Mad Kane’s Political Madness

Avedon Carol is furious and so am I.  What are we mad about? Avedon’s must-read “Spitting Nails” sums it up much better than I could:

I gotta tell ya, I was pretty much speechless when I came home last night and discovered that 22 Democrats who didn’t have time to fight long and hard for our Constitutional rights, or to impose strong oversight and timelines on funding bills (or simply refuse to pass them), or even for our troops in the field to get reasonable breaks, were nevertheless willing to sign on to the GOP resolution to condemn MoveOn.org for telling the truth about David Petreaus. …

The New York Times isn’t impressed by the Dems either,
lambasting Democrats in this excellent editorial:

If you were one of the Americans waiting for Congress, under Democratic control, to show leadership on the war in Iraq, the message from the Senate is clear: “Nevermind.” The same goes for those waiting for lawmakers to fix the damage done to civil liberties by six years of President Bush and a rubber-stamp Republican Congress.

The Democrats don’t have, or can’t summon, the political strength to make sure Congress does what it is supposed to do: debate profound issues like these and take a stand. …

(Though something tells me the New York Times isn’t quite angry enough to print this ad.) 

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Democrats Make Elephants Of Themselves
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I keep waiting for Dems to unite
And fin’ly put up a good fight.
But they kowtow to Bush
And kiss GOP tush
Cuz, alas, they’re Republican-lite.

=========

Some links, for your reading and viewing pleasure:
* The Stranger’s angry too, and Digby explains why only Republicans are allowed to employ plays on words.
* Emmy Awards Show clips and quotables, courtesy of About.com’s Political Humor.
* The always funny Don Davis on Your Top Ten Headlines In Larry Craig’s Return To The Senate.
* My good pal skippy isn’t impressed with Bush’s “poetic metaphors.”
* Steve Bates, my favorite doggerelist, penned a thoughtful post about the much maligned MoveOn ad and free speech.
* Cartoonist Mr. Fish on John Kerry’s lame reaction to the tasering incident. (via OneGoodMove)
* Carnival Of Satire
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life 

Technorati Tags: Democrats Symbol, Republicans Symbol, Elephant And Donkey, Dems Humor, Republican Lite

I finally dare to fantasize that the Democrats may have gotten their act together, and they pull a cowardly stunt like this:

Just when the Dems at least are talking tough (even if they aren’t acting tough), they let Bush and Cheney intimidate them into giving them more spying powers. …

Can’t the Democrats just say “no,” as in “Sorry, you have proven that you can’t be trusted with increased spying powers, in fact you are still failing to fully inform Congress and the American people about the illegal spying you have conducted in the past and are still, apparently, conducting”?…

Unfortunately, my January 2006 limerick, George Bush Says His Spying Is Cool, remains valid.  But that certainly won’t prevent me from writing another one:

Bush Growls; Dems Kowtow
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Dems disappoint us again,
Backing Bush in his eavesdropping yen.
We need Dems to defend us
From Bush bills horrendous.
When will Dems turn from mice into men?

And now it’s time for a new poll, though my Bush impeachment poll remains open for business: 

(You can find lots of my privacy, technology, and computer humor columns, song parodies and verse here.)

Technorati Tags: Democratic Cowards, Bush Eavesdropping, Eavesdropping Poll, Bush Spying, Gonzales Eavesdropping

Alberto Gonzales is but one of the Bushie liars and Bush enablers whose Congressional hearing testimony can be summarized by this limerick: 

Every Bushie’s Testimony Summed Up In A Single Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Don’t recall, don’t remember, can’t say
What I did or I said on that day.
But I happily swear
On the life of ma mère,
I did nothing that’s wrongful.  No way!”

(You can find more of my Gonzales satire here, my legal humor here, and my limericks and other satirical verse here.)

UPDATE: Don’t forget to vote in my Bush Impeachment Poll!

Technorati Tags: Bushies, Liars, Congressional Testimony, Senate Testimony, House Testimony, Senate Hearings, House Hearings, Deposition Humor, Subpoena Satire, Bush Cheney Administration, Bush Enablers, Convenient Memory, Alberto Gonzales, Gonzo, Liars

Remember when the Republican majority flipped out at the mere whisper of the word filibuster? Remember when GOPers led by Bill Frist, Mitch McConnell, and Trent Lott threatened the “nuclear option” if Democrats had the audacity to filibuster any of George Bush’s extremist judicial nominees?

Those were heady days back then, when Republicans would scream “Up or down vote!” and decry Democrats as “obstructionists,” and the media would obediently parrot their condemnations. Oh yes … and the Democrats caved and failed to filibuster, giving us a whole slew of rightwingnut federal judges who will haunt us for many decades to come.

Well now that the Republicans are the minority party they just love the filibuster and have conveniently forgotten that they ever condemned it.

Back when filibusters were “bad,” I wrote a filibuster song parody to the French-Canadian children’s song Alouette.  Somehow it seems like a good time for a new set of lyrics to the same tune:

The Full-a-Bluster Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Filibuster.
Ban the filibuster!”
Ancient bluster
from the GOP.

With a Dem majority
Republicans think differently:
“Great device!
Ain’t it nice.
Blocks Dem bills!
They’re all on ice.”

Oh…

Filibuster
Suddenly has luster.
Grand Old Party’s
Hack Hypocrisy. 

(You can find more of my political song parodies here.)

Technorati Tags: Filibuster, GOP Hypocrisy, Trent Lott, Mitch McConnell, Bill Frist, Song Parody, Republicans, Iraq War, Nuclear Option, Up Or Down Vote, Obstructionism, Judicial Nominees

Dan Froomkin isn’t surprised that “confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message.”  Froomkin pithily sums it all up:

Enter the new White House talking point: You want out? We want out, too!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Message: I Share … Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush’s party has grown rather sick
Of the war in Iraq spawned by Dick,
Cause Election ‘08
Looms and threatens their fate,
And Rove platitudes won’t end it quick.

(You can find more of my antiwar humor here.) 

Technorati Tags: Bush War, Iraq War, Antiwar Sentiment, Revolting Republicans, Election 08, Defecting GOP Lawmakers

Everybody’s reporting that the Democrats have dropped withdrawal dates from the Iraq war funding bill.  If this is really true, Rachel Maddow says she’ll go insane, and so will I:

Democrats, Heal Thy Selves! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Dems disappoint once again,
Caving in to Dub’s warmong’ring yen.
Timeline’s gone from the bill.
Checks on Bush?  Nothing! Nil!
Bush says, “Heel!” and the Dems reply, “When?”

UPDATE: If you’re mad at Congress too, you can  Take the Iraq Vote Pledge here, and it will be sent to your representatives. It reads:

I pledge to vote against every Senator and Representative who approves funding to continue the disastrous Iraq War.

We have already given far too much of our blood and treasure - and killed far too many Iraqis - for a war based on lies. We are now occupying a hostile nation divided by civil war for the benefit of military contractors and Big Oil.

The only way to support our troops is to bring them home NOW, and no funds should be used for any other purpose. If Congress fails to bring our troops home, I will do everything I can - and urge everyone I know - to defeat pro-war Senators and Representatives, both in my party’s primary elections and in the November general election.

Technorati Tags: Iraq War Spending Bill, Iraq Timeline, Withdrawal Dates, Democrats, Warmongering, Rachel Maddow, President Bush

Please forgive me for not being all that impressed with the Republican Gang of Eleven, who supposedly hammered  George Bush about Iraq and had  the “most unvarnished conversation they’ve ever had with the president.”  And Tim Russert’s breathless reports about this so-called  “defining pivotal moment” in the Iraq debate (and his media echo chamber) merely enable these eleven endangered Republicans to dupe their constituents into believing that they’re finally doing something about the war in Iraq. 

All eleven voted with the President on the Iraq war spending bill and the redeployment bill that came before Congress this week. So woopdidoo!  And a limerick too:

Ode To the Lame GOP Gang Of Eleven
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Eleven Republicans bray:
“We told Dubya what’s what — had our say.
We critiqued Bush’s war
And we gave him what-for.”
Then they all vote the President’s way. 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, President Bush, Republicans Humor, Media Echo Chamber, Unvarnished Conversation, Defining Pivotal Moment, Gang Of Eleven, GOP, Tim Russert

President Codpiece celebrated “Mission Accomplished” day by vetoing the Iraq war spending bill.  Why turn down money he’s just dying to get his grubby hands on? Cause those mean Dems are trying to make him end the war some time during his Presidency. And that just ain’t gonna happen.

No way will George W. Bush clean up his own mess!  He’s never done it before, so why start now?  Bush has always used the here … catch approach to life, kicking the can down the road and sticking somebody else with problems he created.

Bush’s Iraq Strategy: Here … Catch!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kick the can down the road—that’s the plan:
Stick the war mess on some other man.
Wreak much havoc abroad
And at home. Oh my Gawd!
Then say, “Catch! Fix Iraq and Iran.”

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Hillary’s Missed Opportunity To Obtain A ‘Stranglehold’ On The Nomination
* Latest Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Feminists
* Caption Contest Day at the Mattress Police
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of Family Life
* Carnival of the Storytellers
* Writerly Types Carnival
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of Conflict
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival on Observations of Life
* Best of Me Symphony
* This Is Not My Country
* Worldwide Opinions 

UPDATE: How could I forget to mention this? I’m running another limerick contest on my other blog. The theme is mothers and there are cash prizes for the two best limericks!

Technorati Tags: The Global War On Terror Supplemental, Iraq War, George W. Bush  Satire, Iraq Humor, Iran Humor, President Codpiece, Mission Accomplished, War Spending Bill

On April 1, 2007 U.S. Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham held a press conference in Iraq, in which Sen. Graham rhapsodized about buying “five rugs for five bucks” in a Baghdad marketplace. This was part of their joint effort to convince the American people that the war in Iraq is going far better than the media would lead us to believe.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Merchants Of Hype
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Five rugs for five bucks!  What a deal!
Baghdad-shopping for Graham’s quite a steal.
Now I’m sold on the war
Cause I know what it’s for:
It’s to carpet Graham’s home.  How surreal! 

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Bush U.S. Attorney Disgraced by Appeals Court for Sham Prosecution of Innocent Woman (Buzzflash Analysis)
* Romney’s Fatal Admission: ‘I Hunted Gays Only Twice’
* Mitt Shoots Himself In The Foot
* Caution: Genius At Work
* what are friends for, if not to bomb little upstart arabic countries?
* The Talking Dog Interviews Marc Falkoff, co-counsel to 17 Yemenis held at Guantanamo
* Levin Shows The Dems Cards

Technorati Tags: Lindsey Graham, Five Rugs For Five Bucks, John McCain, Iraq capitalism, Baghdad Marketplace, Baghdad Shopping, Iraq War Satire, Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Skippy, Don Davis, Shakesville, Booman, OneGoodMove, Levin, Romney

Rachel Maddow has an  update on Orrin Hatch’s smear campaign against Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney for San Diego who was recently fired by the Justice Department. Senator Hatch has now issued a just-barely-an-apology for telling the following lies about Lam this past Sunday on NBC’s Meet the Press:

She was a former law professor, no prosecutorial experience, and the former campaign manager in Southern California for Clinton.

I’ve summarized this sorry saga in a pair of limericks called Truth On The Lam:

Truth On The Lam
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Orrin Hatch hatched big lies about Lam,
Won’t admit that his claims are a sham.
She was wrongfully axed,
But he conjured up “facts”.
About truth Hatch does not give a damn.

Under pressure, Hatch issues a letter
To Tim Russert that isn’t much better
Than his televised lies.
Hatch just barely denies
That his Lam claims belong in the shredder. 

Technorati Tags: Carol Lam, Orrin Hatch, Senator Hatch, Tim Russert, Televised Lies, Rachel Maddow, Smear Campaign, U.S. Attorney, San Diego, Justice Department, NBC’s Meet The Press, Prosecutorial Experience

Dems Pull Bush’s Chain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Congressional Dems reached a deal.
No, it isn’t ideal, yet I feel
It’s all right—a first step.
Stop this war? Dems said, “Yep!”
As for reining in Bush, they said, “Heel!” 

Technorati Tags: Congress Humor, Iraq War, Spending Bill, House Bill, Rein In Bush, U.S. Troops Readiness, Veterans’ Health and Iraq Accountability Act, Strategic Redeployment, U.S. Troops

What George Bush Might Say, If He Spoke English
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re cowards! You’re traitors! J’accuse!
You in Congress, I’ll surge if I choose.
What power you had,
You’ve abandoned. How sad!
As always, I win and you lose.

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* David Swanson: Subpoena Dick
* ABC’s John Stossel: ‘Rats Make Good Pets For Wounded Vets’
* American Trouble Maker
* Reno 911
* Carnival of Satire 68 and Carnival of Satire 69
* Carnival of Feminists

Technorati Tags: Iraq Surge, Iraq War, Traitors, Anti-Surge Bills

A Henry Waxman haiku seems overdue, so here’s my “thank you” haiku:

Investigations
Into White House wrongdoing
Wax, thanks to Waxman.

Technorati Tags: House Oversight Committee, Henry Waxman, House Hearings, White House Wrongdoing, Bush Failures, Bush Investigations

This weekend’s Senate session reminds me of the fuss Republicans made when Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi imposed a substantially longer work week on Congress. Some even argued that the imposition of a 5-day work week proved that Democrats are anti-family.

I Guess They Miss The “Good Old Days”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“How dare they (Pelosi and Reid)
Make us work 5-day weeks,” goes the screed
Of the GOP members,
Forgetting November’s
Results favored change done with speed.

Technorati Tags: Pelosi, Reid, 5-Day Weeks, House, Senate, Congress, GOP,  Anti-Family

You just have to love it: Senator John Warner helped kill the debate on Bush’s surge, voting to block a vote on his own Warner-Levin Iraq War Resolution:

Ode To Little John Warner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Little John Warner
Posed in the corner
With Dems, as an anti-surge guy.

But then he devolved,
And replaced his resolve
With “Republican soldier, am I.”

UPDATE:  John Warner has signed a letter demanding a vote on his resolution, after having helped block the vote on that very resolution.  I guess he was for it before he was against it, before he was for it.  I’m getting dizzy. 

Technorati Tags: John Warner Humor, Surge, Iraq Resolution, Filibuster, Iraq War, Bush White House, Warren-Levin Resolution

Mess?  What Mess?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

From Dub’s State of the Union address,
Who would guess that our nation’s a mess?
Yet what leader would say:
“Things are awful today,
And the fault lies with me.  I confess.” 

Technorati Tags: President Bush, State of the Union Address

Ode To Diminished Expectations
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Unanimous yeses for Gates,
Cause it’s clear that he has what it takes
To be better than Rummy.
He isn’t a dummy!!!
That’s life in our Bush-induced straits.

Technorati Tags: Bob Gates Satire, Robert Gates, Confirmation Humor,  Defense Secretary, Senate Armed Services Committee

Ode To Dennis “Muslim Menace” Prager
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m enraged at host Prager. Yes, Dennis.
To the truth he is rather a menace,
Cause he gave Muslims grief
When he lied about Keith,
By inventing a Biblical oath dis.

Technorati Tags: Dennis Prager, Keith Ellison, Media Humor, Koran, Bible, Muslim Congressman

Our Banished VEEP
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’ll be banished from office, VEEP Dick;
Not his job, but his real estate pick.
He had primo House space,
But eviction he’ll face,
Cause the Democrats won.  What a kick!

(My Dick Cheney humor is collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Cheney Office Space, Richard Cheney Humor, Election Humor, House Humor

Fair And Balanced Haiku
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Democratic win
Is Terrorist Victory:
Fair and balanced Fox.

Joe’s Jive
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Joe warns: Compromise
And heed election’s lessons.
A not so veiled threat?

Trent Lott’s Revenge
By Madeleine Begun Kane

GOP misdeeds
Make Lott look nearly saint-like,
Enabling comeback.

Technorati Tags: Election ‘06 Humor, Trent Lott Comeback, Lieberman Humor, Fox News, Fair And Balanced, Terrorist Victory

I was amused to read that, in the wake of last week’s Republican debacle, Karl Rove remains “steadfast,” and that he believes the loss was largely Foley’s fault. Moreover, Mary Matalin still views Rove as “the Zen master of movement politics.” 

I think it’s time for a new haiku:

Haiku For A Former “Genius”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dream of Bush’s Brain:
Permanent Majority,
Surgic’ly removed.

Technorati Tags: Karl Rove Humor, Election Humor, Bush’s Brain, The Architect, Permanent Republican Majority

Ode To The Garish Katherine Harris (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

The gal who stole Bush his “election,”
Now is spurned like a lethal infection.
Her makeup is strange,
And she acts quite deranged.
She’s the fruit of unnat’ral selection.

My previous Katherine Harris limerick is here. And for more Katherine Harris humor, don’t miss the Instant Message from Rep. Mark Foley to Sen. Katherine Harris, as channeled by Alan Bisbort and About.com’s Katherine Harris humor section.

And speaking of Katherine Harris, I was just invited to appear on a radio show right smack in the middle of Harris’s turf: The Surreal News Show on Sarasota, Florida’s WSLR 96.5 LP FM Radio.   My appearance is tentatively scheduled for Friday morning, October 27th, and I’ll post more info once details are finalized.

Oh, I almost forgot — the latest  Carnival of the Liberals has been posted at World Wide Webers and it’s another good one.  And be sure to read Don Davis’s very amusing The Great ‘Illiterary’ Contest: ‘Name’ The Bush Memoir and the latest (and always excellent) Carnival of Satire and to check out The Crisis In Our Nation’s Pants.

Update: I think the interview went fairly well and, if you’d like to, you can listen to it here.

Technorati Tags: Congresswoman Katherine Harris, Stealing Elections, Progressive Radio, Liberal Radio

Bush is still rejecting the idea of bilateral talks with North Korea, claiming that they failed to work during Bill Clinton’s administration. Meanwhile, Bush’s flame throwing surrogate, John McCain, says North Korea’s nuclear test, conducted nearly six years into Dubya’s presidency, is Bill Clinton’s fault.  So, does that mean Monica was Bush Sr.’s fault?

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The Buck Stops … On Clinton? (Haiku)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

North Korea’s nukes
Are Clinton’s fault, claims McCain.
Bill’s still Prez?  Who knew?

Update: Right after John “Straight Talk” McCain’s finger pointing, McCain blasted people for North Korea related finger pointing.

Technorati Tags: Bilateral Talks, Nuclear Tests, Nuclear Technology, Senator McCain, President Clinton, North Korea Sanctions

Since blaming Democrats and the media didn’t stick, Denny Hastert is now trying to  shift blame to his staff. (Via Atrios) And that brings me to my latest limerick:

No Penance For Dennis?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Hastert is blaming his staff,
But those in the know have to laugh.
Moms and dads are appalled
By his Foley bad call.
Does he think U.S. voters are daft?

Technorati Tags: Denny Hastert, Foley Scandal, House Speaker Hastert, Family Values, Blame Game

Dirty Denny
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a House Speaker Denny,
With character not worth a penny.
He failed to shield teens
From a boy-obsessed fiend.
Family values? He doesn’t have any.

Technorati Tags: Denny Hastert, Foley Scandal, House Speaker Hastert, Family Values

Tom Reynolds would have us believe that the GOP House leaders would surely have done something about Foley’s House page proclivities long ago, if only evil Kirk Fordham (Reynolds’ chief of staff) hadn’t talked them out of it.  And that brings me to this limerick:

Fordham Axed, Scapegoated To The Max
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Congressman Reynolds’ charade
Is dumping Kirk Fordham, his aide.
He is shifting the blame
For the page abuse shame,
So House Leaders can justice evade.

More on the Foley House Page Scandal for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* From Shakespeare’s Sister, Fordham will not go gently into that good night.
* One Good Move has the Daily Show clip: Foley Erect.
* Skippy presents Pedophile Theater.
* From Don Davis, The ‘Dirty Dozen’ Foley Stories The Corporate Media Won’t Report.
* Avedon Carol on Foley’s law and Foley’s law-breaking.
* From Steve Bates, A Different Kind Of Coverup.
* From Hollywood Liberal, Fox News calls Mark Foley a Democrat.
* From Mahablog, The Condi and Dennis Show.
* Digby’s Coup, Coup Cajoob.
* All Hat No Cattle’s Finger Pointing 

Technorati Tags: Tom Reynolds, Foley Scandal, House Leadership, Hastert’s Coverup, Kirk Fordham, GOP Scapegoat, Finger Pointing

Hastert must resign
Because of his coverup.
No “buts,” no delay.

Technorati Tags: Denny Hastert, Mark Foley, GOP Scandal, GOP Leadership, House Speaker

The House GOP leadership seems to be in a bit of trouble for covering up Mark Foley’s predatory Net communications.  So I dedicate my Ode To GOP Hypocrisy to House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert and Majority Leader John Boehner:

Ode To GOP Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When accusations first arose
V. Foley in the House.
The GOP top leadership
Was quiet as a mouse.

Had Foley been a Democrat
Accused of heinous acts,
Those fellows would have  trumpeted
Their “values” to the max.

The scandal keeps getting worse.  Did the GOP know about Foley way back in 2001? It sure looks that way.

Technorati Tags: GOP Hypocrisy, Mark Foley, Child Predators, Net Communications, House Page Scandal, Florida Election

By now, you surely know that Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.) has resigned in disgrace ”amid reports that he had sent sexually explicit Internet messages to at least one underage male former page.”  But did you also know that Foley ”was credited with writing the sexual-predator provisions of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006?”

Such irony cries out for a limerick:

Foley’s Folly
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a Congressman Foley,
Who acted all pious and holy.
Helping kids was his cause,
But he broke his own laws,
Sending sleaze through the net. Holy Moley!  

(My political verse is collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Mark Foley, Congressman Foley, House Page Scandal, House Pages, Explicit Internet Messages, Florida Election, Ethics Committee

The Constitution
Was cast aside by Congress.
Hideous corpus!

Technorati Tags: Constitutional Law, Habeas Corpus,  Detainees, Terror Suspects, Torture, Interrogation Techniques

Clarity in torture rules?
Bush must think we’re drooling fools.
What he really wants and needs
Are pardons for his lawless deeds.

(My political verse is collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Bush, Clarity, Humor,  Geneva Conventions, Pardons,  Poems,  Poetry,  Torture,  Satire, White House