Archive for the ‘Non-Political Humor’ Category

Eight 4-Liners For The Republican Contenders

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

It’s time for some more political clerihews — whimsically biographical four-line poems, described more fully here.

I’ve written one for each of the would-be presidents who appeared at last night’s Republican debate:

Mass. Governor Mitt,
A job cutting hit.
He flips and he flops,
As positions he swaps.

*****

Herman “9-9-9″ Cain:
(Romney hopes he’ll wane)
Though many think he rocks,
He belongs on Fox.

*****

James Richard Perry:
Is he bright? Not very.
A lousy debater—
Called Bernanke a traitor.

*****

Unhinged Michele
Is sinking pell-mell.
Even crazier than Palin—
Just what is she inhalin’?

*****

Former Speaker Newt,
A pompous beaut.
Purports to be intellectual,
At selling books effectual.

*****

Rick Santorum
Seems lost in this forum.
He’s none too calm
Over his Google Bomb.

*****

Libertarian Ron Paul
Is having a ball.
Doesn’t stand a chance.
But enjoys the dance.

*****

Jon Huntsman jokes
But can not coax
Any support for his reign.
He’s way too sane.

*****

Tax Procrastination

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Why work on my Form 1040, when I can write a limerick about not filing my tax return on time?

Also on my other blog:

* Swimming In Verse

* Musical Chairs

* Don’t Put These Limericks On Your Headstone

* Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox!

* South African Pinot’s Too Pricey? Blame The Baboons.

* Birthday Limerick For Elton John

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* Patently Evil? (post and limerick about the smartphone wars involving iPhone, Android, and a patent violation lawsuit)

* Save Me From Daylight Savings Time

* A Limerick Meal

* Feed Needs (web obsession humor)

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* Ode To “Rabbit Ears.”

* Two limericks inspired by National Grammar Day.

* A cat limerick that also serves as a poetry prompt.

* Dear Press: Clean Up Your Own Damn Mess!

* A post and limerick about our electric power woes.

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

If you’d like a short break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* Are Health Studies Making Us Sick?

* My latest limerick writing prompt: A Miss-Misunderstanding

* Feeling Silly … And Sore

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* My commentary and limerick about Olympic men’s figure skating: Thin-Skinned Evgeni Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice?

* My Limerick Ode To Valerie Harper, including a review of her Broadway performance as Tallulah Bankhead in Looped.

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

If you’d like a quick break from politics, here’s what you may have missed on my other blog:

* You can participate in my latest Limerick-Off here, by writing your own limerick to my communal first line.

* You can read Romancing The Stoic, my humor column exploring the adventures of a romantic man married to a romance-impaired woman (me).

* Then there’s my latest NYC comedy club review, including my limerick ode to standup comic Ted Alexandro.

* My latest limerick bitching about winter.

Now Playing On My Other Blog

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

It’s the biggest football weekend of the year. Which is why I have a really bad case of the Super Bowl blues on my other blog.

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Up until now, I’ve avoided writing about Tiger Woods’ serial philandering. But Brit Hume’s outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity:

Tiger Woods should turn his back on Buddhism and become a Christian to be forgiven for cheating on his wife, Hume told Fox News’ Chris Wallace Sunday.

“The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith,” said Hume. “He is said to be a Buddhist. I don’t think that faith offers the kind of redemption and forgiveness offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger is, Tiger turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”

You can watch the charming video over at Crooks and Liars.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Tiger Woods’ rep has really been hurt.
Hume’s solution? The guy should convert:
Be a Buddhist no more —
Enter Christian faith’s door.
Get redemption for chasing each skirt.

Related Posts: Fuming About Hume; and Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation

It’s Either Whining … Or Wine

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

I’m so disheartened over the health care bill, that I’m just not in the mood to write about politics. But I did post my humor column about wine snobs on my other blog. And it’s a lot less whiny than my political post would be.

Stormy Verse

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

I don’t always make fun of politicians. I sometimes mock weathermen.

And no, heavy snow storms don’t turn global warming into a myth.

(The link goes to my other blog, where I post my non-political humor.)

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I can’t decide what’s funnier:

a: Carrie Prejean’s finding Larry “King Of Softballs” King too tough and “inappropriate” an interviewer during her appearance to promote her book (and dodge discussing her lawsuit and sex tape); or

b: Carrie Prejean’s inability to properly storm off a set.

Note To Beauty Pageant Coaches: Must add storming-off-tv-set etiquette to your coaching regimen.

Here’s the video and here’s my limerick:

Larry King and Carrie Prejean — Not Headed To The Altar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a wingnut named Carrie
Who got angry at talk show host Larry.
So she yanked off her mike,
Then just sat there on strike.
But when storming off sets, must not tarry.

Heinous Heenes?

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Last week I managed to avoid the Balloon Boy media frenzy. Reality show participants with an endangered child on an AWOL helium balloon? Yeah … right. Then again, I don’t spend my time watching kids being rescued from wells either.

In any event, I’m not surprised that Wife Swap participants (and reality TV series pitchers) Richard and Mayumi Heene may be arrested for “concocting a publicity stunt by pretending that their young son [Falcon] had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the skies above Fort Collins, Colo.”

The Heenes’ lawyer David Lane expects the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office to file charges this week, and Denver man Robert Thomas says Richard Heene gave him advance word of a media stunt.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Heinous Heenes?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Two publicity mongers named Heene
Are accused of a hoax quite obscene:
Claimed their wayward balloon
Held their child. Opportune
For a shot at “reality” green.

Update: I’ve heard the Heenes’ name pronounced three different ways, two of which screw up my rhyme scheme. Since I’m not sure which pronunciation is correct, I guess I’ll leave my limerick up as written.

Happy Birthday To Me

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Friday, September 11th was my birthday — one of those traumatizing, ends-with-zero birthdays. So I told my husband Mark that, unless he wanted me to be a basket case on nine-eleven, he’d better plan something good.

So, did Mark rise to the occasion? He sure did, as I describe in this three-verse limerick:

Happy Birthday To Me
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My nine-one-one birthday was great!
Hubby Mark planned a fabulous date:
God of Carnage — fine play —
Four fab stars on Broadway.
Yes, I married a wonderful mate.

The play featured James Gandolfini,
Who did not play a mafia meanie.
Hope Davis starred too
And Jeff Daniels. Woo Hoo!
Marcia Harden’s the fourth. Creds ain’t teeny.

We dined on gourmet Mex cuisine:
Toloache’s the best I have seen.
And we drank and we danced
At two bars. Age advanced?
Well, perhaps … but I felt sweet sixteen.

(Cross-posted on my non-political humor blog.)

Kindle Swindle? (Updated)

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

After a tough day at work you climb into bed, reach for a paperback book, and find that your nightstand reading material is gone, replaced with a credit for the purchase price. After some digging you learn that paperback copies of the novel you’re in the middle of reading have been repossessed by your local bookshop.

Inconceivable, right? Credit or no credit, invading the privacy of your home and taking a book without your permission would surely constitute one or more crimes.

Now imagine the same scenario, but with an e-book instead of a paperback — an e-book you purchased for your Kindle. That’s exactly what Amazon did to 1984 and Animal Farm buyers.

Repossession via electronic invasion of privacy. If it isn’t a crime, it sure as hell ought to be.

Kindle Swindle? (3 Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Have you noticed your e-book list dwindle?
You’re probably using a Kindle.
A book that you bought
Has turned into naught —
Replaced with a refund. No swindle?

Yet the seller invaded your house.
And did it by clicking a mouse.
Something’s there. Then it’s not.
(An Orwellian plot?)
You’re surely entitled to grouse.

The fact that your money’s returned.
Doesn’t mean that you haven’t been burned.
Your privacy rights
Are gone with those bytes.
This vendor deserves to be spurned.

Update: Some updated information from the New York Times:

An Amazon spokesman, Drew Herdener, said in an e-mail message that the books were added to the Kindle store by a company that did not have rights to them, using a self-service function. “When we were notified of this by the rights holder, we removed the illegal copies from our systems and from customers’ devices, and refunded customers,” he said.

Amazon effectively acknowledged that the deletions were a bad idea. “We are changing our systems so that in the future we will not remove books from customers’ devices in these circumstances,” Mr. Herdener said.

Update 2: If you would like to read this political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.

If you would like to read my other general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.

And my limerick about firewalls, blogging and Kindles is here.

An Ode To Political Writer’s Block

Friday, April 24th, 2009

An Ode To Political Writer’s Block
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve nothing amusing to write
Cuz I feel uninspired tonight.
Yes I’m riled at the press
And our horrible mess,
But my funny bone’s missing its bite.

I’m hoping tomorrow will bring
Some news that will make my wit sing—
That a wingnutty troll
Will do something droll,
And my humor once more will take wing.

Facebook’s Onerous TOS Change

Monday, February 16th, 2009

If you ever republish your posts on Facebook, you may want to reconsider because of Facebook’s new, perpetual rights-grabbing TOS change.

I have information about this on my other blog plus … of course … a Facebook Face Off limerick.

1996 Humor Column About Underwear Shopping With My Mom

Monday, January 5th, 2009

Thanks to all of you for your kind emails, comments, and Twitter tweets about my mother’s death. I really appreciate it!

In my mother’s honor, I’m posting a 1996 humor column she inspired during happier (and funnier) times:

Secret Shopper
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”

My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.

She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)

I’m a 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Finalist.

Tuesday, June 24th, 2008

Cool news! I’m a 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor Competition finalist. (The humor column that got me onto the finalists list is Guide For The Opera Impaired.)

“We had a delightful time selecting our top ten finalists this year,” said Robert Benchley Society chairperson David Trumbull. “It is a true honor to turn the job of selecting the top four essays over to Bob Newhart.”

“All of the entries are read blind. No one knows who wrote which essay until the judging is finished. This keeps the competition entirely merit based,” said Horace J. Digby, a past Benchley Society Award winner…

Newhart’s selection and ranking of the top four winners for this year’s Robert Benchley Society Awards will be announced the week of July 6th.

The Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor is an international writing competition dedicated to the warm, self-effacing comic writing style that made Benchley so beloved during his lifetime. …

I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick:

I can barely maintain my sobriety
Cuz the great Robert Benchley Society
Held a contest and wow,
I’m a finalist now.
Will I win the top prize? High anxiety!

Mad Kane’s Gone Mobile and So Can You

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

There’s good news for the on-the-run multitasker: Mad Kane’s gone mobile, so both of my blogs can be read on cell phones.

And there’s even more good news  — it’s easy to set up.  How?  I’ll tell you where to go … but first, a limerick: 

Ode To The Mobile Web
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My blog has gone mobile — how cool!
You can surf on a cellular tool
While on foot, in your car,
Or wherever you are.
Mobile web browsing — cellulars rule!

If you’d like to subscribe to my Political Madness mobile feed, click on the mobile icon just under my photo on the right sidebar. And don’t forget to subscribe to my non-political humor blog’s mobile feed too.

Oh — I almost forgot — if you’d like to turn your own blog into a mobile site, here’s how to do it. [tags]Mobile Browser, Mobile Web, FeedM8, Mobile Device, Feed-Enabled Websites, Mobile Blogs, Mobile Phone, Cellular, Cell Phone, Mobilize, Mobile Verse, Mobile Web Humor, Mobile Blog Feeds, Mobile Satire [/tags]