Braggart Trump is fed up with the Fed;
It’s “crazy” and “loco,” he said.
When the stock market falls,
It’s his fall guy. What balls!
Blame his tariffs? Ha! Blame Fed instead!
*****
(After I posted the following limerick on Facebook, Ryan Zinke (under pressure from Democrats, reversed himself and pretended that he’d never even fired Mary Kendall.)
Ryan Zinke is Trump’s kinda guy;
The Interior’s leader says “Why
Should I let an I.G.
Investigate me?”
Then he fires her: Kendall, buh-bye!
Donald’s conflicts of int’rest abound,
And his acts of self-dealing confound.
The “swamp” is Trump’s playground;
Get richer, crush prey-ground.
In Trump-sewage, democracy’s drowned.
In the wake of the Arizona shootings, there isn’t much news to celebrate in rhyme. But I finally came up with something: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was sentenced to three years in prison for “conspiring to launder corporate money into political donations during the 2002 elections.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a glimmer of good news today:
It’s prison for Thomas DeLay.
His sentence? Three years.
So let’s hear it: Three cheers!
Please no stay! Want DeLay put away.
I don’t meant to minimize the importance of the Congressional ethics charges against Rep. Charlie Rangel. But I can’t help wondering why the media can’t spare just a bit of space to cover the FBI’s criminal investigation into Sen. John Ensign. Hey journalists — I thought you liked covering juicy scandals involving money and sex.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Why So “Liberal” With Charlie Rangel Coverage?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’ve a question dear journos — a gem.
And kindly don’t haw and don’t hem.
Where’s your cov’rage of Ensign?
You sure love dispensin’
The dirt on Rep. Rangel — the Dem.
I practiced law for over a dozen years and negotiated lots of contracts. And, unlike the Bush administration, I always kept my poker face. Why? Because if you want the best possible deal, you must make the other party think that he needs you more than you need him.
So, for example, when you tell banks that they’re too big to fail, you disincentivize them from cooperating, or even telling you the truth. That’s why I’m not surprised that 13 of the “top 23 private recipients of taxpayer-funded bailouts under the $700 billion program” enacted by the Bush administration “owed more than $220 million in unpaid federal taxes” and that they lied about it on their TARP contracts.
Why bother being honest? After all, it’s not as if Bush’s Treasury Department made them back up their statements with actual tax records. Of course not — they were too big to fail.
This brings me to my latest limerick:
Tough Negotiators, Those Bushies!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear bank, we can not let you fail.
You’re too big. Pay no mind if we wail
That you owe us back tax.
Do not worry. Relax!
Cuz that huge bailout check’s in the mail.
According to the GAO, TARP (the gazillion dollar Troubled Asset Relief Program) is seriously lacking in oversight. Why? Because of a single Senator’s anonymous block on the program’s IG (Inspector General) nominee.
Sen. Max Baucus, the fellow who made sure the TARP bill provided for an IG, isn’t too pleased. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
I’m never a person to carp,
But nobody oversees TARP.
One anonymous “hold”
Stopped the process out cold
Of confirming an IG who’s sharp.
Alberto Gonzales is but one of the Bushie liars and Bush enablers whose Congressional hearing testimony can be summarized by this limerick:
Every Bushie’s Testimony Summed Up In A Single Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Don’t recall, don’t remember, can’t say
What I did or I said on that day.
But I happily swear
On the life of ma mère,
I did nothing that’s wrongful. No way!”
(You can find more of my Gonzales satire here, my legal humor here, and my limericks and other satirical verse here.)
UPDATE: Don’t forget to vote in my Bush Impeachment Poll! [tags]Bushies, Liars, Congressional Testimony, Senate Testimony, House Testimony, Senate Hearings, House Hearings, Deposition Humor, Subpoena Satire, Bush Cheney Administration, Bush Enablers, Convenient Memory, Alberto Gonzales, Gonzo, Liars[/tags]
No, I’m not talking about Alberto Gonzales, although Gonzo seems to be staying too — so far, at least. I’m referring to yet another Bush administration miscreant: the ethically challenged World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz and Bush’s stubborn insistence on keeping Wolfowitz on the job:
He’s staying! So, there! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Will Wolfowitz finally go?
“Not a firing offense,” argues Snow.
At the World Bank, he’ll stay.
Cave to pressure? No way!
He’s our guy! We’re in charge! It’s our show!
UPDATE: My good pal Skippy is having a fun contest! Having heard about the Clinton campaign’s efforts to get the public to help choose an official campaign song, Skippy decided to provide some Skippy-style assistance. [tags]Paul Wolfowitz Satire, World Bank President, Tony Snow, Bush Loyalty Satire, Bush Stubbornness, Ethics Violations[/tags]
Rachel Maddow has an update on Orrin Hatch’s smear campaign against Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney for San Diego who was recently fired by the Justice Department. Senator Hatch has now issued a just-barely-an-apology for telling the following lies about Lam this past Sunday on NBC’s Meet the Press:
She was a former law professor, no prosecutorial experience, and the former campaign manager in Southern California for Clinton.
I’ve summarized this sorry saga in a pair of limericks called Truth On The Lam:
Truth On The Lam
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Orrin Hatch hatched big lies about Lam,
Won’t admit that his claims are a sham.
She was wrongfully axed,
But he conjured up “facts”.
About truth Hatch does not give a damn.
Under pressure, Hatch issues a letter
To Tim Russert that isn’t much better
Than his televised lies.
Hatch just barely denies
That his Lam claims belong in the shredder. [tags]Carol Lam, Orrin Hatch, Senator Hatch, Tim Russert, Televised Lies, Rachel Maddow, Smear Campaign, U.S. Attorney, San Diego, Justice Department, NBC’s Meet The Press, Prosecutorial Experience[/tags]
Kudos to Josh Marshall for his ongoing great coverage of the US Attorney purge scandal, including the involvement of Alberto Gonzales, Karl Rove, and the White House, in general.
Gonzo, Begone … And Take Your Pal Bush With You!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It appears that the Bushies conspired
To ensure that some lawyers were fired,
Cause those lawyers refused
To let laws be abused.
In political crimes Bush is mired. [tags]Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General, Gonzo Gonzales, US Attorney Purge[/tags]
A Henry Waxman haiku seems overdue, so here’s my “thank you” haiku:
Investigations
Into White House wrongdoing
Wax, thanks to Waxman. [tags]House Oversight Committee, Henry Waxman, House Hearings, White House Wrongdoing, Bush Failures, Bush Investigations[/tags]
Chalk it up to pre-election delirium, but I just wrote a Bush-Cheney song parody to Winter Wonderland, without realizing that I used the same tune back in 2004 for a pre-election song parody. Fortunately, a bad memory does have some benefits, so the lyrics are quite different. Here’s my new one:
Bush and Cheney’s Blunderland (Sing to Winter Wonderland)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rummy’s great, and he’s staying.
No debate. Stop your braying.
“Fantastic” at war!
Bush Rummy adores.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.
War is hard, but we’re winning.
GOP, lies and spinning.
Our war in Iraq
Is really on track.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.
Bush and Rove are great at building straw men.
Then they proudly knock their straw men down.
Dub implies we’re traitors.
We’ll say, “No Man!”
It’s time to stop pretending you’ve been crowned.
Ev’ry day, they conspire.
Reckless knaves, thieves, and liars.
The Bush/Cheney reign,
Democracy’s bane.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.
=========
And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* The Worst Political Websites.
* I like Avedon when she’s in a snit.
* Don Davis’s Kerry: How Do You Ask Me To ‘Die’ For My Last Mistake?
* OneGoodMove has the New York Times’ latest editorial, and it’s a great one.
* Gary Trudeau Profile. (Via Alternative Hippopotamus)
* No Bush profiteering op left behind.
* Carnival Time: Carnival of Satire and Carnival of the Vanities.
* I sure hope journalists everywhere read this column and heed its counsel.
* Eric Schwartz sings his Clinton Got A Blowjob.
Jack Abramoff has been so helpful to the FBI’s widening corruption investigation, that they’ve given him his own desk. I never thought I’d say this, but keep up the great work, Jack!
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Chatty Jack
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Felon Jack has turned out to be chatty.
Were he female, some might call him catty.
He’s been telling great tales,
That could send guys to jail.
And he’s driving Republicans batty.
And now for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
*** Media Matters on Joe Lieberman and the lazy New York Times. (Via Skippy, who, like me, has started a second blog.)
*** Norm can always be counted on to provide video of Keith Olbermann’s great commentary. (And speaking of Norm, he’s just launched a forum.)
*** From The Specious Report, Rush Limbaugh Denies Going Off Meds to Criticize Fox.
*** Don Davis’s GOP Congress To Bush: ‘Don’t Stand So Close To Me’.
*** Shakespeare’s Sister observes an interesting phenomena: Boy, those Republicans sure know how to write sex books! [tags]Jack Abramoff, Republican Corruption, Congressional Corruption, FBI Humor, Justice Department, Criminal Investigation[/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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Holier-Than-Thou Wars
Friday, March 12th, 2010The Democrats have suffered some ethics-embarrassments, and Republicans have been playing holier-than-thou with an RNC Charlie Rangel and Eric Massa ad.
Of course, looking morally superior would be a lot easier if Republicans didn’t have such a culture of corruption.
I’m guessing the RNC figured Democrats were too cowardly to fight back. Fortunately, the RNC was wrong.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Holier-Than-Thou Wars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP’s trying to smack
The Dems on their ethics. How whack!
With their glass house display—
Ensign, Vitter, DeLay—
They throw stones — an ironic attack.
Tags: Aphorisms, Charlie Rangel, David Vitter, DNC Ads, Eric Massa, Ethics, Glass Houses, John Ensign, Political Corruption, Republican Hypocrisy, RNC Ads, Throw Stones, Tom DeLay
Posted in Campaign Humor, Corruption Humor, Crime, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, John Ensign, Political Ads, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, RNC Humor | 2 Comments »