Mad Kane’s Political Madness

After losing three back-to-back Congressional races in solid Republican districts, the GOP has a spanking new game plan:

George Who??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush enablers are trying to blame
All their woes on George Bush — that’s their game:
Each Congressional loss
Is the fault of their boss.
Their new creed? “Never liked what’s-his-name.”

Update: Next Monday evening, I’ll be attending a New York screening of War, Inc., John Cusack’s new movie satirizing the Iraq war.  If you’re planning to be there too, please email me, and maybe we can meet.  I’ll be going via a ticket I won in RawStory’s war limerick writing contest.

Technorati Tags: Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Republican Limerick, GOP Verse, Bush Blame, Congressional Races

U.S. middle class
Nickel-and-dimed by George Bush.
Change way overdue.

(Inspired by this change prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still  time to participate in my limerick and haiku prompt. Its theme is walking.)

UPDATE: I just remembered another haiku I wrote about change several months ago:

“People want change,”
Claim presidential candidates.
I’d prefer twenties.

Technorati Tags: Middle Class Humor, Bush Presidency, Presidential Election, George Bush Haiku, Bush Economy

Calling audience questioners ”jerks,” is far from John McCain’s worse flaw.  But now that he’s done it at least twice, I thought I’d write the testy, warmongering Senator a limerick:

Ode To John “You Little Jerk” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Among John McCain’s irksome quirks
Is his habit of calling guys jerks
For presenting a query
Of which John is leery—
Still less galling than George Dubya’s smirks.

Technorati Tags: Senator John McCain, Presidential Race Humor, Little Jerk, Campaign Satire, Election Humor

I shovel the snow
As Bush blares through my head phones,
Shov’ling something else.

No video today, but you can still watch this one.

(You can find more of my news haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: Bush Haiku, Weather, Political Humor

While Bush and Cheney are busily threatening World War 3 over of Iran’s potential future nuclear threat, their great nuke-possessing Pakistan pal President Gen. Pervez Musharraf has declared “emergency rule.”  Are you feeling safer yet?

A pair of haiku to commemorate the occasion.

Musharraf  declares
Martial law in Pakistan.
Bush lets freedom ring.

Emergency rule.
Constitution suspension.
Dick Cheney’s wet dream.

Update: Are Bush/Cheney speechwriters working for Musharraf?

Just after midnight, General Musharraf appeared on state-run television. In a 45-minute speech, he said he had declared the emergency to limit terrorist attacks and “preserve the democratic transition that I initiated eight years back.”
…

He accused the country’s Supreme Court of releasing 61 men who he said were under investigation for terrorist activities. “Judicial activism,” he said, had demoralized the security forces, hurt the fight against terrorism and slowed the spread of democracy. “Obstacles are being created in the way of democratic process,” he said, “I think for vested, personal interests, against the interest of the country.”

Update 2: For more satire on the same topic, visit Don Davis’s Musharraf Suspends Constitution: Bush Gets ‘Pervez Envy.’

Technorati Tags: Pakistan, President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, Emergency Rule, Nukes, BlogFriday, Martial Law, Nuclear Threat

George Bush has been sounding extra whiney lately.  The poor guy!  Those abusive Dems have been torturing him, giving him a mere 98% of what he asks for.

Here’s Bush letting off steam about the possibly-in-trouble Michael Mukasey nomination for Attorney General:

“Judge Mukasey is not being treated fairly,” the president said, after taking the extraordinary step of inviting a group of reporters into the Oval Office to vent his feelings. Sitting behind his desk and leaning back in his chair, Mr. Bush said he was concerned that some people may have “lost sight of the fact that we’re at war.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Our Petulant Prez
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Dems are mean to Mukasey, who’s great,”
Bitches Dub, sounding rather irate.
“Don’t they know we’re at war?
Dems are making me sore!
They must do what I want.  No debate!”

Technorati Tags: President Bush, Michael Mukasey Humor, Attorney General Hearings, Torture Satire, Mukasey Limerick

For some reason, blithe Dana Perino’s blasé response to a question about Bush’s $2 trillion Iraq war reminded me of two things:

1. Bush’s false claims to have inherited a recession from Bill Clinton; and

2. Bush’s vow to “solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.”

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The White House isn’t
Concerned about the war’s cost.
Isn’t that special?

The always insightful and informative Dick Polman (who also writes for the Philadelphia Inquirer) deconstructs the history of a too-good-to-be-true Ronald Reagan “quote” about George W. Bush.  And he concludes with a wonderful old, but new-to-me, journalistic saying:

If your own mother says she loves you, check it out.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if more journalists heeded that excellent advice? 

Speaking of Ronald Reagan, is he still a saint?

Technorati Tags: Journalism Quote, Ronald Reagan, GWB

The defendants in Valerie Plame Wilson’s lawsuit against the CIA for censoring her book, Fair Game, had better hope she never gets to trial.  I say that because I’ve heard her interviewed several times, and that woman will make one hell of a witness.

Moreover, asserting national security, in order to censor material that’s already in the public domain, sure sounds like revenge censorship to me.

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

Plame’s book censored by
Bush blackguards, who black out truths
Already revealed.

(You can find my Traitorgate song parody about Valerie Plame’s outing here.)

Technorati Tags: Valerie Plame Wilson, Outing CIA Agent, Fair Game, Plame Censorship, Plame Lawsuit

I watch George Bush in disbelief.
His lies have caused such strife and grief.
Please tell me why that man is still chief.

(You can find more disbelief here.)

Technorati Tags: President Bush, Disbelief

If I’m ever reduced to pronouncing myself “relevant,” please, I’m begging you, put me out of my misery:

George Bush feels the need
To brag that he’s relevant.
What would Shakespeare say?

Technorati Tags: George Bush Relevant, Bush Humor

At long last, the real reason George W. Bush vetoed SCHIP:

SCHIP HAIKU
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush vetoed S-CHIP
Cuz he had a better plan:
No Child Left Alive.

(You can find more of my health humor here.) 

Update:
Ayn Clouter seasons
Her blog with parody poems,
Inspiring laughter.

Why did I post a haiku about Ayn Clouter?  Because she responded to my SCHIP haiku with some haiku of her own.

Technorati Tags: SCHIP Humor, Children’s Health Insurance Plan

How amusing! Karl Rove wants to be remembered for something more than just being the “Brain” of the worst President in U.S. history:

But even the cog does not want to be identified solely by his ties to the president. He knows he will go down in history as Bush’s “architect,” but he thinks he can expand his identity beyond just that. “It’s not like my life from here forward is going to be defined by it,” he said. “I have a chance to create something else. I’m not just going to be typecast as, ‘Oh, that’s the Bush guy.’”

Is Karl Rove’s Loyalty Roving? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rove’s rep is atrocious, of course.
Being known just for Bush is a source
Of embarrassment, true.
Is he starting to rue
It and suffer from seller’s remorse?

The answer to my “seller’s remorse” question is “probably not.” My guess is Rove’s huge ego will never let him admit to himself that he bet on (and sold) the wrong horse.

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Torture Advice Column, By ‘Devil’s Advocate’
* Carnival Of Satire
* Carnival of the Liberals
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of Political Punditry
* Carnival of Principled Government

Technorati Tags: Karl Rove, President Bush

Dear Rudy,

You really need to stop taking cell phone calls from your latest wife while you’re on stage giving a speech. It’s weird, rude and, in a post-9/11 world, it just ain’t cool.

You probably think it makes you look relaxed and confident. And you’re also hoping to burnish your image with the family values crowd, by making people think you’re still on speaking terms with somebody in your family.  (Fess up Rudy: Who was really on the phone during your NRA speech?  Your secretary?  Wife Number — what would the next one be — Four?

In any event, these staged on-stage calls from your “wife” simply have to stop.  Aside from the weird/rude/uncool problem, people are starting to suspect that you’re afraid not to take them.

Sorry Rudy, but looking henpecked is no way to out-macho Hillary.

Let me put it this way: Can you imagine George Dubya taking a call from Laura in the middle of a press conference or during his State of the Union Address?  Of course not! (From Mommy Barb maybe, but that topic’s way above my pay grade.)

Speaking of President Bush, if you’re anywhere near him, I must advise you to duck: The guy has a thing for fondling bald pates. And yes — that’s rude too.

Bye for now, Rudy.  But if you (or your scary wife Judi) have any more etiquette questions, Miss Madness is here for you. 

Sincerely,

Miss Madness

P.S.  I practice divorce law too.

(For more Rudy cell phone rudeness humor, visit Don Davis at Satirical Political.)  

Technorati Tags: Rudy Giuliani Rudeness,  Cell Phone Etiquette, Rudy & Judi, NRA Speech, Rudy V. Hillary, Henpecked Humor,  Presidential Campaign, Election Satire,

In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President, former Mexican President Vicente Fox had this to say about George W. Bush:

The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.

I’m guessing he’s seen Bush in his “Mission Accomplished” gear.

Technorati Tags: Mission Accomplished Humor, Vicente Fox, Mexico President, Political Memoirs, Cocky Bush, Revolution Of Hope

Poor little innocent Alan Greenspan is shocked, SHOCKED, I TELL YOU, by the Bush administration’s budget deficits and loss of fiscal discipline. What a shame that the brilliant Greenspan was never in a position to do something it about it and maybe even prevent it.

Oh … wait. Never mind!

So are you planning to run out and buy Greenspan’s self-serving, history-rewriting The Age of Turbulence? There’s really no need to, because I’ve summed up the former Federal Reserve Chairman’s new book in a single haiku:

Curb Your Age Of Turbulence Enthusiasm
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Panning fiscal acts
He once endorsed, Greenspan feigns
Bystander status.

Technorati Tags: Alan Greenspan, Federal Reserve Chairman, Political Memoirs, Fiscal Discipline, Bush Administration, The Age Of Turbulence, Budget Deficits, Self-serving Memoir, Innocent Bystander, U.S. Budget Humor

I don’t know about you, but I’m sufficiently nervous about GWB destroying the world as we know it. So I really don’t need new scary things to worry about:

* Being autopsied while still, technically, alive. 

* Swimming in hot lakes causes amoeba-related deaths.

* “Computers could mimic human speech so perfectly that vocal terrorism could be a new threat in 10-15 years’ time…” (We’re already getting enough vocal terrorism from Bush — thank you very much!)

Technorati Tags: Autopsied Alive, Computerized Vocal Terrorism, Hot Lakes, Killer Amoeba, President Bush

These days I find Bush gaffes more sad than amusing. But I couldn’t resist this great headline: Bush backs ‘Austrian troops’ at ‘OPEC’.

You say APEC, and Bush says OPEC.
You say Australian, and Bush says Austrian.
APEC,
OPEC,
Australian,
Austrian:
Let’s call the Bush term off.

(My apologies to the Gershwin brothers.)

Technorati Tags: Bush Gaffes, Bushisms, APEC, OPEC, Australian, Austrian, Gershwin

Poor Alberto Gonzales!  During those countless (and fruitless) Congressional hearings, Gonzales had but one job — protect George Bush.  And so he lied, obfuscated, feigned amnesia, and did everything he could to muddy the truth.  Consequently, this George Bush line, made during the Gonzales resignation announcement, made me laugh out loud:

It’s sad that we live in a time when a talented and honorable person like Al Gonzales is impeded from doing good work because his good name was dragged through the mud for political reasons. 

Of course, the obvious question is “What good name?” But putting that aside,  Bush fails to mention the provenance of all that mud. This haiku should explain it:

Dub’s dirty secrets
Created the “mud” Bush claims
Gonzales dragged through.

(You can find more of my Alberto Gonzales humor and poems here.)

Technorati Tags: Alberto Gonzales, Resignation, Al Gonzales Good Name, Congressional Hearings, Gonzales Verse, Gonzales Poetry, Gonzales Haiku, Gonzales Lies, Gonzales Amnesia

Can we ever get rid of Bush’s spinmeister cronies?  Apparently not.  Sure, they eventually quit.  But they stubbornly refuse to stay quit. 

Remember when Karen Hughes resigned amidst all sorts of hoopla? Well, she stayed away for roughly a nanosecond and she’s currently with the State Department, “leading efforts to promote America’s values.”

And now the dishonorable Ari Fleischer has resurfaced and, once again, he’s flacking George Bush’s needless war, via the White House front group Freedom’s Watch.

I thought I’d celebrate Ari’s comeback with a limerick: 

Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush spinmeisters keep coming back:
First Karen returned. What a hack!
Now Ari is here,
Spreading war lies and fear.
Guess they don’t really leave; they just pack.

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Buzzflash Media Putz of the Week
* Don Davis’s Bush Explains His ‘Domino’ Theory of Vietnam
* skippy has lots of fun at Mitt Romney’s expense
* Norm at OneGoodMove has the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee commenting on Bush’s vacation record
* Digby on Michael McConnell and retroactive immunity for private companies
* All Hat No Cattle presents Bush’s History
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy 

Technorati Tags: Freedom’s Watch, White House Front Group Bush Spinmeisters, Ari Fleischer, Karen Hughes, Bush Spokesman Humor, Bush Flacks, Bush Cronies