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Madeleine Begun Kane,
Humor Columnist,
PET, ANIMAL & INSECT HUMOR COLUMNS & LIMERICKS


Madeleine Begun Kane
 
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Bob Newhart Names Madeleine Begun Kane Winner of Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor

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I hope you'll enjoy my animal and pet-related humor columns, light verse, and limericks by Madeleine Begun Kane

  • Happy World Animal Day
    "In Honor Of World Animal Day, celebrated annually on October 4th, here are three endangered species limericks: Limerick Odes to the Tasmanian Forester Roo, the Hippopotamus, and the African Wild Ass..."

  • Limerick Dismay
    "A woman displayed her dismay
    At her pug, who refused to obey..."

  • Happy World Rhino Day
    "The rhino appears prehistoric,
    With a diet that’s vega-caloric..."

  • This Limerick's For The Birds
    "Here’s a riveting fact about birds,
    Which is likely to trigger foul words..."

  • Reining In Your Returns
    "To the folks who find horseback transcendent,
    Please beware, you could be a defendant..."

  • A Limerick To Bear In Mind
    "I’m not shocked that wild bears misbehave.
    We’ve been stealing their homes as we pave..."

  • Dear Deer
    "Dear deer, you’re adorable, true.
    But there’s one thing about you, I rue..."

  • Squirrely Limerick
    "A squirrel gave birth on my sill—
    Near my window AC unit’s grill..."

  • Happy Take Your Dog To Work Day!
    "I thought bringing your canine to work
    A superb way to look like a jerk..."

  • Dear Squirrel
    "Squatter-squirrel, please scat — go away.
    This is my house — no wildlife! Okay..."

  • A Dog Of A Limerick
    "A wealthy old woman named Kate
    Left her dog an enormous estate. ..."

  • Catty Limerick
    "There once was a kitty named Brad
    Whose attraction to catnip was rad. ..."

  • South African Pinot’s Too Pricey? Blame The Baboons. "Are you a wine aficionado? A fan of pinot noir? Apparently baboons like pinot too, which is providing quite a challenge for South African vineyard owners and winemakers. ..."

  • First and Last Visit (Limerick)
    "I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
    And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze. ..."

  • Hayworth’s Marriage Menagerie (Limerick) "J.D. Hayworth, in an effort to out-wingnut John McCain in Arizona’s Senatorial primary, is claiming that legalized same-sex marriage can lead to man-horse nuptials. ..."

  • A Squirrely Lesson "Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal..."

  • Dogged Journalism (Limerick) “At long last, we have an answer to these burning questions: What kind of dog will Obama get daughters Malia and Sasha, and when will he get it? From a plethora of breathless press reports we learn that it’s a male Portuguese water dog puppy named Bo with a Kennedy pedigree. ...”

  • Ode To A Greedy Squirrel (Limerick)
    "A squirrel who wanted some food
    Did something I’d call rather rude: ..."

  • A Poodle Tale "I read recently that elegant dog garb and pricey canine day-care are "in" these days. Frankly, I was pleased to learn this. For until I acquired this seemingly frivolous bit of information, I was seriously concerned about my parents..."

  • Cashing In With “Doggie da Vincis” (Limerick)
    “A dog trainer needed some cash,
    So she dreamed up a plan—made a splash: ..."

    This page was sponsored by dog tags from petsupplies, one of the leading pet stores in the U.S.


  • Puppy Love (Limerick and Haiku)
    "Dear puppy, how long will it be
    Till you learn where it’s kosher to pee? ..."

  • Bugged
    "Mosquitos are on the attack.
    They have bitten my arms and my back. ..."

  • Fishing For Company "I’m an insomniac and I must admit to taking a bit of solace at learning from a podcast that 'zebrafish - a common aquarium pet - can have a genetic mutation linked to sleep problems.' ..."

  • A Horse Of A Different Color (Limerick)
    "There are folks who succumb to a weakness
    For races like Belmont and Preakness. ..."

  • May I Please Have Your Paw In Marriage? (Limerick)
    "Is your schnauzer in love with your collie?
    Jolly England can help you, by golly: ..."

  • Yoga For What??? (Limerick)
    “There is yoga for doggies, I swear—
    Caught a canine-filled class on the air; ..."

  • Television Nightmares "Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay’s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, 'Oh my God!' ..."

  • A Lamb On The Lam "I couldn’t resist writing a limerick about the seven-month-old lamb that escaped a live-animal market in The Bronx, New York and led police on a several block chase before it was captured. ..."

  • Chinese Exports — The Real Poop (Limerick) "I was a bit grossed out to learn that “The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Base has come up with a dung-for-profit scheme that turns droppings from the endangered species into odour-free souvenirs ranging from bookmarks to Olympic-themed statues… .”

  • Doggone Limerick
    "“It’s so cute!” said the child, with delight.
    “You can’t have it,” said Mom. “Puppies bite. ..."

  • Ode To Genetically Altered Cats (Limerick)
    "Do cats make you suffer and wheeze?
    There’s a cure for some real hefty fees: ..."

  • Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
    “Mosquitos are driving me mad.
    Seems a zillion are biting me—bad! ..."

  • Marriage Catch (Limerick)
    "Said the fellow, 'I need some advice.
    Tell me how I can catch me some mice, ...'"

  • Bugged By Ads "If you saw what looked like an insect on your television screen, what weapon would you reach for? A wad of tissues, perhaps? Okay, let's make the bug more menacing than your average house invader -- let's make it a cockroach. I'm guessing you'd grab a sacrificial magazine, roll it up, and take a swing at the screen. A swing strong enough to demolish the roach (you hope), while leaving your TV set more or less intact..."

  • Mice-Capades "It was a classic scene, with a twist. Mouse scampers across the room. Woman leaps out of its path. And husband hurls himself onto the couch to join her..."

  • Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
    “'Wanna ride?' says a cop on the force.
    I decline, though politely, of course. ..."

  • Dog Days Of Roofing (Limerick)
    "Our roofers must enter your yard,
    But their access is blocked by your guard..."

  • Dog of a Defense (Comic Strip)

  • Dog Days of Dubya (Comic Strip)

  • Appearances Count (Limerick)
    "Her appearance took all by surprise,
    For her hair had succumbed to some dyes. ..."

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