Archive for the ‘Health Satire’ Category

Enough With Trump’s “New Somber Tone!” (Limerick)

Saturday, April 4th, 2020

Headline: “The Media Once Again Heralds Trump’s New Somber ‘Tone'”

Donald’s “somber?” Oh give me a break!
He’s just sad for himself and can’t fake
Any hint of compassion.
(Preferring to cash in?)
The man is a dangerous snake!

“Trump to New York: ‘Stop complaining'” (Limerick)

Thursday, April 2nd, 2020

Headline: “Trump to New York: ‘Stop complaining'”

Donald Trump to New York: “Stop complaining,
And act grateful, or I’ll be refraining
From sending more aid.
You have thrown too much shade.
My fake sympathy’s rapidly waning.”

Non-Brief-Briefer-In-Chief (Limerick)

Monday, March 30th, 2020

Headline: “As the pandemic rages, the president brags”

Here’s a typical Trump tweet of late:
“My press conf’rence ratings are great!”
On TV, Donald prates
As his ego inflates,
While for briefings from experts we wait.

Health-Menace-In-Chief

Wednesday, March 25th, 2020

Headline: “CNN and MSNBC Staff Push Back on Airing Trump’s Coronavirus ‘Lies’”

From the Donald the truth’s rather rare.
Crisis briefings? There’s lying to spare.
Trump is flooding our nation
With false information.
Knock his dangerous rants off the air!

Trump Prioritizes Economy Over Lives (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 25th, 2020

Headline: “Trump says he wants the country ‘opened up and just raring to go by Easter,’ despite health experts’ warnings”

The Donald’s inclined to retreat
From the fight for our lives, in defeat:
Forget germs! Fill each church!
Watch his policy lurch,
As he spouts off in presser and tweet.

Put A Sock In It, Donald! (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 24th, 2020

Donald’s briefings for COVID-19
Should be banished from speaker and screen.
They’re a rally replacement
And lie-packed debasement.
Let the experts (sans Donald!!!) convene.

Under-Deliverer-In-Chief (Limerick)

Friday, March 20th, 2020

Headline: “Over-promising and under-delivering during a crisis is a toxic combination”

Over-promising, under-delivering;
The Donald has citizens quivering
With anger and fear.
His failures are sheer:
Lead to death and more feverish shivering.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Thursday, March 19th, 2020

Dear Donald stop being a sleaze;
Cease calling the virus “Chinese.”
Do not spread racist blame!
COVID-19’s its name,
Coined by pros; folks with real expertise.

Trump’s Magic Touch (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 17th, 2020

When the Donald appears on tv,
A deep Dow drop’s a fait accompli.
Into freefall it goes,
Which compounds all our woes…
And with bars closed, there’s nowhere to flee.

Crisis-Mishandler-In-Chief (Limerick)

Saturday, March 7th, 2020

Empty bluster, denial, subversion,
Specious happy-talk, falsehood immersion;
Ev’ry Trumpy technique
For a crisis seems weak
When applied to a viral incursion.

AWOL Test Kits? (Limerick)

Friday, March 6th, 2020

Headline: “‘BROKEN’ CORONAVIRUS TESTING PROCESS IN U.S. COULD HAVE ENABLED COVID-19 TO SPREAD ‘SILENTLY’ FOR WEEKS, EXPERTS WARN”

U.S. testing for COVID-19
Is so lacking, the number’s obscene.
Tests promised by Feds
Never come. Virus spreads!
But to Trump, things are great! Peachy keen!

Leave It To Trump To Make A Bad Situation Much Worse (Limerick)

Thursday, March 5th, 2020

Headline: “Trump floats his own coronavirus hunches on ‘Hannity’ The president contradicts public health experts statements on death rate, contagion.”

The Donald’s profusion of lies
Has gone viral, so death could arise
From confusion he sows,
Contradicting the pros.
A worse plan one could never devise.

Victim-In-Chief (Limerick)

Saturday, February 29th, 2020

Headline: “Trump Identifies the Real Coronavirus Victim: His Presidency”

There’s a virus whose spread causes dread.
It began in a land once called “Red.”
Though its victim counts stun,
To Trump there’s just one:
It is Trump — reelection hopes dead.

Pence To the Rescue (Limerick)

Thursday, February 27th, 2020

Headline: “Mike Pence was criticized for his handling of Indiana’s HIV outbreak. He will lead the U.S. coronavirus response.”

A pandemic? No worries! Mike Pence
Is in charge, which makes wonderful sense.
No doubt he’ll repeat
His HIV feat.
So relax! Let the praying commence.

Trump’s Market Solution (2-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, February 26th, 2020

Trump slashed funds meant for health expertise
And starved agencies aimed at disease.
But when COVID-19
Dims the stock market sheen,
It’s the fault of the Left, says the sleaze.

A vaccine’s “very close,” Donald lies.
(An assertion that NO expert buys.)
We’re in “great shape,” he swears.
How will Trump stop those bears?
Sell his lies for a stock market rise.

Trump v. Healthcare (Limerick)

Thursday, March 28th, 2019

Pre-existing conditions protection
Is, to Donald, an evil infection;
Any “Kenyan’s” creation
Is bad for our nation.
All Obama erected? Ejection!

Is Golf A Path To Fitness? (Limerick)

Sunday, March 10th, 2019

You’ve decided it’s time to commit
To golfing. Your goal? Getting fit.
But is golf the right fix?
Take a look at Trump pics.
I suspect playing golf isn’t it.

Women’s Health News To Make You Gag (Limerick)

Friday, May 18th, 2018

Headline: “New Trump Administration Rule Will Force Doctors to Stop Saying “Abortion””

Planned Parenthood hit once again
Via “gag rule?” Seems Trump has a yen
To use power and wealth
To impair women’s health.
Gals could die from the stroke of his pen.

Limerick Ode To the Destroyer-In-Chief

Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

Be it treaty or deal, Trump will break it.
There’s a health law folks need? He’ll forsake it.
Then post-wrecking with relish,
He’ll greatly embellish
Praise due him, when others remake it.

*****

Headline: “GOP Lawmaker Suggests People with HIV Be Quarantined”

Mad Kane Suggests GOP Lawmakers Be Quarantined.

*****

Remember when Trump
promised to drain DC swamp,
Then swamped it instead?

*****

Dear Donald: It’s bad enough that you’ve made me miss Dubya! But making me miss Dick Cheney? How COULD you!!!

*****

Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:

*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.

*******

An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.

*********

Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.

*****

Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.

Madeleine: What’s the problem?

Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!

Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”

*****

“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”

What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.

*****

Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!

*****

I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!

*****

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”

So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:

Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?

*****

Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?

Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!

Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.

Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?

*****

“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”

Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…

Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?

*****

Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”

(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)

*****

“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”

Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!

*****

Trump’s Phoenix Rally

Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.

*****

Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”

The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.

*****

Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!

*****

Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!

*****

Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:

Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.

What’s another Trump lie?

*****

Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”

*****

Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!

*****

Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!

*****

Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?

*****

The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.

*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku

“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.

*****

Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?

*****

Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?

*****

“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.

*****

The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.

*****

Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?

*****

If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.

*****

Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?

*****

A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!

*****

Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.

*****

Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.

*****

Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:

“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.

*****