Archive for the ‘Military Humor’ Category

Sundry National Emergency Humor

Tuesday, February 19th, 2019

Donald Trump breaches
separation of powers–
Republicans shrug.

*****

How To Lose A Case:

1. Declare national emergency.

2. Say “I didn’t need to do this,” as your lawyers tear their remaining hair out.

3. Stand by for courts to agree that you, indeed, “didn’t need to do this.”

*****

Unpersuadable,
Impervious to the facts–
That’s Donald Trump’s base.

*****
Today, Lindsey Graham defended Trump’s unconstitutional “national emergency” declaration:

“Let’s just say for a moment that he took some money out of the military construction budget,” Graham said. “I would say it’s better for the middle-school kids in Kentucky to have a secure border. We’ll get them the school they need. But right now we’ve got a national emergency on our hands.

What’s next for Lindsey Graham? Any day now, we just might be hearing this:

“Let’s just say for a moment that the President executed Nancy Pelosi, the person most responsible for blocking his wall.

“Yes, that would be unfortunate. But I would say it’s better for middle-school kids and all Americans to have a secure border. We’ll get them the new House Speaker they need. But right now we’ve got a national emergency on our hands.”

*****

DONALD TRUMP: “We will have a national emergency and we will then be sued and they will sue us in the 9th circuit, even though it shouldn’t be there…”

Hey Donald, if you don’t want cases to go to the 9th Circuit, stop screwing California.

*****

Trump’s Fake Emergency Power Grab (Limerick)

Friday, February 15th, 2019

A fake crisis; Trump seizes more power,
As obsequious ass-kissers cower.
He raids Pentagon cash
And a FEMA funds stash,
And democracy dies by the hour.

Trump’s Transparent Troop Lies (Limerick)

Friday, December 28th, 2018

Headline: Trump Lies to Troops’ Faces About Pay Raise He Gave Them

Trump must think that our troops are all dumb.
What else could explain why that bum
Would visit their base
And lie to their face
Re their raises? The Donald is scum!

Trump Tries To “Rally” The Troops (Limerick)

Thursday, December 27th, 2018

My dear Trump, were you raised in an alley?
Cuz a visit with troops ain’t a rally.
Your political speech
In that setting’s a breach…
And pally, we’re keeping a tally.

Our Oval Menace (Limerick)

Thursday, December 27th, 2018

Headline: “Trump Brags To Troops About A Fictional Giant Pay Raise He Got Them”

Dear Donald, by lying to troops,
You dishonor and treat them like dupes.
Your “regime” is a mess,
And you menace the press…
Though you DO provide plenty of scoops.

*****

Covert deployment
has been revealed by Donald
who can’t be trusted.

Trump’s So “Loves” Our Military (Limerick)

Friday, October 19th, 2018

Headline: “Trump says he hasn’t visited troops overseas because he’s ‘very busy’

Why not visit our troops overseas?
Donald’s terribly “busy” – can’t squeeze
In a trip of that kind.
Playing golf’s quite the grind!
Then there’s lying and shooting the breeze.

Trump Won’t Get To Reign In His Parade (Limerick)

Friday, August 17th, 2018

No parade for the Donald! How SAD!
And needless to say, the man’s mad;
He’d looked forward to riding
A tank and presiding
In autocrat fashion … like Vlad.

Trump’s Ego On Parade (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 7th, 2018

“Grand” Parade — Donald’s latest crusade,
Where our milit’ry might is displayed.
It’s to “honor the troops,”
He claims. Oh, but OOPS!”
It’s a TRUMP-Ego-BOOSTING charade.

Those Military Bereavement Calls (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

Making service-death phone calls is tough
And, alas, Donald lacks the right stuff.
So although I believed
He should call the bereaved,
Never mind. They have suffered enough!

Limerick Ode To Ben Carson

Thursday, August 20th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Ben Carson
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Carson’s soft-spoken drone is misleading.
To extremists, there’s nothing he’s ceding:
As prez he would order
Drone strikes at our border.
My prescription? Ben’s brain could use treating.

Surplus Madness (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 1st, 2014

Have you ever wondered how police departments ended up looking like military units? An excellent Mother Jones article explains the method behind the madness, which I’ve tried to summarize in this limerick:

Surplus Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s why cops appear ready for war,
Stocked with Pentagon loaners galore:
Lend your surplus to cops,
And your storage cost drops.
Then make give-backs an arduous chore.

War Weary Limerick

Thursday, September 5th, 2013

I do not support U.S. military intervention in Syria — seriously!

War Weary Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though I’m constantly knocking and mocking
The Republican habit of blocking
The President’s moves,
I think it behooves
Both parties to thwart his war hawking.

Limerick Ode To The Repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

Tuesday, September 20th, 2011

Limerick Ode To The Repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Hooray! “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has ended.
Civil liberties lovers say, “Splendid!”
But it’s mourned by some jerks
Who think killed-at-war “perks”
Should only to “straights” be extended.

Limerick Ode To Bin Laden’s Death

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

Limerick Ode To Bin Laden’s Death
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans had a great plan:
Make Barack seem an alien man.
So bin Laden’s demise
(A stunning surprise)
Turns their plot to a flash in the pan.

A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain

Sunday, December 19th, 2010

If John McCain hadn’t done quite so much damage to our nation, I could almost feel sorry for him. After all, it’s hard not to pity a man who’s turned into a pathetic shell of a human being.

McCain’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal temper tantrum is only the latest example of the sad, ugly person that McCain’s become:

A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain seems embittered and mean,
Acting worse than a badly raised teen.
His convictions? No more!
Just conniptions galore.
He’s lost heart, and he’s left with just spleen.

Hatching Hypocrisy

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Okay, so we have two Senatorial candidates who’ve pumped up their military records — Republican Mark Kirk of Illinois and Democrat Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut. We also have the horrified Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, who’s hatched the upright-sounding Stolen Valor Act. Just one problem: According to Hatch, it would criminalize Blumenthal’s behavior but (surprise, surprise) not Kirk’s.

Hatching Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a pol says he fought for our land
And exaggerates, bolst’ring his brand,
That’s a crime, says Sen Hatch.
But of course there’s a catch:
Only Dems need obey this command.

Update: One of my few Republican Facebook friends, Rob Hood, posted a limerick response in Facebook asserting that I engage in anti-GOP gloating. Here’s my limerick rejoinder:

I’m a Dem, but I’m surely not gloating.
There’s no reason for happy emoting.
Though the GOP’s worse
Than the Dems, here’s our curse:
Most pols do not merit our voting.

Inflammatory Fleming

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

It’s bad enough to write an anti-Obama column packed with falsehoods about President Obama’s national security policy. But Rep. John Fleming of Louisiana has managed to go way beyond that. He essentially and casually accuses Obama of being a traitor:

Simply put, President Obama is disadvantaging the United States one step at a time and undermining this country’s national defense on purpose.

Rep. Fleming, you’ve earned yourself a limerick:

Inflammatory Fleming
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Rep. Fleming, your piece packed with lies
About nukes and Obama — unwise!
For political reason
You charge him with treason.
The traitor is you, I surmise.

Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell. Just Sign!

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell. Just Sign! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, our nation can’t wait.
Please stop ousting the folks who ain’t straight.
Yes, we know your plate’s full,
But I’m sorry — that’s bull!
Sign a “stop-loss.” How long can it take?