Posts Tagged ‘Newt Gingrich’

Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)

Monday, April 7th, 2014

Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though the wealthy will publicly cheer
As campaign regs get knocked on their rear,
Some privately groan:
“No limits?” they moan.
“Buying pols is becoming too dear!”

Note from Mad Kane: Although I concocted that quote, it may be closer to the truth than you think. Here’s The Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol, who argued on ABC’s This Week “that not every wealthy donor will embrace the outcome of the McCutcheon case, because they may now be obliged to give more:”

“All the donors I know hate this decision, of course,” he said. “This used to be a very good excuse to say to a candidate, ooh, I’m maxing out, I just can’t help your campaign.”

Mitt Romney’s Sunken Ship Blues (Limerick)

Saturday, November 17th, 2012

I know that I shouldn’t indulge in Schadenfreude, but I can’t help myself: Watching the Republican rats desert Mitt Romney’s sinking ship is immensely entertaining! And in my defense, Gail Collins seems to be enjoying it too.

Mitt Romney’s Sunken Ship Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney is now on the outs.
Having lost in a rout, Romney pouts,
Making whiny remarks,
Giving GOP sharks
An excuse for disownership shouts.

No Photo Finish For Newt … Just Photos

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

This news made me laugh: “Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich’s campaign tacked on a new fundraising effort Monday, charging supporters $50 a pop for anyone who wants a photo with the former House speaker.”

No Photo Finish For Newt … Just Photos
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The latest Newt news is a beaut:
You must pay for a photo with Newt —
Fifty dollars per pic.
Here’s a fund raising trick:
I’d pay more not to pose with that brute.

Limerick Ode To Embedless Newt

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

Newt Gingrich is going to be very lonely on the campaign trail: He just lost his last two embedded print reporters.

Limerick Ode To Embedless Newt
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Poor Gingrich, his embeds have fled.
Print journos won’t follow his tread.
Those so-called “elites”
Have found far better beats.
Were he prez he’d say, “Off with their head.”

Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich

Saturday, February 25th, 2012

Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I confess I became rather tearful
At Newt’s self-description as “cheerful.”
These were not tears of sadness,
But rather of gladness:
Cuz the “Newt Show” ain’t done. (I’d been fearful.)

Limerick Ode To Newt Lunacy

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

I’ve finally figured out how Newt plans to populate the moon: He’ll catapult the poor onto the moon via trampolines.

Yes, I know that sounds crazy. But I can’t think of any other explanation for this nutty Newt quote:

I really believe that we should care about the very poor, unlike Governor Romney. But I believe we should care very differently from Barack Obama….What the poor need is a trampoline so they can spring up, so I am for replacing the safety net with a trampoline.

Limerick Ode To Newt Lunacy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The safety net’s bad, prattles Newt,
Suggesting we give it the boot.
From his odd bag of tricks,
Newt throws this in the mix:
Trampolines — out-of-poverty route.

Trump Endorses Romney — Election Over (Limerick)

Thursday, February 2nd, 2012

Will Trump endorse Newt? Will The Donald go with Mitt? Will Donald Trump fire himself from The Apprentice so he can run for president as a third-party candidate?

At long last, all that heady speculation has ended.

Trump Endorses Romney – Election Over (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Donald Trump had been sending up flares.
His endorsement speech finally airs:
Despite all that’s been writ,
He is going with Mitt.
I have only one question: Who cares?

Listen To Palin and Annoy Me, Please! (Limerick)

Monday, January 30th, 2012

I never thought I’d say this, but please listen to Sarah Palin:

Sarah Palin still hasn’t officially endorsed Newt Gingrich, but she’s making it increasingly clear that she’s pulling for the former House speaker to continue to cause headaches for Mitt Romney.

Her latest bumper-sticker-ready pitch to Republican voters: “Vote for Newt, annoy a liberal.”

Listen To Palin and Annoy Me, Please! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Annoy Lib’rals, vote Newt — that’s the pitch
That Palin is spouting. How rich!
We’d delight in a Newt
V. Barack race, and root
For Mitt Romney to suffer that glitch.

Brokered Convention Blues (Limerick)

Monday, January 30th, 2012

Some Republicans are worried they’ll be saddled with a brokered convention. And Newt Gingrich’s statement is upping their anxiety:

With just one full day of campaigning left until the Florida primary and polls indicating that Mitt Romney has substantially widened his lead in the Sunshine State, Newt Gingrich told reporters Sunday he is prepared to fight out the Republican presidential nomination all the way to a brokered convention.

“We have no evidence yet that Romney anywhere is coming close to getting a majority and I think when you take all the non-Romney votes, it’s very likely that at the convention there will be a non-Romney majority and maybe a very substantial one. My job is to convert that into a Gingrich majority,” Gingrich said.

Brokered Convention Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The thought of a brokered convention
Is creating Republican tension:
Will Mitt’s delegate count
Sufficiently mount
If Newt nixes a prez run suspension?

Newt’s Endorsement Blues (Limerick)

Thursday, January 26th, 2012

With the powers-that-be on the right hitting Gingrich hard, he’s surely in the market for endorsements. But I suspect Newt could do without imprisoned, former Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham’s stamp of approval:

Cunningham tells Gingrich in an electronic message he says he sent to the candidate last month that his fellow prisoners, and their families, support Gingrich:

“Newt, a voice out of the past. Down but not out and still fighting. First I do not want anything from you but have been watching the debates. I have 80% of inmates that would vote for you. They might not be able to but their extended families will.”

Newt’s Endorsement Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Newt Gingrich, endorsed by a Duke:
From Duke Cunningham — praise not rebuke.
The imprisoned ex-Rep
Endorsed Newt with great pep—
One old colleague Newt doesn’t make puke!

Limerick Ode To “Normal” Newt Gingrich

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

According to Newt Gingrich, his serial wife-cheating makes him “normal,” better able to relate to the problems of average people, and more electable. You’ve got to give that fellow Brownie-points for creativity. Who else could turn multiple affairs into a plus?

In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network this afternoon, Newt Gingrich picked up Rick Perry’s torch in the so-called “war on religion,” promising that he would fight back against judges who are “trying to drive God out of life.” The thrice-married Speaker then defended his personal marital history, claiming his multiple affairs “make me more normal than somebody who wanders around seeming perfect” because he can understand “the human condition and challenges of life for normal people.”

Limerick Ode To “Normal” Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My affairs make me “normal,” says Newt.
As defenses go, Newt’s is a beaut:
Seems perfection is bad,
And unless you’re a cad,
Your empathy skills are minute.

Limerick Ode To Newt’s Latest Temper Tantrum

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

Newt Gingrich seemed way off his game at last night’s Florida debate. And at first, I attributed this to Mitt Romney’s new, improved debating style.

But Newt apparently needs the adrenalin rush that comes with cheers and applause. And last night’s NBC debate rules precluded such a rush: Audience feedback was limited, in the interest of using the time for actual debating.

So now Newt (always on the outlook for another excuse to bash the media) is petulantly threatening to boycott any debate that limits the audience’s free speech:

Mr. Gingrich’s performance in the debate in Tampa on Monday night was far more muted. Critics noted that he seemed to be off his game. The National Journal, which co-hosted the NBC debate, compared Gingrich to “a stand-up comedian whose routine suffers without echoes of laughter egging him on.”

Mr. Gingrich clearly noticed something was off, too. “We’re going to serve notice on future debates,” he told Fox. “We’re just not going to allow that to happen. That’s wrong. The media doesn’t control free speech. People ought to be allowed to applaud if they want to.”

Hmmm…., I wonder how Newt feels about boos.

Limerick Ode To Newt’s Latest Temper Tantrum
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No cheering at last night’s debate!
This has Gingrich quite peeved and irate.
He says cheers from the crowd
Simply must be allowed.
Without cheers, will Newt Gingrich deflate?

Limerick Ode To Republican Panic

Monday, January 23rd, 2012

Newt Gingrich demolished Mitt in South Carolina. Newt’s surging in Florida. And Romney’s large national lead is collapsing. Needless to say, the Republican establishment is starting to panic:

To the extent Newt threatens the Establishment, it’s because of his electability–or lack thereof. The GOP’s mandarins see Gingrich’s nomination as a sure way to blow their chance of deposing Barack Obama. They see Gingrich as the political equivalent of a Fukushima nuclear plant worker, with polls showing him to be lethally irradiated by his negative approval ratings. Whereas Mitt Romney is running about even with Barack Obama in head-to-head polling, Newt loses by double-digit margins. Sure, those numbers could change if Gingrich beats Romney and wins the nomination, with all the accolades it entails. On the other hand, his grandiosity syndrome may kick in, as it has before, and render him a laughing stock. Hence the many Establishment Republicans now saying things like, “Newt means losing 45 states.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Limerick Ode To Republican Panic
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican powers-that-be
Are scared of a Newt-nominee:
Newt’s grandiose ways
Could trigger malaise,
As voters to Democrats flee.

Mitt Romney’s South Carolina Blues (Limerick)

Friday, January 20th, 2012

The South Carolina primary is tomorrow, and Newt Gingrich’s poll numbers are picking up steam.

Mitt Romney’s South Carolina Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It appears that Newt Gingrich may win
Tomorrow, to Romney’s chagrin.
Just imagine the gloating
Right after the voting!
If this happens, will Mitt take to gin?

Limerick Ode To Newt “J’accuse” Gingrich

Friday, January 13th, 2012

Mitt Romney is fluent in French. Finally, something to like about him!

But not so fast! According to a Newt Gingrich ad, French fluency’s a non-non:

Limerick Ode To Newt “J’accuse” Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a message from Newt’s latest ad:
Mitt Romney speaks French and that’s bad.
What an odd thing to knock:
Mitt sounds like a Jacques,
And bilingual is suspect. How sad!

Oddly enough, there’s ample evidence that Newt Gingrich pouvait comprendre cette phrase.

Beware The Wrath Of Newt (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

Newt Gingrich is on the warpath against Mitt Romney, just as he promised after being decimated by pro-Romney ads in Iowa. And Newt’s latest South Carolina primary video ad is packed with goodies.

One of my favorites is Romney’s “dog on the roof of his car” escapade. But there’s lots more, including “I like being able to fire people…,” “Corporations are people,” “I’m running for president for pete’s sake, I can’t have illegals,” and “10,000 bet.”

And that’s not even Newt’s only anti-Romney video. Another one hits Romney on his abortion rights hypocrisy.

A vindictive Newt isn’t a pretty picture.

Beware The Wrathful Newt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Newt Gingrich is on the attack.
His mission’s to Mitt Romney whack.
Revenge is his quest,
And he seeks it with zest.
Yes, the meanie we know has come back.

Limerick Ode To Newt “I’m Not Rich” Gingrich

Saturday, January 7th, 2012

During a Laconia, New Hampshire campaign stop, Newt had the audacity to say “I’m not rich.” And his wife Callista helpfully added, “We have one home.” Apparently Newt and I don’t share the same definition of rich:

This past summer, Gingrich had to file the financial-disclosure form required of presidential candidates. It revealed that he has a net worth of at least $6.7 million and that his income was at least $2.6 million in 2010. That’s about 65 times the income of the average family of four in the United States.

Limerick Ode To Newt “I’m Not Rich” Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Newt Gingrich would like to be king
And is part of the wealthy right-wing.
He denies that he’s rich.
Just “one home” — what a bitch!
He should shorten his surname to “Ging.”

Newt Still Lying After All These Years (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

The headline of this story says it all: “Newly recovered court files cast doubt on Gingrich version of first divorce.”

Newt Still Lying After All These Years (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Newt, on your web site you claim
That divorce was your wife Jackie’s aim.
But the County Clerk files
Show you’re lying by miles.
You brought suit. She objected to same.

Mitt Critiques Newt (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

Mitt Romney told the New York Times that Newt Gingrich is too “zany” to be U.S. president.

Mitt Critiques Newt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Newt Gingrich is “zany,” says Mitt,
Which makes him for prez quite unfit.
I’m no Mitt devotee,
But I can’t help agree.
“Zany’s” best saved for toons or a skit.

Newt’s Pledge (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

Confessed serial adulterer Newt Gingrich has taken the Family Leader no-adultery pledge, which includes this statement: “I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.”

Apparently, the following limerick was stricken from an earlier draft:

Newt’s Pledge (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No adult’ry for me, pledges Newt.
I’ve given my cheating the boot.
I’ve confessed and repented.
My soul’s reinvented.
And I can’t get it up, so it’s moot.