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J.D. Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona’s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. This is what he had to say during his Rick Santorum-like “man on dog” moment:

You see, the Massachusetts Supreme Court, when it started this move toward same-sex marriage, actually defined marriage — now get this — it defined marriage as simply, “the establishment of intimacy.” Now how dangerous is that? I mean, I don’t mean to be absurd about it, but I guess I can make the point of absurdity with an absurd point — I guess that would mean if you really had affection for your horse, I guess you could marry your horse.

Now I’m very happily married to a human male right now. But just in case it doesn’t work out, I think this is wonderful news:

Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Would you like to be wed to a cat?
Or a horse, or a dog, or a bat?
Or even an ass?
Simply move out to Mass.
Hayworth says it’s okay. So that’s that.

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Posted in Gay Rights, Homophobia, John McCain, Judiciary Satire, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Wingnuts | 4 Comments »

Liz Cheney: Chip Off The Old Crock

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

A right-winger has to go pretty far to be criticized by both the left and the right. But Liz Cheney and her Keep America Safe organization have managed to do it with their McCarthy-like attacks on U.S. Justice Department lawyers, smearing and demonizing them as terrorist sympathizers for their previous legal work defending Gitmo detainees.

This brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Liz Cheney: Chip Off The Old Crock
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Has Cheney gone stark raving mad?
I’m speaking of Liz — not her dad.
Now even some peers
Are attacking her smears
As McCarthy-like. Talk about sad!

When her natural allies cry foul,
She’s applying her lies with a trowel.
If she fails to give in
And fess up to her sin,
She’ll end up with a Dick Cheney scowl.

Related Posts: Liz Cheney’s Song and Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys

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Posted in Campaign Humor, Dick Cheney Satire, Election Satire, GOP Humor, Gitmo Humor, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Liz Cheney, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Terrorism, White House, Wingnuts | 4 Comments »

Testy Republicans

Monday, November 30th, 2009

By now you’ve surely heard about the GOP’s proposed conservative “purity test,” a ten-point litmus test advocated by James Bopp Jr. and others to weed out party “undesirables.”

Under this test (Reagan’s Unity Principle for Support of Candidates), if you’re not right-wing enough to pass muster on at least eight of ten position points, you forfeit RNC support.

How ironic and amusing that Ronald Reagan, the “purity test’s” namesake, couldn’t come close to passing it.

And that brings me to my latest double limerick:

Testy Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republicans want to ensure
That all of its members are pure:
Wrong on 3 of 10 planks?
Then it’s “Sorry, no thanks,”
Cuz you’re lacking in wingnut allure.

So how odd that their “God” would not pass
This purity test — what a gas!
Reagan’s record is clear:
He would fail, were he here.
Yet he’s Prez nonpareil, under grass.

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Posted in Election Satire, GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, RNC Humor, Republicans Humor, Ronald Reagan, Wingnuts | 8 Comments »

Bowing … And Scraping Bottom

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Fox News and all the usual wingnut suspects are simply horrified because President Obama, in a show of diplomatic courtesy, bowed to Emperor Akihito of Japan. This was a shocking and unprecedented show of weakness and subservience, according to sundry Obama bashers, including Karl Rove, Steve Doocy, and Dick Cheney.

It seems only Republican Presidents are allowed such bows (Richard Nixon to Japanese Emperor Hirohito, Dwight Eisenhower to Charles De Gaulle).

But as far as I’m concerned, President Obama can bow to as many foreign leaders as he likes. Although perhaps he should leave the Saudi Prince lip-kissing and hand-holding to George W. Bush.

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Bowing … And Scraping Bottom
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kissing princes and hand-holding’s fine
For a Prez on the GOP line.
But a bow from Obama
To emp’rors — what drama!
Such nonsense, this sham wingnut-whine.

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Posted in Barack Obama, Diplomacy Humor, Foreign Policy, Fox News Humor, George Bush Satire, Hypocrisy Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »

Stupak Stupidity

Monday, November 16th, 2009

The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups’ donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it’s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion.

Let me try to explain, even though the effort may make my brain explode. “Money is fungible,” say proponents of the Stupak abortion-coverage ban. And under “Stupak logic,” if your insurance policy doesn’t cover abortions, but your insurer issues abortion coverage to other people, your premiums are part of a pool of baby-killing cash.

This brings us back to the RNC whose health insurance policy, until roughly five minute ago, covered elective abortions and has done so since 1991.

So what inspired the sudden change? The RNC’s hypocritical abortion coverage got some headlines, embarrassing Chairman Michael Steele into sending its carrier an opt-out notice — something the RNC could have done any time during the last eighteen years.

End of story, right? Well, not exactly. Because the RNC hasn’t stopped paying health insurance premiums to Cigna. And Cigna still issues abortion insurance to other organizations. So under “Stupak logic,” the RNC and its donors are still subsidizing abortion and killing those babies.

Shame on the RNC! And shame also on Focus on the Family, which has its own fungible money problem. It’s insured by Principal, yet another abortion-covering carrier.

The RNC and Focus on the Family have earned themselves a limerick, don’t you think?

Stupak Stupidity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The folks behind Stupak are clear:
All money is fungible. Hear?
So how odd that they chose
To pay money to cos
That finance abortions each year.

Related Post: Stewing Over Stupak

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Posted in Abortion Rights, Bart Stupak, Congress Humor, Health Satire, House Satire, Insurance Humor, Michael Steele, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, RNC Humor, Republicans Humor, Wingnuts | 1 Comment »

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I can’t decide what’s funnier:

a: Carrie Prejean’s finding Larry “King Of Softballs” King too tough and “inappropriate” an interviewer during her appearance to promote her book (and dodge discussing her lawsuit and sex tape); or

b: Carrie Prejean’s inability to properly storm off a set.

Note To Beauty Pageant Coaches: Must add storming-off-tv-set etiquette to your coaching regimen.

Here’s the video and here’s my limerick:

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a wingnut named Carrie
Who got angry at talk show host Larry.
So she yanked off her mike,
Then just sat there on strike.
But when storming off sets, must not tarry.

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Posted in Carrie Prejean, Celebrity Verse, Entertainment Humor, Etiquette Humor, Larry King, Media Satire, Non-Political Humor, Non-Political Verse, Television (TV) Satire, Wingnuts | 3 Comments »

Celebrating Sarah

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

On behalf of my fellow New Yorkers, I want to thank Sarah Palin for her generous gift to the State of New York. Palin’s leadership in driving moderates like Dede Scozzafava out of the Republican party handed New York Democrats a Congressional Seat (District 23) that had eluded Dems for well over a century.

Thanks also to Dick Armey for his help in electing Democrat Bill Owens. (I understand Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman has a big, wet kiss for Dick Armey too.)

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Celebrating Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Sarah, your meddling is great.
I just love what you did to my state.
Your GOP purge
Will make Democrats surge
As you spread anti-moderates hate.

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Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, House Satire, New York Politics, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »

Ode To Party-First Republicans

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

Remember when you could tell the difference between right-wing loons and your average Republican politician? Unfortunately, that distinction is rapidly vanishing. And Republican reaction to 1) Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize win; and 2) Chicago’s failure to land the Olympics are but two recent examples.

Ode To Party-First Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When the Prez wins a prize, wingnuts sneer.
When we lose the Olympics, they cheer.
“Country first,” they once said.
Seems that sentiment’s dead.
If Barack killed bin Laden, they’d jeer.

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Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, George Bush Satire, Hypocrisy Humor, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »

Mark Sanford, The Not-So-Frugal Traveler

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford sure has expensive travel habits for such a “frugal conservative.”

The Not-So-Frugal Traveler (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Making staffers use each Post-It side,
Mark Sanford would wastefulness chide.
Then he’d charter a plane,
Throwing cash down the drain.
Sanford sure took his state for a ride.

Related Posts: Ode to Mark “Sweet Talker” Sanford; Mark Sanford’s Trail … Of Hypocrisy; and Mark Sanford — Lost? Or Losing It?

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Posted in GOP Humor, Governors Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, Mark Sanford, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, South Carolina Humor, Wingnuts | No Comments »

Alpha-Political Verse 2009

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period’s zany and significant political moments. (My last one said goodbye and good riddance to Bush and Cheney.)

Although Barack Obama’s administration is still relatively new, there’s already plenty of material for another piece of alpha-political poetry:

A is for Alaska with its lovely Russian view.

B is for the Birthers who will rant and rave on cue.

C is for conservatives co-opted by the loons.

D is for each Democrat who caves and often swoons.

E is for elections that just never seem to stop.

F’s for raising endless funds so pols will stay on on top.

G’s for GOPers who so love to misinform.

H is for our health care — much in need of broad reform.

I is for insurance co’s. They love the status quo.

J’s for Joseph Lieberman. He really needs to go.

K’s for Teddy Kennedy whose legacy is great.

L is for Rush Limbaugh whose big talent’s spreading hate.

M’s for John McCain who’s always on a Sunday show.

N’s for nihilist congressmen, so fond of saying “No!”

O is for Obama. Hope he’s worthy of his rise.

P is for Fox pundits and their “fair and balanced” lies.

Q is for the questions town hall crackpots often pose.

R’s for right-wing zealots who are truthful-info foes.

S is for Mark Sanford’s Argentinean affair.

T’s for Texans Perry and Pete Sessions. What a pair!

U is the USA. There’s greatness at its core.

V’s for fam’ly values preached by hypocrites galore.

W’s for Dubya and the mess he left behind.

X and Y and Z are hard. Their rhymes I can not find.

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Posted in GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Wingnuts | 3 Comments »

Tantrum Politics

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion?

Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you’re likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. And the only thing you’re likely to learn is that it’s frustrating and possibly dangerous to be a Democratic Congressperson.

Here’s my limerick about the right-wing scheme to stifle intelligent discussion of the issues by inciting angry mobs to shout down these meetings.

Tantrum Politics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If reform can’t be fought using facts,
Simply give civil discourse the ax.
Block discussion with mobs
Packed with morons like Dobbs.
That’s the path of Republican hacks.

Related Posts: An Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; and Waterloo Lies

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Posted in Congress Humor, Democracy Humor, GOP Humor, Health Satire, House Satire, Insurance Humor, Legislation Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Wingnuts | 4 Comments »

Dear Senator Inhofe

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Boohoohoo! Poor, innocent Republicans are being hassled by wingnut birthers — loons who would refuse to believe President Obama was born in the U.S., even if they witnessed his Hawaiian birth themselves.

And it doesn’t help that Republicans like Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Okla.) encourage this nonsense by saying birthers “have a point” and by blaming Obama — claiming “the White House has not done a very good job of dispelling the concerns of these citizens.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Dear Senator Inhofe
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Inhofe, I’ve heard you do deals
That are fishy and steal people’s meals.
You have proof it’s not true?
Doesn’t matter — won’t do.
Now Inhofe, you see how it feels?

Update: The House has passed a resolution by 378 to 0 celebrating the 50th anniversary of Hawaiian statehood. The resolution included language recognizing the state as President Obama’s birthplace.

Wingnut birthers are gonna be mad!

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Posted in Barack Obama, Inhofe Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House, Wingnuts | No Comments »

Not So Belle

Monday, June 15th, 2009

I tend to avoid embroilment in comment fights. But Sunday was an exception.

Over at Facebook (I’m at facebook.com/madkane, should you wish to befriend me) a George Stephanopoulos post had drawn some really crazed comments. The topic was the Sarah Palin / David Letterman brouhaha, and I couldn’t resist chiming in with this comment:

He was clearly referring to Palin’s unwed-mother/18 year old daughter, who apparently has become a spokesperson for abstinence and is in the public eye thanks to Palin’s actions. He apologized. Palin, instead of accepting his apology in a classy fashion, continues to distort and exploit what he said.

Nine minutes later an outraged woman named (I kid you not) Belle Blessing posted this over-the-top response:

Madelin, maybe you like perverts hanging out their tongues at your daughter or maybe you even offer her up to them. The majority of this American nation who still have their moral values in tack…don’t want the perverts giving second glance. The foundation that this country was founded on had higher moral values than letting the dirt bag over 50 population treat women and girls like sex slaves. The perverts should stick to passing toilet paper under the wall and picking up on other perverted men.

In an exercise of extreme self-control, I posted just this in response:

Dear Belle, I hope you and Sarah Palin will be very happy together. :)

Aren’t you impressed with my self-control?

Not so fast!

Twenty minutes later I just couldn’t help myself. Ms. Belle deserved a limerick, so I posted this:

There once was a woman named Belle,
Who believed I was destined for hell.
So self-righteous was she,
She condemned me with glee
And an arrogance no one could quell.

I feel much better now.

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Posted in Facebook Verse, Gender Politics, George Stephanopoulos, Media Satire, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Sarah Palin, Wingnuts | 8 Comments »

Ode To The Wingnutty Pete Sessions

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

It sounds like Texas Congressman Pete Sessions could use some … uh … sessions on somebody’s couch.

… Representative Pete Sessions of Texas, may indeed face an uphill fight with his argument that Mr. Obama is not trying to create jobs. In an interview, Mr. Sessions cited rising unemployment in asserting that the administration intended to “diminish employment and diminish stock prices” as part of a “divide and conquer” strategy to consolidate power.

Ode To The Wingnutty Pete Sessions
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Texas Republican Sessions
Likes to conjure up lib’ral transgressions:
Claims Barack to build power
Made stocks and jobs sour.
Pete needs help from the head-shrink professions.

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Posted in Barack Obama, Economy Humor, Pete Sessions, Political Limericks, Republicans Humor, Texas Humor, Wingnuts | 5 Comments »

An Ode To Political Writer’s Block

Friday, April 24th, 2009

An Ode To Political Writer’s Block
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve nothing amusing to write
Cuz I feel uninspired tonight.
Yes I’m riled at the press
And our horrible mess,
But my funny bone’s missing its bite.

I’m hoping tomorrow will bring
Some news that will make my wit sing—
That a wingnutty troll
Will do something droll,
And my humor once more will take wing.

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Posted in Humor Writing, Non-Political Humor, Political Limericks, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »

Yet Another Ode To Republican Hypocrisy

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

My latest double limerick, written in an antibiotic haze and inspired by Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s secession talk brouhaha:

Yet Another Ode To Republican Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Under Bush left-dissent equaled treason.
So Republicans claimed without reason.
Now Obama is prez
(A commie Chavez)
And secession is righteous — not teasin’.

Yes Gov. Perry and co. say it’s fine —
This unconstitutional whine:
Secede cuz Barack
Is a Europy Jacques.
Then they pray to Ron Reagan. Divine!

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Posted in Barack Obama, Constitution Humor, GOP Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rick Perry, Ronald Reagan, Texas Humor, Wingnuts | 8 Comments »

Fox Pundits At Sea

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Fox News “pundit” rants always look foolish, especially when they’re packed with gleeful predictions of Democratic failures. And most especially when their predictions turn out to be dramatically wrong.

Such, thankfully, was the case with the loony rantings indulged in by Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck and sundry Fox News personalities who “bet against the Obama administration’s ability to rescue Richard Phillips, the American ship captain who was taken hostage by Somali pirates.”

How those Fox nuts salivated in anticipation of Obama’s failure! And how disappointed they must surely be in the wake of Phillips’ rescue after the Obama-authorized killing of three pirates.

I, for one, don’t expect any gracious apologies any time soon. Do you?

Fox Pundits At Sea (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Obama’s been tested and won.
Three pirates were killed with a gun.
Now will loons who foretold
That he’d fail to be bold
Say they’re sorry, congrats, job well done?

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Posted in Barack Obama, Blame Game, Fox News Humor, Glenn Beck Satire, Media Satire, Newt Gingrich Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Television (TV) Satire, Transportation Safety, Wingnuts | No Comments »

Fuming About Hume

Sunday, March 22nd, 2009

What delicious irony — Brit Hume bitching about blogger partisanship. And then thanking rightwingers Brent Bozell and the Media Research Center “for the tremendous amount of material that the Media Research Center provided me for so many years when I was anchoring Special Report. I don’t know what we would have done without them.”

Fuming About Hume (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The blogs are a threat to the news
Cuz they’re slanted, says Hume, in their views.
A fellow from Fox
Casting “partisan” knocks?
To Hume I must say, “Brit, j’accuse.”

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Posted in Brit Hume, Fox News Humor, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »

Dems Pull Bush’s Chain

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

Dems Pull Bush’s Chain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Congressional Dems reached a deal.
No, it isn’t ideal, yet I feel
It’s all right—a first step.
Stop this war? Dems said, “Yep!”
As for reining in Bush, they said, “Heel!”  [tags]Congress Humor, Iraq War, Spending Bill, House Bill, Rein In Bush, U.S. Troops Readiness, Veterans’ Health and Iraq Accountability Act, Strategic Redeployment, U.S. Troops[/tags]

Posted in Congress Humor, Constitution Humor, Democracy Humor, Free Speech, GOP Humor, George Bush Satire, House Satire, Iraq War Humor, Legislation Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Wingnuts | 3 Comments »

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