Ode to Mark “Sweet Talker” Sanford
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Sanford, you need to stay mum
Cuz your statements are dumb as they come.
Tell me: Why would your wife
Take you back in this life,
When your soul mate’s another? You bum!

A double limerick, just for Rush Limbaugh:

De-Moralized?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rush claims that Obama’s to blame
For Sanford’s disgrace and his shame:
The stimulus bill
Destroyed Sanford’s will.
Wow, even for Limbaugh, that’s lame.

When a Democrat strays — no excuse!
Just right-wing attacks and abuse.
But conservative sins
Are spinned — turned to wins.
Try to reason with Rush? It’s no use!

A secret Argentinean affair! Wow! You have to give the righteous Republican Brownie points for creativity:

Mark Sanford’s Trail … Of Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The myst’ry of Sanford is solved.
We have learned an affair is involved.
Argentinean tryst!
Now that’s quite a twist.
Say goodbye to his Prez hopes. Dissolved!

STEELE: So if it’s a cost problem, it’s easy: Get the people in a room who have the most and the most direct impact on cost, and do the deal. Do the deal. It’s not that complicated.

If it’s an access question, people don’t have access to health care, then figure out who they are, and give them access! Hello?! Am I missing something here? …

And so it’s time for yet another Michael Steele limerick:

Steeley Plan For Health Care
By Madeleine Begun Kane

U.S. health reform’s easy, says Steele.
Simply get in a room — do the deal.
Whether access or cost
Is the problem, accost
Those involved, do the deal, and get real.

Mark Sanford — Lost? Or Losing It? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Sanford — oh let’s call him Mark —
Has left his whole state in the dark.
He’s gone missing, they say.
Can they reach him? No way!
Is he nuts, or just lost in some park?

Update: Here’s my favorite rumor about South Carolina’s missing governor: Mark Sanford may have been hiking naked.

Update 2: Now that Governor Sanford’s fessed up to an Argentinean tryst, I’ve written him another limerick.

Dear Obama, our nation can’t wait.
Please stop ousting the folks who ain’t straight.
Yes, we know your plate’s full,
But I’m sorry — that’s bull!
Sign a “stop-loss.” How long can it take?

Over at Facebook (I’m at facebook.com/madkane, should you wish to befriend me) a George Stephanopoulos post had drawn some really crazed comments. The topic was the Sarah Palin / David Letterman brouhaha, and I couldn’t resist chiming in with this comment:

He was clearly referring to Palin’s unwed-mother/18 year old daughter, who apparently has become a spokesperson for abstinence and is in the public eye thanks to Palin’s actions. He apologized. Palin, instead of accepting his apology in a classy fashion, continues to distort and exploit what he said.

Nine minutes later an outraged woman named (I kid you not) Belle Blessing posted this over-the-top response:

Madelin, maybe you like perverts hanging out their tongues at your daughter or maybe you even offer her up to them. The majority of this American nation who still have their moral values in tack…don’t want the perverts giving second glance. The foundation that this country was founded on had higher moral values than letting the dirt bag over 50 population treat women and girls like sex slaves. The perverts should stick to passing toilet paper under the wall and picking up on other perverted men.

In an exercise of extreme self-control, I posted just this in response:

Dear Belle, I hope you and Sarah Palin will be very happy together. :)

Aren’t you impressed with my self-control?

Not so fast!

Twenty minutes later I just couldn’t help myself. Ms. Belle deserved a limerick, so I posted this:

There once was a woman named Belle,
Who believed I was destined for hell.
So self-righteous was she,
She condemned me with glee
And an arrogance no one could quell.

I feel much better now.

On his Fox show one week ago, Sean Hannity told his credulous fans that President Obama had made a deliberate effort during his Cairo speech “to give 9/11 sympathizers a voice on the world stage.” … Hannity even backed up his reporting by airing a video clip from the speech, with Obama saying: “I am aware that there are still some that would question or even justify the events of 9/11.”

…

… Hannity’s video clip of Obama was truncated after that single quoted sentence, omitting everything that followed. Here’s what Obama said next, none of which was aired for the Fox viewers:

“But let us be clear. Al Qaeda killed nearly 3000 people on that day. The victims were innocent men, women and children from America and many other nations who had done nothing to harm anybody. And yet al Qaeda chose to ruthlessly murder these people … These are not opinions to be debated; these are facts to be dealt with.” …

For that outrageous deception alone, Sean Hannity deserves a limerick:

Hannity Insanity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a fellow named Hannity
Who strutted and showed off his vanity.
From his Fox chair he lied,
Took his fans for a ride,
And showed utter disdain for humanity.

Maria,
I’d swear that her name was Maria.

Unfortunately, I got distracted and never finished it. However, I did find another use for this Leonard Bernstein West Side Story tune. My latest song parody concerns the ubiquitous Liz Cheney:

Liz Cheney’s Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Liz Cheney.
You just can’t avoid Lizzie Cheney.
The former Veep’s to blame.
Their surnames are the same, you see.

Liz Cheney.
I sure would not miss Lizzie Cheney,
If suddenly I found
Liz Cheney unrenowned. Yippee!

Liz Cheney.
Say it loud and her lies are playing.
Make her stop, I confess I am praying.

Liz Cheney.
She’ll never stop fibbing.
Liz Cheney.

The most terrible lies I’ve ever heard.
Liz Cheney.

Bankrupt Values (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An auto co known as GM
In the past was considered a gem.
It’s in bankruptcy now.
Will that hurt? Yes, and how!
But the GOP’s goal? Blame the Dem!

(You can find my lighter car humor columns and limericks here.)