Archive for the ‘Economy Humor’ Category

Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:

*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.

*******

An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.

*********

Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.

*****

Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.

Madeleine: What’s the problem?

Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!

Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”

*****

“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”

What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.

*****

Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!

*****

I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!

*****

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”

So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:

Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?

*****

Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?

Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!

Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.

Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?

*****

“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”

Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…

Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?

*****

Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”

(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)

*****

“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”

Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!

*****

Trump’s Phoenix Rally

Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.

*****

Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”

The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.

*****

Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!

*****

Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!

*****

Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:

Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.

What’s another Trump lie?

*****

Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”

*****

Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!

*****

Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!

*****

Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?

*****

The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.

*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku

“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.

*****

Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?

*****

Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?

*****

“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.

*****

The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.

*****

Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?

*****

If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.

*****

Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?

*****

A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!

*****

Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.

*****

Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.

*****

Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:

“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.

*****

Trump’s Keen Mastery Of Economics (Limerick)

Thursday, May 11th, 2017

Keeping a straight face when you interview Trump must be tough … especially for The Economist team; Trump told them he “came up with” the phrase “prime the pump,” and wanted to know if they’d heard it before and understood what it meant.

There once was a wordsmith named Trump,
Who claimed to have coined “prime the pump,”
A phrase that pre-dates
Donald’s birth. Sorry mates,
But his brain remains lodged in his rump.

Dear Media: Trump ISN’T A Populist, So Stop Calling Him One! (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2017

Does anyone else cringe when the media calls Trump a “populist?” I suggest these, instead: “purported populist,” “fake populist,” “alleged populist,” just-pretend populist,” or “faux populist.”

A “faux populist” con hurtled Trump
To the White House, the votes from each chump
Gained by promises made
That he’d come to their aid;
Bigly duped by a fraud on the stump.

Open Limerick To Trump Supporters

Monday, May 23rd, 2016

The very least one can expect from presidential candidates, is that they NOT root against our nation’s economy. Yet Trump apparently did exactly that:

Two years before the housing market collapsed in 2008 and millions of Americans lost their homes, Donald Trump said he was hoping for a crash.

“I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy,” Trump said in a 2006 audiobook from Trump University, answering a question about “gloomy predictions that the real estate market is heading for a spectacular crash.”

Dear supporters of Trump, don’t be rash
And back someone who hoped for a crash
In the house market so
He could make lots of dough,
Brashly rooting against us for cash.

Having It Both Ways (Limerick)

Monday, December 29th, 2014

Having It Both Ways (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Claim “Obama’s economy’s” sick?
Then take credit for upswings? How slick!
But my dear GOPers,
It doesn’t take seers
To know that you really must pick.

The “Overrun” Speaker (Limerick)

Saturday, October 19th, 2013

How does John Boehner explain away and excuse his role in the government shutdown?

“I got overrun, that’s what happened.”

The “Overrun” Speaker (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

What is Boehner’s excuse? He’s got none,
Meekly claiming he “got overrun.”
He could scarcely be weaker;
His job as the Speaker
Is leading — he’s left it undone.

Doomed Limerick

Thursday, October 17th, 2013

The federal government’s reopened and the debt ceiling crisis was averted at the last minute. So the question now is, will this happen again? Alas, many experts believe we’re doomed to have yet another shutdown.

Doomed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This crisis is over for now,
But for those who are wiping their brow,
Please keep this in mind:
The very same bind
May in merely three months take a bow.

Clean Messaging (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 8th, 2013

In President Obama’s October 8 news conference about the current budget and debt ceiling stalemate with Republicans, Obama said: “We can’t make extortion routine as part of our democracy.”

Clean Messaging (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We can’t make extortion routine,
Said Obama, and that’s why a clean
Bill for spending and debt
Is a requisite get,
Else democracy’s sure to careen.

Limerick Ode To The Government Shutdown

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Limerick Ode To The Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A government shutdown’s arrived–
An avoidable crisis contrived
By the wingnutty House,
Who blackmail and grouse
Over battles they’ve lost and revived.

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Boehner, while reading the news,
I’m bewildered — it tends to confuse:
Either somebody stole
Your Speakership role,
Or you gave it to Senator Cruz.

Discredit Where Discredit Is Due (Limerick)

Saturday, September 28th, 2013

Bad news from the Republican-controlled House:

House Republicans will vote to pass a one-year delay of Obamacare in exchange for funding the government, a plan that drastically increases the chances of a government shutdown this Tuesday.

Discredit Where Discredit Is Due (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A government shutdown’s been forced
By Republicans, sadly divorced
From our nationwide needs.
It’s clear from their deeds:
They have fiscal disaster endorsed.

“Party First” Politics (3-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, September 25th, 2013

“Party First” Politics (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When the government runs out of cash
And shuts down, then just who will you bash?
If you’re paying attention,
The party you’ll mention
Is Republican — that’s who you’ll trash.

But misinformation’s widespread
Cuz the public is constantly fed
Big Republican lies
Which attempt to disguise
Who would chop off the government’s head.

Yet the GOP’s mission is clear:
It’s a goal they’ve chased year after year
To stymie Obama,
No matter the trauma
To all that our nation holds dear.

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Fail to meet our demands? Then we’ll shoot.
Any deaths will be YOUR fault, to boot.”
That’s the GOP path
On their road laced with wrath.
Bottom line? Seems they don’t give a hoot.

Open Limerick To The Media

Monday, February 11th, 2013

As Obama’s State of the Union address draws nearer, the press (thanks to GOP prodding) has become obsessed with one question: Why the focus on a liberal agenda, instead of jobs and the economy?

Open Limerick To The Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Where’s your focus on jobs?” asks the press,
As Obama contends with a mess
Of issues galore,
Cuz his job at its core
Is to many dilemmas address.

So dear media, try this new task:
Press Republicans: Tough questions ask!
Like “Just what have THEY done
About jobs. Name just one
Thing they do besides block, bitch, and bask.”

Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)

Monday, December 10th, 2012

In the “fiscal cliff” negotiations, Republicans are irrationally demanding a hike in the Medicare eligibility age — what Nancy Pelosi refers to as “a trophy that the Republicans want.”

As Ezra Klein explains, this would not save money or help solve the health care cost problem, and it would hurt lots of people. Unfortunately, Republicans seem to favor symbolism over substance, and raising the Medicare eligibility age would be “a signal that they won something big on entitlements.”

Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

GOPers want change that ain’t sage:
Raise the Medicare-el’gible age.
This does harm — won’t address
The health care cost mess:
It’s the fruit of entitlements-rage.

Dear Red State Would-Be Secessionists: Buh-Bye! (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

Shush! Please don’t tell all those Red State would-be secessionists what a great deal they have right now. And how much better off financially we Blue Staters would be, if the sore loser Red Staters successfully seceded.

… a large number of patriotic Americans, mostly from states won by Mitt Romney last week, have petitioned the White House to let them secede. They should be careful about what they wish for. It would be excellent financial news for those of us left behind if Obama were to grant a number of the rebel states their wish “to withdraw from the United States and create [their] own NEW government” (the petitions emphasize “new” by capitalizing it).

Red states receive, on average, far more from the federal government in expenditures than they pay in taxes. The balance is the opposite in blue states. The secession petitions, therefore, give the opportunity to create what would be, in a fiscal sense, a far more perfect union.

Dear Red State Would-Be Secessionists: Buh-Bye! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Greedy Red States who want to secede
Are “takers” and foolish indeed.
From the Fed they get more
Than they send — they’ll be poor
If they leave, and the Blues will be freed.

Yes We Are! (Limerick)

Tuesday, September 4th, 2012

If you aren’t sure whether we’re better off now than we were four years ago, check out these headlines from September 2008.

Yes We Are! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are we better off now? Yes we are!
To suggest that we’re not is bizarre.
Prez Barack turned the tide,
Though Republicans tried
To ensure things remain way sub-par.

Paul Ryan’s Stimulus Flimflam (Limerick)

Friday, August 17th, 2012

In one fell swoop, Paul Ryan’s been caught in a web of hypocrisy and lies over Obama’s stimulus package:

After repeated denials, Paul Ryan has admitted he requested stimulus cash even after sharply criticizing the program.

Ryan had denied doing so as recently as Wednesday, when he spoke to ABC’s Cincinnati affiliate, WCPO, in Ohio.

“I never asked for stimulus,” Mitt Romney’s new running mate said. “I don’t recall… so I really can’t comment on it. I opposed the stimulus because it doesn’t work, it didn’t work.”

Two years ago, during an interview on WBZ’s NewsRadio he was asked by a caller if he “accepted any money” into his district. Ryan said he did not.

“I’m not one [of those] people who votes for something then writes to the government to ask them to send us money. I did not request any stimulus money,” the congressman answered.

But as we’ve now learned, Ryan did write letters. He did request stimulus funds.

Paul Ryan’s Stimulus Flimflam (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Paul Ryan’s been caught in a lie
And hypocrisy too — what a guy!
To the stim he said, “No!”
Yet he asked for stim dough,
Then denied that he did it. Pork pie!

Limerick Ode To Republican Schadenfreude

Monday, June 4th, 2012

Limerick Ode To Republican Schadenfreude
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Watch Republicans feign being sad
When employment news comes, and it’s bad.
How they try not to grin—
They’re more likely to win!
If you vote GOP, you’ve been had.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Job Creator” Romney

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

So let me get this straight: Mitt Romney has disavowed his singular accomplishment as Massachusetts governor (universal health care). And for the most part, he’s resting his claim to the presidency on his Bain-related expertise and accomplishments. He even asserts (without any proof) to have been a big “job creator” there. And yet Romney has the audacity to declare his Bain years off-limits to examination and critique by Obama and other Democrats.

As Ezra Klein points out:

Romney’s national platform … calls for doing less for the victims of the global economy. He wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act, which would guarantee that workers would get health insurance even if they lost their jobs in, say, a private-equity led restructuring. He wants to pay for large tax cuts and more defense spending by cutting funds for Medicaid, for food stamps, for worker retraining, and for housing subsidies. He wants to cut Social Security benefits. He has no detailed plans to improve the continuing education system, or worker retraining programs, such that displaced machinists have a better chance to find a new job.

That’s why the ads in which laid-off steelworkers say Romney just doesn’t care about people like them are so effective. As head of Bain, it was Romney’s job not to care about them. But as a presidential candidate, it’s his job to show that he does care about them. So far, he hasn’t.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Job Creator” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney brags of his Bain expertise—
Says it’s earned him the White Houses’s keys.
Yet he’s sore, slams the door,
Says how dare we explore
What exactly he did for those fees.

Dear Mitt, you can’t have it both ways.
Your record’s reviewed in this phase:
When you proudly proclaim
You know biz, it’s fair game
To appraise your Bain management ways.