Archive for the ‘Debate Humor’ Category

Limerick Ode To “Awesome” Rick Perry

Wednesday, August 13th, 2014

Although Texas Governor Rick Perry hasn’t announced yet, it’s pretty clear that he’s planning to run for the GOP presidential nomination. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to some more juicy “oops” moments.

Amusing bits like this will probably be the least of it:

Perry seemed pumped up after his enthusiastic, heckle-free reception at the Register’s Soapbox. When the Register’s moderator thanked him as he came off the stage, Perry said: “You’re welcome. I’m awesome!”

Limerick Ode To “Awesome” Rick Perry
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“You’re welcome. I’m awesome!” said Perry.
Oops, was Perry pumped up? I’d say, “Very!”
Seems another prez run
By that man will be fun.
No debate, Rick will help us make merry.

Limerick Ode To Publicity Whores

Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

I try so hard to ignore publicity whores, like Donald Trump and Ann Coulter. And yet, their obnoxious antics make me look … and limerick.

Oh, why I can’t disregard stuff like this Coulter tweet:

…Coulter sent a Twitter message during the presidential debates Monday saying [she] approved of “(Mitt) Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard,” referring to Obama.

And while I’m at it, I’d love to tune out Donald Trump’s nonsensical “bombshell:”

Donald Trump said on Wednesday that if President Obama releases his college records and his passport application, the mega-millionaire developer will give a $5 million check to charities of Obama’s choosing.

Limerick Ode To Publicity Whores
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Trump and Coulter, two bores I abhor,
And I promise myself to ignore.
But alas, my resistance
Is down. Their persistence
In boorishness strikes at my core.

Mitt Romney’s Final Debate Message (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

Mitt Romney’s Final Debate Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear voters, I’m not into war.
I’m really a peacenik full-bore.
Scary things I once said
Are just in your head.
And teachers, I really adore!

*****

Update: Mitt Romney’s campaign reminds me of HBO’s True Blood: You have Romney, the Shape Shifter and Paul Ryan, the Vampire. And pushing Romney’s foreign policy buttons (except at the foreign policy debate) you even have Neo-Con Paul WereWolfowitz.

Shadowy Mitt Romney (With Apologies To Robert Louis Stevenson)

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Shadowy Mitt Romney (With Apologies To Robert Louis Stevenson)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I have a little binder that is filled with clever gals,
But what can be the use of them — I’ll have to ask my pals.
They are very, very diff’rent. They are poor, and I am rich.
And I make them jump before me. They refuse, then they’re a bitch.

The funniest thing about them is the way they do their jobs.
Not at all like proper workers, such as Teds and Gregs and Bobs.
And they sometimes shoot up taller while they’re asking for a raise.
But to me they’re always little, barely worth my regal gaze.

They haven’t got a notion of how peons ought to work.
I can always make a fool of them — my second-fav’rite perk.
They long to stay beside me. But I wonder if they’re dykes.
Yet they shamefully leave early. They must feed their spouse and tykes.

One morning very early, before the sun was up
I rose and said, “You’re fired!” Why? They never made me sup.
Then I found another binder to replace those vacant spots:
A tome that’s filled with women — desp’rate feminine have-nots.

(Related Post: Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders)

(Linked at DVerse Poets Pub)

Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

The oddest line of last night’s presidential debate has to be Mitt Romney’s “binders full of women.”

Romney used that phrase when responding to a question about gender inequality in the workplace: He claimed that he’d proactively solicited such binders in order to staff his cabinet with women.

“…we took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet.

“I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”

Even if Mitt’s claim were true, which apparently it isn’t, this begs the question: Was Romney the Massachusetts Governor … or running an escort service?

Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney goes through his life wearing blinders
And surrounded by yes-men and minders.
I suppose this explains
Why Romney’s campaign’s
So proud of his women-filled binders.

Pre-Debate Limerick

Tuesday, October 16th, 2012

The Presidential Debate at Hofstra University, in Hempstead, Long Island, New York, is coming up in just over three hours. I don’t know about the candidates, or Candy Crowley, the moderator, but I’m a nervous wreck.

(On a personal note, I spent many hundreds of hours playing the oboe at Hofstra’s concert hall, which once was home base to the Nassau Symphony Orchestra.)

Pre-Debate Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Which lies will Mitt tell us tonight,
While disguising the fact he’s far right?
Will the Prez call Mitt out
When he fibs in this bout?
He had better. The polls are damn tight.

Limerick Ode To Joe (the “Brawler”) Biden

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Arguments about Social Security and Medicare aside, there’s good news for Senior Citizens in both the Biden/Ryan debate and the Obama/Romney debate: In each instance, the old guy won — Big Time!

Limerick Ode To Joe (the “Brawler”) Biden
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debating Paul Ryan, Joe won.
Moreover, he won by a ton:
Tough and energized, quick,
Biden pierced Ryan’s schtick.
Prez Obama, now THAT’S how it’s done.

Romney’s Fact-Free Universe Isn’t Healthy (Limerick)

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

Mitt Romney, who continues to lie about covering pre-existing conditions, seems to live in a fact-free universe. Here’s what he told the Columbus Dispatch yesterday:

We don’t have people that become ill, who die in their apartment because they don’t have insurance.

Well, if 26,100 deaths per year is the same as zero deaths, then Romney’s correct:

More than 26,000 working-age adults die prematurely in the United States each year because they lack health insurance, according to a study published ahead of a landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling on President Barack Obama’s healthcare reform law.

The study, released on Wednesday by the consumer advocacy group Families USA, estimates that a record high of 26,100 people aged 25 to 64 died for lack of health coverage in 2010, up from 20,350 in 2005 and 18,000 in 2000.

That makes for a rate of about 72 deaths per day, or three per hour.

The nonprofit group based its findings on data from the U.S. Census Bureau, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and a 2002 Institute of Medicine study that showed the uninsured face a 25 percent higher risk of death than those with coverage.

Romney’s Fact-Free Universe Isn’t Healthy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney says nobody dies
For lack of insurance. He lies!
Three work-age adults
Die per hour — the results
Of no health plan. With Mitt that will rise.

*****
Political Haiku of the Day:

The debate’s on soon.
I’m sure hoping Joe Biden’s
less nervous than I.

Post-Debate Open Limerick To President Obama

Thursday, October 4th, 2012

Post-Debate Open Limerick To President Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Barack, did you even prepare?
Cuz debating is war — yes, it’s guerre.
Mitt spewed lie after lie,
While you simply stood by,
Ineffective and weak — barely there.

UPDATE:
Haiku of the Day:

Mendacious Romney
bewilders Obama–
lies more than usual.

Mitt’s Debate Challenge (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

So, is everyone looking forward to Romney’s zingers tomorrow night?

Mitt’s Debate Challenge
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mitt, it just isn’t enough
To zing and critique and act tough.
Want to gain voter-ardor?
Your job is much harder:
Prove you’re better and have the “right stuff.”

Limerick Ode To Ill-Tempered Romney

Saturday, September 29th, 2012

According to the New York Times, Mitt Romney is memorizing debate “zingers” which, he hopes, will goad Obama into churlishness or smugness.

Mitt’s also practicing “composure,” which strikes me as a good idea, in light of Romney’s apparent anger management problem. On the other hand, perhaps Romney is just a spoiled-brat CEO, who can’t quite break his corporate temper-tantrum habit.

In any event, I’m looking forward to Romney losing his cool at this Wednesday’s presidential debate.

Limerick Ode To Ill-Tempered Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Does Romney have trouble with rage,
If a questioner’s not on his page?
When he’s challenged, his voice
Gets an edge that ain’t choice.
This should kill on the prez debate stage.

Reince Priebus — Etiquette Expert? (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

Republicans are feigning horror at the Ted Kennedy tribute video played at the Democratic National Convention. It seems using Teddy v. Mitt debate footage that makes Romney look pathetic, somehow dishonors the deceased Ted Kennedy. Yeah … right.

Here’s RNC Chairman Reince Priebus on Twitter: “Classless Dems use tribute video of deceased Ted Kennedy to attack Mitt Romney.”

Reince Priebus — Etiquette Expert? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Reince Priebus, Republican knave,
Disapproves of how Dem pols behave:
They showed Ted debate Mitt!!!
Angry tweet — what a twit!
Just St. Reagan can speak from the grave.

Limerick Ode To Newt’s Latest Temper Tantrum

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

Newt Gingrich seemed way off his game at last night’s Florida debate. And at first, I attributed this to Mitt Romney’s new, improved debating style.

But Newt apparently needs the adrenalin rush that comes with cheers and applause. And last night’s NBC debate rules precluded such a rush: Audience feedback was limited, in the interest of using the time for actual debating.

So now Newt (always on the outlook for another excuse to bash the media) is petulantly threatening to boycott any debate that limits the audience’s free speech:

Mr. Gingrich’s performance in the debate in Tampa on Monday night was far more muted. Critics noted that he seemed to be off his game. The National Journal, which co-hosted the NBC debate, compared Gingrich to “a stand-up comedian whose routine suffers without echoes of laughter egging him on.”

Mr. Gingrich clearly noticed something was off, too. “We’re going to serve notice on future debates,” he told Fox. “We’re just not going to allow that to happen. That’s wrong. The media doesn’t control free speech. People ought to be allowed to applaud if they want to.”

Hmmm…., I wonder how Newt feels about boos.

Limerick Ode To Newt’s Latest Temper Tantrum
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No cheering at last night’s debate!
This has Gingrich quite peeved and irate.
He says cheers from the crowd
Simply must be allowed.
Without cheers, will Newt Gingrich deflate?

Mitt’s Losing Bet (Limerick)

Sunday, December 11th, 2011

In the wake of Mitt Romney’s misplaced $10,000 bet, the “Intrade political futures market shows Mitt Romney’s chances of winning the GOP presidential nomination dropping to 40% today, while Newt Gingrich’s chances have surged to 37%.”

Mitt’s Losing Bet (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt’s ten-thousand dollar faux pas
Makes Republican voters say, “Bah!”
So betting is strong
That Romney’s gone wrong,
And that Newt will get voters’ “Hurrah!”

Gunning for Gingrich (Limerick)

Saturday, December 10th, 2011

Tonight’s Drake University, Iowa Republican Presidential Debate, hosted by ABC News and moderated by Diane Sawyer and George Stephanopoulos, looks to be pivotal:

Gunning For Gingrich (Limerick)

They’re gunning for Gingrich tonight.
Opponents are poised for a fight.
The GOP’s freaking:
No more are they seeking
Non-Romney, with Newt as their plight.

Limerick Ode To The Immoderate Donald Trump

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

A Trump-moderated Republican debate? Even Karl Rove says it’s a terrible idea.

Damn! Me — agreeing with Karl Rove. That’s seriously scary!

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney did the classy thing, for once, adding his name to the list of candidates who’ve declined the Trump Debate Invite. So far, Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman, and Romney have declined to participate, while Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum have accepted.

Limerick Ode To The Immoderate Donald Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debate moderation’s an art,
And practitioners need to be smart,
Diplomatic, well versed—
In the topic immersed.
Donald Trump? Not just bad. Off the chart!

UPDATE: Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus has come out against the Donald Trump debate, citing as his reason Trump’s ongoing flirtation with an independent run for president. Additionally Perry has now declined his debate invitation.

Yet Another Rick Perry Limerick

Friday, October 28th, 2011

Rick Perry’s apparent solution to his inability to debate seems to be: Avoid debates!

Yet Another Rick Perry Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A message from Perry’s team states
He might skip the remaining debates.
Stay in hiding and pout
When you can’t win a bout?
More cratering poll news awaits.

Eight 4-Liners For The Republican Contenders

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

It’s time for some more political clerihews — whimsically biographical four-line poems, described more fully here.

I’ve written one for each of the would-be presidents who appeared at last night’s Republican debate:

Mass. Governor Mitt,
A job cutting hit.
He flips and he flops,
As positions he swaps.

*****

Herman “9-9-9″ Cain:
(Romney hopes he’ll wane)
Though many think he rocks,
He belongs on Fox.

*****

James Richard Perry:
Is he bright? Not very.
A lousy debater—
Called Bernanke a traitor.

*****

Unhinged Michele
Is sinking pell-mell.
Even crazier than Palin—
Just what is she inhalin’?

*****

Former Speaker Newt,
A pompous beaut.
Purports to be intellectual,
At selling books effectual.

*****

Rick Santorum
Seems lost in this forum.
He’s none too calm
Over his Google Bomb.

*****

Libertarian Ron Paul
Is having a ball.
Doesn’t stand a chance.
But enjoys the dance.

*****

Jon Huntsman jokes
But can not coax
Any support for his reign.
He’s way too sane.

*****

Limerick Ode to Rick “Bad Debater” Perry

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

Certain media people are doing Rick Perry a huge favor by lowering the bar with tales of Perry being a lousy debater.

Limerick Ode to Rick “Bad Debater” Perry
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When press people lower the bar,
They enable a pol to go far.
Exceed expectations,
Then get more ovations,
And become a political star.

Tim “Tame” Pawlenty

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

If there’s one common theme about last night’s Republican Presidential debate it’s this: Tim Pawlenty blew it by blowing off an op (handed to him by CNN’s John King) to reprise his “Obamneycare” anti-Romney attack:

Tim Pawlenty,
a debater failed.
Asked about “Obamneycare,”
he simply bailed.