Celebrate Punch Day? Not Me!

September 20th, 2016

Serving punch at your party or brunch?
It won’t go with whatever we munch.
You apparently think
It’s a heavenly drink,
But it’s not. Please desist. Thanks a bunch.

Happy Punch Day!

Limerick Gibberish

September 20th, 2016

It’s Gibberish Day, which seems silly;
Throwing language around willy-nilly
Doesn’t make any sense
And it’s sickening. Hence,
Of such talk I’m constrained to speak illy.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FRAME at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

September 17th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FRAME at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to EXERCISE, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best EXERCISE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 2, 2016 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 1, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

An artist was caught in a frame,
Which painted him worthy of blame;
When a woman was killed,
Some blood that was spilled
Helped to pigment his portrait “Dead Dame.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (261)

September 17th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

“I think that I thought that I thunk,”
Said Descartes, “but perhaps it was bunk.
If I am when I think,
What occurs when I drink?
Well, I think that I therefore am drunk.”

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Boating-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

While launching his boat with a Hummer,
He struts like he’s King of the Summer.
Now ready to go,
The Speedo will show
His love life must be a real bummer.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, Mike Burch, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, and Ken Gosse. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BUNK/DEBUNK” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

In the novel I’m reading, a hunk
Has a girlfriend who fondles his junk.
When they started to pet
I broke out in a sweat.
Now excuse me. I’ll be in my bunk.

Brian Allgar

The Captain was thoroughly drunk,
And was bonking a bird in his bunk.
They were suddenly wet,
But it wasn’t from sweat -
In his absence, the liner had sunk.

Diane Groothuis:

Last ev’ning I lay on my bunk,
Quite tired and also quite drunk.
As I pondered and mused,
I became quite confused;
What WAS I? A nun or a monk?

Mike Burch:

There’s something I’d like to debunk:
The GOP’s not in a “funk.”
The Donald, by choice,
Is its unfiltered voice.
Vote for someone who’s sane, or we’re sunk!

Dave Johnson:

On vacation, we’re caught in a funk;
Our Airbnb place is junk.
On a faraway isle,
We’re told with a smile:
“You both have to sleep in de bunk.”

David Reddekopp:

I’m a hunk in a funk when I’m drunk.
Who’da thunk it? My junk, it has shrunk.
It won’t even unfurl,
So I can’t get a girl.
Now I’m sunk – can’t spelunk in my bunk.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BOATING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Ken Gosse:

As youngsters, we learned, “Row, Row, Row,”
With no limit on how far to go.
Now older, strength fails:
With no outboard or sails,
We’ll find our return needs a tow.

Tim James:

About boating I haven’t a clue.
What do fo’c’s’les and mizzen masts do?
Tell me why the main bounds
And on what the surf pounds.
And just why on a head would you poo?

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Filed under Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest

Happy Defy Superstition Day – Sept. 13

September 13th, 2016

I wrote this limerick in honor of Defy Superstition Day:

On this day, let’s defy superstitions;
We should spurn all those stern admonitions
About opals, black cats,
Mirrors, ladders, and hats.
Play it safe, though: Avoid politicians.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BUNK or DEBUNK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

September 4th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BUNK or DEBUNK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BOATING, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BOAT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 18, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 17, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The media’s drowning in junk;
Scams and falsehoods it fails to debunk.
Though we’re succored by Snopes,
We’re still suckered like dopes,
And on hoaxes and dupery drunk.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (260)

September 4th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A loud unmistakable quack
Could be heard from inside of the sack.
Well, there’s my potluck;
Just a small Peking duck
Through the opening, looking right back.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special HEAT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

When it’s hot, he removes all his clothes,
Which is not so bizarre I suppose.
Then he’ll oil his bod,
Which is still not too odd,
But he does the same thing when it snows.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Charley Simmons, Will T. Laughlin, Dave Johnson, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, David Reddekopp, Lien Bazardien, and Marty Gerendasy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SACK” RHYME DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

“He was trapped in a tight cul-de-sac
With the Mafia hot on his back.
With one bound, he was free …”
I am sure you’ll agree
That the author’s a second-rate hack.

Charley Simmons:

When the drunk got a gal in the sack,
He laughed and said “Babe you’ve no rack.
There’s no hair on your cookie,
But give me some nookie.”
She answered him: “GET OFF MY BACK!”

Will T. Laughlin:

A Dudelsackpfeifer* (a hack)
Played for years without getting the knack.
One morning his wife
Got her hands on a knife
And cut off both his Dudel and Sack.

*Dudelsackpfeifer = bagpipe player

Dave Johnson:

A ranch-owning gal from Omak*
Spends most afternoons on her back.
Young cowboys her steed,
To her spread they stampede
For the ride of their lives in the sack.

*The Omak Stampede is a famous rodeo held in Washington state.

Konrad Schwoerke:

We all wanted to shag this guy Zack,
So we four took him back to our shack.
I felt somewhat forsaken;
His good parts were taken.
I was left, sadly, holding the sack.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (HEAT-LIMERICK DIVISION)

Tim James:

Young Nellie, a beauteous belle,
Was more lovely than any could tell.
She was fine, without doubt,
But the word soon got out
That her sister was hotter than Nell.

David Reddekopp:

The couple upstairs, always sweating
Is making a mess of their bedding.
But our bedding is neat;
We don’t generate heat,
And it really is rather upsetting.

Will T. Laughlin:

I’d a lim’rick, believe it or not,
With a double-entendre on “hot.”
But the heat of the day
Burned my wits all away,
And — whatever it was — I forgot.

Lien Bazardien:

A nudist called Bella Corelli
Had multiple rolls on her belly.
Her very best treat
In the Summer’s great heat
Was posing for Sir Botticelli.

Marty Gerendasy:

When the temps hit a hundred degrees,
And you long for a nice cooling breeze,
You can feel that it seems
There are just two extremes;
It’s like either you swelter or freeze!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Beach Day (Limerick)

August 30th, 2016

Lying down on the sand to get tanned
Is a pastime I NEVER have planned.
And my swim skills are grim,
Way too hard on my vim.
But long walks on non-beach-land are grand.

Happy National Beach Day! (Aug. 30)

Limerick Ode To Toilet Paper Day

August 27th, 2016

For folks in a tight money squeeze,
Don’t raise the bath tissue price, please.
Though it’s paper-made true,
This factor I rue:
Bathroom tissue does NOT grow on trees.

A belated National Toilet Paper Day. (Aug. 26)

Pat Parental Retorts (Limerick)

August 27th, 2016

Parents dish out some phrases with glee:
“Just because!” “Cuz I said so!” “We’ll see!”
“Till you pay your own way,
You must do what I say!”
“Do you think money grows on a tree?”

Happy “Just Because Day!” (Aug. 27)

Help! It’s Sean Connery Day! (Limerick)

August 25th, 2016

Help! It’s Sean Connery Day!

Sean Connery’s speech drives me mad
Cuz his diction is fiendishly bad.
Yet he’s worshipped, adored;
Fervid film buffs, un-Moored,
Won’t shush up their Sean-mimicry fad.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SACK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

August 21st, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SACK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to HEAT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best HEAT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 4, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 3, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal in the mood for a snack
Was tempted to purchase a sack
Filled with pretzels and chips,
Which would go to her hips.
How she wished it would go to her rack.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (259)

August 21st, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for his “Poe Signs The Pledge” limerick:

To drown all his sorrows, he’d pour
Endless whiskies, and mourn his Lenore.
But the night that he heard
A chimerical bird,
He swore off the booze. “Nevermore!”

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special GRASS-Themed Limerick Award for his “Elizabethan’s Lament” limerick:

Forsooth! ’Tis a place in the grass
Fit for carnal acts, tender or crass.
But alas and alack!
One thing holdeth me back:
The part that I lack is a lass.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Charley Simmons, Ken Gosse, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Tim James, and Marty Gerendasy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (““POOR/POUR/PORE” RHYME DIVISION)

Sue Dulley:

It’s Summer Olympics once more;
Canadians’ teardrops will pour.
But when medals are missed
“That’s okay,” we’ll insist,
And proudly claim: “We’re Number Four!”

Will T. Laughlin:

What a day to be wed at the shore!
Bright sun, and the ocean’s low roar!
There I stood, all deluxe
In my nice rental tux –
And that’s when it started to pour.

Charley Simmons:

“In bed you’re a terrible bore,”
She said, as she showed him the door.
“Please leave me at once
You despicable dunce,
Or I’ll donate your clothes to the poor.”

Ken Gosse:

The vintner had bad wine galore,
So he poured it all out on the floor.
But his brother-in-law
Laid his wide-open maw
On the spot on the floor where he’d pour.

Brian Allgar:

Her grades were excessively poor,
So she knocked on her teacher’s front door.
“Can you help with my grade?”
An arrangement was made;
Now they’re both very happy to score.

Fred Bortz:

Amendment nineteen folks will roar,
Making Donald J. Trump’s chances poor.
He’s a bully-boy fraud
So the women, by God,
Will show him the way to the door.

Tim James:

He tried to engage in amour,
But his sense of direction was poor.
When he started to pound
He got all turned around.
So his entry was by the back door.

This fellow whose aim was so poor
Was the Thunder God known in Norse lore.
And the lady? A wisp
With a cute little lisp.
Now thith gal, like her partner, ith Thor.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GRASS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)

Will T. Laughlin:

If you spend too much time at your desk, you
Need a hobby to come to your rescue.
Think how long you will spend
On your flaccid rear end
Once they’ve planted you under the fescue!

Marty Gerendasy:

There once lived a lovely young lass
Who was fond of a roll in the grass.
She would “play” on the lawn
From late night until dawn.
And when finished, she’d go straight to Mass.

Tim James:

I’m a homeowner. Cutting the grass
Is a chore that’s a pain in the ass.
Says my wife, who’s the boss,
“Tear it out! Put in moss!
It’s still green; from the street it’ll pass!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To The Elephant

August 12th, 2016

When I miss a big day, I’ve regrets,
And I’m tempted to spew epithets.
Nearly failed to relay
It’s “World Elephant Day,”
But an elephant never forgets.

Lazy Limerick

August 10th, 2016

An employee asleep at the switch
Created a dangerous glitch.
The lazy-ass slob
Fell down on the job.
It seems working just isn’t his niche.

Happy National Lazy Day!

Limerick Ode To The Lion

August 10th, 2016

It’s Lion Day. Give a big roar!
Categorical praise is in store
For the king of the jungle.
And kindly don’t bungle
This message: Show hunters the door.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Poor or Pour or Pore at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

August 6th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Poor or Pour or Pore at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GRASS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best grass-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 21, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 20, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A barber was itching to score
Some tickets for Hair — needed four.
’Twas a popular show,
So a likely no-go;
Scalpers rendered his purchase odds poor.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award Winner (258)

August 6th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Mrs. Frankenstein, lissome and lean,
Had as perfect a bod as I’ve seen.
Husband Vic, from the start,
Took her hand, stole her heart,
And her liver, both lungs, and her spleen.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special BOREDOM-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

To stave off his feelings of boredom,
He thought he would sample some whoredom.
The call-girls looked nice,
But on learning their price,
He found that he couldn’t afford ’em.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) J Cosmo Newbery, Brian Allgar, Marty Gerendasy, Dave Johnson, Val Fish, Suzanne Heymann, Kathleen Bartoletti, David Reddekopp, Grzegorz Gigol,
Ian Graham, Fred Bortz, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LEAN/LIEN” RHYME DIVISION)

J Cosmo Newbery:

A man who’d developed a lean,
Put the blame on some lousy cuisine.
But his breakfast was fine,
And his dinner, benign—
It was all of the drinks in between.

Brian Allgar:

I showed her my new trampoline.
“Shall we give it a spin?” She was keen,
But I’m hereby renouncing
A blowjob while bouncing –
The reason, I’m sure you can glean.

Marty Gerendasy:

A young poet whose name was Marlene,
Said “I don’t like a verse that’s obscene.
But if I just suggest,
You can fill in the rest,
And then you can decide what I mean!”

Dave Johnson:

The actors are healthy and lean
In ev’ry McDonald’s ad scene.
Big profits they’d blow
If they were to show
Real fans of their fast-food cuisine.

Val Fish:

The wife, she’s as thin as a bean.
Her sister, not nearly so lean.
For a nice piece of rump,
It’s ‘big sis’ that I’d hump.
Such a shame that she’s only fifteen.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BOREDOM-LIMERICK DIVISION)

Suzanne Heymann:

“Oh Mummy, school’s out, what a bore!”
“I’ll fix THAT! Now you each get a chore:
Dust and vacuum, do dishes,
Clean rooms, feed the fishes!”
They never complain anymore.

Kathleen Bartoletti:

A fisherman caught a big trout,
Which he wouldn’t stop talking about;
So year after year
He bored ev’ryone near
Till, in tears, his wife fin’ly moved out.

David Reddekopp for his Acrostic Limerick:

I’m lazy; it’s rather overt.
No energy will I exert.
Essentially, null.
Relaxed, but it’s dull
To sit here, in essence, inert.

Brian Allgar:

The girl was convinced she had scored
With a hunk, but her needs were ignored.
Though he stayed the whole night,
There was no sex in sight;
She didn’t get drilled, only bored.

Grzegorz Gigol:

U.S. people ooze love by the fother,
And say ev’ryone there is their brother.
But when bored, they resort
To their national sport,
Which is going and suing each other.

Ian Graham:

I once struck a most happy medium
At a séance both dull and quite seedy. Um,
Just after my slap he
Was rather less happy,
But it did help to lessen the tedium.

Fred Bortz:

Jack yawns. “I think soccer is boring.
I prefer to watch games with more scoring.”
Still Jill feels a thrill
When the tally’s nil-nil,
While beside her, her boyfriend is snoring.

Tim James:

A farmer who’d gotten quite bored
With his job struck the following chord:
“I raise squash every year.
It’s increasingly clear
I’m about to go out of my gourd!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

July 24th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using either LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BOREDOM, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best boredom-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 7, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 6, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Figurines by the teenage Colleen
Were censored and labeled obscene.
Though they did land a show,
The young artist can’t go;
Seems her work’s too “adult” and “unclean.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (257)

July 23rd, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny, musical limerick:

Five fishermen lived hereabout,
But their talents were somewhat in doubt.
Though five lines they would spin,
Just one fish was reeled in.
This quintet became known as “The Trout.”

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Allergy-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

She was to be one of the “perks”
At the office where Roger Ailes works.
But started to sneeze
As he fondled her knees;
Turns out, she’s allergic to jerks.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Will T. Laughlin, Kathleen Bartoletti, Ken Gosse, Suzanne Heymann, Judith H. Block, Brian Allgar, and Diane Groothuis. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BOUT/ABOUT” RHYME DIVISION)

Robert Schechter:

Some things are exact, not “about.”
They are what they are, without doubt.
A worm’s not a snake,
A cookie’s no cake,
And a salmon’s not “almost” a trout.

Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly:

It appears that the captain is out
Of the closet without any doubt.
From up high in the rigging
I spotted him frigging
The cabin boy, coming about.

Will T. Laughlin, for his “AND IN THIS CORNER, KID IONESCO!”

In the very first round of the bout,
The Kid knocked the champion out.
But they stopped him, they did,
When they noticed the Kid
Had four legs, and a horn on his snout.

Kathleen Bartoletti:

A turtledove flying about
Was afraid that his luck had run out
When he noticed one day
A hawk headed his way;
He was quickly relieved of all doubt.

Robert Schechter:

You don’t know what you’re talking about?
No problem. Just act like a lout.
Refuting your betters,
Use CAPITAL LETTERS,
THE FACEBOOK-APPROVED WAY TO SHOUT!

Ken Gosse:

His dyslexia sometimes came out
When the Drill Sergeant started to shout,
But he knew how to cope:
He could walk that tightrope,
Though they grinned when he yelled, “Face About!”

Suzanne Heymann:

If you don’t know what life’s all about
Don’t worry, relax, just chill out.
Live life fully and know
When it’s your turn to go
You’ll no longer be living in doubt.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (ALLERGY-LIMERICK DIVISION)

Judith H. Block:

I’m allergic to most politicians
With their multiple bullshit positions.
And although I’m not sneezing,
I’m certainly wheezing;
I’m sick of their toxic emissions.

Brian Allgar:

As they loaded the Ark’s floating zoo,
It appeared they were missing a few.
“Those unicorns? Banned ’em,”
Said Noah. “Can’t stand ’em.
I’m allergic to dinosaurs, too.”

Diane Groothuis:

Now mustard’s my bête noire, by God.
My reaction is terribly odd.
With rashes and hives,
My blood pressure dives,
And I give old St Peter the nod.

Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly:

There’s a trick-turning floozy, long fallen,
Who’s bothered, in springtime, by pollen.
Along with her sneezes,
Come vaginal squeezes–
“God bless you!” her clients keep callin’.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!