Posts Tagged ‘Press’

Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:

*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.

*******

An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.

*********

Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.

*****

Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.

Madeleine: What’s the problem?

Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!

Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”

*****

“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”

What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.

*****

Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!

*****

I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!

*****

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”

So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:

Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?

*****

Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?

Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!

Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.

Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?

*****

“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”

Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…

Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?

*****

Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”

(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)

*****

“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”

Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!

*****

Trump’s Phoenix Rally

Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.

*****

Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”

The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.

*****

Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!

*****

Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!

*****

Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:

Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.

What’s another Trump lie?

*****

Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”

*****

Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!

*****

Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!

*****

Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?

*****

The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.

*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku

“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.

*****

Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?

*****

Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?

*****

“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.

*****

The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.

*****

Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?

*****

If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.

*****

Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?

*****

A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!

*****

Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.

*****

Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.

*****

Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:

“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.

*****

Dear Alex Jones (Limerick)

Saturday, April 22nd, 2017

An Alex Jones request, apparently made without any sense of irony:

“Alex Jones releases statement on his ongoing custody trial: ‘I urge the press to be respectful and responsible.'”

Dear Alex, you threw us a curve
And proved you still have quite the nerve
In requesting respect.
Hope the press will elect
To bestow the respect you deserve.

Open Limerick To The Press (3-Verse)

Thursday, September 22nd, 2016

Will the media (including debate moderators) finally do its job during the upcoming presidential debates? My 3-verse open limerick to the press begs the media to do exactly that:

Dear press, that low bar you employ
Judging Trump must be raised. Don’t be coy.
If he hides some bad traits
In these crucial debates,
Don’t applaud Donald’s “pivot” with joy!

If he fails to behave like a clown
And he brings his high lying rate down,
Doesn’t act like a mad man,
Or Trump-bus’ness ad man,
Don’t hand him a pageantry crown.

Stop pretending that Trump’s not an ass.
Stop giving The Donald a pass.
It’s time to admit
That he’s clearly unfit
To be prez. Do your job! Show some brass!

Trumping The Truth (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, “Media bias!”

Golf Wars (Limerick)

Friday, August 22nd, 2014

As a devout liberal, I’ve been pretty disappointed in Obama’s presidency. But the constant complaints about his letting off steam via golf are absurd.

To those who claim Obama’s too indifferent to public opinion, think about this: When no matter what you do you’re under constant (often nonsensical) attack, you might as well do what you want.

And don’t even get me started on the fact that most of the horror we’re embroiled in right now is a direct (or indirect) result of the war of choice in Iraq that George W. Bush (Mr. Vacation himself) lied us into.

Golf Wars (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When Obama goes golfing, the press
And the pols say the world’s in a mess,
So the prez should not play.
But they’ll bitch come what may.
So he might as well drive off some stress.

Open Limerick To The Media

Monday, February 11th, 2013

As Obama’s State of the Union address draws nearer, the press (thanks to GOP prodding) has become obsessed with one question: Why the focus on a liberal agenda, instead of jobs and the economy?

Open Limerick To The Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Where’s your focus on jobs?” asks the press,
As Obama contends with a mess
Of issues galore,
Cuz his job at its core
Is to many dilemmas address.

So dear media, try this new task:
Press Republicans: Tough questions ask!
Like “Just what have THEY done
About jobs. Name just one
Thing they do besides block, bitch, and bask.”

The Press Laid Bare (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

I’ve been trying to ignore the David Petraeus, John Allen, Jill Kelley, Paula Broadwell, shirtless FBI agent brouhaha. But it’s really hard to avoid.

The Press Laid Bare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Juicy emails! Illicit affair!
FBI guy whose chest is quite bare!
In gen’ral the press,
Now bored with our mess,
Prefers fare with a sexual flair.

Dogged Journalism

Sunday, April 12th, 2009

At long last, we have an answer to these burning questions: What kind of dog will Obama get daughters Malia and Sasha, and when will he get it? From a plethora of breathless press reports we learn that it’s a male Portuguese water dog puppy named Bo with a Kennedy pedigree.

Next on the press agenda? World peace. But first, a limerick:

Dogged Journalism
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a new White House dog. Stop the presses!
Yes, at last there’s an end to the guesses:
What dog will Obama
Acquire? Next drama:
Just who will clean puppy Bo’s messes?

Irony Has At Least Seven More Lives

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

Once again, the media is debating the purported death of irony. Nine-eleven killed it the last time, and this year’s culprit is Barack Obama. Lucky for humorists (and their readers), irony apparently has a cat-like nine lives:

Irony Has At Least Seven More Lives
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Obama’s election’s to blame
For irony’s death, many claim.
Is there nothing to mock?
To satirically knock?
Spoof the press and the pundits — I’m game.

And there’s always the cowardly Dems,
And obstreperous GOP “gems,”
Greedy banks, AIG,
CEOs, bad TV.
Start lampooning — no haws and no hems.

What Would The Press Do Without Clinton Rumors?

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Hillary wants to be Obama’s Secretary of State. Hillary doesn’t know if she wants to be Secretary of State. Bill’s standing in her way. Bill’s fully cooperating. Obama’s made an offer. Obama hasn’t made an offer. The blogs think it’s a terrible idea. The blogs think it’s a great idea.

Just one question: Does anyone else think all this rumor-mongering is a wee bit silly?

What Would The Press Do Without Clinton Rumors? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The press is so desp’rate for drama
In a White House that’s run by Obama,
That they eagerly tell
Bill and Hill tales pell-mell.
No Clintons? They’d run home to mama.

Just Call It The McPettiness Express

Monday, October 27th, 2008

I’m a bit late on this.  But I was amused to read that Joe Klein has suffered the same fate as Maureen Dowd — banishment from the McCain / Palin planes:

Just Call It The McPettiness Express
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Beware of the wrath of McCain.
If you’re mean you’ll be barred from his plane.
You’ll join Klein and Mo Dowd —
That non-patriot crowd.
Wave goodbye to the “straight talk” campaign.