It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to PEDRO POITEVIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Having nervously downed our Bordeaux,
We faced off: “You go first.” “No, you go.”
But she said: “Don’t be dunces,
Two fellows at once is
So much better than two in a row.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Judith H. Block, Andy Bassett, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Adam Stern, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Allen Wilcox, and David Reddekopp. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Judith H. Block:
The bowling pins lined in a row,
I beam with a warm, hopeful glow.
Then I curse and I mutter–
Balls land in the gutter.
But at least they have spared my big toe!
Maid Marian was out for a row
With her man (Robin Hood, don’t you know)
When the Sheriff of Nottingham
Started potshotting ’em.
She was saved by her arrow and beau.
Phyllis Sterling Smith:
I like to eat fresh salmon roe
From the currents that here about flow,
But to all males astride
Of the stream, side to side,
Please don’t yield to the urge to let go.
Arnold Schoenberg endeavored to show
(With recruits Berg and Webern in tow)
That one COULD bid adieu
To C major, in lieu
Of a systematized twelve-tone row.
His creations were critically flayed
And left listeners vexed and dismayed,
Prompting Schoenberg to vow,
“If my rows cause a row,
“It’s not THEIR fault – they’re shoddily played!”
Cute Joanna, a Sigma Pi Rho,
Gave a frat boy the ol’ to-and-fro.
But she drank too much beer,
Left behind her brassiere.
So the guy woke to two cups of Jo.
A muscular fellow named Roe
Had a body he wanted to show.
At a nudist resort,
He’s proud to report
His willy left Millie aglow.
At the river, I think you should know
There are preschoolers lurking below.
They are probably not
What you think, if you thought
They are children, because they are roe.
A lesson, for any new pro,
You should follow wherever you go –
To not hear the words,
“Your plan’s for the birds,”
Your should get all your ducks in a row.
Some enjoy Henry David Thoreau
Or Dickinson, Whitman, or Poe.
I’m also a poet
Though they’ll never know it.
Did THEY compose limericks? No!
Take your sorry-ass stanzas and go,
If you can’t post five lines in a row
That follow this scheme
Whatever the theme,
But these bards set the bar way too low.
Hey Thoreau, don’t you think that you owe
Us a limerick? It’s apropos,
And they could’ve been spawned
At your famed Walden Pond
While you struggled through seaweed and roe.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
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