John McCain’s Bad Messaging (Limerick)

June 18th, 2013

Dear John McCain:

For a just a moment, I thought you had a valid grievance concerning the Obama White House use of “secret” e-mail addresses. Then I found out that you use one too. Plus … I can’t seem to recall your complaining about their widespread use by the Bush/Cheney White House.

John McCain’s Bad Messaging (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Secret email accounts” fuel distrust,
Gripes McCain of Obama. Sound just?
But hypocrisy rears:
Seems McCain and his peers
In the GOP find them a must.

Hillary Clinton Joins Twitter (Limerick)

June 10th, 2013

Hillary Clinton Joins Twitter (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

@HillaryClinton is here
Right on Twitter, so give her a cheer.
Both witty & classy,
Supremely bad-assy
And fearless – a gal without peer.

Limerick Ode To Chuck Grassley

June 5th, 2013

Sen. Chuck Grassley seems to take great pleasure at sending nastiness in President Obama’s direction, as well as bogus court-packing claims. Well, we now know why; Poor Charles Grassley was knocked off Obama’s speed dial.

Grassley whines about four call-less years and lots of other stuff in an hour-long interview with The Hill — a nauseating read.

Limerick Ode To Chuck Grassley
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Chuck Grassley is feeling rejected,
Disrespected, and sorely neglected;
The Prez used to call,
But no more — not at all.
Chuck in more than one way’s disconnected.

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann

May 30th, 2013

Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann has decided not to seek a 5th Congressional term. So it’s time for a goodbye limerick:

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Michele Bachmann, you’ll surely be missed.
You’ve provided such humor mill grist.
But we mockers are blessed
With a huge treasure chest
Of wingnuts at whom to get pissed.

Louie Gohmert is tops on that list.
Ted Cruz and Steve King still exist.
So we’ve fodder galore;
Finding humor’s no chore
With a party like yours in our midst.

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)

May 25th, 2013

This New York Times headline doesn’t exactly come as a shock: Banks’ Lobbyists Help in Drafting Financial Bills:

One bill that sailed through the House Financial Services Committee this month — over the objections of the Treasury Department — was essentially Citigroup’s, according to e-mails reviewed by The New York Times. The bill would exempt broad swathes of trades from new regulation.

In a sign of Wall Street’s resurgent influence in Washington, Citigroup’s recommendations were reflected in more than 70 lines of the House committee’s 85-line bill. Two crucial paragraphs, prepared by Citigroup in conjunction with other Wall Street banks, were copied nearly word for word. (Lawmakers changed two words to make them plural.)

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It seems Wall Street is writing our laws;
Co’s like Citigroup — clause by bad clause.
If you think it’s a crime
That the rich win each time,
That right there is your probable cause.

Open Limerick To Anthony Weiner

May 23rd, 2013

The audacity of politicians never ceases to astonish me. And Anthony Weiner’s run for New York City Mayor is only the latest example. I just don’t see how he can ever live down his Twitter scandal, and I say that as a New Yorker and former fan.

Open Limerick To Anthony Weiner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Weiner, I once was a fan;
You’re an outspoken, liberal man.
But I’m sorry –you’re screwed
By the “ick” factor, dude,
So your mayor plans simply don’t scan.

Limerick Ode To Republican Scandal-Mongers

May 21st, 2013

Limerick Ode To Republican Scandal-Mongers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP feeling is heady;
Obama’s a goner — they’re ready
To exploit and destroy.
They can taste it — Oh, boy!
Yet Obama’s approval is steady.

I suspect that Americans sense
The piled-on distortions immense—
That the calls to impeach
Are a huge overreach
By pols on incessant offense.

Limerick Ode To Pat Robertson, Marriage Counselor

May 16th, 2013

Pat Robertson can always be counted on to say weird things and give bad advice. Yesterday’s “700 Club” TV broadcast was no exception.

In response to a spurned wife’s question, Robertson essentially said that a man strays because he’s a man. And that instead of focusing on spousal cheating, a wife should make the house so enticing that her husband doesn’t want to stray.

Pat counsels spurned wives to appreciate the positive:

“Does he provide a home for you to live in,” Robertson said. ‘Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children… Is he handsome?”

Limerick Ode To Pat Robertson, Marriage Counselor
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear gals, if your husband has strayed,
There’s no need to feel mad and betrayed:
Be grateful instead
That he pays for your bed.
That’s Pat Robertson’s notion of aid.

Enough With The Lame Questions! (Limerick)

May 6th, 2013

Enough With The Lame Questions! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a question that’s making me weary:
“Is Barack a lame duck?” — that’s the query.
Pundits ask this with drama,
While blaming Obama.
The true culprits (like Boehner) ain’t teary.

An Endorsement Mark Sanford Hopes Nobody Will Notice (Limerick)

May 1st, 2013

Even though I have no use for porn, I do have a soft spot for Hustler publisher Larry Flynt.

Why?

1: Throughout the George W. Bush administration, he linked to my parody Dubya’s Dayly Diary from the home page of his personal site.

2: Larry Flynt is a lefty who pulls the occasional very amusing stunt.

Larry Flynt’s latest caper is an obviously satirical endorsement of former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford in his race against Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch for U.S. Congress.

He couldn’t possibly have given Elizabeth Colbert Busch a lovelier gift.

Sanford, who gained national prominence in 2009 as governor of South Carolina when he abruptly abandoned his duties for a secret rendezvous with his mistress, is currently running against Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch for South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District seat. The election will take place on May 7.

In a statement released today, Flynt calls Sanford “the sex pioneer of our time.” In Flynt’s eyes “no one has done more to expose the sexual hypocrisy of traditional values in America today. Sanford’s open embrace of his mistress in the name of love, breaking his sacred marriage vows, was an act of bravery that has drawn my support.” Chastising the Republican Party for not backing Sanford following his run-off victory, Flynt declared: “I am willing to step in and stand erect for Mark Sanford.”

An Endorsement Mark Sanford Hopes Nobody Will Notice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man known for porn — Larry Flynt
Has endorsed Gov. Mark Sanford in print,
As a “sex pioneer,”
With a glint and a leer.
Endorsements like this you can’t mint.

Limerick Ode To James Inhofe

April 29th, 2013

Who’s paying Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe to invent and spread lies about Obama stockpiling bullets to deprive 2nd Amendment huggers of ammunition? The gun industry? The bullet industry? Both? Surely he’s not doing it solely because he’s an idiotic conspiracy theorist. Or is he?

Limerick Ode To James Inhofe
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Buy bullets before there’s none left—
All bought up by Barack — you bereft:
That’s conspiracy loon
Jim Inhofe’s new tune;
At making up lies, the guy’s deft.

Media Gets A Well-Deserved Hand Slap from FBI (Limerick)

April 17th, 2013

It’s pathetic how many respected news outlets published false reports today of an arrest in the Boston Marathon bombings.

Inaccurate Arrest Reports Need To Be Arrested (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear news outlets, use some restraint:
Stop reporting arrests, when there ain’t.
Publish news, and NOT litter.
You’re far worse than Twitter,
And your need to be first leaves a taint.

King-Sized Exploitation (Limerick)

April 17th, 2013

Rep. Steve King (R–Iowa) is a perfect example of how NOT to react to the Boston bombings. According to the fence and deportation-loving Steve King, the mere possibility that the bomber(s) might be foreign means that immigration reform should be delayed and that reform could endanger the public.

King-Sized Exploitation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Give Steve King a terrific ovation
For his masterful bomb exploitation:
In the absence of facts,
He conflates the attacks
With immigration reform in our nation.

He’s been anti-reform all along.
Now he sings a delay-reform song,
Cuz the bomber, he claims,
Might be foreign. He aims
To spread terror himself — that’s so wrong.

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)

April 9th, 2013

There’s a striking difference between the website homepages of the DCCC (Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee) and the NRCC (National Republican Congressional Committee): The most prominent words (by size and location) on the DCCC site are Democrats 2014. But the only reference to Republicans on the NRCC site is buried on the bottom in the “paid for by” disclaimer.

So, do House Republicans have something to hide?

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems the NRCC’s feeling shame:
How else to explain that the name
Of its party’s not bold,
But lost under the fold
Of a site meant to shore up its game.

Limerick Ode To Harry “Big Talker” Reid

April 8th, 2013

Once again, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is making threats about filibuster reform — this time with noise about the “nuclear option.” All I can say is: Blah, blah, blah!

Limerick Ode To Harry “Big Talker” Reid
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Harry Reid is again voicing threats
To reform Senate rules. Oh yes, let’s!
But his words have no stock,
As Republicans block
Most Dem action — abuse Reid abets.

Hairy Proposition (Limerick)

April 4th, 2013

My bearded husband will be pleased to hear about this new BEARD PAC. It’s been launched to support bearded candidates of any party, with the ultimate goal of getting a beard back into the Oval Office:

“It’s been 125 years since our last bearded President, Benjamin Harrison, was elected,” BEARD PAC Communications Director Andy Shapero said. “We’re hoping that with our support, bearded individuals will shrug off over a century of political irrelevance and start running for office again.”

Hairy Proposition (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you’re bearded and want to be prez,
There’s a PAC that might back you, that says
Facial hair is a must
And nude chins are a bust.
I suggest they Ben Harrison rez.*

* My apologies, but I found this Second Life reference irresistible, even though I wouldn’t even know what “rez” means without the help of the Urban Dictionary.

Rebootus Interruptus (Limerick)

April 3rd, 2013

As long as the GOP’s packed with headline-grabbing wingnuts like Michele Bachmann, the Republican reboot’s going nowhere:

Attention, GOP: Your rebranding attempts are being undercut by a segment of your party getting big headlines and lots of airtime — a segment symbolized by the Minnesota quote-machine, Rep. Michele Bachmann. Due to a series of gaffes, she is again on the receiving end of criticism, including from Fox News powerhouse Bill O’Reilly. The congresswoman is also, as reported by The Daily Beast’s John Avlon, “embroiled in a litany of legal proceedings related to her rolling disaster of a presidential campaign — including an Office of Congressional Ethics investigation into campaign improprieties.”

…She speaks in apocalyptic terms about President Obama and Democrats. She has never met an inaccuracy or exaggeration she didn’t like in her thirst to negatively define the other side. (Fact-checkers following her speeches may soon have to seek workmen’s compensation.)…

Rebootus Interruptus (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP wants to reboot—
Switch its image from crazy old coot
To something appealing,
More meanness-concealing—
A change that its zealots refute.

Clueless In Colorado (Limerick)

April 1st, 2013

If you’re a Colorado spouse abuser, take heart: Republicans have vowed to protect your right to bear arms against Dem meanies, who mean to take it away.

Clueless In Colorado (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Good news for domestic abusers,
Bad news for their victim-accusers:
Colorado is where
The Republicans swear
To guard gun rights for battering bruisers.

Limerick Ode To DOMA’s Demise

March 27th, 2013

Most experts seem to think the U.S. Supreme Court will strike down DOMA, thereby ending the federal ban on benefits to gay spouses. The question is: Will they do it based upon equal protection, or states’ rights? The former (seemingly supported by the four liberal Supremes) is vastly preferable, but the later appears more likely; the perennial swing judge, Justice Anthony Kennedy, is more of a states’ rights kinda guy.

Limerick Ode To DOMA’s Demise
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m GLAD to hear DOMA’s in trouble.
But will Justices safe in their bubble
Concede that it’s wrong,
Beat the gong, say so long
To treating gay couples like rubble?

Mitch’s Knucklehead Pitch (Limerick)

March 21st, 2013

I can only assume that when Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell looks in the mirror, he somehow sees a very youthful, attractive fellow. Otherwise he would surely avoid making this ageist, lookist, and sexist jab at Hillary Clinton:

“Finally, don’t tell me that Democrats are the party of the future when their presidential ticket for 2016 is shaping up to look like a rerun of the ‘Golden Girls,’” McConnell said in his morning address to CPAC, drawing laughter and applause.

Mitch’s Knucklehead Pitch (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Someone ought to inform Leader Mitch
Of his party’s new “lure women” pitch:
Saying Hillary C-run
Is Golden Girls rerun
Most likely won’t tempt us to switch.