A “fine-tuned machine” — that’s how Trump
Says his White House is running. That shlump
Lies as much as he breathes,
As with venom he’s seethes,
While rebranding the White House: “Trump’s Sump.”
Archive for the ‘GOP Humor’ Category
A “fine-tuned machine” — that’s how Trump
A headline like this cries out for a limerick:
Russian lawmakers rush to the defense of Trump’s ex-national security adviser
Flynn’s out, but he still has his backers–
Russian leaders, who mock his attackers;
Fear of Russia’s to blame.
For his ouster, they claim.
If they think that helps Flynn, they are crackers!
Though Nordstrom’s a much-adored store,
I’ve forsworn it cuz shopping’s a chore.
But there’s tailor-made news;
Nordstrom fashion and shoes
Dropped Ivanka! Who’s up for a tour?
Trump exhibits his madness with ease,
Via speeches and tweet-tantrum sprees.
Donald’s saneness is wee
And he’s vain as can be.
It’s as plain as his gold Trump marquees.
My 4-verse limerick was inspired by this Politico article, headlined:
Trump vexed by challenges, scale of government
The new president’s allies say he has been surprised that government can’t be run like his business.
About running the gov, Trump knows nought.
It’s much harder than #FumblingTrump thought,
Though supporters were told
That this CEO, bold,
Was equipped for the job that he sought.
It seems Trump and his voters believe
That all that it takes to achieve
What he wants is to say:
“Make it so! Find a way!”
And it’s done, at a magic wand’s heave.
But instead, Trump encounters delay;
Many lawmakers stand in his way,
Also bureaucrat drudges
And treacherous judges.
So he vows that he’ll soon make them pay.
Donald stews and he bitches and rails
And keeps posting his tweet-storming wails.
Yes, our nation’s now run
By a son of a gun —
A madman who only knows sales.
In the last couple of days, Trump’s been tweet-storming complaints about Senators McCain and Blumenthal, as well as Nordstrom.
So, what’s Trump outraged about (besides the media and the courts?)
1) Sen. McCain criticized Trump’s disastrous Yemen raid.
2) Sen. Blumenthal accurately quoted Judge Gorsuch’s relatively mild criticism of Trump’s anti-judge tweets.
3) Nordstrom dropped Ivanka’s clothing and shoe lines because they aren’t selling well.
How dare they!
Meanwhile, where’s Trump’s outrage at Kellyanne Conway over her blatant violation of federal ethics regulations? Where’s the angry Trump tweet condemning Conway for illegally hawking Ivanka’s products from the White House on a Fox News interview?
Conway’s breach was so egregious, that it was even strongly condemned by Republican Chairman of the House Oversight Committee Jason Chaffetz:
“That was wrong, wrong, wrong,” Chaffetz told NBC News’ Alex Moe. “It is wholly unacceptable — no if, ands or buts about it.” Chaffetz said that he was drafting a bipartisan letter with his Democratic counterpart Elijah Cummings demanding an explanation from the White House.
Yet all we’ve gotten so far is a namby-pamby statement by Sean Spicer, that Trump Counselor Conway “has been counseled.”
John McCain’s raid-remarks made Trump mad.
So did Blumenthal’s Gorsuch quotes. Sad!
Yet Donald seems fine
When his aides cross the line,
As with Conway’s Ivanka-brand ad.
Donald’s reign is a journalist’s dream;
It’s so sievelike — it leaks in a stream.
But the White House so leaky
Fills Trump with such pique, he
Keeps bleating his stale, “fake news” theme.
In the Trumpian mindset, when stuff
Goes terribly wrong, then he’ll huff
And he’ll puff, placing fault
On others (facts “alt.”)
Ducking blame is Trump’s concept of “tough.”
Would-be-Dictator Donald’s upset;
Checks and balances pose quite the threat,
Cuz some courts have said, “No!”
He’s been trumped. What a blow!
Seems he doesn’t own judges … just yet.
There is NO Muslim ban, and Dem tears
Are fake and deserve all our sneers!
And how dare they deplore such
A great guy as Gorsuch!
If they block him, I’ll nuke their careers!
Am I feeling despondent? Damn straight!
Donald’s governing principle’s hate!
Also greed, lies, derision
And sowing division.
Trump disdains all that makes our land great.
Our president’s clearly a bad man,
A conspiracy-fabulist madman;
Not a mere empty suit,
But a bullying brute–
Emp’ror Donald J. Trump, the Unclad Man.
Some Alternative Facts: Torture works!
If our nation won’t use it, we’re jerks.
Trump looks forward to using it.
(Even abusing it.)
Torture’s one of Trump’s favorite perks.
Trump’s as bad as I thought, maybe worse.
On our nation and world, he’s a curse.
If his goal is upheaval,
He’s brilliantly evil.
Hope you weren’t expecting light verse.
Now that Trump’s been sworn in, you would think
Mr. Orange would feel in the pink;
That he’d cease his false claims
And fake voter-fraud flames,
But it seems that the man needs a shrink.
Clinton’s popular vote win’s immense,
Which is making Trump terribly tense.
So he fabricates fraud,
Saying votes for the Broad
By illegals robbed Donald and Pence.
Are you as creeped out as I am by VP Pence calling his wife “mother?”
A fellow who calls his wife “mother?”
In the 21st Century? Brother!
That’s our VEEP, who wants gov
To control whom we love
And our bodies. Please get us another!
Here’s a motherlode of Pence quotes, thanks to Stephen Rodrick of RollingStone:
While Mike Pence was governor, his relationship with the Democratic minority in the legislature was crap. Someone on his staff suggested having the Democratic leaders over to the governor’s mansion for dinner. The table was set for 20, but there were only around seven in attendance. One unlucky legislator stuck next to Pence tried to make conversation, but found even at dinner she couldn’t shift Pence off his talking points. Gov. Pence shouted to his wife, Karen, his closest adviser, at the other end of the table.
“Mother, Mother, who prepared our meal this evening?”
The legislators looked at one another, speaking with their eyes: He just called his wife “Mother.”
Maybe it was a joke, the legislator reasoned. But a few minutes later, Pence shouted again.
“Mother, Mother, whose china are we eating on?”
Mother Pence went on a long discourse about where the china was from. A little later, the legislators stumbled out, wondering what was weirder: Pence’s inability to make conversation, or calling his wife “Mother” in the second decade of the 21st century.
If you stop by my page, I’m afraid
You’ll spot flop-sweat; my sage muse has strayed.
From her shocked disappointment
At Donald’s anointment
She brayed, “There’s no point! We’re betrayed!”
Anybody else missing Obama already?
Prez Donald’s our national bane;
We must brace to be plunged down the drain.
Though I’d rather not whine,
I just can’t help but pine
For a man in the Oval who’s sane.