Archive for the ‘GOP Humor’ Category

Open Limerick To “Bernie Or Busters”

Friday, April 29th, 2016

I can’t help wondering whether Bernie’s bound to lose his halo:

There are Dems who think Hill fans are dumb.
Seems she’s “evil” and “venal,” to some.
Here’s my question: When Bern
Does back Hill, will they spurn
“Sainted Bern” and demote him to scum?

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz

Thursday, April 28th, 2016

Dear Ted, if you’re trying to woo
Hoosiers’ fans, here is what NOT to do:
Call that “hoop” thing a “ring.”
(Also Carly can’t sing.)
Lots of luck with your GOP coup.

Cruz & Carly — A Match Made In Political Hell (Limerick)

Thursday, April 28th, 2016

Can Carly help Teddy prevail?
His desp’rate Hail Mary will fail.
Though she’s brighter than Palin,
Ted’s ‘woman card’s’ ailin’.
(Are we SURE Carly isn’t a male?)

Perhaps Trump Should Re-Take The Name “Drumpf” (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 27th, 2016

The Donald’s next goal on the stump:
Overcome the “no gravitas” hump
And appear presidential,
Which means it’s essential
To prove that The Donald ain’t Trump.

Cruz Vetting Fiorina as Possible Running Mate (A Limerick Response)

Monday, April 25th, 2016

Just imagine the horror if Cruz
Names Carly for VEEP. Pour the booze!
To see ’em’s to hate ’em
And long to berate ’em.
Even worse, each espouses foul views.

Trump Spells Out His Problem With Kasich (Limerick)

Sunday, April 24th, 2016

A headline like this pretty much demands a limerick:
“Trump asks Kasich to change spelling of his name.”

Here’s The Donald’s big grievance today:
To Kasich’s last name, he says, “Nay!”
It’s spelled wrong, goes his schtick –
Looks like “itch,” and not “ick,”
Which means Kasich should change it, okay?

Trump’s Team: “Plane” Incompetent (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 19th, 2016

Prez Trump will be great! You know why?
His reason’s a bit hard to buy:
He will bring a “great team!”
Yet his team it would seem
Can not keep his plane reg’stered to fly.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Tuesday, April 19th, 2016

Dear Donald, you whine and seem thrown
By the delegate rules you’d disown.
Being prez is far worse;
More complex and perverse.
So moaning won’t cut it. You’re blown!

Trump To GOP: “Nice little convention you got here. I’d hate to see anything happen to it.” (Limerick)

Sunday, April 17th, 2016

Trump again has been voicing a threat:
Change the rules till I like ’em or get
A convention that “rough.”
Doesn’t sound like a bluff:
Nominee not named “Trump” nets regret.

Ted Cruz’s Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Thursday, April 7th, 2016

Cruz was so thrilled by this headline, that he wrote Trump a limerick:
G.O.P. Donors, Eager to Defeat Donald Trump, Learn to Love Ted Cruz.

Dear Donald, I’m writing to say
You’ve a talent for making my day;
Cuz of you, the elite
Have embraced me — a feat
That’s far-fetched, without you in the fray.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Wednesday, April 6th, 2016

The word “loser’s” your favorite dig.
(Though for women, you’re fond of “fat pig.”)
So your spew upon losing
Wisconsin’s amusing:
A sore-loserish rant from a prig.

Trump’s “Boring As Hell” Objections (Limerick)

Monday, April 4th, 2016

Headline of the Day: “Trump: Acting more presidential would be ‘boring as hell.’”

It’s boring to act presidential,
Says Trump, a complaint consequential.
Does that mean Donald’s plan
If elected (Oh man!)
Is to dodge obligations essential?

VoteTrumpGetDumped (Limerick)

Saturday, March 26th, 2016

There’s an anti-Trump movement that’s bold;
It urges us all to withhold
From each lover and mate
Who thinks Donald is great:
Sex, canoodling, and dates… till they fold.

With Pals Like Ben Carson… (Limerick)

Friday, March 25th, 2016

I love this Ben Carson quote from his appearance on “The View:”

He also declined to refute charges from the hosts of the show that Trump is a liar, saying only, “tell me a politician who doesn’t tell lies?”

When he’s asked: Isn’t Donald a liar?
Ain’t it true that his pants are fire?
Carson’s tepid reply
Is: What pol doesn’t lie?
What inspiring praise from Trump’s choir!

Trump’s Not-So-Veiled Threats (Limericks)

Friday, March 25th, 2016

Many hope for a brokered convention,
Yet fear it will stir up dissension
And rioting sprees
By Trump devotees…
A likelihood Trump likes to mention.

Politics Driving You To Drink? (Limerick)

Thursday, March 24th, 2016

Seems I can’t avoid writing about Trump, even while I’m trying to celebrate National Cocktail Day.

I could use a stiff drink. Make it strong,
Cuz The Donald is doing us wrong.
The Trumpian brand
Has invaded our land.
And those hands! Kindly pass me the bong.

A New Gig For “Word Salad” Sarah

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2016

“Sarah Palin Developing Her Own Judge Judy-Style Reality Show”

Judge Palin? Please say it ain’t so.
Don’t panic. Supreme Court’s no go;
Not a judge in real life,
Simply legal case strife
On TV, a Judge-Judyish show.

Damn! I was so hoping she’d be The Donald’s running mate.

Who Knew Trump Could Write Limericks?

Sunday, March 13th, 2016

My supporters are peaceful and sweet.
It’s those protesters causing the heat.
So my fans should feel free
To throw punches. Their fee
For a lawyer’s on me. It’s my treat!

Limerick Ode to Donald “The Martyr” Trump

Saturday, March 12th, 2016

Was the speech that Trump canceled a ruse
Designed to manipulate news?
To martyrize Trump
On his campaign swing stump?
“Trump’s been blocked from expressing his views!!!”

Unlike most Trump events little vetting
Was done to ensure Trump was netting
A crowd of supporters
Plus penned-in reporters.
Seems on violence The Donald was betting.

Yet another Trump Beef (Limerick)

Thursday, March 10th, 2016

No fake “Trump Steaks” at the debate! Whew!

To beef up his claim that Mitt lied
In alleging Trump’s meat bus’ness died,
Donald showed off a table
Of “Trump Steaks” whose label
Said “Bush Brothers.” Sounds cut and dried.

Yes the meats Trump displayed were all fakes–
Not his “Classic Collection” of steaks.
And trademark files show
That his trademark’s no mo’…
But Trump’s STILL selling oil of snakes.