Posts Tagged ‘Campaign Satire’

Something For Trump To Tweet About (6-Verse Limerick)

Tuesday, August 25th, 2015

Something For Trump To Tweet About (6-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Trump loves to post petulant tweets,
Whiny diatribes, vengeance-spurred bleats.
So his Twitter feed’s littered
With comments, embittered;
From a feud Donald never retreats.

If anyone else posted guff
Like Trump, (s)he’d be kicked in the duff–
Quickly out of a job
And shamed by a mob–
But when Trump does it, folks say, “Hot stuff!”

Groundless grievances gin up his life.
He thrives on them, loving the strife
He creates every day
With his vicious display.
Just imagine it — being Trump’s wife!

Within what other country could Trump,
A boorish, vindictive old grump,
With “huge” secret plans
Attract so many fans,
Who greet him with cheers on the stump?

I fear for our wonderful nation,
Filled with folks who think Trump’s our salvation;
This man who dispenses
Such daily offenses
Somehow fills them with endless elation.

Please tell me The Donald can’t win,
Cuz the drumbeat for Trump is a sin.
You might as well vote
For “Drunk Unc” or a goat…
And a goat, unlike Trump, has thick skin.

The GOP’s Primary Quandary

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

The GOP’s Primary Quandary (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican pols are morose
Cuz The Donald, a man they think gross,
Keeps surging in polls
And defeating their goals.
Basic glitch? Their base LOVES “grandiose.”

Limerick Ode To Ben Carson

Thursday, August 20th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Ben Carson
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Carson’s soft-spoken drone is misleading.
To extremists, there’s nothing he’s ceding:
As prez he would order
Drone strikes at our border.
My prescription? Ben’s brain could use treating.

Why Trump’s Winning (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 19th, 2015

Why Trump’s Winning (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In the GOP would-be-prez race,
Fact-denial’s infected its base.
Pols created a hell
Where their voters can’t tell
Truth from lies — where The Donald’s an ace.

Be Careful What We Wish For (2-Verse Limerick)

Sunday, August 9th, 2015

Be Careful What We Wish For (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Picture Trump with the GOP nod.
Yes I know that sounds terribly odd.
But its base is bizarre,
And he’s gotten this far…
Plus his rivals are nearly as flawed.

In theory, this might be a boon
For the Democrats: “Clinton v. Loon!”
There are risks though, galore:
If George Bush could “Trump” Gore,
Odds are strong we’d (s)elect this buffoon.

How Trump Will Save Our Nation (Limerick)

Sunday, August 9th, 2015

How Trump Will Save Our Nation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It seems Trump is a very tough cat.
He’ll whip China and Mexico stat
And exact retribution.
His magic solution?
Calling “mean” countries “ugly” and “fat.”

My Debate Prediction (Limerick)

Thursday, August 6th, 2015

My Debate Prediction
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Will Trump, while debating, “play nice?”
If he does, Trump will pay a steep price,
Cuz “nice” AIN’T what fans bought;
With just “nice” he’s got naught.
One mild “slight?” He’ll be “Trump” in a trice.

Trump’s Trump Card (Limerick)

Sunday, August 2nd, 2015

Trump’s Trump Card (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When he’s asked if he’ll run “Independent,”
Trump’s response is with warnings resplendent:
If the RNC’s “fair”
Then I won’t, he’ll declare,
Which explains why Trump-fear is ascendant.

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, July 30th, 2015

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gilmore’s entered the race. What a snore!
(Does the GOP really need MORE?)
Sixteen guys and one gal–
Most with no rationale
For believing they’ll get to the fore.

Just what keeps them all willing to stump,
As their poll numbers tumble and slump?
While they stand at the brink,
I suppose most pols think:
“I must surely be better than Trump!”

Dear Media: Stop Already with the “Jeb’s The Sane Republican” Meme!

Wednesday, July 29th, 2015

Jeb’s the cure for the GOP mess
Cuz he’s civil — so sayeth the press.
Yet as gov, Jeb was rotten!
Is Schiavo forgotten?
Jeb’s transgressions caused tragic distress.

Debate Spot “Strategery” (Limerick)

Monday, July 27th, 2015

The guys (and one gal) vying for the Republican presidential nomination are in a bind. With Donald Trump in the picture, it’s virtually impossible to get press coverage and boost poll numbers, even if you say something crazy. But I do have a “modest proposal” for them:

Debate Spot “Strategery” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Many would-be debaters are freaking
Cuz that spot on the stage that they’re seeking
Is elusive at best;
They’ve been Trumped by a pest.
Here’s a tip for attention: Try streaking.

Too Bad The Donald Can’t Be Docked For Doxing (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Not that I’m a fan of Sen. Lindsey Graham, but Trump’s giving Graham’s private cell phone number out to the public is disgusting! I wish someone would do the same with Trump’s number, giving him a taste of his own caddish medicine.

And please don’t tell me two wrongs don’t make a right. Donald Trump deserves that and much more … including this limerick:

Lindsey Graham must buy a new cell;
He’s been doxed into mean-caller hell
By the Donald, who thinks
All opponents are finks,
Deserving a Trump “diss and tell.”

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The race has been thrown out of kilter
By Trump, who is lacking a filter.
I have three more lines left,
But I’m sadly bereft
Because “builder,” alas, ain’t spelled “builter.”

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican pols are distraught
Cuz their base supports “Trumpian Thought.”
But their years of supporting
Ill will and distorting
The truth gave them just what they wrought.

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So minimum wage laws are “lame?”
Sounds inane, but it’s Scott Walker’s claim.
What is “lame” is that Scott
Uses words without thought–
Schoolyard slams without substance. For shame!

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, June 30th, 2015

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christie, you claim that you’re running.
If you are, then your chutzpah is stunning,
Cuz you surely know well
That you’ve no chance in hell.
Cunning prank perhaps? ’Fess up: You’re funning!

GOP Campaign Slogans

Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

jindal-christie

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)

Monday, June 22nd, 2015

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We can always depend on Ted Cruz
To be tacky in voicing his views;
He tells gun control jokes
After massacres, folks,
Crudely preying on death to “amuse.”

Sen. Ted Cruz apparently finds mass murder amusing. Here’s just one of his campaign jokes uttered just two days after the Charleston church massacre:

“You know the great thing about the state of Iowa is, I’m pretty sure you all define gun control the same way we do in Texas — hitting what you aim at.”

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 17th, 2015

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Says Trump, “I shall build a great wall.
I’m the greatest wall-builder of all!
I’ll make Mexico pay
To construct it — Olé!”
There’s no tale that’s too tall for Trump’s gall.

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil

Tuesday, June 16th, 2015

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Trump, you’ve announced that you’ll run.
But I know it’s a stunt, and you’ll shun
That financial report.
When it’s due, you’ll abort…
After relishing limelight-filled fun.

NOTE: A presidential candidate can, in theory, “run” for four months without filing his personal financial disclosure with the FEC … and then abandon the campaign. And I’m betting Trump will do exactly that.

Why? Cuz Trump can BS all he wants to on his two-page unsworn-to summary of assets. But the actual legal filing has to be accurate. And I’m guessing that an accurate filing wouldn’t be nearly as impressive as Trump’s “asset summary.”

The Washington Post explains the personal financial reporting requirements for a presidential candidate:

…under a 1978 federal ethics law, presidential candidates must file a personal financial disclosure with the FEC within 30 days after announcing their candidacies. (They can request two 45-day extensions.) The filing must detail their financial interests and income, as well as those of their spouses and dependent children.