Headline: “Paul Ryan: Trump ‘didn’t know anything about government’ and ‘I wanted to scold him all the time'”
Craven Ryan is finally “brave,”
Slamming Donald, the President/Knave.
When it mattered, he’d cower.
Now Paul’s out of power;
Missed his op to stop Donald’s crime wave.
I’m often inclined to admonish
The Donald; his actions astonish.
Trump’s the King of “Fake News,”
But I’d never accuse
Him of being the slightest bit “donnish.”
Thanks to Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day feature, I now know that “donnish” means bookish and pedantic.
Donald’s pulling out all of the stops,
Treating tanks and our troops just like props;
Using taxpayer cash,
He’s subverting this bash
To flex his tyrannical chops.
Trump’s despoiling the 4th; he’s hell-bent
On saluting himself; this event
Is to boost reelection.
He fears our rejection.
Let’s make sure that to prison he’s sent.
Headline: “Trump’s repeated defense against assault accusations: call the accuser unattractive”
Donald’s message: I’m very selective
When viewing a victim, prospective,
So her rape claim’s a lie,
And it’s obvious why:
She isn’t “my type!” She’s defective!
Donald’s running again? What a “shock!”
His “relaunch” (so-called) is a crock.
He treats his campaign
As his job. That’s been plain
From the day of his swearing-in squawk.
If Trump could write limericks:
Dear nations, both friendly and not,
I need dirt. Send me all that you’ve got.
You’ll be might’ly rewarded,
If Dems are all thwarted.
Name your price. I am easily bought.
I didn’t know Sen. Schumer had such a flair for sarcasm. Check out his tweet:
This is an historic night!
@realDonaldTrump has announced that he has cut a deal to “greatly reduce, or eliminate, Illegal Immigration coming from Mexico and into the United States.”
Now that that problem is solved, I’m sure we won’t be hearing any more about it in the future.
Donald makes a big deal about deals;
A great deal of the time, Donald feels
The need to go bragging
Re super deal-snagging…
So his base will think failures are steals.
Headline: “Trump’s tariffs might amount to the biggest U.S. tax hike since the 1980s”
And now my two-verse limerick:
A tariff is really a tax
That Trump’s hitting us with to the max,
Just to make his base think
Trump the “tough guy” won’t blink.
Dear voters, please give him the ax.
Donald counts on his fans not to know
That tariffs are taxes, and so
He keeps raising those taxes.
Here’s hoping the ax is
About to deliver its blow.
Headline: “Censure rather than impeach? Hell no, Democrats — that’s inexcusable cowardice”
Censure Trump? That’s a weenie’s way out!
The Dems need to exercise clout
And impeach the damn sleaze;
Bring that lout to his knees!
Just how many more laws must he flout?!?
Headline: “Navy acknowledges request to hide McCain warship”
The Donald’s a delicate flower,
Who readily freaks and turns dour
At the thought of McCain,
So the name of his bane
On a ship makes him shudder and glower.
Trump Tweet: “PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!”
Donald whines both on Twitter and cable:
“I am being harassed!” (That’s a fable.)
Yet his base seems to buy
Trump’s self-branded “Tough Guy!” —
A strange label for one so unstable.
From the Washington Post, re Trump’s tariffs:
“Senate Finance Committee Chairman Charles E. Grassley (R-Iowa) said he planned to write a letter to Trump to explain the concerns of farmers because he felt the argument he had repeatedly made to the president in person was not registering.”
I apologize to Ahlert and Young for these song parody lyrics:
I’m gonna sit right down and write the Prez a letter
And make believe that Trump can read.
I’m gonna write words, oh, so sweet.
They’re gonna help guys growing wheat.
A lotta kisses on Trump’s bottom.
He’ll be glad he got ’em.
I’m gonna smile and say I hope he’ll end his tariffs.
Then I’ll close with love the way I do.
I’m gonna sit right down and write to help the farmers.
And pray my letter helps me too.
Like Rachel Maddow, I think Don Jr. is lucky it’s JUST a subpoena. (He could have been hit with a perjury indictment referral like other such liars.)
Poor Donald Trump Jr. is mad;
A subpoena’s been served on the lad.
But he’s dodged a referral
For perj’ry — demurral?!?
He should THANK Richard Burr and be glad!
Donald Trump likes to brag and enthrall,
By claiming his tariffs are all
Paid by China — a LIE
That his base seems to buy…
Just like Mexico’s paid for the wall.
“Members of President Trump’s inner circle are frustrated that the Republican-led Senate Intelligence Committee subpoenaed Donald Trump Jr.,” according to CNN.
It’s over and done, so “case closed,”
Says McConnell, yet Burr has imposed
A subpoena on one
Of Trump’s sons. (NOT so done!)
Here’s hoping Don Jr. is hosed.
Headline: “Is ‘Likability’ Biased Towards Men?”
“Likability” — what a odd word;
It appears that most any male turd
Can be deemed by the press
As more likable — yes —
Than a non-turd-like female. Absurd!
Headline: “Trump: 2 years of my term were ‘stollen’”
The first half of Trump’s term has been “stollen,”
Complains Donald by tweet; he is all-in
On his claim of harassment.
His Twitter amassment
Of gripes shows the guy can’t stop bawlin’.
Headline: “Trump Objects to Mueller Testifying Before Congress”
Donald Trump is beginning to panic
Over threats to a long reign, tyrannic:
What has roused Donald’s fear?
Mueller’s said he’ll appear
Before Congress. (Cue terror volcanic.)
Trump delays and defies and he sues;
His flawed policy’s thwart and refuse.
Tell him “Follow the law,”
And he’ll yell or guffaw.
Don’t believe it? Try reading real news.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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