Erecting The Case For Coffee (Limerick)

May 27th, 2015

Good news for men worried about ED — coffee’s good for you:

According to new research from The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston, men who drink the caffeine equivalent of two to three cups of coffee per day are less likely to have erectile dysfunction.

Erecting The Case For Coffee (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear men, avoid pills and injections,
Yet hold on to your manly erections:
Drinking coffee each day
Drives dysfunction away
And prevents disappointing defections.

Beer Is Good For You??? (Limerick)

May 26th, 2015

Take this with several grains … of alcohol: According to a bunch of studies, beer is good for you.

Beer Is Good For You??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

For those who enjoy drinking beer,
There’s news you’ll be happy to hear:
Beer is good for your heart
And your kidneys. Good start…
But I still give its taste a bronx cheer.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROOTS at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

May 23rd, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROOTS at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A woman obsessed by her roots
Found some ancestors deep in cahoots
With pirates and killers.
No heroes! No pillars!
Now she knows why she likes to wed brutes.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (214)

May 23rd, 2015

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to COLLEEN MURPHY, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

For searching they brought out the hound,
“The best-sniffing hunt dog around.”
But instead of the punk
It uncovered a skunk,
And the stench from its spray was profound.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Scott Crowder, Allen Wilcox, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Brian Allgar:

I cursed when my stupid old hound
Went digging for bones in the ground,
For I’d cut up my wife
With a sharp kitchen knife,
And she wasn’t supposed to be found.

Scott Crowder:

On days that I miss my old hound
I wait for that imminent sound
Of neighbors despairing
And cursing and swearing
Whenever they step in a mound.

Allen Wilcox:

That crazy old dog went around
And around, and he howled like a hound.
Every day without fail
He went out chasing tail -
It was only his own that he found.

Dave Johnson:

She continued to hector and hound;
He recoiled from the unending sound.
Now technology wins;
He just sits there and grins.
New ear buds will keep him around.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Holiday Tip (Limerick)

May 21st, 2015

Holiday Tip (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m presenting a holiday tip.
No it’s not what you think. Get a grip!
It is Waitstaff Day. See?
And I’m sure you’ll agree
That those folks deserve more than this quip.

(National Waitstaff Day — May 21)

Not Panting To Wear Jeans (Limerick)

May 20th, 2015

I find jeans to be patently uncomfortable. But I’m dutifully celebrating the birthday of its patent — granted to Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis on May 20th, 1873:

Call them denims or jeans — I don’t care–
That’s one garment I simply won’t wear.
I don’t buy the appeal
Of its look or its feel,
And I’d rather go naked. Don’t stare!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HOUND at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

May 16th, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using HOUND at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

An inventor and builder would hound
His staffers to break some new ground.
He found acting quite mean
And venting his spleen
Often led them to breakthroughs profound.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (213)

May 16th, 2015

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SUE DULLEY, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Whether healthy and hearty and hale
Or feeble and fragile and frail,
If a cold makes you cry
And you think you’ll soon die
It’s a hundred to one that you’re male.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

A fisherman, typically male,
Set a hook for his co-worker, Gayle.
What a catch, for the win!
After reeling her in,
He found out she was bait — for the jail.

Brian Allgar:

The Judge had released him on bail,
But his kids – seven female, six male -
Screamed and fought all the time,
So he planned a new crime
And returned to the peace of the jail.

Colleen Murphy:

I thought I could learn how to sail
With instructions I got in the mail
But for trimming and tacking
The guidelines were lacking.
At least I could manage to bail.

Dave Johnson:

The party was hardy and hale;
And he was a red-blooded male.
The women were hot
But the ending was not;
He awoke with his head in a pail.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Just One More… (Limerick)

May 14th, 2015

I’m attempting to check my temptation
To engage in non-stop rhyme creation.
“Buckle down,” my muse cries.
“Make them chuckle! Revise!”
Quick demise to my lim’rick vacation.

Happy Limerick Day (and Edward Lear’s Birthday) (May 12)

May 12th, 2015

My lim’rick obsession’s severe;
I write rhymes night and day ev’ry year.
My addiction is brutal.
Resistance is futile…
And I warrant the fault lies with Lear.

Happy birthday, Edward Lear, and Happy Limerick Day!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAIL or MALE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

May 9th, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either MAIL or MALE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

While lunching and sorting my mail,
I saw markings that referenced “jail.”
Seems a worker’d gone postal,
Or possibly toastal…
All my mail was stamped “Send bread for bail.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (212)

May 9th, 2015

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Two businessmen plying their trade
Got caught up in an IRS raid.
Seems these ten-year-old crooks
Hadn’t kept proper books:
They were bootlegging pure lemonade.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Michael Alan Rosson, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Brian Allgar:

She was lying quite nude in the shade
When the soldiers marched by on parade.
One came to attention.
I’d better not mention
The weapon he proudly displayed.

Colleen Murphy:

The troops had conducted the raid
But their targets withstood, unafraid.
Though the Boy Scouts rehearsed,
Foes would not be coerced,
For the Daisies were truly first grade.

Dave Johnson:

They’re down in the county of Dade;
To Haulover Beach they have strayed.
Clothing-optional’s where
They’ll wander and stare
At the boobies and butts on parade.

Fred Bortz:

“Our Mother’s Day special parade
Will be canceled,” he said, “I’m afraid.
But our scheduling guy
Was a little bit high,
And his calendar left us dis-Mayed.”

Michael Alan Rosson:

’Round the house the old man was dismayed
When his semi-nude wife would parade.
He did not so much care
What she did/did not wear–
He just hated the brass band that played.

Dave Johnson:

A bagpiper — Angus Kincaid
Had his moment at this year’s parade.
He was over a vent,
Way up his kilt went;
Three ladies then rushed to his aid.

Will T. Laughlin: (for his BAD DATE)

“Sigh. I’ll bet he wants nookie in trade
For the horrible meal that he made…
I’ll lay odds ten to one
That he’ll grin when he’s done
Like he wants me to throw a parade!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

A Window Into My Guilt (Limerick)

May 6th, 2015

A Window Into My Guilt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re sure to encounter frustration
With laptops, when spilling libation:
Your computer won’t thrive,
You may lose your hard drive,
And you’ll likely face defenestration.

Limerick Ode to National Beverage Day (May 6)

May 6th, 2015

Limerick Ode to National Beverage Day (May 6)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s National Beverage Day
The vaguest of days, you might say,
Cuz your options are fluid;
Each bev’rage will do it.
Drink away — you don’t need a bouquet.

Redundant Limerick

May 3rd, 2015

Redundant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I avow and aver and declare
And affirm and attest and I swear:
The redundancy flaw
From practicing law
Ain’t impairing my lim’ricks. So there!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RAID or PARADE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

May 2nd, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “RAID” or “PARADE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A woman at work as a maid
Was wielding a large can of Raid,
Cuz parades of small ants
Alas would enhance
Her chances of NOT being paid.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (211)

May 2nd, 2015

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

His face was beginning to slide;
Transformation could not be denied.
As each blotch and each freckle
Appeared, Dr Jekyll
Had nowhere to turn but to Hyde.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Colleen Murphy, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Jon Gearhart, Will T. Laughlin and Judith H. Block. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Colleen Murphy:

My favorite waterpark ride
Is where folks are propelled down a slide.
It tickles my heart
To see man and suit part,
Then scramble to cover his hide.

Sue Dulley:

As a student of Pure and Applied
Mathematics, I had to decide
Which of these two would Rule
While I stayed at that school –
I regret that I let them both Slide.

Brian Allgar:

Our host showed us slide after slide
Of the day that he married his bride,
Till a bang and a spark
Put us all in the dark –
Thank the Lord, his projector was fried.

Jon Gearhart:

My last girlfriend was music’ly tied
To a brass group, and when she applied
Her whole mouthpiece just right,
She could trombone all night
Making use of each inch of your slide!

All her musical talents aside
She was s’posed to become my young bride.
But alack and alas
Such a fine piece of brass
Always keeps other mates on the slide.

Will T. Laughlin:

A coy Early Music fan sighed
For a man with a very long slide.
“Oh please,” cried the miss,
“Won’t you give us a gliss?”
“My sackbut’s Baroque,” he replied.

Judith H. Block, who also illustrates her limerick:

He stared at the Waterworld slide:
“This is something I’d never abide,
Unless smoking some herbal,
For I am a gerbil!
On dry land is where we reside.”

Judith's Gerbil at Waterworld

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Happy World Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May)

May 1st, 2015

Happy World Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Naked Gardening Day is tomorrow.
As I write this, I shudder with sorrow.
So I strongly advise:
Stay indoors, avert eyes…
Or give gard’ners some clothes they can borrow.

Limerick Ode to the Zipper (National Zipper Day: April 29)

April 29th, 2015

Limerick Ode to the Zipper (Zipper Day: April 29)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ll bet Gideon Sundback felt chipper
When designing the modern-day zipper–
An invention surpassin’
The old ways to fasten…
And a slick trick to hook a big tipper.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIDE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

April 25th, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SLIDE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The trombonist begged,”Please let this slide.”
But the band leader’s answer was snide:
“You’re banned from my band
Cuz I simply can’t stand
Any man who makes time with my bride.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!