Posts Tagged ‘Newt Gingrich’

Newt’s Pledge (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

Confessed serial adulterer Newt Gingrich has taken the Family Leader no-adultery pledge, which includes this statement: “I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.”

Apparently, the following limerick was stricken from an earlier draft:

Newt’s Pledge (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No adult’ry for me, pledges Newt.
I’ve given my cheating the boot.
I’ve confessed and repented.
My soul’s reinvented.
And I can’t get it up, so it’s moot.

Mitt’s Losing Bet (Limerick)

Sunday, December 11th, 2011

In the wake of Mitt Romney’s misplaced $10,000 bet, the “Intrade political futures market shows Mitt Romney’s chances of winning the GOP presidential nomination dropping to 40% today, while Newt Gingrich’s chances have surged to 37%.”

Mitt’s Losing Bet (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt’s ten-thousand dollar faux pas
Makes Republican voters say, “Bah!”
So betting is strong
That Romney’s gone wrong,
And that Newt will get voters’ “Hurrah!”

Gunning for Gingrich (Limerick)

Saturday, December 10th, 2011

Tonight’s Drake University, Iowa Republican Presidential Debate, hosted by ABC News and moderated by Diane Sawyer and George Stephanopoulos, looks to be pivotal:

Gunning For Gingrich (Limerick)

They’re gunning for Gingrich tonight.
Opponents are poised for a fight.
The GOP’s freaking:
No more are they seeking
Non-Romney, with Newt as their plight.

Limerick Ode To The Immoderate Donald Trump

Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

A Trump-moderated Republican debate? Even Karl Rove says it’s a terrible idea.

Damn! Me — agreeing with Karl Rove. That’s seriously scary!

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney did the classy thing, for once, adding his name to the list of candidates who’ve declined the Trump Debate Invite. So far, Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman, and Romney have declined to participate, while Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum have accepted.

Limerick Ode To The Immoderate Donald Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debate moderation’s an art,
And practitioners need to be smart,
Diplomatic, well versed—
In the topic immersed.
Donald Trump? Not just bad. Off the chart!

UPDATE: Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus has come out against the Donald Trump debate, citing as his reason Trump’s ongoing flirtation with an independent run for president. Additionally Perry has now declined his debate invitation.

“Newtering” Mitt (Limerick)

Monday, December 5th, 2011

No matter which Republican candidate fades or drops out, the poll numbers beneficiary always seems to be Not-Mitt:

In the first national public opinion poll on the GOP presidential candidate contest since Herman Cain suspended his campaign Saturday, our survey finds frontrunner Newt Gingrich with a 14% lead over his closest challenger, Mitt Romney.

“Newtering” Mitt
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m beginning to feel Romney’s pain:
Cain’s loss is Newt Gingrich’s gain.
Though opponents may fade,
Romney just can’t persuade
Their supporters to back his domain.

Herman Cain’s Gone, But The Mockery Carries On (Limerick)

Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

Herman Cain’s Gone, But The Mockery Carries On (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Herman Cain has dropped out of contention
With his primary contest suspension.
But there’s plenty to mock:
Perry’s gaffes and Mitt’s shock
At the cocky Newt Gingrich ascension.

Limerick Ode To Newt “The Thinker” Gingrich

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

New York Magazine’s Dana Amira has the numerical dirt on something that’s annoyed me for decades: Newt Gingrich’s over-use of pretentious words like profoundly, deeply, frankly, and fundamentally.

Limerick Ode To Newt “The Thinker” Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Frankly speaking, Newt likes to amass
Pompous adverbs to give himself class.
He feigns gravitas soundly
With deeply, profoundly.
Fundamentally, Newt is an ass.

We Don’t Want Newt-Education (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

Newt Gingrich is threatening … I mean, promising, to teach a free online course if he becomes president. But Kennesaw State College students still haven’t recovered from his fact-challenged 1990s course “Renewing American Civilization.”

We Don’t Want Newt-Education (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The “history prof” known as Newt
Taught a course that was really a beaut:
Filled with “facts” that are fiction,
Misleading depiction
Of life from an overstuffed suit.

Eight 4-Liners For The Republican Contenders

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

It’s time for some more political clerihews — whimsically biographical four-line poems, described more fully here.

I’ve written one for each of the would-be presidents who appeared at last night’s Republican debate:

Mass. Governor Mitt,
A job cutting hit.
He flips and he flops,
As positions he swaps.

*****

Herman “9-9-9” Cain:
(Romney hopes he’ll wane)
Though many think he rocks,
He belongs on Fox.

*****

James Richard Perry:
Is he bright? Not very.
A lousy debater—
Called Bernanke a traitor.

*****

Unhinged Michele
Is sinking pell-mell.
Even crazier than Palin—
Just what is she inhalin’?

*****

Former Speaker Newt,
A pompous beaut.
Purports to be intellectual,
At selling books effectual.

*****

Rick Santorum
Seems lost in this forum.
He’s none too calm
Over his Google Bomb.

*****

Libertarian Ron Paul
Is having a ball.
Doesn’t stand a chance.
But enjoys the dance.

*****

Jon Huntsman jokes
But can not coax
Any support for his reign.
He’s way too sane.

*****

Lightweights — No Debate!

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

Lightweights — No Debate!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans held a debate
To see which prez contender would rate.
Not a one was impressive,
And all are regressive—
Mad lightweights galore! What a slate!

Limerick Ode To Newt Gingrich

Thursday, June 9th, 2011

Limerick Ode To Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s some news that inspires a laugh:
Newt Gingrich has lost his main staff.
They quit him en masse.
(Do they think him an ass?)
Newt’s so peeved, he may shoot a giraffe.

UPDATE: Was my “giraffe” reference too obscure? For those who don’t know what it refers to, just follow the link in the last line of my limerick.

Open Limerick To Newt Gingrich

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

Newt Gingrich is still out on his I didn’t say what I said tour. He even tried to get back in Rush Limbaugh’s good graces by claiming his Meet The Press Paul Ryan plan comments had nothing to do with Paul Ryan or his plan.

Open Limerick To Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Newt, campaign’s over — fini!
I’ll admit it — I say this with glee.
You insulted Paul Ryan,
And nobody’s buyin’
Your stories — you’re no nominee.

(Lots more Newt Gingrich humor here.)

Don’t Be Shocked, But I Compliment Fox News … Sort Of

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

It amazes me that anyone could call David Gregory’s Newt Gingrich interview a “gotcha” interview. Yet that’s exactly what Newt’s been doing in the wake of his campaign’s self-destruction.

However, if you read the Meet The Press transcript, it’s clear that nobody trapped Gingrich into condemning Paul Ryan’s Medicare plan as undesirable “right-wing social engineering.”

So here’s my theory: Newt and his fellow Republicans have been coddled and spoiled by Fox News. As a result, many of them have lost their edge and can no longer handle themselves when asked even-handed questions.

I never thought I’d be saying this but…

Thank You Fox News (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

While Fox has been tempting to mock
Cuz its cov’rage is mostly a crock,
Softball questions spoiled Newt,
Who can’t handle a brute
Like Dave Gregory — Fox News, you rock!

UPDATE: To add to my amusement, Newt Gingrich is trying to forbid people from quoting his Ryan Plan criticism in an ad. Here’s Newt: “any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood. Because I have said publicly those words were inaccurate.”

Lots of luck with that, Newt.

Newt Already Needs A Reboot

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign is imploding with breathtaking speed. So he’s earned himself yet another limerick:

Newt Already Needs A Reboot
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Newt, you’ve imploded too fast.
And I fear that I’m rather aghast.
Cuz a drawn out campaign
Would sure entertain.
But you’ve screwed up too quickly to last.

(More Newt Gingrich limericks here)

Newt Strikes Out Again

Monday, April 4th, 2011

I really have to give Newt Gingrich credit — he’s consistent in his visceral hatred for all things Obama. Here’s Newt’s latest gem of a quote in response to President Obama’s reelection campaign announcement:

“Here’s a president who 18 months before the election is going to use his office to extort contributions on a scale we’ve never seen before,” Gingrich said in New Hampshire where he addressed the Institute of Politics at St. Anselm College in Manchester. “He’s in effect trying to create a Chicago style machine for the whole country with a billion dollars.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Newt Strikes Out Again
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s another new Newt-think contortion —
(Newt’s brain cells seem packed with distortion.)
He was fine when Prez Bush
Had a fund-raising push.
Let a Dem do the same? It’s extortion.

That Newt’s A Beaut (Limerick)

Friday, March 25th, 2011

I have very mixed feelings about Obama’s handling of Libya and U.S. involvement in military operations against Muammar Gaddafi’s Libya. But unlike Newt Gingrich, I don’t routinely contradict myself on the topic, while pretending to think about running for president.

That Newt’s A Beaut
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Newt Gingrich is caught in a bind
Cuz he can’t resist changing his mind.
Unable to choose
From his Libyan views,
He’s had lots of them — all ill-defined.

There’s a method behind Newt’s mad song:
It’s condemning Obama as wrong.
If Obama should do
What Newt counsels, on cue
Mister Newt to that view says “So long.”

Newt’s Fishy Excuses

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

Have you ever answered a “what’s your worst fault” question from a prospective employer by mentioning a positive trait?

Newt Gingrich is apparently familiar with that technique. What else can explain the excuses he gave for having been unfaithful to two sick wives? It seems his infidelity was “partially driven by how passionately [he] felt about this country” and the fact that he “worked far too hard.”

So, you ready to hire him for the next White House opening? What about dog catcher?

Newt’s Fishy Excuses
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Newt has an oddball excuse
For something that’s close to abuse:
Abandoning wives
Who were ill just derives
From his working too hard? How obtuse!

(More Newt Gingrich humor here.)

Weirdness From George Will

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

I almost always disagree with George Will. So it pains me to say this, but George Will is right. I’m referring, of course, to Will’s column lamenting the Republican 2012 presidential prospects — more specifically, the “vibrations of weirdness emanating from people associated with the party.” He illustrates his column with recent Mike Huckabee and Newt Gingrich shenanigans. And he doesn’t sound all that thrilled with the rest of the Republican pack.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Weirdness from George Will
By Madeleine Begun Kane

George Will wrote a column with bite
On the GOP president fight.
He finds weirdness within
The candidate din.
Had to happen one day — Will is right.

Run, Newt, Run!

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Oh goody — Newt Gingrich is exploring the possibility of maybe, conceivably running for president. Either that, or it’s yet another of his book publicity stunts:

Run, Newt, Run! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Newt, I don’t care if you run—
Changed my mind — a Newt run would be fun.
Your divorces and scams
And your ethical jams—
I can’t wait to see just how they’re spun.

(More Newt Gingrich humor here.)

Is Newt Trying To Neutralize Sarah Palin?

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Poor Newt Gingrich! Periodically, he starts feeling neglected. So he begins making noise about running for president, in order to drum up media attention.

This usually turns out to be more about peddling books than making it into the Oval Office. But this time Pat Buchanan thinks Newt is serious. Unfortunately for Newt, Buchanan also thinks Newt’s gone off the deep end with his so-called “Ground Zero Mosque” remarks:

This week, disgraced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R), hoping to make the case against the proposed Park51 community center, compared Muslim Americans to Nazis. On MSNBC yesterday, Pat Buchanan — yes Pat Buchanan — said Gingrich went too far.

Now being too wingnutty for Pat Buchanan is no mean feat:

It’s “absurd,” said Buchanan. “There is no valid comparison there.”

Buchanan also called Gingrich a “political opportunist” who’s trying to be “more controversial than Sarah Palin,” who would be his potential primary challenger in the 2012 presidential election.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

The ambitious Republican Newt
Once was Speaker, but then got the boot.
He so longs to be Prez
That he willingly says
Stuff Buchanan thinks mad. What a hoot!

Related Posts: Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak, Hark! The Disgraced Former Speaker Speaks, and Refudiating Sarah