Posts Tagged ‘Republican Primary’

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz On Suspending His Campaign

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Dear Ted, you’re a wack and a hack,
And I’m tempted to make a snide crack,
But I almost feel pity;
It sure won’t be pretty
When Senators “welcome” you back.

Ted Cruz’s Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Thursday, April 7th, 2016

Cruz was so thrilled by this headline, that he wrote Trump a limerick:
G.O.P. Donors, Eager to Defeat Donald Trump, Learn to Love Ted Cruz.

Dear Donald, I’m writing to say
You’ve a talent for making my day;
Cuz of you, the elite
Have embraced me — a feat
That’s far-fetched, without you in the fray.

And He’s Out! (Limerick)

Monday, September 21st, 2015

Scott Walker’s dropped out of the race
Cuz apparently Walker can’t face
Polling way under “1.”
So he’s back to the fun
Of destroying Wisconsin apace.

Donald Trump, Pied Piper Of Pols (Limerick)

Monday, August 31st, 2015

Donald Trump, Pied Piper Of Pols (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In The Donald’s fantastical tune,
He’s the hero – the movie’s “High Noon.”
He’ll end gangs, build a wall
That’s a zillion feet tall;
With a wand wave, all enemies swoon.

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So minimum wage laws are “lame?”
Sounds inane, but it’s Scott Walker’s claim.
What is “lame” is that Scott
Uses words without thought–
Schoolyard slams without substance. For shame!

Tea Party Wisdom (Limerick)

Monday, May 19th, 2014

Tuesday’s a big primary day:

Six states have elections in what’s being dubbed a mini-Super Tuesday: Arkansas, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Oregon and Pennsylvania. The Senate races with the potential for the biggest surprises are Georgia and Kentucky, where Republicans will be choosing between tea party candidates and ones with stronger backing from the establishment.

So brace yourself for yet another slew of inane observations about how mainstream Republicans are allegedly winning their war against the Tea Party.

Tea Party Wisdom (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sanguine insight from pundits ain’t bright
Re the mainstream Republicans’ fight:
They’re not winning the wars
Against Tea Party boors;
They’re just moving far out to the right.

Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

Rick Santorum’s campaign is stunningly inept in its failure to qualify for sundry ballots.

Yes, I know that Santorum’s campaign is woefully under-funded. And that he never expected to get this far. But at some point, I can’t help wondering whether Santorum is using the faith-based method of ballot qualification.

Of course all this begs the question: Why the heck can’t Mitt Romney finish him off?

Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum’s campaign is inept,
Under-funded, abysmally prepped.
Yet the contest is split:
Hairline wins made by Mitt
Where the Gov should have easily swept.

Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday

Tuesday, March 6th, 2012

Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Super Tuesday’s arrived at long last.
Will Mitt’s wins be decisively vast?
Will his delegate count
Impressively mount,
Thereby ending the press fun too fast?

Rick Gives Them Something To Talk About (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

Pity the poor political journalist (or political satirist), who must conjure up constant commentary about a race that’s effectively over.

So it’s no wonder that the media’s in a tizzy over the Rick Santorum Sweep … even though it yielded Rick zero delegates.

Rick Gives Them Something To Talk About (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The press was beginning to mope.
But Santorum’s three wins offer hope
That the race isn’t done,
Mitt may NOT be the one.
But does Rick stand a chance? Answer: Nope!

Mitt Romney’s South Carolina Blues (Limerick)

Friday, January 20th, 2012

The South Carolina primary is tomorrow, and Newt Gingrich’s poll numbers are picking up steam.

Mitt Romney’s South Carolina Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It appears that Newt Gingrich may win
Tomorrow, to Romney’s chagrin.
Just imagine the gloating
Right after the voting!
If this happens, will Mitt take to gin?

Limerick Ode To Gaffe-Prone Perry

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

In Rick Perry’s apparent drive to make George W. Bush look like a genius, Perry’s been entertainingly gaffe-prone this week. While campaigning in New Hampshire, Perry managed to screw up both the voting eligibility age and the date of Election Day 2012. The next day, Perry dismissed these errors as proving he was human. He went on to further prove his humanness with a reference to New Hampshire’s non-existent caucuses.

Limerick Ode To Gaffe-Prone Perry
By Madeleine Begun

Dear Rick, I don’t wish to be mean,
But the age one can vote is eighteen.
Where’d you get twenty-one?
And Election Day, hon,
Is the 6th, as most pre-teens could glean.

Limerick Ode To Herman Cain

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Herman Cain was interviewed by CBN’s David Brody and uttered this priceless quote regarding his readiness for “gotcha questions:”

“When they ask me who’s the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say you know, I don’t know. Do you know? And then I’m going to say how’s that going to create one job?”

Limerick Ode To Herman Cain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Herman Cain has an answer he’ll lob
At the press in a weave and a bob:
When he’s gotcha-ness leery
He’ll sneer at the query,
“How’s that going to create one job?”

Sarah “Send Cash” Palin (Limerick)

Friday, September 23rd, 2011

Sarah Palin will apparently do anything to keep her name in the news … and the money flowing in:

Alaska Republican Sarah Palin is “on the verge of making her decision of whether or not to run for office” – and her backers should write a check right away, a letter from her political action committee says.

Sarah “Send Cash” Palin
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I need money to help me decide,
Says a woman I can not abide.
I’m referring to Palin—
Ex-Gov known for bailin’.
Let your non-gift be Palin’s best guide.

Mad Kane Welcomes Michele’s Mad Campaign

Monday, June 27th, 2011

I’m looking forward to following Michele Bachmann’s just launched presidential campaign:

Mad Kane Welcomes Michele’s Mad Campaign (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Michele Bachmann announced she’s in play,
And I welcome Michele to the fray:
Her positions bizarre
Will most certainly mar
The GOP’s comeback foray.

Radical Verse

Thursday, September 16th, 2010

Scary people keep winning Republican primaries. For instance:

* Christine O’Donnell in Delaware’s Senate race
* Carl Paladino in New York’s gubernatorial race
* Joe Miller in Alaska’s Senate race
* Rand Paul in Kentucky’s Senate race
* Sharron Angle in Nevada’s Senate race

Yes, I know all about the conventional wisdom — that Democrats should be happy because these extremist Republicans can’t win general elections. But conventional wisdom can sometimes be rather unwise. After all, these candidates weren’t supposed to win the primaries either. Yet here we are.

That brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Radical Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The primaries made it quite clear
That our nation could lose all that’s dear.
The ballots are toted.
Republicans voted
For radicals. Dems, please don’t cheer.

I’ve been hearing some “general” spin
That these loons can’t November’s vote win.
This assumption’s not sound.
We’re in trouble profound.
We don’t fight? They’ll be in … just like Flynn.

David Vitter’s Traylor Travails

Monday, July 12th, 2010

So far, Senator David Vitter of Louisiana has survived several scandals ranging from soliciting a prostitute from the “D.C. Madam,” to keeping a “women’s issues” aide (Brent Furer) on staff who allegedly held his girlfriend hostage at knifepoint.

But now he’s confronting a brand new challenge — a last minute, unexpected primary fight launched by retired Judge Chet Traylor.

And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

David Vitter’s Traylor Travails
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The scandal-scarred Senator Vitter
Got struck with a last minute hitter:
A primary fight
From the GOP’s right.
Now he’s bitter. I read it on Twitter.

Chet Traylor has pulled off this filing,
And bus’nesses find him beguiling—
Former judge who’s a fan
Of the sodomy ban.
And that’s why Dave Vitter ain’t smiling.