Open Limerick To Donald Trump

June 28th, 2016

Dear Donald, you once would extol
Your rankings in poll after poll.
You’d brag and you’d gloat
And you’d proudly emote
About numbers you loved, heart and soul.

But now that you’re deep in the hole,
With low poll numbers taking their toll,
You scream and you swear
That they’re fake and unfair–
Once a poll-touter, now a poll troll.

Open Letter To Bernie Sanders

June 26th, 2016

Dear Bernie: I started out liking you, but preferring Hillary. Over time, my respect for you has gradually declined. However until today, I still thought you were a well-meaning progressive, albeit one with an over-inflated ego and a soupçon of sexism.

But all that has changed as a result of your “performance” today on CNN’s State of the Union. My regard for you now is undoubtedly every bit as low as the “Bernie Or Busters’ regard for Hillary Clinton.

So please don’t bother endorsing Hillary EVER. It’s way too late. Nobody cares!

And by all means please keep up your increasingly obnoxious remarks about Hillary — comments you apparently must spew in order to maintain the media attention you require to get through the day. Because again, NOBODY CARES!

And re your: “We are trying to say to Secretary Clinton and the Clinton campaign, ‘Make it clear which side you are on,’” please get therapy. Your need for it appears desperate.

PS: You LOST!!!

Trump Versifies About His Veep Pick (Limerick)

June 25th, 2016

I’m flooded with emails and calls
From fellows who think they’ve the balls
To run as my veep.
But my standards are steep;
Are they skilled with cement for my walls?

Trump’s Limerick Ode To Fake Diamond Cuff links

June 22nd, 2016

I was amused to learn that Trump has been duping friends with fake diamond cuff link gifts for years.

Fake cuff links — my favorite gift–
Very key to maintaining my thrift.
“They’re fine diamonds,” I say
When I give them away.
No one’s miffed; friends don’t know they’ve been stiffed.

Open Limerick From Trump To His Campaign Team

June 22nd, 2016

My Hillary speech went off great!
And I’m betting that liar’s irate.
I’ll shellack her and whack her,
Attack her and thwack her.
Getting rich in the Oval’s my fate.

Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders from Whoever Runs the Democratic Convention

June 19th, 2016

Dear Bernie, feel free to contest
The convention with zeal and with zest.
But in case that you think
We’re naive and will shrink
In your wake, you’ll speak midnight, at best.

Explaining Bernie (Limerick)

June 17th, 2016

Explain Bernie? I’ll give it a whirl:
He apparently thinks he’s a pearl,
And that Hill and her lot
Are beneath him — worth squat –
Plus he CAN’T bear to lose to a girl.

A Serious Question (Limerick)

June 15th, 2016

It seems possible that Bernie won’t endorse Hillary. Or that he’ll delay his endorsement for so long, that it loses much of its effectiveness. And that makes me wonder how valuable a timely Sanders endorsement really is. And how damaging his non-endorsement might be.

From what I can gather, Bernie supporters fall into three broad categories:

1: Those who’ve said all along that they will vote for whoever gets the Democratic nomination.

2: Those who’ve come to realize that (however they may feel about Hillary) Trump is a dangerous threat to our nation and must be stopped.

3: Bernie Or Busters who are so anti-Hillary, that they turned against Elizabeth Warren, the second she endorsed her.

So, would a reasonably prompt Bernie endorsement have any value beyond the symbolic? That very question inspired this limerick:

An endorsement from Bernie’d be great,
Though I’d ask if it truly has weight;
Donald must be shellacked!
You don’t see this? You’re whacked!
And your Bern love could soon turn to hate.

Limerick Ode To Donald “The Diviner”

June 15th, 2016

“Our nation is finished. Doom’s near.”
That’s the message from Trump that we hear.
In a way, Donald’s right,
Cuz that’s surely our plight
If we let him our “ship of state” steer.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

June 13th, 2016

Dear Trump, are you trying to lose
By pretending you’re missing some screws?
Was your run just a bluff
Which has gone far enough?
If that’s true, then withdraw. Drop the ruse!

Limerick Ode For Donald “The Grifter” Trump

June 1st, 2016

The Donald’s a real estate grifter
And a policy viewpoint shape shifter.
If you fall for his spiel
And think HE’s the real deal,
You’ve been guzzling from beer stein or snifter.

Donald Trump Boosts Pet Wallaby Sales? (Limerick)

May 30th, 2016

According to this strange interview, Republican Kelly Maher, a political analyst, is so depressed by Donald Trump that she bought a pet wallaby for emotional support.

About Trump, Kelly’s very upset.
She’s so jumpy, she got a new pet
To help with her sadness
And wall off the madness.
Will a Wallaby help her not fret?

Open Limerick To Orrin Hatch

May 26th, 2016

I laughed out loud when I heard about Sen. Orrin Hatch’s Deseret News op-ed, reporting the results of a meeting with Chief Judge Merrick Garland that had yet to take place:

“Like many of my Senate colleagues, I recently met with Chief Judge Merrick Garland, President Obama’s nominee to the Supreme Court. … Our meeting, however, does not change my conviction that the Senate should consider a Supreme Court nominee after this presidential election cycle,” Hatch wrote in an op-ed published on the website of the Deseret News early Thursday morning and later removed. It remains available in a Google database.

Dear Orrin, it isn’t a race
To report on a meeting you’ll face.
And it’s best not to claim
It did NOT change your game
When that meeting has yet to take place.

Donald “4 Pinocchio” Trump Strikes Again (Limerick)

May 25th, 2016

Trump’s “Four Pinocchios” keep mounting up, as The Donald amplifies his conspiracy-theory-fed attacks on Hillary Clinton.

The latest is for suggesting foul play in the (to quote Trump) “fishy” 1993 suicide of Vince Foster.

The Donald will use any source
(Even chain mail from fringe groups, of course)
In attacking a rival.
His key to survival?
Coarse indiff’rence to truth, sans remorse.

Open Limerick To Trump Supporters

May 23rd, 2016

The very least one can expect from presidential candidates, is that they NOT root against our nation’s economy. Yet Trump apparently did exactly that:

Two years before the housing market collapsed in 2008 and millions of Americans lost their homes, Donald Trump said he was hoping for a crash.

“I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy,” Trump said in a 2006 audiobook from Trump University, answering a question about “gloomy predictions that the real estate market is heading for a spectacular crash.”

Dear supporters of Trump, don’t be rash
And back someone who hoped for a crash
In the house market so
He could make lots of dough,
Brashly rooting against us for cash.

Open Double Quatrain To Bernie Sanders

May 22nd, 2016

Dear Bernie: Only a candidate who cares more about himself than about our nation, could refer to choosing between Clinton and Trump as “the lesser of two evils.”

“The lesser of two evils” –
That’s the phrasing Bernie used
To describe the coming battle,
Hill v Trump. I’m NOT amused.

Revealing his true colors
In that line for all to hear,
He let bitterness at losing
Spur a reckless, noxious smear.

Yet Another Anti-Trump Limerick

May 19th, 2016

I’ve attempted but failed to account
For the YUUUGELY surprising amount
Of folks who applaud
Donald Trump and who laud
That deranged instability fount.

Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders

May 17th, 2016

I was really hoping that Bernie Sanders would behave like a statesman in the wake of the horrific behavior of Sanders’ supporters in Nevada.

Instead, he released this press release, with only the most mealy-mouthed general criticism of violence — a press release dominated by his own recitation of campaign grievances.

When supporters of yours misbehave
Please don’t act like a put-upon knave.
You should strongly indict
Pro-Bern violence with bite,
And not feed them the pep talk they crave.

Yet Another Open Limerick To Hillary-Haters

May 17th, 2016

You’re a Bernie supporter? That’s fine.
You’re a “Bernie or Buster?” Go whine
And spread lies on some page
That’s more friendly. Vent rage
Against Hill somewhere else. Not on mine!

Trump Headline Game

May 16th, 2016

I keep seeing headlines like this: “Trump Reversal on Fundraising Not Hurting Him.”

So I decided to make up some headlines of my own:

“Trump Reversal on CHANGING HIS GENDER Not Hurting Him.”

“Trump Reversal on KIDNAPPING POLO PONIES Not Hurting Him.”

“Trump Reversal on EVICTING CALIFORNIA Not Hurting Him.”

Feel free to create your own fake (yet almost plausible) Trump headlines using this format:

“Trump Reversal on {BLANK BLANK} Not Hurting Him.”

You may either use your own words, or choose one word from “Group 1″ and one word from “Group 2.”


Group 1:

Abusing
Adopting
Appointing
Arresting
Banishing
Banning
Beating
Berating
Bilking
Borrowing
Bribing
Building
Burying
Changing
Cheating
Complimenting
Curing
Declaring
Decorating
Demolishing
Destroying
Disclosing
Donating
Drooling
Envy
Evicting
Firing
Forgiving
Freeing
Hacking
Helping
Hiding
Humiliating
Impeaching
Incorporation
Insulting
Inventing
Kidnapping
Negotiating
Killing
Lampooning
Legalizing
Locking Up
Lowering
Lying
Manipulating
Marauding
Mocking
Mortgaging
Mourning
Selling
Occupying
Ordering
Outlawing
Pardoning
Pillaging
Praising
Promoting
Punishing
Raging
Raising
Raping
Refinancing
Renaming
Renting Out
Revolting
Rewarding
Slaughtering
Smoking
Shooting
Strangling
Subdividing
Suing
Switching
Tearing Down
Torturing
Unburying
Voting
Winning
Worshiping

Group 2:
Amazon
Animal Sacrifice
Art Museums
Asians
Assets
Bankers
Bankruptcy
Bathrooms
Ben Carson
Bernie
Bezos
Birth Certificate
Blood
Brand
Budget
Builder
Bums
Cabinet Member
California
Canaries
Cheapskates
Cheater
China
Clinton
Clouds
Clown
College
Conspiracy
Corpses
Court
Crickets
DNC
Debate
Debt
Defendant
Democrats
Disclosure
Donations
Dope
Election Fraud
Elephants
Executive Orders
Fairness
Figure Skating
Flautists
Gender
Ghosts
God
Golf Course
GOP
Haters
Health Care
Heathens
Hillary
History
House
Illegals
Immigrants
Immigration
Insurance
Iran
Iraq
Israel
Jews
Justice
Kindergarten
Latinos
Lawyers
Liars
Litigation
Loans
Loser
Mars
Math
Media
Medicare
Megyn Kelly
Men
Mental Illness
Mexico
Miss Universe
Models
Monkeys
Monopoly
Moron
Mosquitos
Muslims
Neanderthals
Negotiator
New York
Obama
Oboe Players
Order
Parties
Paul Ryan
Peace
Penis
Penis Envy
Plaintiff
Pluto
Polls
Polo
Ponies
Porn
Press
Prison
Privacy
Protesters
Putin
Rain
Real Estate
Republicans
Respect
Revolution
RNC
Running Mate
Russia
Science
Secrets
Senate
Shadows
Slob
Snow
Social Security
Supreme Court
Tacos
Taxes
Tax Returns
Terrorists
Total Loser
Turtles
Unfairness
Vagrants
Vampires
Voters
Waitresses
Wall
Wall Street
War
Wealth
White House
Women
Zombies