Mad Kane’s Political Madness

While Bush and Cheney are busily threatening World War 3 over of Iran’s potential future nuclear threat, their great nuke-possessing Pakistan pal President Gen. Pervez Musharraf has declared “emergency rule.”  Are you feeling safer yet?

A pair of haiku to commemorate the occasion.

Musharraf  declares
Martial law in Pakistan.
Bush lets freedom ring.

Emergency rule.
Constitution suspension.
Dick Cheney’s wet dream.

Update: Are Bush/Cheney speechwriters working for Musharraf?

Just after midnight, General Musharraf appeared on state-run television. In a 45-minute speech, he said he had declared the emergency to limit terrorist attacks and “preserve the democratic transition that I initiated eight years back.”
…

He accused the country’s Supreme Court of releasing 61 men who he said were under investigation for terrorist activities. “Judicial activism,” he said, had demoralized the security forces, hurt the fight against terrorism and slowed the spread of democracy. “Obstacles are being created in the way of democratic process,” he said, “I think for vested, personal interests, against the interest of the country.”

Update 2: For more satire on the same topic, visit Don Davis’s Musharraf Suspends Constitution: Bush Gets ‘Pervez Envy.’

Technorati Tags: Pakistan, President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, Emergency Rule, Nukes, BlogFriday, Martial Law, Nuclear Threat

According to Americablog, CNN’s Ed Henry has reported that Bush now has a spanking new (and personal) press briefing room podium.

I guess the podium used by Tony Snow and Dana Perino must have cooties. Or perhaps they’re hiding some sort of electronic “dictate the answers to Bush” equipment inside his personal podium. On the other hand, this just might be Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location.

Bush on his podium
Fills me with odium.
Pass the Imodium.

Technorati Tags: Bush Podium, Bush Press Conferences, Cheney Undisclosed Location, Tony Snow, Dana Perino

I’ve been itching to impeach Bush for as long as I remember.  In fact, I’m starting to lose track  of all the song parodies, poems, and limericks I’ve written on the topic. 

I’ve also been itching to post polls here and I figured why not start with an impeachment poll. And now that I’ve found this very cool Democracy WordPress poll plugin, here’s my first ever poll. (You can also find this poll on my sidebar.)

UPDATE:  I’m running a far less controversial poll at my other non-political humor blog.

Technorati Tags: Impeach, Impeachment Poll, Impeach Bush, Impeach Cheney, Wordpress Poll, Impeachment Song Parody, Impeachment Verse, Impeachment Poems, Impeachment Limericks, Democracy WordPress Poll Plugin, Sidebar Poll

Requisite Bush colonoscopy snark:

Dick Cheney’s in charge
While George Bush is unconscious.
How’s this day different…?

(You can find more of my news haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: President Bush, VP Cheney, Bush Colonoscopy, Bush Snark, Politics Haiku 

I can almost hear that promise Bush and Cheney surely made to Scooter Libby way back when:

Tell no tales,
And you won’t go to jail. 

Scooter came through with flying (and lying) colors and has now gotten his unjust deserts:

Bush obstructs justice,
Rewarding Scooter’s silence:
Prison-free pay-off.

(You can find more legal and lawyer humor and satire here and more news and political haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: Scooter Libby, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Commutation, Commuted Sentence, Bush Obstructs Justice, President Bush, VP Cheney, Cover Up, Valerie Plame

I wonder if President Bush was as surprised as the rest of us at learning that his VEEP isn’t part of the Executive Branch.  Yup, Bush’s Lord and Master Dick Cheney has declared his office to be exempt from all sorts of pesky legal Executive Branch requirements because — presto chango — it isn’t part of the Executive Branch.  Needless to say, Henry Waxman and the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee aren’t pleased with Cheney’s out-of-the-box Constitution-plundering assertion.

Just one question: If VEEP Cheney isn’t part of the Executive Branch, does that mean he’s waived his right to claim Executive Privilege?  Just wondering.

(You can find more of my legal and lawyer humor and satire here.)

Technorati Tags: Dick Cheney, Vice President Richard Cheney, Executive Privilege, Executive Branch, Chairman Waxman, House Oversight And Government Reform Committee, Constitutional Crisis, George Bush, Satire

Remember the time Dick Cheney told to Senator Leahy what he could do to himself on the Senate floor? Remember the time George Bush was overheard wishing that someone could get the Hezbollah “to stop doing this [expletive deleted]?”  Well, a federal appeals panel remembers and cites these incidents as a basis for shutting down the F.C.C.’s anti-fleeting expletive crusade.

It’s deliciously ironic, don’t you think? And it’s haiku inspiring too:

Fleeting expletives
Uttered by Bush and Cheney
Stymie censorship.

Technorati Tags: FCC, Bush expletive, Cheney expletive, FCC Censorship

I take a strange solace in Libby’s “awful memory” defense.  Why?  This limerick should explain it:

Why I’m Qualified To Be Dick Cheney’s Top Aide
By Madeleine Begun Kane

According to Libby’s defender,
His mem’ry’s a major offender:
It is creaky as hell
And it’s leaky, as well.
Mine too –  I could be a contender.  

Technorati Tags: Lewis Libby, Libby Prosecution, Dick Cheney Aide, Libby Defense, Scooter Libby, Criminal Law Humor, Lawyer Humor, Memory, Leaks

Our Banished VEEP
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’ll be banished from office, VEEP Dick;
Not his job, but his real estate pick.
He had primo House space,
But eviction he’ll face,
Cause the Democrats won.  What a kick!

(My Dick Cheney humor is collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Cheney Office Space, Richard Cheney Humor, Election Humor, House Humor

Needless to say, I’m very happy about Tuesday’s election results.  And yet, I can’t resist the impulse to get just a little bit greedy:

Mad Kane Gets Greedy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I am blissful, contented, and happy.
The election results weren’t crappy.
But for pleasure inflated,
To make me elated,
Impeach Cheney/Bush. Make it snappy!

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Dems Sing ‘Our House Is A Very, Very, Very Blue House’
* Carnival of Satire
* Kicking Elephants and Taking Names
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Personal Growth Carnival

Technorati Tags: Election Humor, Impeachment Humor, Cheney/Bush Humor

Chalk it up to pre-election delirium, but I just wrote a Bush-Cheney song parody to Winter Wonderland, without realizing that I used the same tune back in 2004 for a pre-election song parody.  Fortunately, a bad memory does have some benefits, so the lyrics are quite different. Here’s my new one:

Bush and Cheney’s Blunderland (Sing to Winter Wonderland)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rummy’s great, and he’s staying.
No debate. Stop your braying.
“Fantastic” at war!
Bush Rummy adores.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.

War is hard, but we’re winning.
GOP, lies and spinning.
Our war in Iraq
Is really on track.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.

Bush and Rove are great at building straw men.
Then they proudly knock their straw men down.
Dub implies we’re traitors.
We’ll say, “No Man!”
It’s time to stop pretending you’ve been crowned.

Ev’ry day, they conspire.
Reckless knaves, thieves, and liars.
The Bush/Cheney reign,
Democracy’s bane.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.

           =========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* The Worst Political Websites.
* I like Avedon when she’s in a snit.
* Don Davis’s Kerry: How Do You Ask Me To ‘Die’ For My Last Mistake?
* OneGoodMove has the New York Times’ latest editorial, and it’s a great one.
* Gary Trudeau Profile. (Via Alternative Hippopotamus)
* No Bush profiteering op left behind.
* Carnival Time: Carnival of Satire and Carnival of the Vanities.
* I sure hope journalists everywhere read this column and heed its counsel.
* Eric Schwartz sings his Clinton Got A Blowjob. 

Technorati Tags: Election Humor, Bush Humor, Bush Blunders, Richard Cheney, Dubya, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld