Mad Kane’s Political Madness

Jeralyn over at Talk Left has declared Colorado to be a “Nanny State.”  Why? Because its Appeals Court has decreed that Colorado no-smoking laws apply to actors on stage.

(Coincidentally, just last night my husband and I saw an Off-Broadway play during which two of the actors smoked.  In fact, we got a second-row contact-high from one of them.)

But getting back to the Colorado judiciary, the court deserves a limerick, don’t you think?

Ode To Colorado: Nanny State
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“No smoking on stage!” says the judge,
Cuz “No smoking indoors!” He won’t budge.
So no matter the role,
There’s a no-smoke patrol.
Soon they won’t let their actors eat fudge.

You can find more of my smoking-related humor here and my theater-related humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Legal Satire, Judge Humor, No-Smoking Humor, Smoking Laws, Theater Humor, Actors Verse

What does Spitzer’s downfall prove?  That you don’t have to be a Republican to be a hypocrite.

Eliot Spitzer deserves a limerick, don’t you think?

Ode To Eliot Spitzer
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though Spitzer has said he abhors
Prostitution, he paid to use whores.
And one of his cons
Was he punished the johns
While committing their crime on all fours.

Technorati Tags: Spitzer Hypocrisy, Prostitution Laws, Eliot Spitzer Downfall, Legal Satire, Law Humor, Elliot Spitzer, New York State Humor

Here’s how I’d sum up Attorney General nominee Mike Mukasey’s Senate Judiciary Committee testimony about torture, waterboarding, and the U.S. Constitution:

Torture: Bad

Tortured Language: Good

Technorati Tags: Michael Mukasey, Attorney General Nominee, Torture & Waterboarding Satire

Can you imagine the reaction if a Democratic candidate made a Mitt Romney type consult the lawyers before launching a war remark?  Republicans wouldn’t be guilty of a double standard, would they?

First Kill All The Lawyers (Republican Policy)

First Consult All The Lawyers (Mitt Romney Policy)

First Kill All The Democrat Lawyers (Revised Republican Policy)

(You can find more of my legal humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney, Legal Humor, Republicans & Lawyers, GOP & Attorneys, Debate Humor, GOP Hypocrisy

I can almost hear that promise Bush and Cheney surely made to Scooter Libby way back when:

Tell no tales,
And you won’t go to jail. 

Scooter came through with flying (and lying) colors and has now gotten his unjust deserts:

Bush obstructs justice,
Rewarding Scooter’s silence:
Prison-free pay-off.

(You can find more legal and lawyer humor and satire here and more news and political haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: Scooter Libby, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Commutation, Commuted Sentence, Bush Obstructs Justice, President Bush, VP Cheney, Cover Up, Valerie Plame

I wonder if President Bush was as surprised as the rest of us at learning that his VEEP isn’t part of the Executive Branch.  Yup, Bush’s Lord and Master Dick Cheney has declared his office to be exempt from all sorts of pesky legal Executive Branch requirements because — presto chango — it isn’t part of the Executive Branch.  Needless to say, Henry Waxman and the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee aren’t pleased with Cheney’s out-of-the-box Constitution-plundering assertion.

Just one question: If VEEP Cheney isn’t part of the Executive Branch, does that mean he’s waived his right to claim Executive Privilege?  Just wondering.

(You can find more of my legal and lawyer humor and satire here.)

Technorati Tags: Dick Cheney, Vice President Richard Cheney, Executive Privilege, Executive Branch, Chairman Waxman, House Oversight And Government Reform Committee, Constitutional Crisis, George Bush, Satire

Remember the time Dick Cheney told to Senator Leahy what he could do to himself on the Senate floor? Remember the time George Bush was overheard wishing that someone could get the Hezbollah “to stop doing this [expletive deleted]?”  Well, a federal appeals panel remembers and cites these incidents as a basis for shutting down the F.C.C.’s anti-fleeting expletive crusade.

It’s deliciously ironic, don’t you think? And it’s haiku inspiring too:

Fleeting expletives
Uttered by Bush and Cheney
Stymie censorship.

Technorati Tags: FCC, Bush expletive, Cheney expletive, FCC Censorship

Rachel Maddow has an  update on Orrin Hatch’s smear campaign against Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney for San Diego who was recently fired by the Justice Department. Senator Hatch has now issued a just-barely-an-apology for telling the following lies about Lam this past Sunday on NBC’s Meet the Press:

She was a former law professor, no prosecutorial experience, and the former campaign manager in Southern California for Clinton.

I’ve summarized this sorry saga in a pair of limericks called Truth On The Lam:

Truth On The Lam
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Orrin Hatch hatched big lies about Lam,
Won’t admit that his claims are a sham.
She was wrongfully axed,
But he conjured up “facts”.
About truth Hatch does not give a damn.

Under pressure, Hatch issues a letter
To Tim Russert that isn’t much better
Than his televised lies.
Hatch just barely denies
That his Lam claims belong in the shredder. 

Technorati Tags: Carol Lam, Orrin Hatch, Senator Hatch, Tim Russert, Televised Lies, Rachel Maddow, Smear Campaign, U.S. Attorney, San Diego, Justice Department, NBC’s Meet The Press, Prosecutorial Experience

Kudos to Josh Marshall for his ongoing great coverage of the US Attorney purge scandal, including the involvement of Alberto Gonzales, Karl Rove, and the White House, in general.

Gonzo, Begone … And Take Your Pal Bush With You!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It appears that the Bushies conspired
To ensure that some lawyers were fired,
Cause those lawyers refused
To let laws be abused.
In political crimes Bush is mired.

Technorati Tags: Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General, Gonzo Gonzales,  US Attorney Purge

Purges and Surges, Twin Scourges, Oh My!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dub’s prosecutorial purges
And unauthorized, bellicose surges
Have led me to think
(Though I’m far from a shrink)
What a sick way to deal with his urges!

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, Prosecutor Purge, Attorney General, Bush Mental Health, Iraq Surge

I take a strange solace in Libby’s “awful memory” defense.  Why?  This limerick should explain it:

Why I’m Qualified To Be Dick Cheney’s Top Aide
By Madeleine Begun Kane

According to Libby’s defender,
His mem’ry’s a major offender:
It is creaky as hell
And it’s leaky, as well.
Mine too –  I could be a contender.  

Technorati Tags: Lewis Libby, Libby Prosecution, Dick Cheney Aide, Libby Defense, Scooter Libby, Criminal Law Humor, Lawyer Humor, Memory, Leaks

Needless to say, I’m very happy about Tuesday’s election results.  And yet, I can’t resist the impulse to get just a little bit greedy:

Mad Kane Gets Greedy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I am blissful, contented, and happy.
The election results weren’t crappy.
But for pleasure inflated,
To make me elated,
Impeach Cheney/Bush. Make it snappy!

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Dems Sing ‘Our House Is A Very, Very, Very Blue House’
* Carnival of Satire
* Kicking Elephants and Taking Names
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Personal Growth Carnival

Technorati Tags: Election Humor, Impeachment Humor, Cheney/Bush Humor

As SNL’s Churchlady used to say, “How con-veeeeeeee-ni-ent!”  I’m referring, of course, to the Saddam Hussein death by hanging sentence, which just happened to be announced two days before Election Day. Uh-huh … right.

A Convenient Noose (Haiku)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Saddam’s death sentence.
Serendipitous? Hardly!
Leave no scheme behind.

Technorati Tags: Saddam Hussein, Death Penalty, Death By Hanging, Election Day Humor, SNL’s Churchlady 

I have two funny books to recommend today. Let’s start with The Republican Playbook, by the always entertaining Andy Borowitz. Somehow or another Borowitz got hold of Dubya’s personally annotated copy of the GOP Bible. (I’m betting pretzels were involved.) And, as Bush himself scribbles on the back cover:

Note to self: this book contains all our dirtiest tricks… If it ever gets out, we’re toast. Make sure it doesn’t fall out of pocket while on bike!

It’s a very amusing read!

And speaking of amusing reads, Anonymous Lawyer, by Jeremy Blachman, made me laugh out loud. You may already be familiar with Blachman’s blog of the same name.  Well the book is even better, a satirical look at law firm life from the viewpoint of a fictional hiring partner at a large law firm in a major city.  It reminded me why I don’t practice law anymore, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Technorati Tags: Funny Books, Andy Borowitz, The Republican Playbook, Jeremy Blachman, Anonymous Lawyer, Books Reviews

By now, you surely know that Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.) has resigned in disgrace ”amid reports that he had sent sexually explicit Internet messages to at least one underage male former page.”  But did you also know that Foley ”was credited with writing the sexual-predator provisions of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006?”

Such irony cries out for a limerick:

Foley’s Folly
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a Congressman Foley,
Who acted all pious and holy.
Helping kids was his cause,
But he broke his own laws,
Sending sleaze through the net. Holy Moley!  

(My political verse is collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Mark Foley, Congressman Foley, House Page Scandal, House Pages, Explicit Internet Messages, Florida Election, Ethics Committee

The Constitution
Was cast aside by Congress.
Hideous corpus!

Technorati Tags: Constitutional Law, Habeas Corpus,  Detainees, Terror Suspects, Torture, Interrogation Techniques

Clarity in torture rules?
Bush must think we’re drooling fools.
What he really wants and needs
Are pardons for his lawless deeds.

(My political verse is collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Bush, Clarity, Humor,  Geneva Conventions, Pardons,  Poems,  Poetry,  Torture,  Satire, White House