Archive for the ‘GOP Humor’ Category

The Beauty Of A Butina Deal (Limerick)

Monday, December 10th, 2018

Headline: “Accused Russian spy Maria Butina appears poised to plead guilty”

Donald Trump should be tied up in knots,
Cuz Maria Butina knows lots,
And it looks like she’ll squeal;
She has just made a deal.
Oy gevalt! Trump may actually plotz.

“Smocking Gun” Mockery (Limerick)

Monday, December 10th, 2018

From a Trump tweet today: “No Smocking Gun…No Collusion.”

Donald tweets about guns that ain’t “smocking,”
Which occasions a whole lot of mocking.
Poor Trump’s in a bind,
For soon he will find
Much bad news and “clean” coal in his stocking.

Mueller’s Got Him! (Limerick)

Saturday, December 8th, 2018

Headline: “Mueller Is Telling Us: He’s Got Trump on Collusion

Robert Mueller’s got Trump on collusion.
Is there evidence? Yes, a profusion!
Mueller’s caught him red-handed.
Trump’s never been candid;
With Russians he banded. (Conclusion)

The GOP’s Silence Is Deafening (Limerick)

Saturday, December 8th, 2018

From Pulitzer Prize-nominated journalist Victoria Brownworth: “It’s extraordinary that the GOP leadership has said not one word about the events of the last 24 hrs. A sitting US president has been named as a felon. A felon. And they are silent.”

Now that Donald has clearly been named
As a criminal, who could be blamed
For wondering when
Republican men
Will acknowledge their party’s been shamed?

John Kelly Bites The Dust

Saturday, December 8th, 2018

John Kelly is out. I won’t miss him.
If you read me, you know that I diss him.
He was greeted with hope
That he’d clean up the dope
In the Oval. But no! So let’s hiss him.

Donald’s High Anxiety (Limerick)

Friday, December 7th, 2018

The Donald seems anxious today;
His tweets appear frantic. They bray
About Mueller in ways
That suggests a deep craze…
As the hunter locks on to his prey.

Sentencing Memo Mania

Thursday, December 6th, 2018

“Tomorrow is going to be a big day. Both Manafort and Cohen’s sentencing memorandums will be released by the Mueller team.”

More sentencing memos tomorrow!
I’m glad, but will suffer great sorrow,
If they’re filled with redactions;
Need facts, not subtractions!
Else I’ll cry and need tissues to borrow.

Trump Runs Away From Pence? (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 5th, 2018

Headline: “Trump’s Team Considers Removing Mike Pence from 2020 Ticket”

Will the Donald give Mike Pence the boot?
That’s the re-elect rumor. Each coot
Deserves only the worst.
Yes for vengeance, I thirst,
And I’m hoping this question is moot.

Death Of Democracy? (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 4th, 2018

Headline: “Let’s stop using euphemisms; American democracy is under attack

Our democracy’s under attack;
Voting systems are all out of whack.
Gerrymand’ring has wrecked
Our nation. Unchecked,
We’ll “elect” only quack, flak, and hack.

Trumpy Wonderland

Tuesday, December 4th, 2018

With apologies to Winter Wonderland’s composers:

Tariffs mount. Markets plummet.
Pundits spin. Goodbye summit.
The Donald’s a nut
Who praises his gut.
Living in a Trumpy Blunderland.

That Pesky Emoluments Clause (Limerick)

Monday, December 3rd, 2018

Headline: “DC, Md. officials ready with subpoenas in Trump hotel case

The emoluments case marches on
With subpoenas to prove Donald’s con.
May the DC’s A.G.
And Maryland’s be
A success v. our President/Don.

Trump: “Witness Tamperer In Chief” (Limerick)

Monday, December 3rd, 2018

Headline: “Kellyanne Conway’s Husband Accuses Trump of Witness Tampering”

Donald’s latest illegal pursuit:
Witness tamp’ring on Twitter. The coot
Injudiciously hurts
His case; his tweet-blurts
Furnish proof Trump can never refute.

Trump Administration’s Hatch Act Hashtag Scam (Limerick)

Sunday, December 2nd, 2018

You’re a Fed employee? Then watch out!
Your livelihood might be in doubt.
Certain hashtags are banned
Like #resist. Being canned
Could result. Can’t demean “Don the Lout.”

Mueller V. Kushner (Limerick)

Sunday, December 2nd, 2018

Headline: “Jared Kushner in trouble as Mueller expands probe to his foreign money”

Seems that Jared’s in trouble. Too bad!
(Just another Trump family cad!)
He’s had dealings financial
Suspicious — substantial!
And Mueller is after him. SAD!!!

Trump’s Need To Be Number 1 Pays Off: He’s Mueller’s “Individual 1” (Limerick)

Sunday, December 2nd, 2018

Headline: “In Mueller investigation, Trump is now ‘Individual 1’

“Individual Número 1”
(Adding “number” in Spanish for fun.)
The Donald’s been “named”
In Fed court filings, blamed
For some felonies. Donald’s undone!

Trump’s Need To Be Number 1 Pays Off: He’s Mueller’s “Individual 1” (Limerick)

GOP Course Correction? Of Course Not! (Limerick)

Sunday, December 2nd, 2018

Headline: “Despite Big House Losses, G.O.P. Shows No Signs of Course Correction

Course correction is NOT being planned
By Republican pols, though their brand
Has been sullied by kissing
Trump’s ass. They are missing
Their balls and remaining unmanned.

Mueller Closes In (Limerick)

Friday, November 30th, 2018

Trump distracted at G20:

Mueller’s hunt for the truth’s been protracted,
And the Donald is rather distracted.
Though he’s tried to obstruct,
Trump has failed, so he’s fucked;
Robert Mueller’s still uncounteracted.

The Innocent Don’t Lie (Limerick)

Friday, November 30th, 2018

Headline: “Lies, lies and more lies: This is not how innocent people act”

If Trump isn’t guilty, then why
Does the Donald repeatedly lie?
The same goes for his cronies–
Untruth-spewing phonies–
They’re innocent? Ha! That don’t fly!

Mueller Tightens The Noose (Limerick)

Thursday, November 29th, 2018

Robert Mueller is tight’ning the noose,
Making progress in cooking Trump’s goose.
Can Trump save his own bacon?
The Donald looks shaken.
How long can he stay on the loose?

Trump, Christmas’s Savior? (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 28th, 2018

Josh Dawsey: ‏ “Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke introduced POTUS by calling him ‘the man who brought Christmas back’ at tonight’s tree lighting ceremony, per pool report.”

Ryan Zinke asserted tonight
That the Prez brought an end to the blight
Of a Christmas that’s gone;
Brought it back — a new dawn…
Will he magic’lly make the day WHITE?