By now, you’ve surely heard about Lauren Boebert’s Beetlejuice “performance.” Here’s an entertaining column about Boebert somehow managing to outdo herself in the indecency department.
And here’s my latest limerick:
“Pious” Boebert’s well-known for her rudeness,
Even crudeness (though surely not shrewdness.)
Her vulgar display
At a play made my day:
An infamous “born-again” lewdness.
Headline: “Trump Calls His Illness ‘a Blessing From God’”
Getting Covid’s a “Blessing From God?”
Methinks that Trump’s reasoning’s flawed.
Donald’s just-pretend piety
Merits dubiety.
As with most things, re God Trump’s a fraud.
Dear Donald, it’s Sunday today.
How was church? Did you mask-lessly pray?
Oh that’s right — church is just
A photo-op must.
“We want GOD!”? A fake-pious display.
Trump Tweet: “Happy Sunday! We want GOD!”
“Happy Sunday!” tweets Trump. “We want GOD!”
As a “GOD”-lover, Trump is a fraud.
Not an ounce of remorse!
And he’s golfing, of course.
(Hoping “GOD” will appear and applaud?)
“Pious” Trump, did you worship today?
Cuz you surely seemed busy at play
At a golf course you own.
Yet we heard you intone
“OPEN CHURCH!” edicts. (Too swamped to pray?)
Headline: “Trump slams governors, demands they open houses of worship ‘right now’”
“You must open the churches right now!”
Ordered Trump, as if Donald somehow
Had the right to enforce
Such an edict. Of course
To his base, Trump’s a great sacred cow.
Headline: “Pastor Says Moore Dated Teenagers for Their ‘Purity’”
A flip pastor says Moore dated teens
For their “purity.” I don’t know beans
About biblical teaching,
But what sort of preaching
Overlooks what indecency means?
At the risk of appearing too dense,
I must ask if it makes any sense
To impeach Donald Trump,
If success means we’d jump
To a Theocrat President Pence.
Donald Trump’s been rebuked once again:
For the second time in two months, two federal judges on Wednesday refused to allow President Trump to impose a travel ban, citing his campaign rhetoric as evidence of an improper desire to prevent Muslims from entering the United States.
Remember when GOP chatter
Taunted Dems with the sentence: “Words matter!”?
Yet it’s rare that they balk
At the Donald’s loose talk…
Which has flattened his bans with a clatter.
There is NO Muslim ban, and Dem tears
Are fake and deserve all our sneers!
And how dare they deplore such
A great guy as Gorsuch!
If they block him, I’ll nuke their careers!
Trump BS of the Day:
“Trump calls for Christian unity at Liberty U.
‘Other religions, frankly, they’re banding together,’ he says. ‘We have to unify.'”
Trump panders at Liberty U,
Says what “under siege” Christians should do:
“Band together” like other
Religions. Oh brother!
Trump just loves spewing statements untrue.
Open Limerick To “Licensing Clerks” Offended By Gay Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re a county employee devout?
There’s a law your religion says, “Flout?”
Well, a licensing clerk
Just can’t shirk certain work.
License gay folks to wed … or get out!
For a lawyer, Rick Santorum seems clueless about the U.S. Constitution.
Rick Santorum proclaims, “Yes we can,”
Force his bible on schools — that’s his plan.
Rick forgets the Supremes
8 to 1 banned such schemes…
Else the gov could impose the Koran.
Pat Robertson can always be counted on to say weird things and give bad advice. Yesterday’s “700 Club” TV broadcast was no exception.
In response to a spurned wife’s question, Robertson essentially said that a man strays because he’s a man. And that instead of focusing on spousal cheating, a wife should make the house so enticing that her husband doesn’t want to stray.
Pat counsels spurned wives to appreciate the positive:
“Does he provide a home for you to live in,” Robertson said. ‘Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children… Is he handsome?”
Limerick Ode To Pat Robertson, Marriage Counselor
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear gals, if your husband has strayed,
There’s no need to feel mad and betrayed:
Be grateful instead
That he pays for your bed.
That’s Pat Robertson’s notion of aid.
Let me confess up front that tithing big bucks to your church or synagogue doesn’t impress me … and not just because I’m an agnostic. In my opinion, generosity to one’s religious peer group often tends to be self-aggrandizing: “Hey, look at me — I’m a big church-macher!”
Now give the same amount of money to a food or health charity or a symphony or art museum, for instance — one that you’re not directly affiliated with — that, to me, is generous.
And this isn’t my only problem with Ann Romney’s defense of hubby Mitt’s tax return secrecy. Here’s what she said to Robin Roberts in an ABC Good Morning America interview:
He’s a very generous person. We give 10 percent of our income to our church every year. Do you think that is the kind of person who is trying to hide things, or do things?…
We’ve given all you people need to know…
In other words, if “you people” could see Mitt’s secret tax returns, “you people” would know there’s no need for “you people” to see them.
Tithing-Schmithing (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Just what is Mitt trying to hide?
In secrecy, Romney takes pride.
How ironic and blithe:
We should trust him; his tithe
Means he’s good — so decreeth his bride.
*****
Four years ago, Mitt Romney gave John McCain a slew of tax returns, hoping to become McCain’s running mate. McCain didn’t pick him, but now says Romney’s tax returns weren’t a problem; Sarah Palin was simply a “better candidate.”
Obama’s thank you note’s in the mail.
Continuing in the spirit of turnabout (for LDS’s dead Jews conversion practice) is fair play:
Yet Another Modest Mormon Proposal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I wonder what Mormons would do
If their dead were converted to Jew.
Would they think it okay
Since their dead could say, “Nay!”?
Or perhaps get a lawyer and sue.
(Related Post: A Modest Mormon Proposal (Limerick))
I don’t know who’s behind this site, but it’s hilarious: All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay. All you have to do is “enter the name of your favorite dead Mormon in the form below and click Convert! Presto, they’re gay for eternity.”
I’m please to report that “Holocaust victims are not eligible for conversion.”
Here’s a limerick in honor of this wonderful site:
A Modest Mormon Proposal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Tell Mormons they ought not to prey
On the dead by converting them. Nay!
And just to be clear,
Simply click over here
And convert a dead Mormon to “gay.”
After yesterday’s post, I’d hoped to be done with birth control commentary for a while. But then I saw this headline: Santorum Sugar Daddy Foster Friess Gives ‘Gals’ Contraception Advice: Put An Aspirin Between Your Knees. And that story lives up to its headline:
Appearing on MSNBC with Andrea Mitchell today, Foster Friess, the main donor to the Super PAC backing Rick Santorum’s presidential bid, dismissed the controversy surrounding President Obama’s new birth control rule by suggesting that women should just keep their legs shut…
FRIESS: “On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.”
More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rick Santorum and Friess — quite the pair
In their “stop contraceptive care” guerre:
Don’t want kids with your squeeze?
Put a pill ‘tween your knees,
Like Bay’r asp’rin, sez Rick’s billionaire.
What century is this? The aggressive anti-contraception GOP stance makes me wonder whether I bought the wrong calendar.
Rick Santorum, a man who’s dangerously close to snatching the Republican presidential nomination away from Mitt Romney, apparently wants to preside over an antediluvian America: Here’s Santorum explaining why he wants to fight “the dangers of contraception:”
It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.
And Rick is far from the only bedroom-obsessed Republican. GOP over-reach regarding contraception is approaching epic proportions:
Last week, Freshman Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) filed legislation to allow any employer, religiously affiliated or not, to refuse to cover any essential or preventive health service, not just contraceptives, based on the “religious belief or moral conviction” of the employer. Word from DC is that Blunt and allies will attempt to add the provision as an amendment to other legislation now moving through the Senate….
The fact that American voters are overwhelmingly pro-birth control is apparently irrelevant to Republican politicians.
Perhaps a limerick might help Republican pols get the message:
Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Republican pols, please abstain
From ent’ring my bedroom domain.
And also stay out
Of my bathroom. Don’t pout!
If you’re truly “small gov,” you’ll refrain.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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