;
He won’t wash either hand!
(I’m not sure what he does with his feet.)

For the record, Hegseth now claims he was joking, but just in case…

The GOP Tax Scam (Limerick)

February 11th, 2019

Headline: “Many Stunned to Get Smaller Tax Refunds”

As our warnings re tax cuts come true,
Donald’s base is beginning to rue
That tax plan they backed.
They were duped. It’s a fact;
Those “big refunds” are NOT coming through.

Trump v. Biden (Limerick)

February 6th, 2019

Trump to anchors, as quoted by the New York Times’ Peter Baker:

When I say something that you might think is a gaffe, it’s on purpose; it’s not a gaffe. When Biden says something dumb, it’s because he’s dumb.

When you think I am making a gaffe,
It’s on purpose to make people laugh.
But Biden is dumb,
Which explains much or some
Of the lame things he says — at least half.

What Donald Really Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)

February 6th, 2019

Trump’s insistence on wall dough is late.
A sincere person never would wait
Till control of the House
Had been lost. Yes this louse
Is a stunt-monger. Don’t take the bait!

Don’t Bother Telling Trump Intel (Limerick)

February 6th, 2019

The Donald says “Go back to school!”
To intel chiefs. Trump is a fool,
Who is sure he knows best
And hurls insults with zest,
Along with his drivel and drool.

Trump’s Bush League Staffers (Limerick)

January 21st, 2019

Headline: “Christie Says Trump Hired ‘Riffraff’ for Key Posts”

No one wants to join Donald Trump’s staff,
Or work on the Donald’s behalf.
You’d have to be high
To deal with that guy,
So he’s down to the riff and the raff.

The Tease-In-Chief (Limerick)

January 19th, 2019

Headline: “Trump says he will make a ‘major’ announcement on Saturday about the border and government shutdown”

Dear Trump, that announcement you’re teasing
Is only of int’rest and pleasing,
If the gov isn’t closed
And you say you’re disposed
To resign. Failing that, halt your wheezing!