Will Femia, over at MaddowBlog, has challenged us to a “good old-fashioned marriage equality limericking bee.” Here’s my contribution:
Limerick Ode To Same Sex Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Same sex couples are quick to endorse
The spread of gay marriage, of course.
But the happiest folks
Are THESE women and blokes:
Hungry lawyers who handle divorce.
Most experts seem to think the U.S. Supreme Court will strike down DOMA, thereby ending the federal ban on benefits to gay spouses. The question is: Will they do it based upon equal protection, or states’ rights? The former (seemingly supported by the four liberal Supremes) is vastly preferable, but the later appears more likely; the perennial swing judge, Justice Anthony Kennedy, is more of a states’ rights kinda guy.
Limerick Ode To DOMA’s Demise
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m GLAD to hear DOMA’s in trouble.
But will Justices safe in their bubble
Concede that it’s wrong,
Beat the gong, say so long
To treating gay couples like rubble?
Texas Governor Rick Perry, whose reputation hasn’t recovered from his presidential campaign debacle, is trying to bolster his right-wing cred with an attack on gays. Perry, an Eagle Scout, “said emphatically Saturday that the Boy Scouts of America should not soften its strict policy barring gay members, and dismissed the idea of bending the organization to the whims of ‘popular culture.’”
Eagle Scout Perry’s Bald Wingnut Pander (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A new policy may be conferred
By the Boy Scouts. At least, that’s the word.
But Eagle Scout Rick
Thinks this change would be sick:
He’d keep flipping gay Boy Scouts the bird.
It can’t be easy to simultaneously piss off liberals, conservatives, gays, and homophobes. But Mitt Romney managed to do it.
How? By hiring and (under pressure from anti-gay conservatives) speedily muzzling and forcing out his openly gay, misogynistic, wingnutty foreign policy spokesman Ric Grenell.
Mitt Romney’s Grenell Gaffe (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mitt Romney would love to dispel
His panicked farewell to Grenell:
Bigots bitched, so he jumped —
His gay spokesman, he dumped,
Selling out at alarm bells, pell-mell.
Limerick Ode To The Repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Hooray! “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has ended.
Civil liberties lovers say, “Splendid!”
But it’s mourned by some jerks
Who think killed-at-war “perks”
Should only to “straights” be extended.
I’m constantly running into Tenth Amendment states’ rights hypocrisy, most often concerning abortion rights and same sex marriage. Texas Governor Rick Perry is but the latest example: He’s now calling for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage and abortion.
Limerick Ode To 10th Amendment Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gov. Perry’s a fan of states’ rights:
10th amendment — he loves its delights.
But gay marriage? Abortion?
Please brace for contortion:
He’d smite them through federal fights.
Congratulations to the New York State Legislature and to Governor Andrew Cuomo. Governor Cuomo promised to legalize same-sex marriage in New York and he’s somehow managed to pull it off.
I’m extra proud to be a New Yorker today!
Limerick Ode To Legalized Same-Sex Marriage In New York
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Good news in New York for the gays:
They can join in our straight-wedding ways.
Same sex marriage has passed.
There’s some fairness at last.
Many thanks for those “yes” votes. Give praise!
For someone who claims we’re broke, John Boehner certainly has some interesting priorities:
House Republicans plan to pay former Solicitor General Paul Clement and his legal team from King & Spaulding as much as $500,000 of taxpayer money to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on behalf of House of Representatives…
As Steve Benen says:
… Boehner has been running around for months, falsely claiming, “We’re broke.” It’s how he justifies proposed cuts in critical areas like education, medical research, infrastructure, job training, and homeland security, even if it makes the jobs crisis much worse.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
DOMA Dollars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John Boehner asserts that we’re broke,
But wastes cash to please wingnutty folk:
Big taxpayer bucks
On a lawyer deluxe
To save DOMA — for bigots bespoke.
Republican Ken Buck debated Sen. Michael Bennet (D) during Sunday’s Meet the Press Colorado Senate debate, and things didn’t go well for him. When host David Gregory asked whether being gay is a choice, Buck said yes, and added: “I think that birth has an influence…like alcoholism and some other things, but I think that basically, you have a choice.”
That leads me to my latest limerick:
Anti-Gay Bunk From Ken Buck
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mr. Buck spewed some anti-gay bunk:
Compared gayness to being a drunk,
Then went on to say gays
Choose their gay life-style ways.
Please don’t vote for that gay-bashing punk.
J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona’s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. This is what he had to say during his Rick Santorum-like “man on dog” moment:
You see, the Massachusetts Supreme Court, when it started this move toward same-sex marriage, actually defined marriage — now get this — it defined marriage as simply, “the establishment of intimacy.” Now how dangerous is that? I mean, I don’t mean to be absurd about it, but I guess I can make the point of absurdity with an absurd point — I guess that would mean if you really had affection for your horse, I guess you could marry your horse.
Now I’m very happily married to a human male right now. But just in case it doesn’t work out, I think this is wonderful news:
Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Would you like to be wed to a cat?
Or a horse, or a dog, or a bat?
Or even an ass?
Simply move out to Mass.
Hayworth says it’s okay. So that’s that.
How to become a GOP family values champion:
1. Marry your cousin.
2. Pretend you didn’t know she was your cousin.
3. Get your lengthy marriage to your mystery-cousin-wife annulled.
4. Marry someone else, have kids, then cheat on your second wife very publicly and notoriously while you’re New York City mayor.
5. Inform your wife that you want a divorce via press release.
Rudy Giuliani sounds like the perfect anti-same-sex marriage spokesman, don’t you think?
Rudy’s Family Values (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To marry your cousin is fine.
To pretend not to know it — divine.
To flagrantly cheat
On your wife — that’s just sweet.
But same-gender marriage? Malign!
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
Sunday, December 19th, 2010If John McCain hadn’t done quite so much damage to our nation, I could almost feel sorry for him. After all, it’s hard not to pity a man who’s turned into a pathetic shell of a human being.
McCain’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal temper tantrum is only the latest example of the sad, ugly person that McCain’s become:
A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John McCain seems embittered and mean,
Acting worse than a badly raised teen.
His convictions? No more!
Just conniptions galore.
He’s lost heart, and he’s left with just spleen.
Tags: DADT, John McCain, Military, Republicans Humor, U.S. Senate
Posted in Don't Ask Don't Tell Humor, Gay Rights, John McCain, Legislation Humor, Military Humor, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Publicity Hounds, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 7 Comments »