Headline: “Rudy: Trump Might Commit Perjury Because ‘Truth Is Relative’”
If anyone calls you a liar
And asserts that your pants are on fire,
Quote Rudy and say:
“Truth us relative.” Hey,
That’s the Donald’s defense. Take a flyer!
Archive for the ‘Rudy Giuliani’ Category
Rudy’s Creative Lawyering (Limerick)
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018Rudy Fired, But NOT By Trump (Limerick)
Thursday, May 10th, 2018Headline: “Giuliani Forced to Resign from His Law Firm”
Rudy’s law firm pays hush money too?
So said Rudy, a statement he’ll rue,
Cuz his law firm has dumped him;
They’re angry he lumped ’em
With Coh’n in a Trump-defense spew.
Open Limerick To Donald Trump
Sunday, May 6th, 2018Dear Trump, Rudy’s “help” you don’t need.
I don’t know why you ever agreed
To let the guy rep you.
At best he will schelp you
To prison with mind-blowing speed.
Rudy’s Family Values
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009How to become a GOP family values champion:
1. Marry your cousin.
2. Pretend you didn’t know she was your cousin.
3. Get your lengthy marriage to your mystery-cousin-wife annulled.
4. Marry someone else, have kids, then cheat on your second wife very publicly and notoriously while you’re New York City mayor.
5. Inform your wife that you want a divorce via press release.
Rudy Giuliani sounds like the perfect anti-same-sex marriage spokesman, don’t you think?
Rudy’s Family Values (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
To marry your cousin is fine.
To pretend not to know it — divine.
To flagrantly cheat
On your wife — that’s just sweet.
But same-gender marriage? Malign!
The Poetry Of Rudy Giuliani
Tuesday, October 30th, 2007Did you know that Rudy Giuliani is a poet? Me neither. So I was really surprised to unearth the poetry of Rudy Giuliani. Here are six poems I found in the Rudy Reader:
Police the skies.
Cede to lawful authority.
The era of fear.
America needs to be defended.
This is not the product of accident.
This is a business.
This is the product of design.
Freedom is about authority.
I hate to toot my own horn,
But that’s what I’m good at.
Chinese people always skinny, never fat.
Who knows why those things happen?
You have less of a chance of being murdered,
Mugged, beaten or robbed here,
Than just about any place in any large city in Texas.
Thank God George Bush is our President.
Let’s now make this kind of a permanent condition.
Yes, I’m running.
Relax and deal with it.
(Editor’s Note Regarding Rudy’s “Found Poetry”: All the above words came out of Rudy Giuliani’s mouth, although not necessarily in the order presented. For more info about “found poetry” check out this post.)[tags]Rudy Giuliani Verse, Found Poetry, Political Humor[/tags]
Pondering Rudy
Wednesday, October 17th, 2007I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros. What pros? Well, Rudy does love opera.
And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse. (Not that I want to find out, of course.)
Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?[tags]Rudy Giuliani Humor, GOP Hawks, New York City Mayors[/tags]
Etiquette Advice For Rudy Giuliani, Courtesy Of Miss Madness
Monday, September 24th, 2007Dear Rudy,
You really need to stop taking cell phone calls from your latest wife while you’re on stage giving a speech. It’s weird, rude and, in a post-9/11 world, it just ain’t cool.
You probably think it makes you look relaxed and confident. And you’re also hoping to burnish your image with the family values crowd, by making people think you’re still on speaking terms with somebody in your family. (Fess up Rudy: Who was really on the phone during your NRA speech? Your secretary? Wife Number — what would the next one be — Four?
In any event, these staged on-stage calls from your “wife” simply have to stop. Aside from the weird/rude/uncool problem, people are starting to suspect that you’re afraid not to take them.
Sorry Rudy, but looking henpecked is no way to out-macho Hillary.
Let me put it this way: Can you imagine George Dubya taking a call from Laura in the middle of a press conference or during his State of the Union Address? Of course not! (From Mommy Barb maybe, but that topic’s way above my pay grade.)
Speaking of President Bush, if you’re anywhere near him, I must advise you to duck: The guy has a thing for fondling bald pates. And yes — that’s rude too.
Bye for now, Rudy. But if you (or your scary wife Judi) have any more etiquette questions, Miss Madness is here for you.
Sincerely,
Miss Madness
P.S. I practice divorce law too.
(For more Rudy cell phone rudeness humor, visit Don Davis at Satirical Political.) [tags]Rudy Giuliani Rudeness, Cell Phone Etiquette, Rudy & Judi, NRA Speech, Rudy V. Hillary, Henpecked Humor, Presidential Campaign, Election Satire,[/tags]
Rudy Giuliani: Bald Ego
Thursday, September 20th, 2007I don’t mean to cast aspersions on short people. (I’m only five foot zero myself.) But I have a totally unsubstantiated theory, and here it is: Republican politicians are, on average, shorter than Democratic politicians. (Can you think of a better explanation for the over-compensating machismo and braggadocio that run rampant throughout the Republican party?)
Case in point: Rudy “Bald Ego” Giuliani, who out-did himself Wednesday during his European tour:
LONDON – Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani bragged about his international celebrity Wednesday on a trans-Atlantic campaign trip in which he schmoozed with conservative idol Margaret Thatcher.
“I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world,” Giuliani told a small group of reporters at a posh London hotel as onlookers gathered in the lobby to gawk at actor Dustin Hoffman who was on a separate visit.
And that leads me to my latest haiku:
The Rudy Complex
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Giuliani brags
About how famous he is.
Like Napoleon?
So who’s ready to fund my “Are Republicans Shorter Than Democrats” study? Nobody? How about my “Are Republicans Balder Than Democrats” study? [tags]GOP Braggart, Mayor Rudy Guiliani, Overcompensation, Republican Humor, Height, Macho Politicians[/tags]
The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
Thursday, June 21st, 2007As a long-time New York City resident, I’m amused by Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy. And I find it ironic that Rudy doesn’t dare brag about the one thing that might appeal to people put off by his pro-choice, pro-gay rights positions — Giuliani’s aggressive stance against free speech.
But understanding irony has never been Rudy’s strong suit. For instance, he’s unlikely to appreciate the irony underlying his running as the security-candidate, after Newsday outed him as a greedy windbag who was forced to drop-out of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group because he was too busy giving lucrative speeches to attend ISG meetings:
The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He’ll protect us–that’s Rudy’s motif.
But his claim must defy all belief:
Cause when push comes to shove,
Major wealth’s his first love.
He’s the ISG Drop-Out-In-Chief. [tags]Rudy Giuliani, Security President, ISG, Iraq Study Group, Newsday, New York City, Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Rights, Free Speech, Security Candidate, Greedy Windbag, Lucrative Speeches[/tags]
Leave No Campaign Plans Behind … in a Hotel Room
Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007Leave No Campaign Plans Behind … in a Hotel Room
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rudy claims that he has expertise
In security matters. Oh, please!
He has lost secret papers
And blames evil capers,
So Rudy won’t win White House keys. [tags]Rudy Giuliani Humor, Presidential Campaign Humor, Blame Game, Political Dirty Tricks[/tags]
Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11” Giuliani Loses His Mind
Saturday, January 9th, 2010It was silly enough when Bush-defender Dana Perino, while appearing on Sean Hannity’s TV show, claimed there were no domestic terror attacks under George W. Bush. Then there was Mary Matalin’s more subtle lie: Bush “inherited the most tragic attack on our own soil in our nation’s history.”
But the third time clearly makes it a Republican talking point. On Good Morning America, Rudy Giuliani spouted this falsehood to George Stephanopoulos: “We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We’ve had one under Obama.”
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11” Giuliani Loses His Mind
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republicans looking to ream
Prez Obama have launched an odd meme.
The Bush-Cheney reign
Suffered no terror pain.
It seems Nine-One-One’s only a dream.
Tags: Dana Perino, George Stephanopoulos, Good Morning America, Mary Matalin, Republican Talking Points, Rudy Giuliani, Sean Hannity, Terrorism
Posted in Dana Perino, Fox News Humor, George Bush Satire, George Stephanopoulos, GOP Humor, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Publicity Hounds, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani, Sean Hannity Limerick, Terrorism | Comments Off on Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11” Giuliani Loses His Mind