Archive for the ‘Money & Finance Humor’ Category

Open Limerick To The Media

Monday, February 11th, 2013

As Obama’s State of the Union address draws nearer, the press (thanks to GOP prodding) has become obsessed with one question: Why the focus on a liberal agenda, instead of jobs and the economy?

Open Limerick To The Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Where’s your focus on jobs?” asks the press,
As Obama contends with a mess
Of issues galore,
Cuz his job at its core
Is to many dilemmas address.

So dear media, try this new task:
Press Republicans: Tough questions ask!
Like “Just what have THEY done
About jobs. Name just one
Thing they do besides block, bitch, and bask.”

Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)

Monday, December 10th, 2012

In the “fiscal cliff” negotiations, Republicans are irrationally demanding a hike in the Medicare eligibility age — what Nancy Pelosi refers to as “a trophy that the Republicans want.”

As Ezra Klein explains, this would not save money or help solve the health care cost problem, and it would hurt lots of people. Unfortunately, Republicans seem to favor symbolism over substance, and raising the Medicare eligibility age would be “a signal that they won something big on entitlements.”

Medicare Mishigas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

GOPers want change that ain’t sage:
Raise the Medicare-el’gible age.
This does harm — won’t address
The health care cost mess:
It’s the fruit of entitlements-rage.

Limerick Memo To Republican Parents

Friday, May 25th, 2012

Memo To Republican Parents of College-Age Children: When federal student loan rates double this July, you’ll only have yourselves to blame:

Senate Republicans filibustered a bill to extend the current interest rate on federal student loans, blocking an extension from moving forward by a vote of 51-43 (with 60 votes needed to advance the bill). They blocked a similar effort earlier this month. Without an extension, interest rates will double in July from 3.4 percent to 6.8 percent.

Limerick Memo To Republican Parents
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sen. Republicans live in a bubble,
Untroubled that loan rates will double:
They repeatedly block
A Dem bill that would lock
In low rates, treating students like rubble.

Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012

Mitt Romney has big plans to “eliminate government programs and shutter cabinet agencies.” Which ones are on his dump-list? He refuses to say, responding, with a warped sort of honesty, that providing specifics could cost him the election.

Or as Jonathan Chait amusingly puts it: “One of the things I have found in previous elections is that announcing my plans makes people want to vote against me!”

Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are agencies Mitt doesn’t like
And programs he’s planning to spike.
But he won’t tell us which
He’s intending to ditch.
You want pre-voting facts? Take a hike.

Poor Mitt (Limerick)

Monday, March 5th, 2012

I’m starting to think Ann Romney doesn’t want to be First Lady. Why else would someone with a family net worth of $250 million make stupidly transparent remarks like this?

“We can be poor in spirit, and I don’t even consider myself wealthy, which is an interesting thing, it can be here today and gone tomorrow.”

Poor Mitt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mitt, you should tell your wife, Ann,
To stop trying to help out her man.
For your cause, it ain’t healthy
To claim you ain’t wealthy:
Ann’s not feeling rich doesn’t scan.

Peppery Haiku

Friday, November 25th, 2011

Patrons pepper-spray
their fellow store customers.
Emulating cops?

(Yes this really happened at Wal-Mart.)

Limerick Ode To The Not-So-Super Committee

Monday, November 21st, 2011

The blame game is going strong with the customary false equivalencies.

Limerick Ode To The Not-So-Super Committee
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Super Committee’s derailed,
And now we are being regaled
With tales blaming Dems
Sold as “media gems.”
It’s “balanced” reporting that’s failed.

The So-Called Liberal Media Strikes Again

Sunday, September 25th, 2011

Steve Benen points us to yet another example of the media blaming the wrong political party. According to the Washington Post, the Democrats, in resisting Republican precedent-changing demands for FEMA disaster relief offsets, was starting a “fight over a side issue:”

But Democrats decided to pick a fight over a side issue: an insistence by the GOP to pay for more disaster relief funding by cutting a popular auto-industry loan program. Republicans refused to back down.

So let me get this straight: Republicans try to change the rules, thereby holding disaster victims hostage … and it’s the Democrats’ fault?

This calls for two poems: a limerick and a tanka:

Dear Washington Post, you are wrong
With your Democrats started it song.
Disaster relief
Is the cause of this beef.
Give those offset demands a loud gong.

*****

Republican pols
Demand FEMA fund offsets—
Hold victims hostage,
While “liberal media”
Blames Dems for starting the fight.

*****

Limerick Ode To Rick “Fed Up With My Book!” Perry

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

When a candidate tries to distance himself from, say, his doctoral thesis, or a book written a dozen years ago, this passes the straight-face test.

But when Rick Perry tries this with Fed Up! (a book published last fall) it’s hard not to laugh out loud.

Perry’s problem, of course, is that his book is packed with extreme positions, too radical even for his own Republican party. So Perry’s campaign would have us believe that Perry’s Social Security is unconstitutional position from last year is no longer operative. The same goes for his call to repeal the 16th amendment and replace income taxes with a national sales tax.

Limerick Ode To Rick “Fed Up With My Book!” Perry
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Perry, that book you’d disclaim
Was written by you — you’re to blame.
And it’s new — ink’s not dry.
Yet you’re wondering why
We’re on to your radical game.

Limerick Ode To Standard & Poor’s Chutzpah

Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

Paul Krugman does a great job pointing out S&P’s chutzpah in downgrading U.S. debt:

America’s large budget deficit is, after all, primarily the result of the economic slump that followed the 2008 financial crisis. And S.& P., along with its sister rating agencies, played a major role in causing that crisis, by giving AAA ratings to mortgage-backed assets that have since turned into toxic waste.

Nor did the bad judgment stop there. Notoriously, S.& P. gave Lehman Brothers, whose collapse triggered a global panic, an A rating right up to the month of its demise. And how did the rating agency react after this A-rated firm went bankrupt? By issuing a report denying that it had done anything wrong.

Limerick Ode To Standard & Poor’s Chutzpah
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Standard & Poor’s, I’m impressed
Cuz you ought to be under arrest.
You caused the recession
With junk bond aggression.
Now you’re pounding your downgrading chest?

Limerick Ode To A Failed Presidency

Monday, August 1st, 2011

Paul Krugman has it exactly right: The President Surrenders. The debt ceiling deal Obama negotiated with the Republican hostage takers is well beyond terrible. And the ransom Obama paid to the GOP is a presidential error beyond comprehension — one that will make today’s bad economy look like fun and games.

What will it do to the poor, the sick, the elderly, the middle class, and the unemployed? I’m way too depressed to discuss it.

Congratulations, Republicans! You’ve got yourself a right-wing Republican President.

Limerick Ode To A Failed Presidency
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, I’ve had it — you’ve failed.
It was time to be strong, but you bailed.
The Dems needed “bold.”
But instead you got rolled.
You’ve undermined all that we hailed.

Limerick Ode To Timid Mitt Romney

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Not only does Mitt Romney have a bad habit of flip-flopping on issues, but he appears afraid to pick a position on the key issue of the day — the debt ceiling. Does he embrace John Boehner’s debt ceiling plan? Nobody knows (except maybe Mitt’s hairdresser) because Romney refuses to commit:

Limerick Ode To Timid Mitt Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Romney, it’s time to take heed:
The job of a leader’s to lead.
So for once be a man:
Do you back Boehner’s plan?
Not choosing’s a cowardly deed.

Limerick Ode To A Government Shutdown

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

Limerick Ode to A Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The thought of a government shutdown
Should be quickly, decisively cut down.
But I fear that we’re screwed
Cuz of Washington’s mood:
Boehner’s party has turned into Nut Town.

Political Haiku and Tanka Too

Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

White House and Congress
bought and managed by donors —
puppet theater.

*****

An epidemic —
political hypocrites —
Today’s GOP.

*****

Unlimited cash
from corporations to pols —
democracy dies.

****

Economic growth
still not translating to jobs —
Republicans shrug.

*****

Republican cuts
to budget sure to kill jobs —
Boehner: “So be it.”

*****

Deliberately
destroying economy
seemed unthinkable.
No longer a silly thought —
GOP election goal.

******

Author’s Note: These haiku and tanka were inspired in part by the following prompts: puppet, epidemic, unlimited, growth, and silly.

Political Haiku Quartet

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Styrofoam is back.
“Green the Capitol” is gone.
Job, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs?

*****

Rotund Rush Limbaugh
says Michelle Obama’s fat—
that’s hard to swallow.

*****

Freedom from taxes
demanded by those who crave
what taxes give them.

*****

The mental midget
mentioned an affinity
with Rush — no surprise.

*****

Showing up to vote—
a yearly exercise in
unrequited hope.

*****

(More political haiku here. And more Rush Limbaugh humor here.)

Limerick Ode To John “So Be It” Boehner

Thursday, February 17th, 2011

No doubt you’ve heard about John Boehner’s “so be it” nonchalant reaction to the loss of federal jobs. It seems Boehner’s finished feigning compassion.

This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?

Limerick Ode To John “So Be It” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Boehner’s known for his grief-stricken sobs,
For emoting through loose tear duct knobs.
Yet his eyes remain dry,
He refuses to cry
For Americans losing their jobs.

A Pair of Limericks for a Pairless President

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Unlike many of my fellow progressives, I never thought Obama was a liberal. But now I’m beginning to wonder if he’s even a Democrat. In any event, he certainly isn’t a leader.

Needless to say, I’m furious about the Bush tax cut extension deal Obama made with Republicans, and I’m glad that Speaker Pelosi is taking a strong stand against it.

Here’s a pair of limericks about Obama’s abject surrender to the GOP:

A Pair Of Limericks For A Pairless President
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, you’re being a heel
By making this terrible deal.
You’re acting the fool
With this “compromise” gruel
Which will damage our land’s commonweal.

Obama’s demeanor is frayed
He seems ornery, angry, dismayed.
Will he finally fight
The Republican right?
No, he’s mad at the Dems he betrayed.

Tax Cut Tomfoolery

Saturday, September 18th, 2010

Steve Benen reminds us of a forgotten detail: Bush’s tax policy was a failure. And that’s a handy thing to remember in the battle over the soon-to-expire tax cuts.

While we’re busily recalling important facts, here’s another: These tax cuts were set to end automatically by the very Republicans who are now complaining about their expiration.

And now, my latest three-verse limerick:

Tax Cut Tomfoolery
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush’s tax cuts are due to expire.
Their effects were quite bad — even dire.
The deficit climbed,
The economy slimed.
So why are the Dems under fire?

These cuts were a GOP plan
By the millionaire’s tax-cutting clan.
They promised a boost,
But the tax cuts produced
A big mess. Why should Dems be a fan?

Yet Republicans push and cajole —
More cuts for the rich is their goal.
They make stale, hollow claims
To bolster their aims —
No remorse for the good times they stole.

Selective Memories Bail Out Bush

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

President Obama is hoping Americans won’t have “selective memory” and blame him for problems he inherited from Bush. Unfortunately they do, as this poll illustrates:

Only about a third of Americans (34%) know that the government’s bailout of banks and financial institutions was enacted under the Bush administration. Nearly half (47%) incorrectly say that the Troubled Asset Relief Program – widely known as TARP – was signed into law by President Obama.

And you can bet that the bailout misinformation percentage is a lot higher for the virulently anti-bailout crowd. It sure would be nice if they knew the truth about the bailout:

For the record, the financial industry bailout passed in October 2008. It was requested by a conservative Republican administration (George W. Bush and Dick Cheney). It was enthusiastically endorsed by the House Republican leadership (John Boehner, Eric Cantor, and Roy Blunt), the Senate Republican leadership (Mitch McConnell and Jon Kyl), both members of the Republican presidential ticket (John McCain and Sarah Palin), and assorted, high-profile conservative voices (Mitt Romney and Glenn Beck).

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Selective Memories Bail Out Bush
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Disliking Obama is fine,
But please be correct when you whine.
Don’t like bailouts of banks?
It’s to Bush you owe “thanks.”
Was it signed by Obama? No! Nein!

The GOP’s Honesty Deficit

Sunday, July 18th, 2010

Republicans have a cute little “deficit hawk” scam going: They “block extended aid to the unemployed, while simultaneously pushing for massive tax cuts for the wealthy.”

How do they justify this? According to Republican leaders like Mike Pence and Jon Kyl, the former has to be offset by spending cuts, but the latter, due to some mysterious mix of magic and voodoo, doesn’t.

It’s time for a new limerick:

The GOP’s Honesty Deficit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though the GOP deficit hawks
Are famed for “must pay for it” squawks,
They nix plugging the hole
Caused by tax cuts. How droll!
Yes, that’s how hypocrisy talks.