Posts Tagged ‘Campaign Humor’

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, February 19th, 2013

Here’s a Chris Christie quote that may come back to haunt him: “I’m not much different from Andrew Cuomo. I probably agree with him on 98% of the issues.”

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Chris, if the Oval’s your goal,
Then you’re digging yourself a deep hole:
You have said that your views
Are like Cuomo’s — bad news!
To your party each Dem is a troll.

Limerick Ode To Tagg Romney

Monday, February 4th, 2013

I’m enjoying the conflicting rumors about Tagg Romney perhaps running for John Kerry’s old Senate Seat.

Limerick Ode To Tagg Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A scion of Romney, named Tagg,
Voiced a punchy, but fantasy brag
About “taking a swing”
At our prez, so his fling
At the Senate may well hit a snag.

Limerick Bluster

Monday, November 19th, 2012

Congratulations to Dictionary.com for its excellent 2012 Word of the Year selection — Bluster. (Needless to say, its luster inspired a limerick.)

2012 saw the most expensive political campaigns and some of the most extreme weather events in human history, from floods in Australia to cyclones in China to Hurricane Sandy and many others. Man-made disasters spiraled as the European Central Bank continued to hem and haw over bailouts and austerity, and Greeks went to the polls after years of uncertainty. Even after many spilled words, the stability of the Euro fuels debate around the world. So what one word conveys these dominant trends of 2012? Bluster.

Limerick Bluster
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The wordies have managed to muster
An apt word for the year: It is “Bluster.”
Windy pols and big storms
Are Two-Thousand-Twelve norms—
Not to mention a big budget buster.

Limerick Ode To Tommy Thompson

Saturday, November 3rd, 2012

Stay classy, Tommy Thompson:

Former Gov. Tommy Thompson, a Wisconsin Republican running for Senate, recently suggested that his wife was to blame for his decision to end his career in public service and join a lobbying firm because she “likes to shop.”

Limerick Ode To Tommy Thompson
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In the cringe-worthy GOP crop
Thompson’s coarseness continues to pop.
He defends with a smirk
His lobbying work:
Needed money — “my wife likes to shop.”

Romney Owns His Surrogates’ Racism (Limerick)

Friday, October 26th, 2012

Mitt Romney’s campaign co-chair John Sununu has a long history of making racist comments and being forced to (sort of) walk them back. His attributing Colin Powell’s endorsement of Obama to their both being black, is only Sununu’s latest race-baiting remark.

And yet Sununu (and others with a similar history) remain valued Romney surrogates. (Don’t kid yourself — there’s racism behind Donald Trump’s Birther garbage and his Obama college transcript crapola.)

So here’s a good question posed by John Presta: Isn’t it time for John Sununu, Mitt Romney’s racist surrogate, to step aside?

Romney Owns His Surrogates’ Racism (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s allies quite frequently base
Their attacks on Obama on race.
Of this fact, Mitt’s aware—
Seems he just doesn’t care.
Mitt’s campaign’s racist face — a disgrace!

Update: Col. Lawrence Wilkerson, Colin Powell’s chief of staff during his time as Secretary of State criticized the racism of his (Republican) party:

Let me just be candid: My party is full of racists. And the real reason a considerable portion of my party wants President Obama out of the White House has nothing to do with the content of his character, nothing to do with his competence as commander-in-chief and president, and everything to do with the color of his skin. And that’s despicable.

Limerick Ode To Publicity Whores

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

I try so hard to ignore publicity whores, like Donald Trump and Ann Coulter. And yet, their obnoxious antics make me look … and limerick.

Oh, why I can’t disregard stuff like this Coulter tweet:

…Coulter sent a Twitter message during the presidential debates Monday saying [she] approved of “(Mitt) Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard,” referring to Obama.

And while I’m at it, I’d love to tune out Donald Trump’s nonsensical “bombshell:”

Donald Trump said on Wednesday that if President Obama releases his college records and his passport application, the mega-millionaire developer will give a $5 million check to charities of Obama’s choosing.

Limerick Ode To Publicity Whores
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Trump and Coulter, two bores I abhor,
And I promise myself to ignore.
But alas, my resistance
Is down. Their persistence
In boorishness strikes at my core.

Mitt Romney’s Final Debate Message (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

Mitt Romney’s Final Debate Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear voters, I’m not into war.
I’m really a peacenik full-bore.
Scary things I once said
Are just in your head.
And teachers, I really adore!

*****

Update: Mitt Romney’s campaign reminds me of HBO’s True Blood: You have Romney, the Shape Shifter and Paul Ryan, the Vampire. And pushing Romney’s foreign policy buttons (except at the foreign policy debate) you even have Neo-Con Paul WereWolfowitz.

Open Limerick To Michael Bloomberg

Monday, October 22nd, 2012

I’m convinced that most so-called “undecided voters” are doing it for the attention. And that includes New York City’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who has declined to endorse either Obama or Romney for president. And who voices complaints about both of them to the New York Times.

Open Limerick To Michael Bloomberg
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mike, I have long been a fan,
But alas, you’re no longer my man:
Prez endorsement? You waffle,
Though Romney is awful.
Need attention? Find something to ban!

Limerick Ode To “Romnesiac” Romney

Friday, October 19th, 2012

Obama’s coined a great new word for Romney’s “forgetfulness” regarding Mitt’s many conflicting positions: “Romnesia.”

Limerick Ode To “Romnesiac” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt’s confused — can’t recall his position
On the issues, a dreadful condition.
Either lying’s his game,
Or Romnesia’s to blame—
The result of unbridled ambition.

Shadowy Mitt Romney (With Apologies To Robert Louis Stevenson)

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Shadowy Mitt Romney (With Apologies To Robert Louis Stevenson)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I have a little binder that is filled with clever gals,
But what can be the use of them — I’ll have to ask my pals.
They are very, very diff’rent. They are poor, and I am rich.
And I make them jump before me. They refuse, then they’re a bitch.

The funniest thing about them is the way they do their jobs.
Not at all like proper workers, such as Teds and Gregs and Bobs.
And they sometimes shoot up taller while they’re asking for a raise.
But to me they’re always little, barely worth my regal gaze.

They haven’t got a notion of how peons ought to work.
I can always make a fool of them — my second-fav’rite perk.
They long to stay beside me. But I wonder if they’re dykes.
Yet they shamefully leave early. They must feed their spouse and tykes.

One morning very early, before the sun was up
I rose and said, “You’re fired!” Why? They never made me sup.
Then I found another binder to replace those vacant spots:
A tome that’s filled with women — desp’rate feminine have-nots.

(Related Post: Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders)

(Linked at DVerse Poets Pub)

Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

The oddest line of last night’s presidential debate has to be Mitt Romney’s “binders full of women.”

Romney used that phrase when responding to a question about gender inequality in the workplace: He claimed that he’d proactively solicited such binders in order to staff his cabinet with women.

“…we took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet.

“I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”

Even if Mitt’s claim were true, which apparently it isn’t, this begs the question: Was Romney the Massachusetts Governor … or running an escort service?

Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney goes through his life wearing blinders
And surrounded by yes-men and minders.
I suppose this explains
Why Romney’s campaign’s
So proud of his women-filled binders.

Pre-Debate Limerick

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

The Presidential Debate at Hofstra University, in Hempstead, Long Island, New York, is coming up in just over three hours. I don’t know about the candidates, or Candy Crowley, the moderator, but I’m a nervous wreck.

(On a personal note, I spent many hundreds of hours playing the oboe at Hofstra’s concert hall, which once was home base to the Nassau Symphony Orchestra.)

Pre-Debate Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Which lies will Mitt tell us tonight,
While disguising the fact he’s far right?
Will the Prez call Mitt out
When he fibs in this bout?
He had better. The polls are damn tight.

Ryan’s Soup Kitchen Visit Doesn’t Wash (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

The aptly-initialed Paul Ryan pulled quite the PR stunt last week. Did you catch the video of Ryan’s uninvited Ohio soup kitchen visit, and watch him “scrub” an already clean pot?

The head of a northeast Ohio charity says that the Romney campaign last week “ramrodded their way” into the group’s Youngstown soup kitchen so that GOP vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan could get his picture taken washing dishes in the dining hall.

“We’re a faith-based organization; we are apolitical because the majority of our funding is from private donations,” Antal said in a phone interview Monday afternoon. “It’s strictly in our bylaws not to do it. They showed up there, and they did not have permission. They got one of the volunteers to open up the doors.”

He added: “The photo-op they did wasn’t even accurate. He did nothing. He just came in here to get his picture taken at the dining hall.”

Ryan’s Soup Kitchen Visit Doesn’t Wash (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Paul Ryan expects us to cheer:
He’s a soup kitchen fake volunteer!
Watch him scrub a clean pot
In his sham, cooked up spot,
As he schemes to make OUR lives austere.

Limerick Ode To Joe (the “Brawler”) Biden

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Arguments about Social Security and Medicare aside, there’s good news for Senior Citizens in both the Biden/Ryan debate and the Obama/Romney debate: In each instance, the old guy won — Big Time!

Limerick Ode To Joe (the “Brawler”) Biden
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debating Paul Ryan, Joe won.
Moreover, he won by a ton:
Tough and energized, quick,
Biden pierced Ryan’s schtick.
Prez Obama, now THAT’S how it’s done.

Romney’s Fact-Free Universe Isn’t Healthy (Limerick)

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Mitt Romney, who continues to lie about covering pre-existing conditions, seems to live in a fact-free universe. Here’s what he told the Columbus Dispatch yesterday:

We don’t have people that become ill, who die in their apartment because they don’t have insurance.

Well, if 26,100 deaths per year is the same as zero deaths, then Romney’s correct:

More than 26,000 working-age adults die prematurely in the United States each year because they lack health insurance, according to a study published ahead of a landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling on President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform law.

The study, released on Wednesday by the consumer advocacy group Families USA, estimates that a record high of 26,100 people aged 25 to 64 died for lack of health coverage in 2010, up from 20,350 in 2005 and 18,000 in 2000.

That makes for a rate of about 72 deaths per day, or three per hour.

The nonprofit group based its findings on data from the U.S. Census Bureau, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and a 2002 Institute of Medicine study that showed the uninsured face a 25 percent higher risk of death than those with coverage.

Romney’s Fact-Free Universe Isn’t Healthy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney says nobody dies
For lack of insurance. He lies!
Three work-age adults
Die per hour — the results
Of no health plan. With Mitt that will rise.

*****
Political Haiku of the Day:

The debate’s on soon.
I’m sure hoping Joe Biden’s
less nervous than I.

Romney’s Political Hack Trick (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

Once Mitt Romney clinched the Republican presidential nomination, and Republicans were stuck with him, Mitt adopted a rather slick trick: When coverage is at its maximum (on TV, in front of large crowds, and in major newspaper interviews) he feigns moderate or centrist positions, only to have staffers take them back the next day.

Romney exploited that ploy during last week’s Obama v. Romney debate. And he did it again just yesterday, telling The Des Moines Register’s editorial board that “no abortion legislation is part of his agenda.”

Of course, Romney’s staff comforted his rightwing base the next day:

Spokeswoman Andrea Saul later walked back the comment telling the National Review that Romney “would of course support legislation aimed at providing greater protections for life.”

Rather clever (and sneaky) isn’t it? Maximize the audience for your just-pretend moderate views and minimize the audience for your genuine extremist positions.

Romney’s Political Hack Trick (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt’s slick and unusual tack
Proves the man’s a political hack.
He feigns moderate views
Where he’ll get the most news.
Then staff quietly walks it all back.

Alpha-Political Verse (Election 2012)

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

Alpha-Political Verse (Election 2012)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A is for abortions, which Mitt Romney vows to ban.
B is for the Birthers. Gov’nor Romney’s quite the fan.

C’s for the contempt Mitt feels for folks who aren’t rich.
D is for a sham debate — Mitt’s pseudo-moderate switch.

E’s evolving policies Mitt seem to change each day.
F is for those pesky facts. For Mitt they don’t hold sway.

G’s for global warming. Mitt no longer thinks it’s real.
H is homophobia. Gay marriage he’d repeal.

I’s for immigration. Self-deporting! What a plan!
J’s for rightwing judges. Justice Roberts is Mitt’s man.

K is for the Koch Bros. Mr. Romney’s in their debt.
L’s for all the lies Mitt tells. The truth to Mitt’s a threat.

M’s Medicare and Medicaid. Mitt screws the old and poor.
N’s for Romney’s negative campaign, fact-challenged to its core.

O’s for Mitt’s Olympics and the bailout Mitt secured.
P is for Paul Ryan’s plan. Mitt’s keeping it obscured.

Q’s for follow-up questions. Journos find them such a bore.
R’s for regulations. Mitt is anti … also for.

S is Social Security — Mitt pretends he wants to save.
T is tax cuts for the rich, which Romney donors crave.

U’s the unemployment that Mitt Romney helped create.
V is all those varmints Romney killed … and maybe ate.

W’s for lots of foreign wars. Mitt’s spoiling for a fight.
X is for your ballot mark. Be sure to do it right.

Y’s for “Yes, we can” make sure the President prevails.
And Z’s for right-wing zealots. I look forward to their wails.

(You can find my previous alpha-political verse here,
here, here, and here.)

Limerick Ode To “Tough Guy” Romney

Monday, October 8th, 2012

So, is everyone impressed with Mitt Romney’s big deal foreign policy speech?

I didn’t think so.

Limerick Ode To “Tough Guy” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’ll speak loudly and wave a big stick:
That would summarize Mitt Romney’s schtick
Foreign policy-wise.
Sounds a lot like those guys
Who made rather a mess — Dub and Dick.

Limerick Ode To Scott Brown

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012

Dear Scott Brown: When trying to sell yourself in Massachusetts as a moderate independent, it’s best not to name Antonin Scalia as your favorite U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Methinks you made Elizabeth Warren’s day.

Limerick Ode To Scott Brown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Scott Brown, seems your cover’s been blown:
Your favorite Justice is known
As Extremist Supreme.
You named Nino! Your scheme
To sound moderate’s naught but a drone.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Middle Class Savior” Romney

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

Guess who’ll save the middle class and crack down on millionaires: In the upside-down world of political advertising, it’s Mitt Romney.

Yes, that’s the message of Romney’s latest ad, which depicts Obama as a liberal scourge of the middle class who (judging from the pictures) is in love with Nancy Pelosi.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Middle Class Savior” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney is on the attack
With the L-word. Yes, “Lib’ral!” is back.
Here’s the shocking j’accuse:
Lib Obama should lose
Cuz, like Nance, he’ll the middle class whack.