Archive for the ‘Law Satire’ Category

Our Lawless President (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 24th, 2019

Trump delays and defies and he sues;
His flawed policy’s thwart and refuse.
Tell him “Follow the law,”
And he’ll yell or guffaw.
Don’t believe it? Try reading real news.

“Otherwise Blameless?” (Quatrain)

Saturday, March 9th, 2019

Headline: “How could anyone think Paul Manafort lived an ‘otherwise blameless’ life?”

NOT a limerick:

Judge Ellis while sentencing Paul
Said his life has been “otherwise blameless.”
But that claim just ain’t true. Not at all!
Seems both Paul and Judge Ellis are shameless.

Open 3-Verse Limerick To Donald Trump

Sunday, January 6th, 2019

I won’t ask you, dear Trump, not to lie.
You can’t stop, so don’t bother to try.
And nor will I ask
You to do any task
That requires a warm-hearted guy.

And there’s really no need to pretend
That the law isn’t something you bend
To benefit you
And a very small few:
Your children … and maybe a friend.

I won’t EVEN say, Donald don’t whine.
You can’t help it, I know, so that’s fine.
I’ve a single request,
And it isn’t “Be Best.”
I am begging you: Kindly Resign!

Trump’s Favorite Defenses (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 18th, 2018

“Never happened!” (Trump’s fav’rite defense)
His use of that claim is immense.
When it fails (all the time)
Trump denies it’s a crime,
Unwisely surmising we’re dense.

“Smocking Gun” Mockery (Limerick)

Monday, December 10th, 2018

From a Trump tweet today: “No Smocking Gun…No Collusion.”

Donald tweets about guns that ain’t “smocking,”
Which occasions a whole lot of mocking.
Poor Trump’s in a bind,
For soon he will find
Much bad news and “clean” coal in his stocking.

Trump: “Witness Tamperer In Chief” (Limerick)

Monday, December 3rd, 2018

Headline: “Kellyanne Conway’s Husband Accuses Trump of Witness Tampering”

Donald’s latest illegal pursuit:
Witness tamp’ring on Twitter. The coot
Injudiciously hurts
His case; his tweet-blurts
Furnish proof Trump can never refute.

Trump V. Chief Justice Roberts (Limerick)

Monday, November 26th, 2018

Headline: “Trump Resumes Feud with Chief Justice”

Though the Donald can carp, bash, and mock,
He will find he lacks power to block
Or to fire this man:
Justice Roberts. Can’t ban
The Chief Justice. Trump’s in for a shock.

Unconstitutional Stench of Whitaker Appointment (Limerick)

Monday, November 19th, 2018

Headline: “Senate Democrats Sue to Block Whitaker Appointment”

Will a judge block Matt Whitaker’s rise
To Acting A.G.? I surmise
His appointment’s unlawful–
Unspeakably awful…
But just fine in Trump-bootlicker eyes.

Leading By Example (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2018

Headline: “Man Cites Trump After Groping Woman on Flight”

Trump’s impact is rather immense,
And it often defies common sense.
Grope a gal sans permission?
No need for contrition;
Just rely on the “Donald Defense!”

Limerick Ode To Christine Blasey Ford

Wednesday, September 19th, 2018

Thanks to Peter Daou for inspiring my limerick with this tweet:

Woman reports sexual assault.
Woman gets slimed and vilified.
Woman gets called a liar and opportunist.
Woman gets death threats and is forced to leave her home.
GOP MEN: Why did she wait to come forward?

When a gal reports sexual assault,
She’s reviled and she’s slimed. Oy gevalt!
She’s sent death threats galore,
As she gets this what-for:
“Why’d you wait to speak out? You’re at fault!”

The Trials Of Manafort (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 7th, 2018

The Manafort trial’s underway,
With evidence damning. Hooray!
So will Paul cop a plea
And cooperate? Gee,
I’ll bet Donald is praying for “nay.”

Precedent Hypocrisy (Limerick)

Sunday, July 1st, 2018

Slate Headline: “Sen. Collins: Supreme Court Nominee ‘Who Would Overturn Roe Would Not Be Acceptable’”

Rubber stampers like Collins and co
Grab a mike and then put on a show:
“I’m a precedent fan,”
They claim to a man.
Then they vote for the guy who kills Roe.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Sunday, May 6th, 2018

Dear Trump, Rudy’s “help” you don’t need.
I don’t know why you ever agreed
To let the guy rep you.
At best he will schelp you
To prison with mind-blowing speed.

Donald Trump — Unmasked … and Un-Esq’d (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 27th, 2018

The Donald’s a dreadful employer
And a volatile stature-destroyer.
His “art of the deal”
Is to lie, backbite, steal,
Which is why he can’t buy a good lawyer.

Who Needs Qualified Judges? (Limerick)

Sunday, December 10th, 2017

My latest limerick was inspired by this Politico headline: “Republicans step up defense of ‘not qualified’ judicial nominees.”

“Unqualified” judges? Who cares!?!
If the nominee’s attitude squares
With Republican stances,
Trump’s Court-choice advances.
He’s OUR guy, so NO splitting hairs!

Sundry Trump Limericks & More

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

*****

Politico Headline of the Day: “Trump takes on a new cause: ‘Make the United Nations great'”

I don’t think we can take any more greatness.

*****

This headline deserves a limerick: “Price cut — Health Secy quits after Trump complains of travel ‘optics’”

Price is OUT! Why is Donald so mad?
It’s NOT that Tom’s plane use was bad.
Yes those charters were pricey,
But THAT’S not what’s dicey;
Trump’s upset by the “optics.” Egad!

*****

Trump’s hired a notoriously poor succession of personal lawyers since RussiaGate began. My limerick explains why.

The best lawyers prefer to be paid
YUUUUGE fees, right on time, for their aid,
And they’re bound to be miffed
When they find themselves stiffed…
Which explains why Trump’s DON’T make the grade.

*****

A 2-verse limerick about Trump’s retweeting a vile animation, described here by the LA Times:

“In the first part of the animation Trump retweeted on Sunday, the president is seen in golf attire, teeing off. The second shows footage of Clinton tripping as she boards a plane, with the video altered to show her being struck in the back with a golf ball.”

What’s it take to make Donald feel tough,
Like a fellow who has the right stuff?
Being seen with a swing
That’s so strong, he can fling
A ball, knocking Hill to her duff.

Nothing else can explain his retweet
Of a golf gif that Donald finds neat–
Animation conveying
Misogyny saying:
Striking women at will can’t be beat!

A New Gig For “Word Salad” Sarah

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2016

“Sarah Palin Developing Her Own Judge Judy-Style Reality Show”

Judge Palin? Please say it ain’t so.
Don’t panic. Supreme Court’s no go;
Not a judge in real life,
Simply legal case strife
On TV, a Judge-Judyish show.

Damn! I was so hoping she’d be The Donald’s running mate.

Clarence Thomas Speaks (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 1st, 2016

CNN 2/29/16 Headline: “Justice Clarence Thomas breaks 10-year streak, asks question in court.” (The issue before the court was whether a domestic assault conviction based on reckless conduct qualifies as a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence that would block firearm possession.)

Clarence Thomas can talk, after all;
Once famed for a decade-long haul
Of no-questions-in-court,
Now that Nino is mort,
He is having a gun-query ball.

Be Careful What You Ask For (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 13th, 2016

I’m amused to see that the rich Republican beneficiaries of ‘Citizens United’ are rather unhappy these days:

“Major GOP donors and fundraisers are wondering whether they’re wasting their money on super-PACs.”

“It’s ‘free speech!’ Let us spend to the max!”
The Supreme Court said “yes” to those hacks,
To the GOP guys
Who thought this was wise:
Buy elections with billionaire PACS.

Having gotten the ‘right’ they demanded,
Any SuperPAC donor who’s candid
Says “My giant transmittal
Of bucks bought me little!
What a waste! Why was ‘free speech’ expanded?”

Could The Birthers Be Right About Cruz? (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016

How ironic! According to Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe, the very type of constitutional “originalist” judge that Ted Cruz says he’d appoint to the U.S. Supreme Court, is the very sort of judge who’d deem Cruz unqualified to be president by reason of his Canadian birthplace.

Trump’s Birther attack on Ted Cruz
Seemed, at first, like some dumb Donald news.
But a judge of the sort
Ted Cruz likes would retort:
“Call Cruz ‘natural born?’ I refuse!”

Here’s Tribe, as quoted by The Guardian:

“…the kind of judge Cruz says he admires and would appoint to the supreme court – an ‘originalist’ who claims to be bound by the historical meaning of the constitution’s terms at the time of their adoption – Cruz wouldn’t be eligible because the legal principles that prevailed in the 1780s and 90s required that someone be born on US soil to be a ‘natural born’ citizen.”

“Even having two US parents wouldn’t suffice for a genuine originalist. And having just an American mother, as Cruz did, would clearly have been insufficient at a time that made patrilineal descent decisive…”