If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:
* Two limericks inspired by National Grammar Day.
* A cat limerick that also serves as a poetry prompt.
* Dear Press: Clean Up Your Own Damn Mess!
* A post and limerick about our electric power woes.
If you’d like a short break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:
* Are Health Studies Making Us Sick?
* My latest limerick writing prompt: A Miss-Misunderstanding
If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:
* My commentary and limerick about Olympic men’s figure skating: Thin-Skinned Evgeni Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice?
* My Limerick Ode To Valerie Harper, including a review of her Broadway performance as Tallulah Bankhead in Looped.
If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:
* You can participate in my latest Limerick-Off here, by writing your own limerick to my communal first line.
* You can read Romancing The Stoic, my humor column exploring the adventures of a romantic man married to a romance-impaired woman (me).
* Then there’s my latest NYC comedy club review, including my limerick ode to standup comic Ted Alexandro.
* My latest limerick bitching about winter.
It’s the biggest football weekend of the year. Which is why I have a really bad case of the Super Bowl blues on my other blog.
Up until now, I’ve avoided writing about Tiger Woods’ serial philandering. But Brit Hume’s outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity:
Tiger Woods should turn his back on Buddhism and become a Christian to be forgiven for cheating on his wife, Hume told Fox News’ Chris Wallace Sunday.
“The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith,” said Hume. “He is said to be a Buddhist. I don’t think that faith offers the kind of redemption and forgiveness offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger is, Tiger turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”
You can watch the charming video over at Crooks and Liars.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Tiger Woods’ rep has really been hurt.
Hume’s solution? The guy should convert:
Be a Buddhist no more —
Enter Christian faith’s door.
Get redemption for chasing each skirt.
Related Posts: Fuming About Hume; and Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation
I’m so disheartened over the health care bill, that I’m just not in the mood to write about politics. But I did post my humor column about wine snobs on my other blog. And it’s a lot less whiny than my political post would be.
I don’t always make fun of politicians. I sometimes mock weathermen.
And no, heavy snow storms don’t turn global warming into a myth.
(The link goes to my other blog, where I post my non-political humor.)
I can’t decide what’s funnier:
a: Carrie Prejean’s finding Larry “King Of Softballs” King too tough and “inappropriate” an interviewer during her appearance to promote her book (and dodge discussing her lawsuit and sex tape); or
b: Carrie Prejean’s inability to properly storm off a set.
Note To Beauty Pageant Coaches: Must add storming-off-tv-set etiquette to your coaching regimen.
Here’s the video and here’s my limerick:
Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a wingnut named Carrie
Who got angry at talk show host Larry.
So she yanked off her mike,
Then just sat there on strike.
But when storming off sets, must not tarry.
Last week I managed to avoid the Balloon Boy media frenzy. Reality show participants with an endangered child on an AWOL helium balloon? Yeah … right. Then again, I don’t spend my time watching kids being rescued from wells either.
In any event, I’m not surprised that Wife Swap participants (and reality TV series pitchers) Richard and Mayumi Heene may be arrested for “concocting a publicity stunt by pretending that their young son [Falcon] had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the skies above Fort Collins, Colo.”
The Heenes’ lawyer David Lane expects the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office to file charges this week, and Denver man Robert Thomas says Richard Heene gave him advance word of a media stunt.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Heinous Heenes?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Two publicity mongers named Heene
Are accused of a hoax quite obscene:
Claimed their wayward balloon
Held their child. Opportune
For a shot at “reality” green.
Update: I’ve heard the Heenes’ name pronounced three different ways, two of which screw up my rhyme scheme. Since I’m not sure which pronunciation is correct, I guess I’ll leave my limerick up as written.
After a tough day at work you climb into bed, reach for a paperback book, and find that your nightstand reading material is gone, replaced with a credit for the purchase price. After some digging you learn that paperback copies of the novel you’re in the middle of reading have been repossessed by your local bookshop.
Inconceivable, right? Credit or no credit, invading the privacy of your home and taking a book without your permission would surely constitute one or more crimes.
Now imagine the same scenario, but with an e-book instead of a paperback — an e-book you purchased for your Kindle. That’s exactly what Amazon did to 1984 and Animal Farm buyers.
Repossession via electronic invasion of privacy. If it isn’t a crime, it sure as hell ought to be.
Kindle Swindle? (3 Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Have you noticed your e-book list dwindle?
You’re probably using a Kindle.
A book that you bought
Has turned into naught —
Replaced with a refund. No swindle?
Yet the seller invaded your house.
And did it by clicking a mouse.
Something’s there. Then it’s not.
(An Orwellian plot?)
You’re surely entitled to grouse.
The fact that your money’s returned.
Doesn’t mean that you haven’t been burned.
Your privacy rights
Are gone with those bytes.
This vendor deserves to be spurned.
Update: Some updated information from the New York Times:
An Amazon spokesman, Drew Herdener, said in an e-mail message that the books were added to the Kindle store by a company that did not have rights to them, using a self-service function. “When we were notified of this by the rights holder, we removed the illegal copies from our systems and from customers’ devices, and refunded customers,” he said.
Amazon effectively acknowledged that the deletions were a bad idea. “We are changing our systems so that in the future we will not remove books from customers’ devices in these circumstances,” Mr. Herdener said.
Update 2: If you would like to read this political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.
If you would like to read my other general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.
And my limerick about firewalls, blogging and Kindles is here.
An Ode To Political Writer’s Block
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’ve nothing amusing to write
Cuz I feel uninspired tonight.
Yes I’m riled at the press
And our horrible mess,
But my funny bone’s missing its bite.
I’m hoping tomorrow will bring
Some news that will make my wit sing—
That a wingnutty troll
Will do something droll,
And my humor once more will take wing.
If you ever republish your posts on Facebook, you may want to reconsider because of Facebook’s new, perpetual rights-grabbing TOS change.
I have information about this on my other blog plus … of course … a Facebook Face Off limerick.
Thanks to all of you for your kind emails, comments, and Twitter tweets about my mother’s death. I really appreciate it!
In my mother’s honor, I’m posting a 1996 humor column she inspired during happier (and funnier) times:
Secret Shopper
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”
My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.
She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)
Cool news! I’m a 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Competition finalist. (The humor column that got me onto the finalists list is Guide For The Opera Impaired.)
“We had a delightful time selecting our top ten finalists this year,” said Robert Benchley Society chairperson David Trumbull. “It is a true honor to turn the job of selecting the top four essays over to Bob Newhart.”
“All of the entries are read blind. No one knows who wrote which essay until the judging is finished. This keeps the competition entirely merit based,” said Horace J. Digby, a past Benchley Society Award winner…
Newhart’s selection and ranking of the top four winners for this year’s Robert Benchley Society Awards will be announced the week of July 6th.
The Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor is an international writing competition dedicated to the warm, self-effacing comic writing style that made Benchley so beloved during his lifetime. …
I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick:
I can barely maintain my sobriety
Cuz the great Robert Benchley Society
Held a contest and wow,
I’m a finalist now.
Will I win the top prize? High anxiety!
There’s good news for the on-the-run multitasker: Mad Kane’s gone mobile, so both of my blogs can be read on cell phones.
And there’s even more good news — it’s easy to set up. How? I’ll tell you where to go … but first, a limerick:
Ode To The Mobile Web
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My blog has gone mobile — how cool!
You can surf on a cellular tool
While on foot, in your car,
Or wherever you are.
Mobile web browsing — cellulars rule!
If you’d like to subscribe to my Political Madness mobile feed, click on the mobile icon just under my photo on the right sidebar. And don’t forget to subscribe to my non-political humor blog’s mobile feed too.
Oh — I almost forgot — if you’d like to turn your own blog into a mobile site, here’s how to do it. [tags]Mobile Browser, Mobile Web, FeedM8, Mobile Device, Feed-Enabled Websites, Mobile Blogs, Mobile Phone, Cellular, Cell Phone, Mobilize, Mobile Verse, Mobile Web Humor, Mobile Blog Feeds, Mobile Satire [/tags]
Every so often, I’ll get an out-of-the-blue email from some on-deadline journalist in search of a timely, amusing quote. And though I’m not exactly a one-liner kind of gal, I always give it a try.
And so late Thursday afternoon, while I was working on a still-to-come post and poll about General Petraeus’s upcoming surge report (and ignoring the rest of the news), I got an email from Robert Marchant, a reporter with The Journal News in Westchester County, New York. (In case you’ve never heard of it, it’s the Gannett daily that services the Clintons’ hometown — Chappaqua, New York.)
Marchant wrote:
I enjoy your blog. I’m a reporter with the Journal News in Westchester County, and I’m writing an article about efforts to sell “tickets” to the Brooke Astor funeral on the Internet. Thought you might have an observation about this, humorous or otherwise. Please drop a line if you have a chance.
His was an interesting query — not to mention a nice publicity opportunity. All I had to do was write something really funny and really fast about a story I’d never heard of. I mean, I knew that the great philanthropist Brooke Astor had just died and would presumably have some sort of celebrity-filled funeral. But the funeral ticket sales item had eluded me. (That’s what I get for mocking the GOP 24/7.)
Now I didn’t think Marchant would be too impressed if I wrote back, “Huh? What ticket sales?” So instead, I turned to my trusty Google. And as always, it came through for me, leading me to this New York Daily News story:
Somebody is trying to cash in on Brooke Astor’s funeral.
With an A-list crowd of New York bluebloods, politicians and celebrities expected to attend the beloved socialite’s farewell tomorrow, an ad selling two tickets in the “16th pew from the front” for $500 appeared on the Craigslist Web site yesterday.
But Astor’s daughter-in-law, Charlene Marshall, said the tickets were fake.
She called it “absolutely ghastly” that somebody was trying to profit from Astor’s death and noted the service is open to the public. …
Cool! Now I had some vague idea what I was supposed to be making fun of. I played around with limericks for a bit, but nothing took shape. Then I tried my hand at haiku and wrote one that was okay, but not especially funny:
Craigslist ticket ad
For Brooke Astor’s funeral:
Masterful satire.
No, that just wouldn’t do. I needed to write a Jon Stewart-worthy one-liner … or at least something that might make Marchant (and his editor) giggle just a bit.
The minutes ticked away as I thought about those tickets. And then it finally came to me:
Just $500 bucks for two Brooke Astor funeral ticks? Now that’s what I’d call A Modest Proposal.
I sent it off, Marchant liked it, and now its fate is in his editor’s hands. If it appears in his article, I’ll post an update. But in the meantime, here’s a limerick I wrote after Marchant’s deadline had passed:
Ode To Brooke Astor
By Madeleine Begun KaneA generous lady named Astor,
Whose kindness will surely outlast her,
Is mourned far and wide
Since she recently died,
And nobody’s ever outclassed her.
UPDATE: Marchant’s article is up and it quotes both my one-liner and a couple of words from my haiku. Here’s the article: Ticket sales for Astor funeral branded a hoax. Also, if you’d like to read (or re-read) Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal, here it is. [tags]Brooke Astor, Astor Funeral, Funeral Tickets, Robert Marchant, Gannett Daily, News Journal Westchester, Craigslist Ad, A Modest Proposal, Jonathan Swift[/tags]
Here’s what I’ve posted recently on my other (non-political humor) blog:
* That Errant List
* Taxing Times
* Ode To Unselfishness
* Form 1040 Blues
* It’s Not That I Don’t Like Movies, But…
* Chafing At Chick
* A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice
* A Rueful Rhyme
* Boot-Licked
* Collegiate Conversation
* Belated Apology
* Stop Yelling!!!!!!!!
* Musical Faux Pas [tags]Limerick Humor, Tax Limerick, Musical Limerick, Spam Humor, Collegiate Application Humor, Apologies, List Humor, Sexist Humor[/tags]
Here’s some pretty cool news news! I’ve just sold two limericks and one haiku to the upcoming political humor anthology, Jest Patriotic (Let There Be Laughter Series): Hack This Limerick; Running From Mistakes; and Torture Bill Haiku.
So, who says crime … uh, I mean poetry … doesn’t pay?
The political humor anthology’s due out in May, but their money humor anthology Cash In On Laughter is already out. And I’m pleased to say that two of my money humor columns appear in that anthology, as well.
=========
And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Fox Presents: Are You Smarter Than Alberto Gonzales?
* Carnival of the Liberals
* Attorneygate Week Two
* Peter Pace To Star In Mastercard Ads (Don Davis)
* Ooh– Secret Inside Information
* The Talking Dog interviews Civil Rights lawyer H. Candace Gorman, who represents two North Africans detained at Guantanamo. [tags]Humor Anthologies, Money Humor Anthology, Political Humor Anthology[/tags]
Bob Newhart Names Mad Kane Winner of 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor
Mad Kane is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." As you may have noticed, she enjoys writing song parodies, limericks, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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