Posts Tagged ‘House Satire’

Don’t Be Duped By Health Bill “Hold-Outs” (Limerick)

Friday, June 23rd, 2017

“I can’t vote for that bill in the form
That it’s in at this time.” That’s the norm
From a devious pol
Who’s just trying to stall;
Though lukewarm, he’ll conform to the swarm.

Undoing Undue Optimism (4-Verse Limerick)

Saturday, October 31st, 2015

Most press coverage about the “cleaning the barn” two-year “budget deal,” negotiated by Boehner as he was handing off his Speaker gig to Paul Ryan, is unduly optimistic. It tends to lull us into thinking that the opportunity for House wingnuts to wreak havoc has been largely eliminated for a substantial period of time.

But that really isn’t true. Why not? Because, generally speaking, there are three broad opportunities for Tea Party types to threaten or cause shutdowns.

1: Budget bills.

2: Debt ceiling crises.

3: Appropriation bills.

And, alas, only the first two items on that list were resolved, leaving ample opportunities for essential appropriation bills to be saddled with unacceptable riders. For instance, riders eliminating Obamacare or defunding Planned Parenthood, to name just two. In other words:

Right-wing Republicans can still pursue their goals through riders on appropriations bills—and, if they don’t get their way, shut down the government.

With Ryan as Speaker, don’t think
That we aren’t stuck right on the brink
Of Tea Party trouble.
It still can cause rubble
Through spending bills yet to gain ink.

The fact that the budget’s resolved
And the ceiling on debt ain’t involved,
Should not make you relieved.
If you are, you’re deceived,
Cuz the poison pill risk isn’t solved.

The House must appropriate cash,
Via bills which the wingnuts can trash
Through riders from guys
With Tea Party ties,
Turning programs we need into ash.

If that happens, then what can be done?
Only vetoes, and those aren’t fun.
But the blackmailing Hill
Can’t prevail on such bill!
Are there any good choices? Nay! None.

The Party Of White Guys Strikes Again

Wednesday, November 19th, 2014

Republican gals
awarded but one House chair–
housekeeping gavel.

Twenty-one gavels–
GOP guys get twenty.
One lone gal “keeps house.”

For those who are keeping score, Rep. Candice Miller is the only woman who will be wielding a gavel in the Republican-controlled House. Twenty committee chairmanships go to guys (mostly white), while the least prestigious one — the House Administration Committee — goes (again) to Miller.

Miller’s committee runs the day-to-day operations of the House. So if there’s a hearing about problems with the House cafeteria or bathrooms, Candice Miller’s “The Man.”

To be fair, the Administration Committee’s other principal function is oversight over federal elections. So I suppose Miller can also hold hearings on how to make it harder for Democrats to vote.

Limerick Ode To “Poor” Eric Cantor

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

How’s this for a non-shocker: Ousted House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) is headed to Wall Street. Cantor is “joining investment bank Moelis & Co. as vice chairman and managing director” and “stands to earn $3.4 million in cash and stocks as a signing bonus, with $1.2 million guaranteed in just his first year.”

Limerick Ode To “Poor” Eric Cantor
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though he lost to a Tea Party ranter,
Please feel free to stop weeping for Cantor,
Cuz he’s striking it rich.
Ain’t his life just a bitch?
Wall Street moolah is quite the enchanter.

Double Dactyl For Eric Cantor

Thursday, July 31st, 2014

Eric Cantor gave his House farewell address today. And that gives me all the excuse I need to post this non-limerick of mine, which I entered in the Style Invitational’s recent double dactyl contest:

Beaterdy Featerdy,
GOP Leader E.
Cantor’s unseated and
Out of a job.

Pundits are shocked by his
Unceremonious
Ouster by Brat of the
Tea Party mob.

If you’re not familiar with the double dactyl, I summarize their rules here.

And, by the way, I lost. You can find the winners’ list here.

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann has decided not to seek a 5th Congressional term. So it’s time for a goodbye limerick:

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Michele Bachmann, you’ll surely be missed.
You’ve provided such humor mill grist.
But we mockers are blessed
With a huge treasure chest
Of wingnuts at whom to get pissed.

Louie Gohmert is tops on that list.
Ted Cruz and Steve King still exist.
So we’ve fodder galore;
Finding humor’s no chore
With a party like yours in our midst.

DOMA Dollars

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

For someone who claims we’re broke, John Boehner certainly has some interesting priorities:

House Republicans plan to pay former Solicitor General Paul Clement and his legal team from King & Spaulding as much as $500,000 of taxpayer money to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on behalf of House of Representatives…

As Steve Benen says:

… Boehner has been running around for months, falsely claiming, “We’re broke.” It’s how he justifies proposed cuts in critical areas like education, medical research, infrastructure, job training, and homeland security, even if it makes the jobs crisis much worse.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

DOMA Dollars
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John Boehner asserts that we’re broke,
But wastes cash to please wingnutty folk:
Big taxpayer bucks
On a lawyer deluxe
To save DOMA — for bigots bespoke.

No Quid? No Quo!

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I was glad to see that at least some House and Senate Democrats want to take back the economic stimulus package concessions they gave Republicans in return for what turned out to be a grand total of zero votes. After all, as my latest limerick says, “No Quid? No Quo!”

No Quid? No Quo!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The stimulus bill was jam-packed
With concessions the GOP backed.
Yet the whole GOP
Nixed the bill. Seems to me
That the Dems should those changes redact.