Headline: “Cheers! New York liquor stores deemed ‘essential’ and can stay open amid coronavirus crisis”
What’s “essential” right here in New York?
Nearly anything needing a fork.
Drugs and paper goods too,
And to this I say, WHEW:
Refreshments that come with a cork.
New York’s beautiful Taconic State Parkway is marred by signage litter; ostentatious signs directing people to the non-park known as Donald J. Trump State Park. (Rachel Maddow explains the history of this non-park with its misleading, annoying signs. She even takes us for a tour in this entertaining video.)
Alas, this just-pretend park sits right between our Bayside, Queens house and our tiny summer cottage in Putnam Valley. So those damn signs routinely haunt and taunt us, which brings me to this limerick:
There’s a fine New York road, the Taconic;
With its lush mountain views, it’s a tonic…
Or it was in the past.
But the signs it’s amassed
For the Donald J. Trump Park? Demonic!
I was very saddened to hear that former New York Governor Mario Cuomo has died. He was a fine governor and might very well have been a good president or U.S. Supreme Court Justice.
In reading his obits, I recalled that back in 1991 I wrote a Hamlet-style soliloquy for New York Newsday, related to Mario Cuomo’s indecisiveness about running for president. So I dug it out of my ancient archives, and here it is:
To run, or not to run: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous deficits
Or to take arms against a sea of Republicans,
And by opposing, defeat them. To reign at home:
Or to sleep at home no more: and by running to say we’ll end
The fiscal heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
The northeast is heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To quit, to run;
To run: perchance to lose: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that White House quest what brutal press may come,
When we have shuttled off this Albany soil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long New York;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The opponent’s wrong, the public abuse,
The pangs of disprized voters, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That Democrats suffer from the media snakes,
If the Governor simply plays it safe
In the comfort of his Statehouse? Who would those burdens bear,
To drone that keynote speech night after night,
But that the dread of a crash in ’93 ,
A wrecked economy from whose depths
There is no return, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to Washington finding who knows what?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with fear of the polls,
And primaries of great pitch and moment
Seem less appealing as we fear each loss
And lose through sheer inaction.
Here we go again! It’s too early to pretend to run for U.S. President. So instead, Donald Trump is fake-running for Governor of New York State.
Trumped Up Campaign (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This brainchild (I trust) won’t get far:
New York Governor Trump — TV star.
He might run, Donald claims,
But we know his true aim’s
To get press for his show … or be czar.
Some article titles say it all: “Pete King Can’t Believe Rubio Has the ‘Balls’ to Fundraise in New York.”
Here’s Rep. Peter King, a conservative Republican who represents much of Long Island, New York:
“Being from New York we’re not supposed to be suckers,” Mr. King told Politicker this morning. “It’s bad enough that these guys voted against it, that’s inexcusable enough. But to have the balls to come in and say, ‘We screwed you now make us president?’”
Limerick Ode To Peter King
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear wealthy New Yorkers, says King,
Do not give any money or bling
To a pol who said “no”
To the Storm Sandy dough.
I agree, which feels odd — King’s right-wing.
Here’s a Chris Christie quote that may come back to haunt him: “I’m not much different from Andrew Cuomo. I probably agree with him on 98% of the issues.”
Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Chris, if the Oval’s your goal,
Then you’re digging yourself a deep hole:
You have said that your views
Are like Cuomo’s — bad news!
To your party each Dem is a troll.
Congratulations to the New York State Legislature and to Governor Andrew Cuomo. Governor Cuomo promised to legalize same-sex marriage in New York and he’s somehow managed to pull it off.
I’m extra proud to be a New Yorker today!
Limerick Ode To Legalized Same-Sex Marriage In New York
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Good news in New York for the gays:
They can join in our straight-wedding ways.
Same sex marriage has passed.
There’s some fairness at last.
Many thanks for those “yes” votes. Give praise!
It seems Gawker’s got the goods on Rep. Christopher Lee, a conservative, married Republican congressman who serves the 26th District of New York. Apparently, “when he trolls Craigslist’s ‘Women Seeking Men’ forum, he’s Christopher Lee, ‘divorced’ ‘lobbyist’ and ‘fit fun classy guy’ — the sort of guy who’ll even email a shirtless photo to show just how ‘fit’ he is.
Congressman Lee is claiming to be innocent, blaming everything on his being hacked. Unfortunately, the hack post-dates the Craigslist missives. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The married conservative Lee
Is now weeping a sad “Woe is me!”
Claims his Craigslist transgressions
Were not indiscretions
But hacks jobs, with “proof” we can’t see.
UPDATE: Christopher Lee has resigned.
I don’t meant to minimize the importance of the Congressional ethics charges against Rep. Charlie Rangel. But I can’t help wondering why the media can’t spare just a bit of space to cover the FBI’s criminal investigation into Sen. John Ensign. Hey journalists — I thought you liked covering juicy scandals involving money and sex.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Why So “Liberal” With Charlie Rangel Coverage?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’ve a question dear journos — a gem.
And kindly don’t haw and don’t hem.
Where’s your cov’rage of Ensign?
You sure love dispensin’
The dirt on Rep. Rangel — the Dem.
I don’t have anything against Caroline Kennedy. By all accounts she’s bright, hard-working, a good education-related fundraiser, and knowledgeable about Constitutional law. And if she ran to represent New York in the U.S. Senate, I (a New York City resident) might very well vote for her.
Nonetheless, I share Ron Kuby’s antipathy towards legacy appointments. And like Kuby, I wonder why so few liberals and progressives are speaking out against New York Governor David Paterson’s potential Caroline Kennedy appointment.
I believe that a U.S. Senate appointment should go to someone who has more demonstrably earned it and whose positions on a wide array of topics important to New Yorkers are better known. And that brings me to my latest limerick:
There once was a Kennedy daughter
Whose dad was a victim of slaughter.
She sought an appointment —
A Senate anointment,
And few but Ron Kuby, Esq. fought her.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
Celebrating Sarah
Thursday, November 5th, 2009On behalf of my fellow New Yorkers, I want to thank Sarah Palin for her generous gift to the State of New York. Palin’s leadership in driving moderates like Dede Scozzafava out of the Republican party handed New York Democrats a Congressional Seat (District 23) that had eluded Dems for well over a century.
Thanks also to Dick Armey for his help in electing Democrat Bill Owens. (I understand Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman has a big, wet kiss for Dick Armey too.)
And now it’s time for a limerick:
Celebrating Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Sarah, your meddling is great.
I just love what you did to my state.
Your GOP purge
Will make Democrats surge
As you spread anti-moderates hate.
Tags: Bill Owens, Congress Humor, Conservative Party, Dede Scozzafava, Democrats, Dick Armey, Doug Hoffman, New York, Republican Moderates, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin
Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, House Satire, New York Politics, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Publicity Hounds, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »