Archive for the ‘Health Satire’ Category

Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)

Monday, December 10th, 2012

In the “fiscal cliff” negotiations, Republicans are irrationally demanding a hike in the Medicare eligibility age — what Nancy Pelosi refers to as “a trophy that the Republicans want.”

As Ezra Klein explains, this would not save money or help solve the health care cost problem, and it would hurt lots of people. Unfortunately, Republicans seem to favor symbolism over substance, and raising the Medicare eligibility age would be “a signal that they won something big on entitlements.”

Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

GOPers want change that ain’t sage:
Raise the Medicare-el’gible age.
This does harm — won’t address
The health care cost mess:
It’s the fruit of entitlements-rage.

Romney’s Fact-Free Universe Isn’t Healthy (Limerick)

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Mitt Romney, who continues to lie about covering pre-existing conditions, seems to live in a fact-free universe. Here’s what he told the Columbus Dispatch yesterday:

We don’t have people that become ill, who die in their apartment because they don’t have insurance.

Well, if 26,100 deaths per year is the same as zero deaths, then Romney’s correct:

More than 26,000 working-age adults die prematurely in the United States each year because they lack health insurance, according to a study published ahead of a landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling on President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform law.

The study, released on Wednesday by the consumer advocacy group Families USA, estimates that a record high of 26,100 people aged 25 to 64 died for lack of health coverage in 2010, up from 20,350 in 2005 and 18,000 in 2000.

That makes for a rate of about 72 deaths per day, or three per hour.

The nonprofit group based its findings on data from the U.S. Census Bureau, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and a 2002 Institute of Medicine study that showed the uninsured face a 25 percent higher risk of death than those with coverage.

Romney’s Fact-Free Universe Isn’t Healthy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney says nobody dies
For lack of insurance. He lies!
Three work-age adults
Die per hour — the results
Of no health plan. With Mitt that will rise.

*****
Political Haiku of the Day:

The debate’s on soon.
I’m sure hoping Joe Biden’s
less nervous than I.

Open Limerick To House Republicans

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

Open Limerick To House Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

House Republicans, kindly get real:
Your big focus is health care repeal—
Over thirty such votes!
Where’s your bill that promotes
“Jobs, jobs, jobs” with equivalent zeal?

Open Limerick To Chief Justice John Roberts

Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Open Limerick To Chief Justice John Roberts
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Justice Roberts, your allies are mean,
And their attitude’s often obscene.
When they hate one decision,
Their answer’s derision:
Your meds fried your brain. No more sheen!

With people like that in your camp,
Perhaps it is time to revamp
Your views and opinions.
Dump low-lives as minions.
Convert! Be a working man’s champ.

GOP Falls Out Of Love With Roberts (Limerick)

Friday, June 29th, 2012

Republicans are in shock over the U.S. Supreme Court’s “Obamacare” decision. They’d been so sure they had Justice John Roberts in their pockets, that they’re behaving like betrayed lovers: How dare he side with the liberal wing of the court on the constitutionality question!

Many of them are enraged to the point of irrationality. In fact, even Justice Roberts seems to have noticed the GOP’s “what have you done for me lately” nastiness. He actually joked about going into hiding.

GOP Falls Out Of Love With Roberts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The decision John Roberts just penned
Has sent ACA foes round the bend.
Up till now he’d promote
All their views with his vote.
Has their Roberts’ romance reached an end?

Limerick Ode To Michele “Swiss Miss No More” Bachmann

Friday, May 11th, 2012

I got very excited when I learned that Michele Bachmann had become a Swiss citizen, courtesy of her Swiss-born husband, Marcus Bachmann. Silly me — I thought maybe she’d become another nation’s problem. A nation with a lovely universal health care system, I might add.

But alas, the dual citizen thing rubbed Bachmann’s wingnutty constituents the wrong way. So Michele seems to have pulled a “never mind” in a letter to the Swiss Consulate withdrawing her Swiss dual citizenship.

Oh well … it was nice while it lasted.

Limerick Ode To Michele “Swiss Miss No More” Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I enjoyed a brief moment of bliss
When Bachmann turned partially Swiss.
I’d assumed ’twas a flight
From our “socialist” blight
And an anti-Obama type diss.

But alas, it appears she is staying
All-American. Damn, how dismaying!
Guess it’s hard to accrue
Swiss-style benefits too,
While you keep anti-health care inveighing.

SCOTUS-Scolding Scandal? (Limerick)

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

Wow! When I wasn’t looking, President Obama apparently mugged the U.S. Supreme Court:

To the fainting couch! Obama attacked the Supreme Court and threatened it with a backlash, should it strike down his tyrannical scheme to impose a government takeover of health care on the nation!

That’s what many conservative writers and even some centrist ones are arguing. They are saying that Obama’s words about the Court yesterday were “unsettling” and a “witch-hunt,” and they’re likening them to F.D.R.’s efforts to pack the Court in retaliation for decisions striking down New Deal initiatives.

Please. If what Obama said yesterday is an “attack,” it’s pretty timid stuff indeed.

SCOTUS-Scolding Scandal? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The very same wingnuts who blast
So-called “activist courts” are aghast
And are faulting Obama
With petulant drama:
“He’s attacking the Court,” they lambaste.

Seems those wingnut Supremes need a hug,
Cuz Obama’s a meanie and “thug.”
His complaint, although mild,
Is driving them wild.
Those guys are sure easy to bug.

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

When I see a title like this, I pretty much have to write a limerick: Santorum Good for Chastity-Belt Sales? Manufacturer Says, “We’ve Had a Boost”

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s good news for Republican men:
You can guard against gals with a yen
For sex you deem evil
With something primeval:
Yes chastity belts — Curb your hen!

Limerick Ode To Feminism

Monday, February 20th, 2012

Over the years, I’ve met many post-feminist women — gals who think the struggle is over, and who see no further need for feminism. I wonder what they think of the Republicans’ rampant, re-energized War On Women.

Limerick Ode To Feminism
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve met women far younger than I
Who’ve never quite understood why
We need feminist gals.
It seems they and their pals
See no ceiling of glass — just the sky.

They think gender-based battles are done,
And the feminist fight has been won.
Yet in merely a flash,
Rights can turn into ash:
Once again, we are under the gun.

(Related Posts: Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans, More Contraceptive Madness, Feminist Humor Category)

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

After yesterday’s post, I’d hoped to be done with birth control commentary for a while. But then I saw this headline: Santorum Sugar Daddy Foster Friess Gives ‘Gals’ Contraception Advice: Put An Aspirin Between Your Knees. And that story lives up to its headline:

Appearing on MSNBC with Andrea Mitchell today, Foster Friess, the main donor to the Super PAC backing Rick Santorum’s presidential bid, dismissed the controversy surrounding President Obama’s new birth control rule by suggesting that women should just keep their legs shut…

FRIESS: “On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.”

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum and Friess — quite the pair
In their “stop contraceptive care” guerre:
Don’t want kids with your squeeze?
Put a pill ‘tween your knees,
Like Bay’r asp’rin, sez Rick’s billionaire.

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

What century is this? The aggressive anti-contraception GOP stance makes me wonder whether I bought the wrong calendar.

Rick Santorum, a man who’s dangerously close to snatching the Republican presidential nomination away from Mitt Romney, apparently wants to preside over an antediluvian America: Here’s Santorum explaining why he wants to fight “the dangers of contraception:”

It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.

And Rick is far from the only bedroom-obsessed Republican. GOP over-reach regarding contraception is approaching epic proportions:

Last week, Freshman Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) filed legislation to allow any employer, religiously affiliated or not, to refuse to cover any essential or preventive health service, not just contraceptives, based on the “religious belief or moral conviction” of the employer. Word from DC is that Blunt and allies will attempt to add the provision as an amendment to other legislation now moving through the Senate….

The fact that American voters are overwhelmingly pro-birth control is apparently irrelevant to Republican politicians.

Perhaps a limerick might help Republican pols get the message:

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republican pols, please abstain
From ent’ring my bedroom domain.
And also stay out
Of my bathroom. Don’t pout!
If you’re truly “small gov,” you’ll refrain.

Karen Handel’s Dissonant Departure From Komen (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 7th, 2012

Karen Handel has resigned from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast-cancer charity. And Handel, a major architect of Komen’s stop-funding-Planned-Parenthood PR disaster, didn’t go sotto voce:

Karen Handel’s Dissonant Departure From Komen (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sweet music — Ms. Handel’s resigned,
While wailing that SHE’s been maligned:
Blaming HER’s prejudicial,
The ousted official
Complained, leaving bedlam behind.

PolitiFiction Limerick

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

As Paul Krugman puts it so concisely, “Politifact, R.I.P.” No, Politifact isn’t going out of business, though after its latest credibility-destroying move, it should:

This is really awful. Politifact, which is supposed to police false claims in politics, has announced its Lie of the Year — and it’s a statement that happens to be true, the claim that Republicans have voted to end Medicare.

Steve Benen in the link above explains it, but let me just repeat the basics. Republicans voted to replace Medicare with a voucher system to buy private insurance — and not just that, a voucher system in which the value of the vouchers would systematically lag the cost of health care, so that there was no guarantee that seniors would even be able to afford private insurance.

PolitiFiction Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Politifact’s “Lie of the Year”
Is really the truth, cuz it’s clear
That the GOP plan
Would end Medicare. Man!
There’s no cov’rage — just coupons! Bronx cheer!

Tim “Tame” Pawlenty

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

If there’s one common theme about last night’s Republican Presidential debate it’s this: Tim Pawlenty blew it by blowing off an op (handed to him by CNN’s John King) to reprise his “Obamneycare” anti-Romney attack:

Tim Pawlenty,
a debater failed.
Asked about “Obamneycare,”
he simply bailed.

Limerick Ode To Jon Huntsman

Friday, June 3rd, 2011

Presidential wannabe Jon Huntsman’s pandering is rather impressive, especially his gushing about Paul Ryan’s Medicare Demolition Plan in the Wall Street Journal:

I admire Congressman Paul Ryan’s honest attempt to save Medicare. Those who disagree with his approach incur a moral responsibility to propose reforms that would ensure Medicare’s ability to meet its responsibilities to retirees without imposing an unaffordable tax burden on future generations of Americans.

Limerick Ode To Jon Huntsman
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Take a gander at Huntsman’s non-candor,
As he pulls off a Paul Ryan pander.
Seems he’ll say what it takes
In the GOP stakes
To become U.S. prez/chief commander.

Don’t Be Shocked, But I Compliment Fox News … Sort Of

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

It amazes me that anyone could call David Gregory’s Newt Gingrich interview a “gotcha” interview. Yet that’s exactly what Newt’s been doing in the wake of his campaign’s self-destruction.

However, if you read the Meet The Press transcript, it’s clear that nobody trapped Gingrich into condemning Paul Ryan’s Medicare plan as undesirable “right-wing social engineering.”

So here’s my theory: Newt and his fellow Republicans have been coddled and spoiled by Fox News. As a result, many of them have lost their edge and can no longer handle themselves when asked even-handed questions.

I never thought I’d be saying this but…

Thank You Fox News (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

While Fox has been tempting to mock
Cuz its cov’rage is mostly a crock,
Softball questions spoiled Newt,
Who can’t handle a brute
Like Dave Gregory — Fox News, you rock!

UPDATE: To add to my amusement, Newt Gingrich is trying to forbid people from quoting his Ryan Plan criticism in an ad. Here’s Newt: “any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood. Because I have said publicly those words were inaccurate.”

Lots of luck with that, Newt.

Mitt Romney: Constitutionally Confused

Friday, March 26th, 2010

Credit where credit is due: When it comes to self-contradiction, Mitt Romney is both fearless and peerless.

Once a staunch advocate of individual health insurance mandates — the Massachusetts governor who ardently defended their constitutionality — Romney has flip-flopped. Now that they’re required by the Democrats’ Affordable Care Act, they’ve magically turned unconstitutional.

Of course, constant flip-flops can be hard on the constitution. So it’s no surprise that Mitt Romney was for individual mandates before he was against them.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Mitt Romney: Constitutionally Confused
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Individual mandates are great,
Said Mitt re Mass. health bill’s debate.
Now he swears that they’re awful
And even unlawful.
Your claims, my dear Mitt — get them straight.

Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Senator Chuck Grassley, one of healthcare reform’s most vocal opponents, has outdone himself. He’s now trying to take credit for portions of the Affordable Health Care For America Act, bragging that he authored the good parts.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Chuck Grassley threw health care a curve
When he stalled reform efforts with verve.
His votes were all “no.”
His performance was po’.
Yet he brags he’s an author. What nerve!

     

********

And speaking of taking credit, check out Don Davis and his Rethuglicans Take Credit for ‘Home Scare Reform’.

Republicans: Stuck Between Their Crock And A Hard Place

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

When it comes to health reform, Republicans are stuck between their crock and a hard place.

Repeal (requiring a veto-proof majority as long as Obama is president) is virtually impossible, not to mention unpopular. But the very GOP lies that came close to blocking health reform have brainwashed the Republican base into demanding its rescission. Consequently, many Republican leaders feel forced to perpetuate their doomsday and Armageddon claims and fight for repeal, even though they know it’s a lost cause.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Republicans: Stuck Between Their Crock And A Hard Place
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP base screams “Repeal!”
And Republicans pledge to with zeal.
Cuz they set their own trap
With their factual gap:
Nixing laws that have widespread appeal.

Republican Trials

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

How ironic that GOP state leaders are vowing to challenge the Affordable Health Care for America Act in court. For a party that’s always lambasting trial attorneys and activist judges, Republicans sure are litigious:

Republican Trials (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans constantly boo
Trial lawyers. They do it on cue.
For a party that feels
Such attorneys are heels,
The GOP sure likes to sue.