We’ve three Js in the race: Jeb, Jim, John.
(Bush and Gilmore and Kasich ain’t gone.)
Sleepy Ben, Grumpy Trump,
Cruz, and Marco still stump,
As the GOP con game drones on.
Posts Tagged ‘Campaign Satire’
We’ve three Js in the race: Jeb, Jim, John.
Although Marco’s been weakened by Chris,
Chris Christie’s not feeling the bliss.
For while mauling that pup
Christie blew himself up;
His reward in New Hampshire? Big diss!
Carly’s gone from the race. I won’t miss her.
Though of course if it’s apt, I’ll still diss her.
And I hope she’ll embrace
Someone else in this race…
Cuz I’d love to see Donald Trump kiss her.
Marco Rubio’s rather robotic.
Carly lies, and Jeb Bush seems neurotic.
Then there’s Carson, a snooze,
Bully Christie, vile Cruz,
And the narcissist: Trump “the Despotic.”
When you’re giving a speech, my dear chap,
And you’re forced to ask people, “please clap,”
That is sadder than sad.
Your campaign’s beyond bad.
Put a cap on your race. It’s a wrap!
I’m certain “The Donald” is mad.
He’s a “LOSER” to Cruz, and I’d add,
More embarrassing yet
Is his delegate net;
It did NOT exceed Marco’s. Poor lad!
Yes, not only did Cruz beat Trump by 3.3 percent, but Marco Rubio was only 1.2 percent behind Trump, tying him in terms of delegate yields:
Ted Cruz’s victory in the Iowa caucuses means he’ll collect eight delegates to the Republican National Convention.
Donald Trump and Marco Rubio each get seven from the opening contest in the 2016 presidential race.
I’m so sick of the news stories meant
To defame Mrs. Clinton with bent,
Sleazy headlines and lies
Told to make you surmise
That her emails were “secret” when sent.
I’ll say one thing for Donald Trump: He’s great at changing the rules and perplexing the political pundits.
Sheepish pundits are wiping their brow.
From “The Donald,” they’re having a cow.
They’ve been robbed of convictions;
When asked for predictions,
They groan and then beg, “Please, not now!”
Sarah Palin’s and Donald’s toxicity
Are now linked. What a dose of duplicity!
She endorsed him in Ames;
Trump is great, so she claims,
But I’ll bet she’s just starved for publicity.
You probably know this old chestnut of a joke: “How can you tell when a politician is lying? When his (or her) lips move.”
Here’s my own slightly less cynical lie detection technique:
How do you know that a politician is lying? The word ‘frankly’ comes out of his/her mouth.
Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina seem especially fond of the word ‘frankly,’ but they’re certainly not alone in having that ‘tell.’
Pols frequently telegraph lies.
For example, I’m quick to surmise
That a whopper’s about
To be told by some lout
When he uses the ‘frankly’ disguise.
Trump panders at Liberty U,
Says what “under siege” Christians should do:
“Band together” like other
Religions. Oh brother!
Trump just loves spewing statements untrue.
Though Rand Paul remains hot on the stump,
He no longer is seeking a bump
In his race to be prez.
Instead, Rand Paul says
That his goal is to stop Donald Trump.
Headline of the Day: “Ted Cruz Didn’t Report Goldman Sachs Loan in a Senate Race.”
“I’m a populist guy to the bone.
I got all that I have on my own.”
That’s the message Cruz flacks,
Leaving out Goldman Sachs
And that million-buck Senate-race loan.
“Major GOP donors and fundraisers are wondering whether they’re wasting their money on super-PACs.”
“It’s ‘free speech!’ Let us spend to the max!”
The Supreme Court said “yes” to those hacks,
To the GOP guys
Who thought this was wise:
Buy elections with billionaire PACS.
Having gotten the ‘right’ they demanded,
Any SuperPAC donor who’s candid
Says “My giant transmittal
Of bucks bought me little!
What a waste! Why was ‘free speech’ expanded?”
How ironic! According to Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe, the very type of constitutional “originalist” judge that Ted Cruz says he’d appoint to the U.S. Supreme Court, is the very sort of judge who’d deem Cruz unqualified to be president by reason of his Canadian birthplace.
Trump’s Birther attack on Ted Cruz
Seemed, at first, like some dumb Donald news.
But a judge of the sort
Ted Cruz likes would retort:
“Call Cruz ‘natural born?’ I refuse!”
Here’s Tribe, as quoted by The Guardian:
“…the kind of judge Cruz says he admires and would appoint to the supreme court – an ‘originalist’ who claims to be bound by the historical meaning of the constitution’s terms at the time of their adoption – Cruz wouldn’t be eligible because the legal principles that prevailed in the 1780s and 90s required that someone be born on US soil to be a ‘natural born’ citizen.”
“Even having two US parents wouldn’t suffice for a genuine originalist. And having just an American mother, as Cruz did, would clearly have been insufficient at a time that made patrilineal descent decisive…”
As the GOP madness persists
And the front-runner raises his fists,
George Pataki drops out
Of the race, without doubt
Cuz his party no longer exists.
Dear George, I can guess why you ran;
You assumed a sane, serious man
Had a chance this time ’round.
But your party seems bound
To crown someone who b’longs in the Klan.
This question’s becoming increasingly common: “What If No One Believes the Fact Checkers?”
When a pol will incessantly lie,
While supporters routinely deny
The fact that he’s lying
And keep on defying
The truth, our poor nation’s awry.
Ted Cruz is the Senate’s “bad boy,”
But for Teddy that title’s a ploy;
The more INSIDERS hate him,
Despise and berate him,
The more he’s the hoi polloi’s joy.
Since when is it okay for presidential candidates to lace their speeches with vulgarisms and obscenities?
Donald Trump is far worse than a jerk.
He’s a fellow whose mind’s gone berserk
And whose speeches are laced
With language debased,
So I’m guessing his “schlong” doesn’t work.