Archive for the ‘GOP Humor’ Category

Sarah Sanders Hungers For Sympathy (Limerick)

Saturday, June 23rd, 2018

Headline: “Sarah Huckabee Sanders Thrown Out of Virginia Restaurant”

Poor Sarah is very upset:
A rest’rant, Red Hen, would not let
Sanders dine there because
She’s a Trumper. (Applause!)
No cake for her either, I’ll bet!

If Only Trump Could Write Limericks…

Saturday, June 16th, 2018

Headline: “Trump grumbles that North Korea deal not earning wide praise”

My deals are the best! They’re top drawer!
I’ve saved millions from nuclear war.
So where is my credit?
Fake News of course shred it.
I’ll sue till they tell me, “J’adore!”

Child Abuse Backed By The Bible? (Limerick)

Friday, June 15th, 2018

Headline: “Sessions cites Bible to defend immigration policies resulting in family separations”

Donald’s immigrant policy’s rough.
“Tent cities” for kids? Worse than tough!
Then there’s Sessions, who claims
Holy verse backs his aims.
When will God-fearing folks say “Enough!”?

Two-Way Scam? (Limerick)

Thursday, June 14th, 2018

Is the Donald Kim’s dupe? Yes and no;
Trump must know he got naught. Even so,
He pretends to have won
And proceeds to have fun
Scamming fans via victory show.

Putin’s Investment Pays Off (Limerick)

Saturday, June 9th, 2018

The G7 vibe has been blighted,
So Putin is surely delighted.
Trump gives Vlad his best-pal-eyes,
Maligning our allies;
Once united, we’re naught but benighted.

Open Limerick From Donald Trump

Monday, June 4th, 2018

Collusion? You won’t find a trace!
And claims of obstruction? Off base!
My ethics? The highest!
But Mueller is biased.
So I’ll pardon myself, just in case.

The Worst Excuse Yet For Gun Violence (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 29th, 2018

Headline: “GOP Lawmaker Blames Porn for School Shootings”

What’s to blame for school shootings? It’s “porn.”
So says Tennessee’s Black, with much scorn
For the Dems who’d curb guns.
Lame excuse? Rs have tons;
GOP — where insanity’s born.

Roseanne Reboot Booted (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 29th, 2018

Roseanne’s tweets are a vile, putrid sump,
So her network has opted to dump
The reboot. She’s expelled
And ironically held
To a much higher standard than Trump.

Our Petulant President (Limerick)

Sunday, May 27th, 2018

Trump dishonors the war dead via Memorial Day Weekend tweets:

On Twitter, Trump’s plaintive today.
To prepare for tomorrow? No way!
It’s not war dead he mourns,
But a “witch hunt” he scorns —
Selfish, petulant Trump on display!

Rudy’s Creative Lawyering (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

Headline: “Rudy: Trump Might Commit Perjury Because ‘Truth Is Relative’”

If anyone calls you a liar
And asserts that your pants are on fire,
Quote Rudy and say:
“Truth us relative.” Hey,
That’s the Donald’s defense. Take a flyer!

Blockhead Donald’s Failed Blockade (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2018

Headline: “Trump can’t block users on Twitter, federal judge rules”

Poor Trump! How he hates to be mocked
By mean tweets! So he angrily blocked
The accounts of those writers,
Who sued cuz they’re fighters,
And won. Snowflake Donald is focked.

Guns Don’t Kill People; Doors Kill People (Limerick)

Sunday, May 20th, 2018

Headline: “Texas shooting renews debate about American school design”

The gun-loving NRA faction
Creatively thwarts gun-law action.
Students down on all fours
Dodging death? It blames doors:
Prevent murder by entrance contraction.

Women’s Health News To Make You Gag (Limerick)

Friday, May 18th, 2018

Headline: “New Trump Administration Rule Will Force Doctors to Stop Saying “Abortion””

Planned Parenthood hit once again
Via “gag rule?” Seems Trump has a yen
To use power and wealth
To impair women’s health.
Gals could die from the stroke of his pen.

Hey Donald, I Hear The Nobel Peace Prize Tastes Almost As Good As A Steak! (Limerick)

Thursday, May 17th, 2018

Headline: “Trump’s Nobel Prize talk may have been a bit hasty, North Korea makes clear”

Has Trump been outsmarted by Kim?
Or out-crazied? Out-acted-on-whim?
Donald NEEDS that Nobel.
He’s in hell! What’s that smell?
Desperation, as deal odds grow dim.

Trump Trumped By Leaks (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 15th, 2018

Trump Tweet: “The so-called leaks coming out of the White House are a massive over exaggeration put out by the Fake News Media in order to make us look as bad as possible. With that being said, leakers are traitors and cowards, and we will find out who they are!”

Though he frequently rails about leaks,
When he ran Trump aired NO such critiques;
Once a WikiLeaks fan,
Now an anti-leak man.
He’s the target? Trump bellows and shrieks.

Michael Cohen — One Shell Of A Lawyer (Limerick)

Thursday, May 10th, 2018

Matthew Miller: “Two days later, I still can’t get over how stupid Michael Cohen was using the same LLC he set up for porn star hush money to run his new consulting business.”

Michael Cohen –incompetent sleaze–
Doesn’t know how to use LLCs;
Merging hush money flow
With consulting firm dough?
It’s no wonder Feds caught him with ease!

Rudy Fired, But NOT By Trump (Limerick)

Thursday, May 10th, 2018

Headline: “Giuliani Forced to Resign from His Law Firm”

Rudy’s law firm pays hush money too?
So said Rudy, a statement he’ll rue,
Cuz his law firm has dumped him;
They’re angry he lumped ’em
With Coh’n in a Trump-defense spew.

Open Limerick To Orrin Hatch

Monday, May 7th, 2018

Headline: “Hatch says it’s ‘ridiculous’ for McCain to block Trump from funeral”

Dear Senator Hatch, if McCain
Wants his funeral Trump-free, refrain
From poking your nose
In what the man chose.
It is hardly your place to complain.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Sunday, May 6th, 2018

Dear Trump, Rudy’s “help” you don’t need.
I don’t know why you ever agreed
To let the guy rep you.
At best he will schelp you
To prison with mind-blowing speed.

A Limerick Ode To GOP Hypocrisy

Saturday, May 5th, 2018

Just imagine the sturm and the drama,
If a Dem such as Ex-Prez Obama
Retained someone to fix
All his problems with chicks.
How the GOP’d feast on such trauma!

But with Donald, who cares? No big deal!
From supporters there’s hardly a squeal.
Sleaze and lies do not matter;
No Trump-crime can shatter
Their faith, for the Donald’s THEIR heel.