Sundry National Emergency Humor

February 19th, 2019

Donald Trump breaches
separation of powers–
Republicans shrug.

*****

How To Lose A Case:

1. Declare national emergency.

2. Say “I didn’t need to do this,” as your lawyers tear their remaining hair out.

3. Stand by for courts to agree that you, indeed, “didn’t need to do this.”

*****

Unpersuadable,
Impervious to the facts–
That’s Donald Trump’s base.

*****
Today, Lindsey Graham defended Trump’s unconstitutional “national emergency” declaration:

“Let’s just say for a moment that he took some money out of the military construction budget,” Graham said. “I would say it’s better for the middle-school kids in Kentucky to have a secure border. We’ll get them the school they need. But right now we’ve got a national emergency on our hands.

What’s next for Lindsey Graham? Any day now, we just might be hearing this:

“Let’s just say for a moment that the President executed Nancy Pelosi, the person most responsible for blocking his wall.

“Yes, that would be unfortunate. But I would say it’s better for middle-school kids and all Americans to have a secure border. We’ll get them the new House Speaker they need. But right now we’ve got a national emergency on our hands.”

*****

DONALD TRUMP: “We will have a national emergency and we will then be sued and they will sue us in the 9th circuit, even though it shouldn’t be there…”

Hey Donald, if you don’t want cases to go to the 9th Circuit, stop screwing California.

*****

Trump’s Fake Emergency Power Grab (Limerick)

February 15th, 2019

A fake crisis; Trump seizes more power,
As obsequious ass-kissers cower.
He raids Pentagon cash
And a FEMA funds stash,
And democracy dies by the hour.

Wash Your Hands, For Pete’s Sake! (Limerick)

February 11th, 2019

BBC News: “Fox News host Pete Hegseth has confessed on air that he has not washed his hands for 10 years because ‘germs are not a real thing'”.

A fellow on Fox, known as Pete,
Says that germs don’t exist. So don’t greet
That odd man. Take a stand;
He won’t wash either hand!
(I’m not sure what he does with his feet.)

For the record, Hegseth now claims he was joking, but just in case…

The GOP Tax Scam (Limerick)

February 11th, 2019

Headline: “Many Stunned to Get Smaller Tax Refunds”

As our warnings re tax cuts come true,
Donald’s base is beginning to rue
That tax plan they backed.
They were duped. It’s a fact;
Those “big refunds” are NOT coming through.

Trump v. Biden (Limerick)

February 6th, 2019

Trump to anchors, as quoted by the New York Times’ Peter Baker:

When I say something that you might think is a gaffe, it’s on purpose; it’s not a gaffe. When Biden says something dumb, it’s because he’s dumb.

When you think I am making a gaffe,
It’s on purpose to make people laugh.
But Biden is dumb,
Which explains much or some
Of the lame things he says — at least half.

What Donald Really Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)

February 6th, 2019

Trump’s insistence on wall dough is late.
A sincere person never would wait
Till control of the House
Had been lost. Yes this louse
Is a stunt-monger. Don’t take the bait!

Don’t Bother Telling Trump Intel (Limerick)

February 6th, 2019

The Donald says “Go back to school!”
To intel chiefs. Trump is a fool,
Who is sure he knows best
And hurls insults with zest,
Along with his drivel and drool.

Trump’s Bush League Staffers (Limerick)

January 21st, 2019

Headline: “Christie Says Trump Hired ‘Riffraff’ for Key Posts”

No one wants to join Donald Trump’s staff,
Or work on the Donald’s behalf.
You’d have to be high
To deal with that guy,
So he’s down to the riff and the raff.

The Tease-In-Chief (Limerick)

January 19th, 2019

Headline: “Trump says he will make a ‘major’ announcement on Saturday about the border and government shutdown”

Dear Trump, that announcement you’re teasing
Is only of int’rest and pleasing,
If the gov isn’t closed
And you say you’re disposed
To resign. Failing that, halt your wheezing!

Trump Cancels Pelosi War Zone Trip … and the Speaker Responds (Limerick)

January 17th, 2019

Headline: “Trump denies Pelosi military aircraft for war zone trip”

Speaker Pelosi’s Limerick Response:

Rumor has it, dear Trump, you were scared
I’d be harmed. “Stop her trip!” you declared.
Using all of your might,
You cancelled my flight.
How sweet! I did NOT know you cared.

GOP Bigotry (Limerick)

January 16th, 2019

Headline: ” Republicans, Racism and Steve King
So now the party abhors bigotry? How convenient.”

The GOP’s making a show
Of loathing King’s racism, though
His behavior’s not new.
Plus they’ve made no ado
About bigoted Trump. He must go!

Putin’s Puppet (Limerick)

January 16th, 2019

Headline: “GOP blocks Senate rebuke of Trump on Russia sanctions”

Undoubtedly Putin is thrilled
By the mayhem he’s wrought; he’s fulfilled
His dream to install
Trump the Puppet, who’ll brawl
And defile, as democracy’s chilled.

If Nancy Pelosi Could Write Limericks

January 16th, 2019

Dear Donald, I see that the state
Of our Union is closed, so the date
That you’re set to appear
In my House (nearly here)
Isn’t great. “Speak” in writing … or wait.

Here’s Nancy’s real letter to Trump.

Trump’s Fake Crisis Diversion (Limerick)

January 12th, 2019

Trump keeps tying our nation in knots,
And it’s time to connect all the dots:
He inflicts all this hurt
To distract and divert
Because Putin is calling the shots.

No Means No! (Limerick)

January 12th, 2019

Headline: “When Nancy Pelosi Says ‘No’”

When Pelosi says “no,” she means “NO!”
Trump will NOT get his wall-building dough.
Unlike Donald, she’ll walk
The walk and won’t balk.
Nancy’s toughness is true. Trump’s? Just SHOW!

Donald’s Just-Pretend Emergency (Limerick)

January 11th, 2019

Trump’s attempting a blackmail-insurgency:
“I’ve the right to declare an emergency.
But I WON’T do it yet.
Right now it’s a threat!” …
Which proves that there’s really no urgency.

Limerick Ode To Our So-Called Deal-Maker

January 11th, 2019

The self-described deal-maker fails
To close deals. Donald’s thwarted? He bails.
Nancy ties him in knots,
And whenever he spots
Her he’ll plotz, as his orange skin pales.

Trump Walled In By Wall Quote (Limerick)

January 10th, 2019

It’s hard not to laugh at this quote from Trump’s 2004 Wagner College commencement address, which inspired my limerick:

I’ll tell you, to me, the second-most important thing after love what you do is never, ever give up. Don’t give up. Don’t allow it to happen. If there’s a concrete wall in front of you, go through it. Go over it. Go around it. But get to the other side of that wall.

There’s a wall of concrete? Then go through it;
That’s the way that the Donald once drew it.
Are walls MEANT to be crossed?
Or built at great cost:
My conclusion is Donald Trump blew it.

Trump Storms Out Of His Own Meeting (Limerick)

January 9th, 2019

Headline: “Trump storms out of meeting as shutdown careens toward fourth week”

The Donald stormed out of the meeting
Cuz his wall scheme was taking a beating.
The Speaker was “mean,”
So he vented his spleen
In a petulant act of retreating.

Border Wall Lies

January 8th, 2019

The Donald is planning to go
On the air Tuesday night with a show
Of border wall lies
And emergency cries.
To the networks I plead: “Just Say No!”