Archive for the ‘Non-Political Verse’ Category

Tax Procrastination

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Why work on my Form 1040, when I can write a limerick about not filing my tax return on time?

Also on my other blog:

* Swimming In Verse

* Musical Chairs

* Don’t Put These Limericks On Your Headstone

* Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox!

* South African Pinot’s Too Pricey? Blame The Baboons.

* Birthday Limerick For Elton John

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* Patently Evil? (post and limerick about the smartphone wars involving iPhone, Android, and a patent violation lawsuit)

* Save Me From Daylight Savings Time

* A Limerick Meal

* Feed Needs (web obsession humor)

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* Ode To “Rabbit Ears.”

* Two limericks inspired by National Grammar Day.

* A cat limerick that also serves as a poetry prompt.

* Dear Press: Clean Up Your Own Damn Mess!

* A post and limerick about our electric power woes.

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

If you’d like a short break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* Are Health Studies Making Us Sick?

* My latest limerick writing prompt: A Miss-Misunderstanding

* Feeling Silly … And Sore

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* My commentary and limerick about Olympic men’s figure skating: Thin-Skinned Evgeni Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice?

* My Limerick Ode To Valerie Harper, including a review of her Broadway performance as Tallulah Bankhead in Looped.

Fighting Firewalls With Kindle Blogs

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

My humorist pal Rose Valenta recently created a Kindle version of her blog and inspired me to do the same. Why? Because many employers are getting strict about web access, blocking employees from reading their favorite blogs and sites — even while they’re on a break or at lunch.

But your boss can’t control what you read on your Kindle. And Amazon makes it easy for bloggers to create Kindle blog editions, allowing fans to bypass their bosses and keep up with their reading.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Fighting Firewalls With Kindle Blogs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re at work, but on break — want to read.
But your boss did a dastardly deed:
Your fav’rites are blocked.
Your net access is locked.
But he can’t stop a Kindle blog feed.

My News: I’ve created Kindle versions of both my blogs. So if you’d like to read this political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here. And if you’d like to read my other general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.

Attention Fellow Bloggers: Want to know how to publish your own blog on Amazon Kindle? Amazon makes it pretty easy and has a helpful Kindle Blog FAQ here. You can also find some useful info over at Mashable and some Kindle badges and icons here.

Warning: Reading blogs on Kindle isn’t free, except for the 14-day free trial for each blog. Monthly Kindle blog subscription fees are controlled by Amazon and priced at either $0.99 per month or $1.99 per month. Moreover, only 30% of the revenue goes to the blogger.

And Now For The Sales Pitch: Each of my two blogs is priced at $0.99 per month.

So if you’re a Kindle owner, I hope you’ll give the Kindle versions of this political humor blog and/or my other general humor blog a try.

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Up until now, I’ve avoided writing about Tiger Woods’ serial philandering. But Brit Hume’s outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity:

Tiger Woods should turn his back on Buddhism and become a Christian to be forgiven for cheating on his wife, Hume told Fox News’ Chris Wallace Sunday.

“The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith,” said Hume. “He is said to be a Buddhist. I don’t think that faith offers the kind of redemption and forgiveness offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger is, Tiger turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”

You can watch the charming video over at Crooks and Liars.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Tiger Woods’ rep has really been hurt.
Hume’s solution? The guy should convert:
Be a Buddhist no more —
Enter Christian faith’s door.
Get redemption for chasing each skirt.

Related Posts: Fuming About Hume; and Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation

Stormy Verse

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

I don’t always make fun of politicians. I sometimes mock weathermen.

And no, heavy snow storms don’t turn global warming into a myth.

(The link goes to my other blog, where I post my non-political humor.)

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I can’t decide what’s funnier:

a: Carrie Prejean’s finding Larry “King Of Softballs” King too tough and “inappropriate” an interviewer during her appearance to promote her book (and dodge discussing her lawsuit and sex tape); or

b: Carrie Prejean’s inability to properly storm off a set.

Note To Beauty Pageant Coaches: Must add storming-off-tv-set etiquette to your coaching regimen.

Here’s the video and here’s my limerick:

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a wingnut named Carrie
Who got angry at talk show host Larry.
So she yanked off her mike,
Then just sat there on strike.
But when storming off sets, must not tarry.

Heinous Heenes?

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Last week I managed to avoid the Balloon Boy media frenzy. Reality show participants with an endangered child on an AWOL helium balloon? Yeah … right. Then again, I don’t spend my time watching kids being rescued from wells either.

In any event, I’m not surprised that Wife Swap participants (and reality TV series pitchers) Richard and Mayumi Heene may be arrested for “concocting a publicity stunt by pretending that their young son [Falcon] had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the skies above Fort Collins, Colo.”

The Heenes’ lawyer David Lane expects the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office to file charges this week, and Denver man Robert Thomas says Richard Heene gave him advance word of a media stunt.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Heinous Heenes?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Two publicity mongers named Heene
Are accused of a hoax quite obscene:
Claimed their wayward balloon
Held their child. Opportune
For a shot at “reality” green.

Update: I’ve heard the Heenes’ name pronounced three different ways, two of which screw up my rhyme scheme. Since I’m not sure which pronunciation is correct, I guess I’ll leave my limerick up as written.

Happy Birthday To Me

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Friday, September 11th was my birthday — one of those traumatizing, ends-with-zero birthdays. So I told my husband Mark that, unless he wanted me to be a basket case on nine-eleven, he’d better plan something good.

So, did Mark rise to the occasion? He sure did, as I describe in this three-verse limerick:

Happy Birthday To Me
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My nine-one-one birthday was great!
Hubby Mark planned a fabulous date:
God of Carnage — fine play —
Four fab stars on Broadway.
Yes, I married a wonderful mate.

The play featured James Gandolfini,
Who did not play a mafia meanie.
Hope Davis starred too
And Jeff Daniels. Woo Hoo!
Marcia Harden’s the fourth. Creds ain’t teeny.

We dined on gourmet Mex cuisine:
Toloache’s the best I have seen.
And we drank and we danced
At two bars. Age advanced?
Well, perhaps … but I felt sweet sixteen.

(Cross-posted on my non-political humor blog.)

Kindle Swindle? (Updated)

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

After a tough day at work you climb into bed, reach for a paperback book, and find that your nightstand reading material is gone, replaced with a credit for the purchase price. After some digging you learn that paperback copies of the novel you’re in the middle of reading have been repossessed by your local bookshop.

Inconceivable, right? Credit or no credit, invading the privacy of your home and taking a book without your permission would surely constitute one or more crimes.

Now imagine the same scenario, but with an e-book instead of a paperback — an e-book you purchased for your Kindle. That’s exactly what Amazon did to 1984 and Animal Farm buyers.

Repossession via electronic invasion of privacy. If it isn’t a crime, it sure as hell ought to be.

Kindle Swindle? (3 Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Have you noticed your e-book list dwindle?
You’re probably using a Kindle.
A book that you bought
Has turned into naught —
Replaced with a refund. No swindle?

Yet the seller invaded your house.
And did it by clicking a mouse.
Something’s there. Then it’s not.
(An Orwellian plot?)
You’re surely entitled to grouse.

The fact that your money’s returned.
Doesn’t mean that you haven’t been burned.
Your privacy rights
Are gone with those bytes.
This vendor deserves to be spurned.

Update: Some updated information from the New York Times:

An Amazon spokesman, Drew Herdener, said in an e-mail message that the books were added to the Kindle store by a company that did not have rights to them, using a self-service function. “When we were notified of this by the rights holder, we removed the illegal copies from our systems and from customers’ devices, and refunded customers,” he said.

Amazon effectively acknowledged that the deletions were a bad idea. “We are changing our systems so that in the future we will not remove books from customers’ devices in these circumstances,” Mr. Herdener said.

Update 2: If you would like to read this political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.

If you would like to read my other general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.

And my limerick about firewalls, blogging and Kindles is here.

Facebook’s Onerous TOS Change

Monday, February 16th, 2009

If you ever republish your posts on Facebook, you may want to reconsider because of Facebook’s new, perpetual rights-grabbing TOS change.

I have information about this on my other blog plus … of course … a Facebook Face Off limerick.

An Ode To Blogroll Amnesty Day

Friday, January 30th, 2009

For some, Blogroll Amnesty Day (BAD) is an excuse to be generous with their links.

For others, (who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are) it’s simply an excuse.

And for me, of course, BAD’s an excuse to write yet another limerick … as if I needed an excuse:

An Ode to Blogroll Amnesty Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are you planning to celebrate BAD?
If you don’t, skippy’s bound to be mad.
Spread the link love around.
Make sure small blogs are found.
Serve up link juice and don’t be a cad.

Ode To Ron Kuby (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

Ron Kuby is known on the street
As a lawyer who rarely is beat.
And his show Doing Time
Is quite simply sublime.
Now Ron Kuby has learned how to Tweet.

And speaking of Twitter, you can follow me on Twitter here.

I’m a 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Finalist.

Tuesday, June 24th, 2008

Cool news! I’m a 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Competition finalist. (The humor column that got me onto the finalists list is Guide For The Opera Impaired.)

“We had a delightful time selecting our top ten finalists this year,” said Robert Benchley Society chairperson David Trumbull. “It is a true honor to turn the job of selecting the top four essays over to Bob Newhart.”

“All of the entries are read blind. No one knows who wrote which essay until the judging is finished. This keeps the competition entirely merit based,” said Horace J. Digby, a past Benchley Society Award winner…

Newhart’s selection and ranking of the top four winners for this year’s Robert Benchley Society Awards will be announced the week of July 6th.

The Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor is an international writing competition dedicated to the warm, self-effacing comic writing style that made Benchley so beloved during his lifetime. …

I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick:

I can barely maintain my sobriety
Cuz the great Robert Benchley Society
Held a contest and wow,
I’m a finalist now.
Will I win the top prize? High anxiety!

No Posts? A Limerick Explains All

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

This space has been quiet of late.
But it’s not that my readers don’t rate.
I’ve broken my wrist,
And my brain’s in a twist
From pain killers. Writing must wait.

Technorati Tags: , , , ,

Chinese Exports — The Real Poop

Monday, July 30th, 2007

I was a bit grossed out to learn that “The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base has come up with a  dung-for-profit scheme that turns droppings from the endangered species into odour-free souvenirs ranging from bookmarks to Olympic-themed statues… .”   Such creative marketing cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?

Chinese Exports — The Real Poop
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Did that Chinese-made gift make you whoop?
I must warn you — they may have used poop.
I mean panda dung. Yuck!
Don’t want giftware that’s muck?
Well, at least they don’t use it for soup.

(You can find more of my animal related poems and humor here.)

Recently On My Other (Non-Political Humor) Blog

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

Here’s what I’ve posted recently on my other (non-political humor) blog:
* That Errant List
* Taxing Times
* Ode To Unselfishness
* Form 1040 Blues
* It’s Not That I Don’t Like Movies, But…
* Chafing At Chick
* A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice
A Rueful Rhyme
* Boot-Licked
* Collegiate Conversation
* Belated Apology
* Stop Yelling!!!!!!!!
* Musical Faux Pas  [tags]Limerick Humor, Tax Limerick, Musical Limerick, Spam Humor, Collegiate Application Humor, Apologies, List Humor, Sexist Humor[/tags]

Limerick Writing Contest (With Money Prizes) At My Other Blog

Tuesday, March 13th, 2007

If you’re not a regular reader of my other non-political humor blog, you’ve probably missed my spring limerick contest announcement.

Based on the comments some of you post here, I know some of you like writing limericks.  And if you visit here regularly, you surely must enjoy reading them. (Either that, or you’re a masochist.)

I hope you’ll consider checking out and perhaps even entering my spring limerick contest. There’s even a financial inducement — prize money for the top two submissions! [tags]Spring Limerick Contest[/tags]