Archive for September, 2008

An Ode To Crybaby Republicans

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

Even The Wall Street Journal’s editorial page thinks Republicans are crybabies about the bailout bill:

House Republicans share the blame, and not only because they opposed the bill by about two-to-one, 133-65. Their immediate response was to say that many of their Members turned against the bill at the last minute because Ms. Pelosi gave her nasty speech. So they are saying that Republicans chose to oppose something they think is in the national interest merely because of a partisan slight. Thank heaven these guys weren’t at Valley Forge.

An Ode To Crybaby Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican leaders assert
That the plan that attempts to avert
A depression just failed
Cuz Pelosi’s speech nailed
Bush’s failures — their feelings were hurt.

They are patriots first, they proclaim,
But when action’s a must they hurl blame,
Rushing out to condemn
“Hurtful” words from a Dem.
They treat critical bills like a game.

Did The Dog Eat John McCain’s Debate Notes?

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

John McCain is so scared to debate Obama, that he’s reneged on his Friday debate commitment all in the name of patriotism.   Yup — the guy who almost never shows up for Senate votes,  is apparently planning to swoop into Washington, fix our fiscal crisis and, only then, resume campaigning and debate.  After all,  John McCain is such a “country first” kinda guy.

The good news is that Obama isn’t falling for the canceled debate bait.

Did The Dog Eat John McCain’s Debate Notes? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This Friday’s debate won’t proceed,
Says McCain, while pretending to lead.
We’ve a crisis at hand.
Country first — his demand.
Be a patriot, John, and concede.

Ode To Corporate Vultures

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

Here’s my latest haiku (senryu) about the Wall Street meltdown and the $700 billion (or much more) Bush-Cheney-Paulson-Bernanke rip-off-the-taxpayers bailout plan

Financial vultures
First gobble up our assets,
Then demand dessert.

McCain’s Memory Purge

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

While Congress is caught up in the Wall Street bail-out proposal, the presidential candidates are preparing for Friday’s foreign policy debate. What will McCain focus on … after boning up on Spain’s location? Working his surge-centric attack on Obama’s judgment into every answer, no matter what the question:

McCain’s Memory Purge
By Madeleine Begun kane

Please beware of McCain’s mem’ry purge.
He was wrong on Iraq, so this scourge
Proves his judgment was poor.
He cheer-led the war
Which did not get its start with the surge.[tags]Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Debates, Foreign Policy Humor, McCain Limerick, Iraq War, Judgment Humor, Surge Poem[/tags]

Palin Panic

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Palin Panic
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Obama’s campaign sure is fraying,
And the numbers are very dismaying.
If they don’t turn around,
You may soon hear this sound:
Dem agnostics and atheists praying.[tags]Governor Palin, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Obama Limerick, John McCain, Agnostics Verse, Atheist Poem, Religion Humor[/tags]

Sarah Palin’s Barracuda Blog

Monday, September 8th, 2008

Great news! I managed to sneak a peek at Sarah Palin’s Barracuda Blog. (It wasn’t easy to do, because she’s almost as secretive about her blog as she is about her email.)

Here’s what she had to say in Entry 1:

Dear Diary,

Sarah Barracuda strikes again … big time!  Take that Ms. Hillary RODHAM Clinton!

I always knew I’d end up in the Oval.  And that my ovaries would take me there. I even knew it way back when I was in one of the five  (or was it six???) colleges I went to for my bachelor’s degree.

I really shouldn’t be writing in my diary right now.  I’m supposed to be studying some foreign policy crapola:  Joe the Jew (who I’m sure is jealous of me) won’t stop prattling nonsense about the difference between the Sunnis and the Shias. He says Johnny-boy keeps forgetting and it’s gonna be my job to jab him whenever he gets it wrong.

Hell, one jab from me would probably kill him. Not a bad idea, come to think of it. But I probably don’t want to rush things.

Oops!  Lieberman just sneaked up on me and started yelling about my diary — he says my calling him ”Joe the Jew” is anti-semitic.  His point?

Anyway, that just proves he’s jealous.  He’s been kissing Johnny-boy’s butt forever and  he came thisclose to the Veep pay-off.  And then I stole his ball … actually, both of them.

Joe (happy now, Joe?) also just told me I have to study faster cuz some news guy’s interviewing me this week.  They were hoping to stall until after the election, but  no dice.  And the worst part is it’s not even a Fox fella.

Oh well… I’m a fast study (boy is Biden gonna be surprised!) And besides,  they tell me the news guy promised to behave.

I guess I’d better put my diary aside for now, and dig into that big pile they have the nerve to call briefing books. Hmmm … I wonder what I should listen to while I study.

Which reminds me — those annoying Heart-girls  are  bitchin about Barracuda being played at my convention.  Hey, if they didn’t want me to use it, they shouldn’t have named it after me.[tags]Sarah Palin Humor, Sarah Barracuda, Republican VP, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, McCain Humor, Lieberman Satire[/tags]

Dear John McCain: Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Dear John McCain:
 
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
 
Why am I, a liberal feminist, thanking you with such enthusiasm?  Because by naming Sarah Palin to be your running mate, you’ve turned my life around.
 
I mean (and I say this with all due respect) I could have sworn that Ms. Palin was as unqualified to be Veep as I am. Maybe even less qualified, since I’m a lawyer and she isn’t.
 
But it turns out I was wrong.  Why? Cuz she’s the Governor of Alaska, a state that’s really, really close to Russia. 

And, as I’ve learned from you and your current wife, proximity equals expertise.   Which means that Governor Palin’s already an expert on Russia.  And anything else she needs to know in the foreign policy department she’ll absorb by osmosis, simply by hanging out near your knees. 

Speaking selfishly (and who doesn’t?) here’s the coolest part of this whole osmosis thing: Without any additional schooling or training, I have the expertise to do a gazillion hard things I haven’t studied for even an hour.  For instance:
 
1. Heart surgery.  (A cardiac specialist lives two houses away, and we say “hi” at least twice a month.)
 
2. Gourmet cooking.  (My home’s within three blocks of over two dozen great restaurants.  From the smell alone, I’ve surely  picked up culinary chops.)
 
3. Olympic swimming.  (I live in Bayside.  Need I say more?)
 
4. Podiatry.  ( I know someone who knows someone who knows Dick Morris.  Okay, maybe not podiatry … but certainly pedicures.)
 
I could go on forever, because osmosis has opened the doors to countless challenging professions.  How many? I can’t count that high cuz I don’t know any mathematicians.

But I do want you to know how happy and grateful I am. In fact, I’m so excited,  I’m having trouble deciding which high level profession to try out first.
 
Or maybe I should just wait for my future boss to come to me.

So thanks, Senator McCain.  And please stay well  … at least until that foreign policy osmosis thing kicks in for Ms. Palin and the pesky Axis of Evil.

Oh … and one more thing: Please keep me in mind if you ever need heart surgery.
[tags]Senator McCain, Governor Palin, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Running Mate Humor, VP Verse, Veep Vetting, Qualifications Humor, Heart Surgery Humor[/tags]

Bailin’ On Palin?

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008

How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick.

However, despite all the disqualifying details he’s belatedly learning, McCain is unlikely to dump Sarah Palin from the ticket unless he’s forced to.  Admitting a mistake in judgment?  Not gonna happen. Unless, maybe, it turns out she shot an aging lawyer in the face … and probably not even then.

But hey, at least Palin’s an expert on Russia.  Which reminds me —  I can’t help wondering if Condi feels foolish about wasting  so much time studying up on Russia, when all she really had to do was  move to Alaska.

And now it’s time for two limericks:

It appears that McCain failed to vet
A woman he barely had met.
Then he named her for Veep
And now he’s hip deep
In  her muck.  Yet he feigns no regret.

John’s allies are  praisin’ and hailin’
The selection of unprepared Palin.
But will buyers’ remorse
Attack them in force
If McCain ever seems to be ailin’?[tags]Sarah Palin Limerick, John McCain Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Election 2008, Lieberman Verse, Tom Ridge Poem. Russian Expert, Alaska Governor, Condi Rice Humor, Vetting Candidates[/tags]