Archive for the ‘Law Satire’ Category

A New Gig For “Word Salad” Sarah

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2016

“Sarah Palin Developing Her Own Judge Judy-Style Reality Show”

Judge Palin? Please say it ain’t so.
Don’t panic. Supreme Court’s no go;
Not a judge in real life,
Simply legal case strife
On TV, a Judge-Judyish show.

Damn! I was so hoping she’d be The Donald’s running mate.

Clarence Thomas Speaks (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 1st, 2016

CNN 2/29/16 Headline: “Justice Clarence Thomas breaks 10-year streak, asks question in court.” (The issue before the court was whether a domestic assault conviction based on reckless conduct qualifies as a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence that would block firearm possession.)

Clarence Thomas can talk, after all;
Once famed for a decade-long haul
Of no-questions-in-court,
Now that Nino is mort,
He is having a gun-query ball.

Be Careful What You Ask For (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 13th, 2016

I’m amused to see that the rich Republican beneficiaries of ‘Citizens United’ are rather unhappy these days:

“Major GOP donors and fundraisers are wondering whether they’re wasting their money on super-PACs.”

“It’s ‘free speech!’ Let us spend to the max!”
The Supreme Court said “yes” to those hacks,
To the GOP guys
Who thought this was wise:
Buy elections with billionaire PACS.

Having gotten the ‘right’ they demanded,
Any SuperPAC donor who’s candid
Says “My giant transmittal
Of bucks bought me little!
What a waste! Why was ‘free speech’ expanded?”

Could The Birthers Be Right About Cruz? (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016

How ironic! According to Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe, the very type of constitutional “originalist” judge that Ted Cruz says he’d appoint to the U.S. Supreme Court, is the very sort of judge who’d deem Cruz unqualified to be president by reason of his Canadian birthplace.

Trump’s Birther attack on Ted Cruz
Seemed, at first, like some dumb Donald news.
But a judge of the sort
Ted Cruz likes would retort:
“Call Cruz ‘natural born?’ I refuse!”

Here’s Tribe, as quoted by The Guardian:

“…the kind of judge Cruz says he admires and would appoint to the supreme court – an ‘originalist’ who claims to be bound by the historical meaning of the constitution’s terms at the time of their adoption – Cruz wouldn’t be eligible because the legal principles that prevailed in the 1780s and 90s required that someone be born on US soil to be a ‘natural born’ citizen.”

“Even having two US parents wouldn’t suffice for a genuine originalist. And having just an American mother, as Cruz did, would clearly have been insufficient at a time that made patrilineal descent decisive…”

The Huckster’s Plea (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

I was amused to hear Mike Huckabee offer to go to jail in Kim Davis’ place.

In the midst of the Davis dissension
And her quest for gay marriage prevention,
Huck delivered this plea:
Don’t jail Davis. Jail ME!
It’s the only way Huck gets attention.

Limerick Ode To Kim Davis

Sunday, September 6th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Kim Davis
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A thrice-divorced clerk known as Kim
Seems to wed and divorce on a whim.
But this bigoted broad
Claims on orders from “God”
That she can’t let a guy wed a “him.”

Scalia (Song Parody To Leonard Bernstein’s Maria, from West Side Story)

Monday, July 6th, 2015

Though I already wrote an Antonin Scalia limerick today, I’m itching for more. So I composed these song parody lyrics to the tune of “Maria.”

Now Scalia/Maria does sound obvious. So I’m surely not the first to use “Maria” to parody Scalia. But I don’t want to do a Google search, lest I be inadvertently influenced by someone else’s lyrics.

And with that disclaimer out of the way, here’s my parody:

The jiggery-pok’ry Scalia,
Treats justice like a game,
The worst judge I can name, you see.

The wingnutty jurist, Scalia,
Demands the final word
With phrases so absurd, to me.

When he loses a case, he’s sulking,
And his presence is always so hulking.

The nastiest Justice, Scalia.

Scalia, Scalia, Scalia, etc.

Pitches disses, instead of reason,
Disagreements with him — treats like treason.

That sore-losing, pompous Scalia.

The most odious person on that Court:


Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia

Monday, July 6th, 2015

If you follow the U.S. Supreme Court, you know that Justice Scalia ended the term by hurling some colorful, spoiled-bratty insults at his fellow judges. His behavior was so over-the-top, that Slate created The Antonin Scalia “Sick Burn” Generator, an insult creator packed with Scalia-isms.

This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?

Using lingo arcane and absurd,
Scalia must have the last word:
Gives “the bird” to his peers
With “pure apple sauce” jeers
He’s a “jiggery-pokery” turd.

Limerick Ode To AG Loretta Lynch

Thursday, June 18th, 2015

Yesterday was a big day for Loretta Lynch. She was formally sworn in as U.S. Attorney General … and she joined Twitter.

So after two back-to-back Donald Trump limericks, I felt the need for some cleansing with this limerick:

To Loretta Lynch, welcome! It’s clear
From your singular, brilliant career
That you’re tough and yet fair;
About justice you care,
Never flinching from trials. Hear, hear!

I even posted it on Twitter yesterday, a couple of hours after she joined. Of course I had to alter it a bit, due to Twitter’s annoying 140 character limit. Here’s how it appeared on my Twitter feed:

2 @LorettaLynch wlcm! I cheer
Ur singular brilliant career.
Ur tough & yet fair.
Re justice u care,
Never flinching from trials. Hear, hear!

Supreme Surprise (Limerick)

Monday, October 6th, 2014

Supreme Surprise (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The SCOTUS has caused quite a din
Over gay marriage rights. Is it sin
Or just fine for the states
To say gays can be mates?
Its response is “We shouldn’t mix in.”

Happy Birthday To The Supremes (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 24th, 2014

Happy 225th birthday to the U.S. Supreme Court! (On Sept. 24, 1789 President George Washington signed the
Judiciary Act of 1789, which created a Supreme Court with six justices.)

Happy Birthday To The Supremes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems today marks the birth of a court,
The court of supreme last resort.
Chief Justice John Jay
Ran it back in the day.
I just wish it would do what it ort.

Sleazy To The Core (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 27th, 2014

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, formerly a Common Core enthusiast, now claims that the U.S. Education Department’s initiative is an Obama “power-grab.” He’s even suing the federal government, in an appeal to wingnutty Tenthers.


Sleazy To The Core (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bobby Jindal has filed a fed suit
To get Common Core given the boot:
Obama, claims Bob,
Did a power-grab job:
A prez wannabe, raising some loot.

The Perils Of Perry (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 19th, 2014

Can you imagine Republicans ever questioning the legitimacy of a criminal case against a Democrat? Alas, that would take intellectual honesty. So don’t hold your breath.

On the other hand, many Democrats are openly questioning whether Rick Perry’s sleazy behavior rose to the level of a criminal act. As for me…

What’s a crime can be sometimes unclear.
Yes the law is confusing, I fear.
I’m a lawyer, but still
I’ve no skill, nor the will
To predict if this case will cohere.

Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia

Monday, April 21st, 2014

I can’t help wondering whether Supreme Court Justice Scalia says weird things like this just for attention:

Speaking at the University of Tennessee College of Law on Tuesday, the longest-serving justice currently on the bench was asked by a student about the constitutionality of the income tax, the Knoxville News Sentinel reports.

Scalia responded that the government has the right to implement the tax, “but if it reaches a certain point, perhaps you should revolt.”

Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Suggesting that students revolt
Over taxes ain’t very adult.
It seems doltish Scalia
Has mouth diarrhea.
I surmise that his brain’s short a bolt.

Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)

Monday, April 7th, 2014

Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though the wealthy will publicly cheer
As campaign regs get knocked on their rear,
Some privately groan:
“No limits?” they moan.
“Buying pols is becoming too dear!”

Note from Mad Kane: Although I concocted that quote, it may be closer to the truth than you think. Here’s The Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol, who argued on ABC’s This Week “that not every wealthy donor will embrace the outcome of the McCutcheon case, because they may now be obliged to give more:”

“All the donors I know hate this decision, of course,” he said. “This used to be a very good excuse to say to a candidate, ooh, I’m maxing out, I just can’t help your campaign.”

Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Remember “one person, one vote?”
Now “one dollar, one vote’s” what they wrote;
Yes, the U.S. Supremes
Favor money — in reams,
As the rich grab free speech by the throat.

Thanks to the New Yorker’s John Cassidy, for inspiring this limerick with his acerbic comment about McCutcheon v. FEC:

But Wednesday’s decision, once again a five-to-four ruling, represented another significant step away from the antiquated principle of “one person, one vote” toward the more modern, and utilitarian, notion of “one dollar, one vote.”

Supreme Priorities (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

If you thought the Citizens United ruling undermined democracy, brace yourself: The Roberts court has made things even worse with yet another controversial 5-4 decision in McCutcheon v. FEC. Assaulting campaign finance reform once again, the Supreme Court struck down the aggregate limits on how much an individual can contribute to candidates, parties and political action committees.

As Ari Berman astutely observes:

The Court’s conservative majority believes that the First Amendment gives wealthy donors and powerful corporations the carte blanche right to buy an election but that the Fifteenth Amendment does not give Americans the right to vote free of racial discrimination.

Supreme Priorities
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Supremes freed the wealthy to buy
Politicians — an endless supply.
Seems “free speech” means “free spending,”
While “voting rights rending”
Isn’t something they care to decry.

Mike’s Oklahoma “Solution” (Limerick)

Saturday, January 25th, 2014

As the fight over Oklahoma’s ban on same-sex marriage heads to the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver, Colorado, Oklahoma Rep. Mike Turner (R-Edmond) is worried that gay marriage might prevail. And being desperate to combat the scourge of same-sex marriage, Turner has drafted a shell bill to use in case the case doesn’t go his way:

Mike’s Oklahoma “Solution” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mike Turner’s prevailed in his hunt
For an anti-same-sex marriage stunt.
If you’re gay or you’re straight
You can’t wed in his state,
Says his bill; Equal rights — Mike’s out front.

Limerick Ode To Same Sex Marriage

Thursday, July 25th, 2013

Will Femia, over at MaddowBlog, has challenged us to a “good old-fashioned marriage equality limericking bee.” Here’s my contribution:

Limerick Ode To Same Sex Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Same sex couples are quick to endorse
The spread of gay marriage, of course.
But the happiest folks
Are THESE women and blokes:
Hungry lawyers who handle divorce.

The Supreme Court Preclears Voter Suppression (Limerick)

Thursday, June 27th, 2013

The U.S. Supreme Court’s hypocritical demolishment of the Voting Rights Act, followed by a rush by certain states to impose discriminatory voting restrictions, inspired this three-verse limerick:

The Supreme Court Preclears Voter Suppression (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sev’ral states who once had to preclear
Any voting law change, gave a cheer:
The Supremes set them free
To restrict votes with glee,
Which they’re doing with plans in high gear.

In its holding, both sneaky and bold,
The Sup Court said the formula’s old,
And so need not be heeded–
A new one is needed:
It freed states to fair-voting withhold.

Some are doing just that with great speed,
Which proves that old formula’s need–
That it wasn’t outdated:
Bad intent’s unabated,
And there’s nothing to stop its stampede.