Archive for the ‘Social Satire’ Category

Mitch’s Knucklehead Pitch (Limerick)

Thursday, March 21st, 2013

I can only assume that when Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell looks in the mirror, he somehow sees a very youthful, attractive fellow. Otherwise he would surely avoid making this ageist, lookist, and sexist jab at Hillary Clinton:

“Finally, don’t tell me that Democrats are the party of the future when their presidential ticket for 2016 is shaping up to look like a rerun of the ‘Golden Girls,’” McConnell said in his morning address to CPAC, drawing laughter and applause.

Mitch’s Knucklehead Pitch (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Someone ought to inform Leader Mitch
Of his party’s new “lure women” pitch:
Saying Hillary C-run
Is Golden Girls rerun
Most likely won’t tempt us to switch.

Promiscuous Law-Making (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 5th, 2013

Republican creativity never ceases to amaze me. Here’s the latest in Iowa’s battle against teenage promiscuity:

Seven Republicans in the Iowa House are pushing a bill to prohibit parents of minor children from getting a “no fault” divorce and the proposal could be debated in a House committee this week.

A three-member subcommittee debated the bill today. Representative Tedd Gassman, a Republican from Scarville, said he’s concerned about the negative impact divorce has on children.

“In my opinion, it’s time to look out for the children instead of constantly worrying about the adults,” Gassman said.

Representative Gassman said the issue is “near and dear” to his heart because his daughter and son-in-law recently divorced, putting his granddaughter at risk.

“There’s a 16-year-old girl in this whole mix now. Guess what? What are the possibilities of her being more promiscuous?” Gassman said. “What are the possibilities of all these other things surrounding her life that a 16-year-old girl, with hormones raging, can get herself into?”

Promiscuous Law-Making (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If your children are minors, watch out!
You may have to stay wed to that lout:
It seems no-fault divorce
May be nixed, as of course,
By Iowan wingnuts with clout.

White House Diversity’s Owed (Limerick)

Thursday, January 10th, 2013

I have nothing against white guys. (Some of my best husbands are white guys.) But President Obama’s second term appointments are really starting to annoy me.

White House Diversity’s Owed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Where’s Obama’s diversity minder–
His “qualified female” staff finder?
He’s named white guys galore
To positions top-drawer.
Perhaps he should borrow Mitt’s binder.

Shadowy Mitt Romney (With Apologies To Robert Louis Stevenson)

Thursday, October 18th, 2012

Shadowy Mitt Romney (With Apologies To Robert Louis Stevenson)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I have a little binder that is filled with clever gals,
But what can be the use of them — I’ll have to ask my pals.
They are very, very diff’rent. They are poor, and I am rich.
And I make them jump before me. They refuse, then they’re a bitch.

The funniest thing about them is the way they do their jobs.
Not at all like proper workers, such as Teds and Gregs and Bobs.
And they sometimes shoot up taller while they’re asking for a raise.
But to me they’re always little, barely worth my regal gaze.

They haven’t got a notion of how peons ought to work.
I can always make a fool of them — my second-fav’rite perk.
They long to stay beside me. But I wonder if they’re dykes.
Yet they shamefully leave early. They must feed their spouse and tykes.

One morning very early, before the sun was up
I rose and said, “You’re fired!” Why? They never made me sup.
Then I found another binder to replace those vacant spots:
A tome that’s filled with women — desp’rate feminine have-nots.

(Related Post: Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders)

(Linked at DVerse Poets Pub)

Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012

The oddest line of last night’s presidential debate has to be Mitt Romney’s “binders full of women.”

Romney used that phrase when responding to a question about gender inequality in the workplace: He claimed that he’d proactively solicited such binders in order to staff his cabinet with women.

“…we took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet.

“I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”

Even if Mitt’s claim were true, which apparently it isn’t, this begs the question: Was Romney the Massachusetts Governor … or running an escort service?

Limerick Ode To Lady-Filled Binders
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney goes through his life wearing blinders
And surrounded by yes-men and minders.
I suppose this explains
Why Romney’s campaign’s
So proud of his women-filled binders.

International Women’s Day Limerick

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Tomorrow, March 8, is International Women’s Day. So I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick:

International Women’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

U.S. women are under attack.
We’ve gone backwards, alas and alack.
Our plight is irrational.
Mark International
Women’s Day — Get off our back!

(Related Post: Limerick Ode To International Women’s Day)

Judge Walker’s Critics — Divorced From Reason

Friday, August 6th, 2010

The gay-bashers are at it again, freaking out at Judge Vaughn Walker’s pro-gay marriage Proposition 8 decision in Perry v. Schwarzenegger. The attacks claim, among other things, that:

The ruling is a travesty of justice because Walker himself is reportedly gay – and because he’s gay, he should’ve removed himself from the case!

Boy, am I glad I never parlayed my law degree into a judgeship. Because, based on this “reasoning,” I would have been duty-bound to recuse myself from any case involving women, Jews, short people, straights, New Yorkers, satirists, versifiers, lawyers, oboe players, agnostics, and people older than … uh … never mind.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Judge Walker’s Critics — Divorced From Reason
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Judge Walker’s well-reasoned decision
Has been met with gay-bashing derision:
He’s “reportedly gay,”
So was biased their way.

Oh, just straight guys have unbiased vision?

Republicans Bring “Classiness” To the Classroom

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Remember when a presidential speech to school kids was considered positive and uncontroversial? Back when Republicans were in the White House? Funny, what a difference one election can make.

President Obama wants to address schoolchildren about working hard, being responsible and playing by the rules, and all hell breaks loose:

Republicans Bring Classiness To the Classroom (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Act responsibly. Stay in your schools.”
“Study hard and please play by the rules.”
How dare the Prez preach
Such sins in his speech!
Ain’t no way to breed right-wing tools.

Related Posts: “Education President” Song; Education Humor; and Bush Isn’t An “Education President,” He Just Plays One

Ode To The White House Fashion Police

Friday, August 21st, 2009

The White House fashion police are at it again: First Lady Michelle Obama was caught wearing shorts on her way to a Grand Canyon vacation! The horror!

Ode To The White House Fashion Police (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Once again I just can’t help but frown
At the journalists going to town:
“The First Lady wore shorts,”
Blare the breathless reports.
Please Michelle, when you hike wear a gown.

Related Post: Dear Maureen Dowd, I Don’t Like Your Tone

Dear Maureen Dowd, I Don’t Like Your Tone

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

I’d hoped that Maureen Dowd was all done with her Michelle Obama biceps obsession. But apparently not. In her latest column, Dowd insinuates that Michelle’s “sinewy arms” belong in the Oval.

Dear Maureen Dowd, I Don’t Like Your Tone
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Maureen, please I’m begging, enough!
Yes, the First Lady’s biceps are buff.
But I really don’t need
To constantly read
About “sinewy arms.” Stop the fluff!

Dear Boss, Where’s My Bonus?

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

The AIG bonus fiasco has been very enlightening. Giving incompetent employees huge bonuses, so they won’t resign? And with taxpayer cash yet? What a concept!

I think all of us who still have jobs should send our bosses a letter like this:

Dear Boss, Where’s My Bonus? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear boss, where’s my bonus and raise?
I expect lots of cash — no delays.
Though my work surely sucks,
I deserve all those bucks.
Ain’t it great that incompetence pays?

Declaring War On The “War On Christmas” Whine

Friday, December 12th, 2008

I was heartened to read this column declaring war on the “war on Christmas” whine. Something tells me, however, that Bill O’Reilly won’t agree.

I don’t have time to write anything new about Bill O’Reilly’s war on the faux war on Christmas, because my mother’s been in the ICU for the last week. But a song parody I wrote three years ago remains surprisingly up to date:

Bill O’Reilly’s Faux War On Christmas — Song Parody (Sing to Get Me To The Church On Time)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bill says we’re waging war on Christmas,
Spouting another Fox News lie.
Bill’s rarely proper.
Loves telling whoppers.
Ain’t nothing that his fans won’t buy.

Bill claims we’re screwing blessed Christmas.
We’re greeting people wrong, he cries.
Not saying merry,
Christmas is very,
Belligerent and most unwise.

O’Reilly’s nasty, and quite the bore.
Too bad that Fox won’t kick him out the door.

Store signs must twinkle “Merry Christmas.”
“Happy” and “holidays” won’t do.
Bill makes a rumpus,
With no moral compass.
He leaves truth in the lurch.
O’Reilly goes to church?
He fibs and fabricates and lies on cue.

Bill says we’re out to outlaw Christmas.
Some people call its tree a bush!
Bill’s not facetious.
Bill’s claims are specious.
His reasoning is packed with mush.

Bill says we’re out to kill off Christmas.
We’re harming symbols so sublime.
Bill’s got a vision.
Bill’s on a mission:
To battle his faux war prime time.

Is Bill a madman, or just perverse?
It’s hard to picture a talk show host who’s worse.

Shop lights must twinkle “Merry Christmas.”
“Seasons” and “greetings” just won’t do.
Bill likes inciting,
And people dividing.
He leaves truth in the lurch.
O’Reilly goes to church?
He fibs and fabricates and lies on cue.

Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

Sarcastic air-quotes around “health” in “health of the mother”? Who the hell uses sarcastic air-quotes anymore … let alone when referring to women’s health? Big mistake, Senator McCain!

Which reminds me — during last night’s debate I had a revelation about the gravitas-test versus the guy-you’d-enjoy-having-a-beer-with-test.  In this year’s election, gravitas-guy (Obama)  is also the fellow I’d enjoy having a beer with … if only I liked beer:

Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Many voters ask:  Whose views are best,
As opposed to the drinking-pal test.
But whichever the measure,
Obama’s my pleasure.
McCain?  He’s a cranky old pest.

A Humorist’s Lament (Covering The New Yorker Cover Brouhaha In Verse) – Updated

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

By now, everyone’s surely seen Barry Blitt’s New Yorker cover, depicting Barack Obama as a flag-burning, bin Laden-loving, fist-bumping Muslim.  Intended to satirize “The Politics of Fear,” the image is being widely criticized as reinforcing the very stereotypes it seeks to mock.

Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow has a very interesting take on the topic here and here, as does cartoonist Ruben Bolling here, and Don Davis here, here, here, and here.  The New York Times queries some late night talk show hosts here and Mark Karlin of Buzzflash speaks out here.

Here’s my view in verse:

A Humorist’s Lament
Madeleine Begun Kane

A humorist like me sure knows
How tough it is to write, compose,
And sketch satiric toons and prose
And poems.  It’s not without its woes.

For instance, Barry Blitt’s lampoon,
New Yorker’s well-intentioned toon,
Is meant to show as crass buffoon
The lie and bias-spreading goon.

The humor quand’ry, if you please:
This toon could fit with equal ease
In any right-wing, racist sleaze
And readily its readers please.

That’s why it draws this fit of pique
For spreading what it would critique,
Confirming to the knowledge-weak:
Barack Obama — Terr’ist Sheik!

Update: Some more funny people have chimed in on this topic: skippy; David Horsey; Jon Swift; and Talk About Comics.[tags]Barack Obama, New Yorker Cover, Barry Blitt, Tom Tomorrow, Ruben Bolling, Racial Stereotypes, Media Humor, Election Coverage Satire[/tags]

Hey Obama Sycophants, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

They were warned, but they refused to listen. And now they’re paying the price.

I’m referring, of course, to the Pro-Obama bloggers who delight in anti-Dem media bias, so long as it’s directed at Hillary Clinton.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the election: Now that the press is giving Obama a hard time over his condescending bitter-small-town-America faux pas, these press bias-enablers are suddenly horrified by media bias. Why? Because it’s their candidate whose ox is being Gored. 

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Hey Obama Sycophants, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“The press is unfair to Barack,”
Whines the Cult of Obama with shock.
Loaded questions, contortions
Of words, and distortions
Now wrong, cuz it’s their guy they mock.[tags]Media Bias, Press Bias, Media Humor, Senator Obama, Senator Clinton, Presidential Election Campaign Satire[/tags]

Ode To Colorado: Nanny State

Saturday, March 22nd, 2008

Jeralyn over at Talk Left has declared Colorado to be a “Nanny State.”  Why? Because its Appeals Court has decreed that Colorado no-smoking laws apply to actors on stage.

(Coincidentally, just last night my husband and I saw an Off-Broadway play during which two of the actors smoked.  In fact, we got a second-row contact-high from one of them.)

But getting back to the Colorado judiciary, the court deserves a limerick, don’t you think?

Ode To Colorado: Nanny State
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“No smoking on stage!” says the judge,
Cuz “No smoking indoors!” He won’t budge.
So no matter the role,
There’s a no-smoke patrol.
Soon they won’t let their actors eat fudge.

You can find more of my smoking-related humor here and my theater-related humor here.)[tags]Legal Satire, Judge Humor, No-Smoking Humor, Smoking Laws, Theater Humor, Actors Verse[/tags]

I Won’t Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee

Saturday, December 15th, 2007

How lovely! In addition to Huckabee’s other “charming” attributes, he’s a “wives should graciously submit to their husbands” aficionado.

In June 1998, the Southern Baptist convention amended its official statement of beliefs for the first time in 35 years to declare that “a wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership of her husband.” And Huckabee, a former Southern Baptist minister then serving as governor of Arkansas, signed a full-page ad in USA Today in support of the statement (along with 129 other evangelical leaders).

Back in 1998 I parodied this brouhaha in a satirical piece, which Bridge News syndicated to a bunch of newspapers, including the Houston Chronicle. Oddly enough, it was initially bumped by Bridge, as too controversial.  Then, after some heated discussion, it was unbumped. Here it is:

Religious Fervor, Or Fever?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Hey, Madeleine,” my husband Mark recently said. “How would you like to convert?”

“What?” I said, immediately suspicious.

“We’ve been Jewish for a whole lotta years,” Mark said. “I thought it might be time for a change.”

“Did you have any particular religion in mind?”

“Well, they all have their good points. But I was leaning towards Baptist.”

Mark’s suggestion took me by surprise, After all, he’s a reasonably religious man, and I’m a devout member of a tiny Jewish sect known as “So Reform You Don’t Even Have To Show Up.”

I tried to stall by offering to take his conversion idea “under advisement.” I figure this approach works for judges; why shouldn’t it work for me? And it’s served me well throughout our marriage — I’ve had his suggestion that we go white water rafting under advisement for a dozen years.

But this time Mark refused to take “under advisement” for an answer. “If you were a good wife, you’d graciously submit and convert. And you’d do it right away.”

“Do you have a fever?” I asked, becoming seriously concerned. “Maybe we should get you to a doctor.”

“Oh forget it,” Mark said.

At least I think that’s what he said. He’s hard to understand with a thermometer in his mouth.

But he was a healthy 98.6, so I couldn’t blame his odd behavior on a fever.

Puzzled, and remembering that I’m supposed to be a journalist, I decided to investigate.

“Has your husband been acting strange lately?” I asked several friends.

“You mean more than usual?” three responded. The fourth demanded to know if I was wearing a wire.

These women were tough. But by using interrogation techniques I learned in Humor High, I finally pieced together the terrifying truth: My husband, my friends’ husbands, and countless others had succumbed to the influence of an evangelical group that preys on men who married feminists and who for years have been pretending not to mind.

I was stunned and bewildered. How could this happen? Could I have done something to prevent it? Was there some warning sign I missed?

Come to think of it, Mark had been acting strange lately. Out of the blue, he began opening doors for me and refused to let me carry anything that weighed more than a pound. And twice, in what I foolishly assumed was a playful imitation of Alexander Haig, he said “I’m in charge here.”

Worst of all, when I criticized President Clinton, he said, “Don’t bother your pretty little head about that. Foreign policy is my domain.”

Mark’s under treatment now, and I’m guardedly optimistic. He hasn’t mentioned converting in a week. And once, when he was carrying several clumsy packages, he even let me open the door.

But his recovery is slow with frequent relapses. Yesterday he ordered me to quit my job and stay home with the kids.

When he’s better, I’ll have to remind him — we don’t have any kids.

(Crooks and Liars has more.)

My Family Needs Me (Limerick and Video)

Monday, November 26th, 2007

I’m always amused when politicians and other public figures get into legal hot water and develop a sudden urge to spend more time with their family.

They generally issue some sort of lame press release that nobody believes and then, if we’re lucky, they spend a whole lot of time in prison.  If we’re not so lucky, we get to watch them spout off on Fox News.

But getting back to their woefully inadequate press releases,  I thought as a public service I’d write a generic resignation limerick:

My Family Needs Me
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My family needs me — can’t stay.
I’m dismayed that I must go away.
But I want to spend time
With my wife, who’s sublime.
It’s not my indictment, okay?

You can watch it here on YouTube.

[tags]Politicians Humor, Public Figures, Family Time, Resignation Humor, Political Humor Video[/tags]

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns

Friday, September 28th, 2007

I wish I were making this up but, alas, I’m not — pink guns for girls.

Firearms shops in the US are stocking pink rifles and shotguns to encourage girls to get into shooting. …

They include a Remington 20-gauge shotgun with a pink and black stock emblazoned with the slogan: “Shoot like a girl if you can!” …

“Females want to shoot guns, but they want them to look pretty, too,” he said. “Guys could give a rat’s butt what their gun looks like.”

I think it’s time to take aim at those guns with a limerick:

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Would you like your young daughter to shoot?
Simply buy her a shotgun that’s cute.
But be sure that it’s pink.
It’s so pretty, she’ll think.
Breeding killers—a stylish pursuit.

(You can find more of my feminist humor here, my family humor here, and my outdoor sports humor here.)

Mustachioed Men — Downtrodden Minority Group? (Updated — Limerick Revised)

Saturday, September 1st, 2007

Is  the American Mustache Institute (AMI) for real? When I first read about it, I figured it must surely be fictitious.  Either that  … or John Bolton’s new employer. But the AMI, a sort of mustache anti-defamation league, apparently does exist, with this as its stated goal:

To battle negative stereotyping that has accompanied the mustache since those glory years of the 1970s – the peak of mustache acceptance – fighting to create a climate of acceptance, understanding, flavor saving, and upper lip warmth for all mustached Americans alike.

I think the American Mustache Institute deserves a limerick don’t you?

Ode to Mustached Men, The Forgotten Minority
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ending prejudice—that’s the group’s aim.
“Don’t be bigots!” its members exclaim.
What’s the bias they face?
Not their age, faith or race—
Anti-mustache behavior’s to blame.